mark twain, a biography, 1866-1875-第8部分

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he　was　fitted　and　intended　it　may　be　set　down　here　upon　authority　（and
despite　his　own　frequent　assertions　to　the　contrary）　that　to　his　last
year　he　was　the　most　industrious　of　men。




LXI

THE　INNOCENTS　ABROAD

It　was　Dan；　Jack；　and　the　Doctor　who　with　Mark　Twain　wandered　down
through　Italy　and　left　moral　footprints　that　remain　to　this　day。　　The
Italian　guides　are　wary　about　showing　pieces　of　the　True　Cross；　fragments
of　the　Crown　of　Thorns；　and　the　bones　of　saints　since　then。　　They　show
them；　it　is　true；　but　with　a　smile；　the　name　of　Mark　Twain　is　a　touch…
stone　to　test　their　statements。　　Not　a　guide　in　Italy　but　has　heard　the
tale　of　that　iconoclastic　crew；　and　of　the　book　which　turned　their
marvels　into　myths；　their　relics　into　bywords。

It　was　Doctor　Jackson；　Colonel　Denny；　Doctor　Birch；　and　Samuel　Clemens
who　evaded　the　quarantine　and　made　the　perilous　night　trip　to　Athens　and
looked　upon　the　Parthenon　and　the　sleeping　city　by　moonlight。　　It　is　all
set　down　in　the　notes；　and　the　account　varies　little　from　that　given　in
the　book；　only　he　does　not　tell　us　that　Captain　Duncan　and　the
quartermaster；　Pratt；　connived　at　the　escapade；　or　how　the　latter　watched
the　shore　in　anxious　suspense　until　he　heard　the　whistle　which　was　their
signal　to　be　taken　aboard。　　It　would　have　meant　six　months'　imprisonment
if　they　had　been　captured；　for　there　was　no　discretion　in　the　Greek　law。

It　was　T。　D。　Crocker；　A。　N。　Sanford；　Col。　Peter　Kinney；　and　William
Gibson　who　were　delegated　to　draft　the　address　to　the　Emperor　of　Russia
at　Yalta；　with　Samuel　L。　　Clemens　as　chairman　of　that　committee。　　The
chairman　wrote　the　address；　the　opening　sentence　of　which　he　grew　so
weary　of　hearing：

　　　　　We　are　a　handful　of　private　citizens　of　America；　traveling　simply
　　　　　for　recreation；　and　unostentatiously；　as　becomes　our　unofficial
　　　　　state。

The　address　is　all　set　down　in　the　notes；　and　there　also　exists　the　first
rough　draft；　with　the　emendations　in　his　own　hand。　　He　deplores　the　time
it　required：

　　　　　That　job　is　over。　　Writing　addresses　to　emperors　is　not　my　strong
　　　　　suit。　　However；　if　it　is　not　as　good　as　it　might　be　it　doesn't
　　　　　signifythe　other　committeemen　ought　to　have　helped　me　write　it；
　　　　　they　had　nothing　to　do；　and　I　had　my　hands　full。　　But　for　bothering
　　　　　with　this　I　would　have　caught　up　entirely　with　my　New　York　Tribune
　　　　　correspondence　and　nearly　up　with　the　San　Francisco。

They　wanted　him　also　to　read　the　address　to　the　Emperor；　but　he　pointed
out　that　the　American　consul　was　the　proper　person　for　that　office。　　He
tells　how　the　address　was　presented：

August　26th。　　The　Imperial　carriages　were　in　waiting　at　eleven；　and　at
twelve　we　were　at　the　palace。。。。

The　Consul　for　Odessa　read　the　address　and　the　Czar　said　frequently；
〃Goodvery　good；　indeed〃and　at　the　close；　〃I　am　very；　very　grateful。〃

It　was　not　improper　for　him　to　set　down　all　this；　and　much　more；　in　his
own　note…booknot　then　for　publication。　　It　was　in　fact　a　very　proper
recordfor　today。

One　incident　of　the　imperial　audience　Mark　Twain　omitted　from　his　book；
perhaps　because　the　humor　of　it　had　not　yet　become　sufficiently　evident。
〃The　humorous　perception　of　a　thing　is　a　pretty　slow　growth　sometimes；〃
he　once　remarked。　　It　was　about　seventeen　years　before　he　could　laugh
enjoyably　at　a　slight　mistake　he　made　at　the　Emperor's　reception。　　He　set
down　a　memorandum　of　it；　then；　for　fear　it　might　be　lost：

　　　　　There　were　a　number　of　great　dignitaries　of　the　Empire　there；　and
　　　　　although；　as　a　general　thing；　they　were　dressed　in　citizen's
　　　　　clothing；　I　observed　that　the　most　of　them　wore　a　very　small　piece
　　　　　of　ribbon　in　the　lapels　of　their　coats。　　That　little　touch　of　color
　　　　　struck　my　fancy；　and　it　seemed　to　me　a　good　idea　to　add　it　to　my　own
　　　　　attractions；　not　imagining　that　it　had　any　special　significance。　　So
　　　　　I　stepped　aside；　hunted　up　a　bit　of　red　ribbon；　and　ornamented　my
　　　　　lapel　with　it。　　Presently；　Count　Festetics；　the　Grand　Master　of
　　　　　ceremonies；　and　the　only　man　there　who　was　gorgeously　arrayed；　in
　　　　　full　official　costume；　began　to　show　me　a　great　many　attentions。　　He
　　　　　was　particularly　polite；　and　pleasant；　and　anxious　to　be　of　service
　　　　　to　me。　　Presently；　he　asked　me　what　order　of　nobility　I　belonged　to？
　　　　　I　said；　〃I　didn't　belong　to　any。〃　　Then　he　asked　me　what　order　of
　　　　　knighthood　I　belonged　to？　　I　said；　〃None。〃　　Then　he　asked　me　what
　　　　　the　red　ribbon　in　my　buttonhole　stood　for？　　I　saw；　at　once；　what　an
　　　　　ass　I　had　been　making　of　myself；　and　was　accordingly　confused　and
　　　　　embarrassed。　　I　said　the　first　thing　that　came　into　my　mind；　and
　　　　　that　was　that　the　ribbon　was　merely　the　symbol　of　a　club　of
　　　　　journalists　to　which　I　belonged；　and　I　was　not　pursued　with　any　more
　　　　　of　Count　Festetic's　attentions。

　　　　　Later；　I　got　on　very　familiar　terms　with　an　old　gentleman；　whom　I
　　　　　took　to　be　the　head　gardener；　and　walked　him　all　about　the　gardens；
　　　　　slipping　my　arm　into　his　without　invitation；　yet　without　demur　on
　　　　　his　part；　and　by　and　by　was　confused　again　when　I　found　that　he　was
　　　　　not　a　gardener　at　all；　but　the　Lord　High　Admiral　of　Russia！　　I
　　　　　almost　made　up　my　mind　that　I　would　never　call　on　an　Emperor　again。

Like　all　Mediterranean　excursionists；　those　first　pilgrims　were
insatiable　collectors　of　curios；　costumes；　and　all　manner　of　outlandish
things。　　Dan　Slote　had　the　stateroom　hung　and　piled　with　such　gleanings。
At　Constantinople　his　room…mate　writes：

　　　　　I　thought　Dan　had　got　the　state…room　pretty　full　of　rubbish　at　last；
　　　　　but　awhile　ago　his　dragoman　arrived　with　a　brand…new　ghastly
　　　　　tombstone　of　the　Oriental　pattern；　with　his　name　handsomely　carved
　　　　　and　gilted　on　it　in　Turkish　characters。　　That　fellow　will　buy　a
　　　　　Circassian　slave　next。

It　was　Church；　Denny；　Jack；　Davis；　Dan；　Moult；　and　Mark　Twain　who　made
the　〃long　trip〃　through　Syria　from　Beirut　to　Jerusalem　with　their
elaborate　camping　outfit　and　decrepit　nags　〃Jericho；〃　〃Baalbec；〃　and　the
rest。　　It　was　better　camping　than　that　Humboldt　journey　of　six　years
before；　though　the　horses　were　not　so　dissimilar；　and　altogether　it　was　a
hard；　nerve…racking　experience；　climbing　the　arid　hills　of　Palestine　in
that　torrid　summer　heat。　　Nobody　makes　that　trip　in　summer…time　now。
Tourists　hurry　out　of　Syria　before　the　first　of　April；　and　they　do　not　go
back　before　November。　　One　brief　quotation　from　Mark　Twain's　book　gives
us　an　idea　of　what　that　early　party　of　pilgrims　had　to　undergo：

　　　　　We　left　Damascus　at　noon　and　rode　across　the　plain　a　couple　of
　　　　　hours；　and　then　the　party　stopped　a　while　in　the　shade　of　some　fig…
　　　　　trees　to　give　me　a　chance　to　rest。　　It　was　the　hottest　day　we　had
　　　　　seen　yetthe　sun…flames　shot　down　like　the　shafts　of　fire　that
　　　　　stream　out　before　a　blow…pipe；　the　rays　seemed　to　fall　in　a　deluge
　　　　　on　the　head　and　pass　downward　like　rain　from　a　roof。　　I　imagined　I
　　　　　could　distinguish　between　the　floods　of　rays。　　I　thought　I　could
　　　　　tell　when　each　flood　struck　my　head；　when　it　reached　my　shoulders；
　　　　　and　when　the　next　one　came。　　It　was　terrible。

He　had　been　ill　with　cholera　at　Damascus；　a　light　attack；　but　any　attack
of　that　dread　disease　is　serious　enough。　　He　tells　of　this　in　the　book；
but　he　does　not　mention；　either　in　the　book　or　in　his　notes；　the　attack
which　Dan　Slote　had　some　days　later。　　It　remained　for　William　F。　Church；
of　the　party；　to　relate　that　incident；　for　it　was　the　kind　of　thing　that
Mark　Twain　was　not　likely　to　record；　or　even　to　remember。　　Doctor　Church
was　a　deacon　with　orthodox　views　and　did　not　approve　of　Mark　Twain；　he
thought　him　sinful；　irreverent；　profane。

〃He　was　the　worst　man　I　ever　knew；〃　Church　said；　then　he　added；　〃And　the
best。〃

What　happened　was　this：　At　the　end　of　a　terrible　day　of　heat；　when　the
party　had　camped　on　the　edge　of　a　squalid　Syrian　village；　Dan　was　taken
suddenly　ill。　　It　was　cholera；　beyond　doubt。　　Dan　could　not　go　onhe
might　never　go　on。　　The　chances　were　that　way。　　It　was　a　serious　matter
all　around。　　To　wait　with　Dan　meant　to　upset　their　travel　scheduleit
might　mean　to　miss　the　ship。　　Consultation　was　held　and　a　resolution
passed　（the　pilgrims　were　always　passing　resolutions）　to　provide　for　Dan
as　well　as　possible；　and　leave　him　behind。　　Clemens；　who　had　remained
with　Dan；　suddenly　appeared　and　said：

〃Gentlemen；　I　understand　that　you　are　going　to　leave　Dan　Slote　here
alone。　　I'll　be　d…d　if　I　do！〃

And　he　didn't。　　He　stayed　there　and　brought　Dan　into　Jerusalem；　a　few
days　late；　but　convalescent。

Perhaps　most　of　them　were　not　always　reverent　during　that　Holy　Land　trip。
It　was　a　trying　journey；　and　after　fierce　days　of　desert　hills　the
reaction　might　not　always　spare　even　the　holiest　memories。　　Jack　was
particularly　sinful。　　When　they　learned　the　price　for　a　boat　on　Galilee；
and　the　deacons　who　had　traveled　nearly　half　around　the　world　to　sail　on
that　sacred　water　were　confounded　by　the　charge；　Jack　said：

〃Well；　Denny；　do　you　wonder　now　that　Christ　walked？〃

It　was　the　irreverent　Jack　who　one　morning　（they　had　camped　the　night
before　by　the　ruins　of　Jericho）　refused　to　get　up　to　see　the　sun　rise
across　the　Jordan。　　Deacon　Church　went　to　his　tent。

〃Jack；　my　boy；　get　up。　　Here　is　the　place　where　the　Israelites　crossed
over　into　the　Promised　Land；　and　beyond　are　the　mountains　of　Moab；　where
Moses　lies　buried。〃

〃Moses　who！〃　said　Jack。

〃Oh；　Jack；　my　boy；　Moses；　the　great　lawgiverwho　led　the　Israelites　out
of　Egypt…forty　years　through　the　wildernessto　the　Promised　Land。〃

〃Forty　years！〃　said　Jack。　　〃How　far　was　it？〃

〃It　was　three　hundred　miles；　Jack；　a　great　wilderness；　and　he　brought
them　through　in　safety。〃

Jack　regarded　him　with　scorn。　　〃Huh；　Mosesthree　hundred　miles　forty
yearswhy；　Ben　Holiday　would　have　brought　them　through　in　thirty…six
hours！〃　＇Ben　Holiday；　owner　of　the　Overland　stages；　and　a　man　of　great
executive　ability。　　This　incident；　a　true　one；　is　more　elaborately　told
in　Roughing　It；　but　it　seems　pertinent　here。＇

Jack　probably　learned　more　about　the　Bible　during　that　trip…its　history
and　its　heroes…than　during　all　his　former　years