elizabeth and her german garden-第2部分

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　and　tea　the　whole　time；　sometimes　a　very　tiny　pigeon　appearing　at　lunch　to　save　me；　as　the　old　lady　thought；　from　starvation。　Who　but　a　woman　could　have　stood　salad　for　six　weeks；　even　salad　sanctified　by　the　presence　and　scent　of　the　most　gorgeous　lilac　masses？　I　did；　and　grew　in　grace　every　day；　though　I　have　never　liked　it　since。　How　often　now；　oppressed　by　the　necessity　of　assisting　at　three　dining…room　meals　daily；　two　of　which　are　conducted　by　the　functionaries　held　indispensable　to　a　proper　maintenance　of　the　family　dignity；　and　all　of　which　are　pervaded　by　joints　of　meat；　how　often　do　I　think　of　my　salad　days；　forty　in　number；　and　of　the　blessedness　of　being　alone　as　I　was　then　alone！

And　then　the　evenings；　when　the　workmen　had　all　gone　and　the　house　was　left　to　emptiness　and　echoes；　and　the　old　housekeeper　had　gathered　up　her　rheumatic　limbs　into　her　bed；　and　my　little　room　in　quite　another　part　of　the　house　had　been　set　ready；　how　reluctantly　I　used　to　leave　the　friendly　frogs　and　owls；　and　with　my　heart　somewhere　down　in　my　shoes　lock　the　door　to　the　garden　behind　me；　and　pass　through　the　long　series　of　echoing　south　rooms　full　of　shadows　and　ladders　and　ghostly　pails　of　painters'　mess；　and　humming　a　tune　to　make　myself　believe　I　liked　it；　go　rather　slowly　across　the　brick…floored　hall；　up　the　creaking　stairs；　down　the　long　whitewashed　passage；　and　with　a　final　rush　of　panic　whisk　into　my　room　and　double　lock　and　bolt　the　door！

There　were　no　bells　in　the　house；　and　I　used　to　take　a　great　dinner…bell　to　bed　with　me　so　that　at　least　I　might　be　able　to　make　a　noise　if　frightened　in　the　night；　though　what　good　it　would　have　been　I　don't　know；　as　there　was　no　one　to　hear。　The　housemaid　slept　in　another　little　cell　opening　out　of　mine；　and　we　two　were　the　only　living　creatures　in　the　great　empty　west　wing。　She　evidently　did　not　believe　in　ghosts；　for　I　could　hear　how　she　fell　asleep　immediately　after　getting　into　bed；　nor　do　I　believe　in　them；　〃mais　je　les　redoute；〃　as　a　French　lady　said；　who　from　her　books　appears　to　have　been　strongminded。

The　dinner…bell　was　a　great　solace；　it　was　never　rung；　but　it　comforted　me　to　see　it　on　the　chair　beside　my　bed；　as　my　nights　were　anything　but　placid；　it　was　all　so　strange；　and　there　were　such　queer　creakings　and　other　noises。　　I　used　to　lie　awake　for　hours；　startled　out　of　a　light　sleep　by　the　cracking　of　some　board；　and　listen　to　the　indifferent　snores　of　the　girl　in　the　next　room。　In　the　morning；　of　course；　I　was　as　brave　as　a　lion　and　much　amused　at　the　cold　perspirations　of　the　night　before；　but　even　the　nights　seem　to　me　now　to　have　been　delightful；　and　myself　like　those　historic　boys　who　heard　a　voice　in　every　wind　and　snatched　a　fearful　joy。　I　would　gladly　shiver　through　them　all　over　again　for　the　sake　of　the　beautiful　purity　of　the　house；　empty　of　servants　and　upholstery。

How　pretty　the　bedrooms　looked　with　nothing　in　them　but　their　cheerful　new　papers！　Sometimes　I　would　go　into　those　that　were　finished　and　build　all　sorts　of　castles　in　the　air　about　their　future　and　their　past。　Would　the　nuns　who　had　lived　in　them　know　their　little　white…washed　cells　again；　all　gay　with　delicate　flower　papers　and　clean　white　paint？　And　how　astonished　they　would　be　to　see　cell　No。　14　turned　into　a　bathroom；　with　a　bath　big　enough　to　insure　a　cleanliness　of　body　equal　to　their　purity　of　soul！　　They　would　look　upon　it　as　a　snare　of　the　tempter；　and　I　know　that　in　my　own　case　I　only　began　to　be　shocked　at　the　blackness　of　my　nails　the　day　that　I　began　to　lose　the　first　whiteness　of　my　soul　by　falling　in　love　at　fifteen　with　the　parish　organist；　or　rather　with　the　glimpse　of　surplice　and　Roman　nose　and　fiery　moustache　which　was　all　I　ever　saw　of　him；　and　which　I　loved　to　distraction　for　at　least　six　months；　at　the　end　of　which　time；　going　out　with　my　governess　one　day；　I　passed　him　in　the　street；　and　discovered　that　his　unofficial　garb　was　a　frock…coat　combined　with　a　turn…down　collar　and　a　〃bowler〃　hat；　and　never　loved　him　any　more。

The　first　part　of　that　time　of　blessedness　was　the　most　perfect；　for　I　had　not　a　thought　of　anything　but　the　peace　and　beauty　all　round　me。　Then　he　appeared　suddenly　who　has　a　right　to　appear　when　and　how　he　will　and　rebuked　me　for　never　having　written；　and　when　I　told　him　that　I　had　been　literally　too　happy　to　think　of　writing；　he　seemed　to　take　it　as　a　reflection　on　himself　that　I　could　be　happy　alone。　I　took　him　round　the　garden　along　the　new　paths　I　had　had　made；　and　showed　him　the　acacia　and　lilac　glories；　and　he　said　that　it　was　the　purest　selfishness　to　enjoy　myself　when　neither　he　nor　the　offspring　were　with　me；　and　that　the　lilacs　wanted　thoroughly　pruning。　I　tried　to　appease　him　by　offering　him　the　whole　of　my　salad　and　toast　supper　which　stood　ready　at　the　foot　of　the　little　verandah　steps　when　we　came　back；　but　nothing　appeased　that　Man　of　Wrath；　and　he　said　he　would　go　straight　back　to　the　neglected　family。　　So　he　went；　and　the　remainder　of　the　precious　time　was　disturbed　by　twinges　of　conscience　（to　which　I　am　much　subject）　whenever　I　found　myself　wanting　to　jump　for　joy。　I　went　to　look　at　the　painters　every　time　my　feet　were　for　taking　me　to　look　at　the　garden；　I　trotted　diligently　up　and　down　the　passages；　I　criticised　and　suggested　and　commanded　more　in　one　day　than　I　had　done　in　all　the　rest　of　the　time；　I　wrote　regularly　and　sent　my　love；　but　I　could　not　manage　to　fret　and　yearn。　　What　are　you　to　do　if　your　conscience　is　clear　and　your　liver　in　order　and　the　sun　is　shining？


May　10th。I　knew　nothing　whatever　last　year　about　gardening　and　this　year　know　very　little　more；　but　I　have　dawnings　of　what　may　be　done；　and　have　at　least　made　one　great　stride　from　ipomaea　to　tea…roses。

The　garden　was　an　absolute　wilderness。　　It　is　all　round　the　house；　but　the　principal　part　is　on　the　south　side　and　has　evidently　always　been　so。　　The　south　front　is　one…storied；　a　long　series　of　rooms　opening　one　into　the　other；　and　the　walls　are　covered　with　virginia　creeper。　There　is　a　little　verandah　in　the　middle；　leading　by　a　flight　of　rickety　wooden　steps　down　into　what　seems　to　have　been　the　only　spot　in　the　whole　place　that　was　ever　cared　for。　This　is　a　semicircle　cut　into　the　lawn　and　edged　with　privet；　and　in　this　semicircle　are　eleven　beds　of　different　sizes　bordered　with　box　and　arranged　round　a　sun…dial；　and　the　sun…dial　is　very　venerable　and　moss…grown；　and　greatly　beloved　by　me。　These　beds　were　the　only　sign　of　any　attempt　at　gardening　to　be　seen　（except　a　solitary　crocus　that　came　up　all　by　itself　each　spring　in　the　grass；　not　because　it　wanted　to；　but　because　it　could　not　help　it）；　and　these　I　had　sown　with　ipomaea；　the　whole　eleven；　having　found　a　German　gardening　book；　according　to　which　ipomaea　in　vast　quantities　was　the　one　thing　needful　to　turn　the　most　hideous　desert　into　a　paradise。　Nothing　else　in　that　book　was　recommended　with　anything　like　the　same　warmth；　and　being　entirely　ignorant　of　the　quantity　of　seed　necessary；　I　bought　ten　pounds　of　it　and　had　it　sown　not　only　in　the　eleven　beds　but　round　nearly　every　tree；　and　then　waited　in　great　agitation　for　the　promised　paradise　to　appear。　It　did　not；　and　I　learned　my　first　lesson。

Luckily　I　had　sown　two　great　patches　of　sweetpeas　which　made　me　very　happy　all　the　summer；　and　then　there　were　some　sunflowers　and　a　few　hollyhocks　under　the　south　windows；　with　Madonna　lilies　in　between。　But　the　lilies；　after　being　transplanted；　disappeared　to　my　great　dismay；　for　how　was　I　to　know　it　was　the　way　of　lilies？　　And　the　hollyhocks　turned　out　to　be　rather　ugly　colours；　so　that　my　first　summer　was　decorated　and　beautified　solely　by　sweet…peas。　　At　present　we　are　only　just　beginning　to　breathe　after　the　bustle　of　getting　new　beds　and　borders　and　paths　made　in　time　for　this　summer。　The　eleven　beds　round　the　sun…dial　are　filled　with　roses；　but　I　see　already　that　I　have　made　mistakes　with　some。　As　I　have　not　a　living　soul　with　whom　to　hold　communion　on　this　or　indeed　on　any　matter；　my　only　way　of　learning　is　by　making　mistakes。　All　eleven　were　to　have　been　carpeted　with　purple　pansies；　but　finding　that　I　had　not　enough　and　that　nobody　had　any　to　sell　me；　only　six　have　got　their　pansies；　the　others　being　sown　with　dwarf　mignonette。　Two　of　the　eleven　are　filled　with　Marie　van　Houtte　roses；　two　with　Viscountess　Folkestone；　two　with　Laurette　Messimy；　one　with　Souvenir　de　la　Malmaison；　one　with　Adam　and　Devoniensis；　two　with　Persian　Yellow　and　Bicolor；　and　one　big　bed　behind　the　sun…dial　with　three　sorts　of　red　roses　（seventy…two　in　all）；　Duke　of　Teck；　Cheshunt　Scarlet；　and　Prefet　de　Limburg。　　This　bed　is；　I　am　sure；　a　mistake；　and　several　of　the　others　are；　I　think；　but　of　course　I　must　wait　and　see；　being　such　an　ignorant　person。　Then　I　have　had　two　long　beds　made　in　the　grass　on　either　side　of　the　semicircle；　each　sown　with　mignonette；　and　one　filled　with　Marie　van　Houtte；　and　the　other　with　Jules　Finger　and　the　Bride；　and　in　a　warm　corner　under　the　drawing…room　windows　is　a　bed　of　Madame　Lambard；　Madame　de　Watteville；　and　Comtesse　Riza　du　Parc；　while　farther　down　the　garden；　sheltered　on　the　north　and　west　by　a　group　of　beeches　and　lilacs；　is　another　large　bed；　containing　Rubens；　Madame　Joseph　Schwartz；　and　the　Hen。　　Edith　Gifford。　All　these　roses　are　dwarf；　I　have　only　two　standards　in　the　whole　garden；　two　Madame　George　Bruants；　and　they　look　like　broomsticks。　How　I　long　for　the　day　when　the　tea…roses　open　their　buds！　Never　did　I　look　forward　so　intensely　to　anything；　and　every　day　I　go　the　rounds；　admiring　what　the　dear　little　things　have　achieved　in　the　twentyfour　hours　in　the　way　of　new　leaf　or　increase　of　lovely　red　shoot。

The　hollyhocks　and　lilies　（now　flourishing）　are　still　under　the　south　windows　in　a　narrow　border　on　the　top　of　a　grass　slope；　at　the　foot　of　which　I　have　sown　two　long　borders　of　sweetpeas　facing　the　rose　beds；　so　that　my　roses　may　have　something　almost　as　sweet　as　themselves　to　look　at　until　the　autumn；　when　everything　is　to　make　place　for　more　tea…roses。　The　path　leading　away　from　this　semicircle　down　the　garden　is　bordered　with　China　roses；　white　and　pink；　with　here　and　there　a　Persian　Yellow。　I　wish　now　I　had　put　tea…roses　there；　and　I　have　misgivings　as　to　the　effect　of　the　P