the notch on the ax and on being found out-第69部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


panting。　　He　draws　it　more　evenly；　more　deeply。　　The　danger　is
past。　　Thank　God！

God！　　What　have　I　to　do　with　Him？　　A　God　of　Judgment。　　Ha；　ha！
Hell　cannot　frighten　me；　it　will　not　be　worse　than　earth。　　Only　he
will　be　there　too。　　Not　with　him；　not　with　him；send　me　to　the
lowest　circle　of　torment；　but　not　with　him。　　There；　his　breast　is
bare　now。　　Is　the　knife　sharp？　　Yes；　and　the　blade　is　strong
enough。　　Now　let　me　strikemyself　afterwards　if　need　be；　but　him
first。　　Is　it　the　devil　that　prompts　me？　　Then　the　devil　is　my
friend；　and　the　friend　of　the　world。　　No。　　God　is　a　God　of　love。
He　cannot　wish　such　a　man　to　live。　　He　made　him；　but　the　devil
spoilt　him；　and　let　the　devil　have　his　handiwork　back　again。　　It
has　served　him　long　enough　here；　and　its　last　service　shall　be　to
make　me　a　murderess。

How　the　moonlight　gleams　from　the　blade　as　my　arm　swings　up　and
back：　with　how　close　a　grasp　the　rough　hilt　draws　my　fingers　round
it。　　Now。

A　murderess？

Wait　a　moment。　　A　moment　may　make　me　free；　a　moment　may　make　me
that！

Wait。

Hand　and　dagger　droop　again。　　His　life　has　dragged　its　slime　over
my　soul；　shall　his　death　poison　it　with　a　fouler　corruption　still？

〃My　own　soul's　warden。〃

What　was　that？　　Dream　memories　again。

〃Resist；　strive；　endure。〃

Easy　words。　　What　do　they　mean　for　me？　　To　creep　back　now　to　bed　by
his　side；　and　to　begin　living　again　to…morrow　the　life　which　I　have
lived　to…day？　　No；　no；　I　cannot　do　it。　　Heaven　cannot　ask　it　of　me。
And　there　is　no　other　way。　　That　or　this；　this　or　that。　　Which
shall　it　be？　　Ah！　I　have　striven；　God　knows。　　I　have　endured　so
long　that　I　hoped　even　to　do　so　to　the　end。　　But　to…day！　　Oh！　the
torment　and　the　outrage：　body　and　soul　still　bear　the　stain　of　it。
I　thought　that　my　heart　and　my　pride　were　dead　together；　but　he　has
stung　them　again　into　aching；　shameful　life。　　Yesterday　I　might
have　spared　him；　to　save　my　own　cold　soul　from　sin；　but　now　it　is
cold　no　longer。　　It　burns；　it　burns　and　the　fire　must　be　slaked。

Ay；　I　will　kill　him；　and　have　done　with　it。　　Why　should　I　pause　any
longer？　　The　knife　drags　my　hand　back　for　the　stroke。　　Only　the
dream　surrounds　me；　the　pure　man's　face　is　there；　white；
beseeching；　and　God's　voice　rings　in　my　heart

〃To　him　that　overcometh。〃

But　I　cannot　overcome。　　Evil　has　governed　my　life；　and　evil　is
stronger　than　I　am。　　What　shall　I　do？　what　shall　I　do？　　God；　if
Thou　art　stronger　than　evil；　fight　for　me。

〃The　victory　of　the　Cross　is　ours。〃

Yes；　I　know　it。　　It　is　true；　it　is　true。　　But　the　knife？　　I　cannot
loose　the　knife　if　I　would。　　How　to　wrench　it　from　my　own　hold？
Thou　God　of　Victory　be　with　me！　　Christ　help　me！

I　seize　the　blade　with　my　left　hand；　the　two…edged　steel　slides
through　my　grasp；　a　sharp　pain　in　fingers　and　palm；　and　then
nothing。　。　。　。

　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。


VI


When　I　again　became　conscious；　I　found　myself　half　kneeling；　half
lying　across　the　bed；　my　arms　stretched　out　in　front　of　me；　my　face
buried　in　the　clothes。　　Body　and　mind　were　alike　numbed。　　A
smarting　pain　in　my　left　hand；　a　dreadful　terror　in　my　heart；　were
at　first　the　only　sensations　of　which　I　was　aware。　　Slowly；　very
slowly；　sense　and　memory　returned　to　me；　and　with　them　a　more　vivid
intensity　of　mental　anguish；　as　detail　by　detail　I　recalled　the
weird　horror　of　the　night。　　Had　it　really　happened；was　the　thing
still　there；or　was　it　all　a　ghastly　nightmare？　　It　was　some
minutes　before　I　dared　either　to　move　or　look　up；　and　then
fearfully　I　raised　my　head。　　Before　me　stretched　the　smooth　white
coverlet；　faintly　bright　with　yellow　sunshine。　　Weak　and　giddy；　I
struggled　to　my　feet；　and；　steadying　myself　against　the　foot　of　the
bed；　with　clenched　teeth　and　bursting　heart；　forced　my　gaze　round
to　the　other　end。　　The　pillow　lay　there；　bare　and　unmarked　save　for
what　might　well　have　been　the　pressure　of　my　own　head。　　My　breath
came　more　freely；　and　I　turned　to　the　window。　　The　sun　had　just
risen；　the　golden　tree…tops　were　touched　with　light；　faint　threads
of　mist　hung　here　and　there　across　the　sky；　and　the　twittering　of
birds　sounded　clearly　through　the　crisp　autumn　air。

It　was　nothing　but　a　bad　dream　then；　after　all；　this　horror　which
still　hung　round　me；　leaving　me　incapable　of　effort；　almost　of
thought。　　I　remembered　the　cabinet；　and　looked　swiftly　in　that
direction。　　There　it　stood；　closed　as　usual；　closed　as　it　had　been
the　evening　before；　as　it　had　been　for　the　last　three　hundred
years；　except　in　my　dreams。

Yes；　that　was　it；　nothing　but　a　dream；a　gruesome；　haunting　dream。
With　an　instinct　of　wiping　out　the　dreadful　memory；　I　raised　my
hand　wearily　to　my　forehead。　　As　I　did　so；　I　became　conscious　again
of　how　it　hurt　me。　　I　looked　at　it。　　It　was　covered　with　half…dried
blood；　and　two　straight　clean　cuts　appeared；　one　across　the　palm
and　one　across　the　inside　of　the　fingers　just　below　the　knuckles。
I　looked　again　towards　the　bed；　and；　in　the　place　where　my　hand　had
rested　during　my　faint；　a　small　patch　of　red　blood　was　to　be　seen。

Then　it　was　true！　　Then　it　had　all　happened！　　With　a　low　shuddering
sob　I　threw　myself　down　upon　the　couch　at　the　foot　of　the　bed；　and
lay　there　for　some　minutes；　my　limbs　trembling；　and　my　soul
shrinking　within　me。　　A　mist　of　evil；　fearful　and　loathsome；　had
descended　upon　my　girlhood's　life；　sullying　its　ignorant　innocence；
saddening　its　brightness；　as　I　felt；　for　ever。　　I　lay　there　till　my
teeth　began　to　chatter；　and　I　realized　that　I　was　bitterly　cold。
To　return　to　that　accursed　bed　was　impossible；　so　I　pulled　a　rug
which　hung　at　one　end　of　the　sofa　over　me；　and；　utterly　worn　out　in
mind　and　body；　fell　uneasily　asleep。

I　was　roused　by　the　entrance　of　my　maid。　　I　stopped　her
exclamations　and　questions　by　shortly　stating　that　I　had　had　a　bad
night；　had　been　unable　to　rest　in　bed；　and　had　had　an　accident　with
my　hand；without　further　specifying　of　what　description。

〃I　didn't　know　that　you　had　been　feeling　unwell　when　you　went　to
bed　last　night；　miss；〃　she　said。

〃When　I　went　to　bed　last　night？　　Unwell？　　What　do　you　mean？〃

〃Only　Mr。　Alan　has　just　asked　me　to　let　him　know　how　you　find
yourself　this　morning；〃　she　answered。

Then　he　expected　something；　dreaded　something。　　Ah！　why　had　he
yielded　and　allowed　me　to　sleep　here；　I　asked　myself　bitterly；　as
the　incidents　of　the　day　before　flashed　through　my　mind。

〃Tell　him；〃　I　said；　〃what　I　have　told　you；　and　say　that　I　wish　to
speak　to　him　directly　after　breakfast。〃　　I　could　not　confide　my
story　to　any　one　else；　but　speak　of　it　I　must　to　some　one　or　go
mad。

Every　moment　passed　in　that　place　was　an　added　misery。　　Much　to　my
maid's　surprise　I　said　that　I　would　dress　in　her　roomthe　little
one　which；　as　I　have　said；　was　close　to　my　own。　　I　felt　better
there；　but　my　utter　fatigue　and　my　wounded　hand　combined　to　make　my
toilet　slow；　and　I　found　that　most　of　the　party　had　finished
breakfast　when　I　reached　the　dining…room。　　I　was　glad　of　this；　for
even　as　it　was　I　found　it　difficult　enough　to　give　coherent　answers
to　the　questions　which　my　white　face　and　bandaged　hand　called
forth。　　Alan　helped　me　by　giving　a　resolute　turn　to　the
conversation。　　Once　only　our　eyes　met　across　the　table。　　He　looked
as　haggard　and　worn　as　I　did：　I　learned　afterwards　that　he　had
passed　most　of　that　fearful　night　pacing　the　passage　outside　my
door；　though　he　listened　in　vain　for　any　indication　of　what　was
going　on　within　the　room。

The　moment　I　had　finished　breakfast　he　was　by　my　side。　　〃You　wish
to　speak　to　me？　now？〃　he　asked　in　a　low　tone。

〃Yes；　now；〃　I　answered；　breathlessly；　and　without　raising　my　eyes
from　the　ground。

〃Where　shall　we　go？　　Outside？　　It　is　a　bright　day；　and　we　shall　be
freer　there　from　interruption。〃

I　assented；　and　then　looking　up　at　him　appealingly；　〃Will　you　fetch
my　things　for　me？　　I　CANNOT　go　up　to　that　room　again。〃

He　seemed　to　understand　me；　nodded；　and　was　gone。　　A　few　minutes
later　we　left　the　house；　and　made　our　way　in　silence　towards　a
grassy　spot　on　the　side　of　the　ravine　where　we　had　already　indulged
in　more　than　one　friendly　talk。

As　we　went；　the　Dead　Stone　came　for　a　moment　into　view。　　I　seized
Alan's　arm　in　an　almost　convulsive　grip。　　〃Tell　me；〃　I　whispered；
〃you　refused　to　tell　me　yesterday；　but　you　must　now；who　is　buried
beneath　that　rock？〃

There　was　now　neither　timidity　nor　embarrassment　in　my　tone。　　The
horrors　of　that　house　had　become　part　of　my　life　for　ever；　and
their　secrets　were　mine　by　right。　　Alan；　after　a　moment's　pause；　a
questioning　glance　at　my　face；　tacitly　accepted　the　position。

〃I　told　you　the　truth；〃　he　replied；　〃when　I　said　that　I　did　not
know；　but　I　can　tell　you　the　popular　tradition　on　the　subject；　if
you　like。　　They　say　that　Margaret　Mervyn；　the　woman　who　murdered
her　husband；　is　buried　there；　and　that　Dame　Alice　had　the　rock
placed　over　her　grave；whether　to　save　it　from　insult　or　to　mark
it　out　for　opprobrium；　I　never　heard。　　The　poor　people　about　here
do　not　care　to　go　near　the　place　after　dark；　and　among　the　older
ones　there　are　still　some；　I　believe；　who　spit　at　the　suicide's
grave　as　they　pass。〃

〃Poor　woman；　poor　woman！〃　I　exclaimed；　in　a　burst　of　uncontrollable
compassion。

〃Why　should　you　pity　her？〃　demanded　he　with　sudden　sternness；　〃she
WAS　a　suicide　and　a　murderess　too。　　It　would　be　better　for　the
public　conscience；　I　believe；　if　such　were　still　hung　in　chains；　or
buried　at　the　cross…roads　with　a　stake　through　their　bodies。〃

〃Hush；　Alan；　hush！〃　I　cried　hysterically；　as　I　clung　to　him；　〃don't
speak　harshly　of　her：　you　do　not　know；　you　cannot　tell；　how
terribly　she　was　tempted。　　How　can　you？〃

He　looked　down　at　me　in　bewildered　surprise。　　〃How　can　I？〃　he
repeated。　　〃You　speak　as　if　YOU　could。　　What　do　you　mean？〃

〃Don't　ask　me；〃　I　answered；　turning　towards　him　my　face；white；
quivering；　tear…stained。　　〃Don't　ask　me。　　Not　now。　　You　must　answer
my　questions　first；　and　after　that　I　will　tell　you。　　But　I　cannot
talk　of　it　now。　　Not　yet。〃

We　had　reached　the　place　we　were　in　search　of　as　I　spoke。　　There；
where　the　spreading　roots　of　a　great　beech…tree　formed　a　natural
resting　place　upon　the　steep　side　of　the　ravine；　I