a confession(忏悔录)-第7部分

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night　his　heart　taketh　no　rest。　　this　is　also　vanity。　　Man　is　not

blessed　with　security　that　he　should　eat　and　drink　and　cheer　his

soul　from　his　own　labour。。。。　All　things　come　alike　to　all：　there　is

one　event　to　the　righteous　and　to　the　wicked；　to　the　good　and　to

the　evil；　to　the　clean　and　to　the　unclean；　to　him　that　sacrificeth

and　to　him　that　sacrificeth　not；　as　is　the　good；　so　is　the　sinner；

and　he　that　sweareth；　as　he　that　feareth　an　oath。　　This　is　an　evil

in　all　that　is　done　under　the　sun；　that　there　is　one　event　unto

all；　yea；　also　the　heart　of　the　sons　of　men　is　full　of　evil；　and

madness　is　in　their　heart　while　they　live；　and　after　that　they　go

to　the　dead。　　For　him　that　is　among　the　living　there　is　hope：　for

a　living　dog　is　better　than　a　dead　lion。　　For　the　living　know　that

they　shall　die：　but　the　dead　know　not　any　thing；　neither　have　they

any　more　a　reward；　for　the　memory　of　them　is　forgotten。　　also　their

love；　and　their　hatred；　and　their　envy；　is　now　perished；　neither

have　they　any　more　a　portion　for　ever　in　any　thing　that　is　done

under　the　sun。〃

　　　　　So　said　Solomon；　or　whoever　wrote　those　words。　　＇Footnote：

tolstoy's　version　differs　slightly　in　a　few　places　from　our　own

Authorized　or　Revised　version。　　I　have　followed　his　text；　for　in　a

letter　to　Fet；　quoted　on　p。　18；　vol。　ii；　of　my　〃Life　of　Tolstoy；〃

he　says　that　〃The　Authorized　English　version　＇of　Ecclesiastes＇　is

bad。〃　　A。M。＇

　　　　　And　this　is　what　the　Indian　wisdom　tells：

　　　　　Sakya　Muni；　a　young；　happy　prince；　from　whom　the　existence　of

sickness；　old　age；　and　death　had　been　hidden；　went　out　to　drive　and

saw　a　terrible　old　man；　toothless　and　slobbering。　　the　prince；　from

whom　till　then　old　age　had　been　concealed；　was　amazed；　and　asked

his　driver　what　it　was；　and　how　that　man　had　come　to　such　a

wretched　and　disgusting　condition；　and　when　he　learnt　that　this　was

the　common　fate　of　all　men；　that　the　same　thing　inevitably　awaited

him　　the　young　prince　　he　could　not　continue　his　drive；　but

gave　orders　to　go　home；　that　he　might　consider　this　fact。　　So　he

shut　himself　up　alone　and　considered　it。　　and　he　probably　devised

some　consolation　for　himself；　for　he　subsequently　again　went　out　to

drive；　feeling　merry　and　happy。　　But　this　time　he　saw　a　sick　man。　

He　saw　an　emaciated；　livid；　trembling　man　with　dim　eyes。　　The

prince；　from　whom　sickness　had　been　concealed；　stopped　and　asked

what　this　was。　　And　when　he　learnt　that　this　was　sickness；　to　which

all　men　are　liable；　and　that　he　himself　　a　healthy　and　happy

prince　　might　himself　fall　ill　tomorrow；　he　again　was　in　no　mood

to　enjoy　himself　but　gave　orders　to　drive　home；　and　again　sought

some　solace；　and　probably　found　it；　for　he　drove　out　a　third　time

for　pleasure。　　But　this　third　time　he　saw　another　new　sight：　he　saw

men　carrying　something。　　'What　is　that？'　　'A　dead　man。'　　'What　does

*dead*　mean？'　asked　the　prince。　　He　was　told　that　to　become　dead

means　to　become　like　that　man。　　The　prince　approached　the　corpse；

uncovered　it；　and　looked　at　it。　　'What　will　happen　to　him　now？'

asked　the　prince。　　He　was　told　that　the　corpse　would　be　buried　in

the　ground。　　'Why？'　　'Because　he　will　certainly　not　return　to　life；

and　will　only　produce　a　stench　and　worms。'　　'And　is　that　the　fate

of　all　men？　　Will　the　same　thing　happen　to　me？　　Will　they　bury　me；

and　shall　I　cause　a　stench　and　be　eaten　by　worms？'　　'Yes。'　　'Home！　

I　shall　not　drive　out　for　pleasure；　and　never　will　so　drive　out

again！'

　　　　　And　Sakya　Muni　could　find　no　consolation　in　life；　and　decided

that　life　is　the　greatest　of　evils；　and　he　devoted　all　the　strength

of　his　soul　to　free　himself　from　it；　and　to　free　others；　and　to　do

this　so　that；　even　after　death；　life　shall　not　be　renewed　any　more

but　be　completely　destroyed　at　its　very　roots。　　So　speaks　all　the

wisdom　of　India。

　　　　　These　are　the　direct　replies　that　human　wisdom　gives　when　it

replies　to　life's　question。

　　　　　〃The　life　of　the　body　is　an　evil　and　a　lie。　　Therefore　the

destruction　of　the　life　of　the　body　is　a　blessing；　and　we　should

desire　it；〃　says　Socrates。

　　　　　〃Life　is　that　which　should　not　be　　an　evil；　and　the　passage

into　Nothingness　is　the　only　good　in　life；〃　says　Schopenhauer。

　　　　　〃All　that　is　in　the　world　　folly　and　wisdom　and　riches　and

poverty　and　mirth　and　grief　　is　vanity　and　emptiness。　　Man　dies

and　nothing　is　left　of　him。　　And　that　is　stupid；〃　says　Solomon。

　　　　　〃To　life　in　the　consciousness　of　the　inevitability　of

suffering；　of　becoming　enfeebled；　of　old　age　and　of　death；　is

impossible　　we　must　free　ourselves　from　life；　from　all　possible

life；〃　says　Buddha。

　　　　　And　what　these　strong　minds　said　has　been　said　and　thought　and

felt　by　millions　upon　millions　of　people　like　them。　　And　I　have

thought　it　and　felt　it。

　　　　　So　my　wandering　among　the　sciences；　far　from　freeing　me　from

my　despair；　only　strengthened　it。　　One　kind　of　knowledge　did　not

reply　to　life's　question；　the　other　kind　replied　directly

confirming　my　despair；　indicating　not　that　the　result　at　which　I

had　arrived　was　the　fruit　of　error　or　of　a　diseased　state　of　my

mind；　but　on　the　contrary　that　I　had　thought　correctly；　and　that　my

thoughts　coincided　with　the　conclusions　of　the　most　powerful　of

human　minds。

　　　　　It　is　no　good　deceiving　oneself。　It　is　all　　vanity！　　Happy

is　he　who　has　not　been　born：　　death　is　better　than　life；　and　one

must　free　oneself　from　life。





　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　VII



　　　　　Not　finding　an　explanation　in　science　I　began　to　seek　for　it

in　life；　hoping　to　find　it　among　the　people　around　me。　　And　I　began

to　observe　how　the　people　around　me　　people　like　myself　　lived；

and　what　their　attitude　was　to　this　question　which　had　brought　me

to　despair。

　　　　　And　this　is　what　I　found　among　people　who　were　in　the　same

position　as　myself　as　regards　education　and　manner　of　life。

　　　　　I　found　that　for　people　of　my　circle　there　were　four　ways　out

of　the　terrible　position　in　which　we　are　all　placed。

　　　　　The　first　was　that　of　ignorance。　It　consists　in　not　knowing；

not　understanding；　that　life　is　an　evil　and　an　absurdity。　　People

of　this　sort　　chiefly　women；　or　very　young　or　very　dull　people　

have　not　yet　understood　that　question　of　life　which　presented

itself　to　Schopenhauer；　Solomon；　and　Buddha。　　They　see　neither　the

dragon　that　awaits　them　nor　the　mice　gnawing　the　shrub　by　which

they　are　hanging；　and　they　lick　the　drops　of　honey。　　but　they　lick

those　drops　of　honey　only　for　a　while：　　something　will　turn　their

attention　to　the　dragon　and　the　mice；　and　there　will　be　an　end　to

their　licking。　　From　them　I　had　nothing　to　learn　　one　cannot

cease　to　know　what　one　does　know。

　　　　　The　second　way　out　is　epicureanism。　　It　consists；　while

knowing　the　hopelessness　of　life；　in　making　use　meanwhile　of　the

advantages　one　has；　disregarding　the　dragon　and　the　mice；　and

licking　the　honey　in　the　best　way；　especially　if　there　is　much　of

it　within　reach。　　Solomon　expresses　this　way　out　thus：　　〃Then　I

commended　mirth；　because　a　man　hath　no　better　thing　under　the　sun；

than　to　eat；　and　to　drink；　and　to　be　merry：　and　that　this　should

accompany　him　in　his　labour　the　days　of　his　life；　which　God　giveth

him　under　the　sun。

　　　　　〃Therefore　eat　thy　bread　with　joy　and　drink　thy　wine　with　a

merry　heart。。。。　Live　joyfully　with　the　wife　whom　thou　lovest　all

the　days　of　the　life　of　thy　vanity。。。for　this　is　thy　portion　in

life　and　in　thy　labours　which　thou　takest　under　the　sun。。。。

Whatsoever　thy　hand　findeth　to　do；　do　it　with　thy　might；　for　there

is　not　work；　nor　device；　nor　knowledge；　nor　wisdom；　in　the　grave；

whither　thou　goest。〃

　　　　　That　is　the　way　in　which　the　majority　of　people　of　our　circle

make　life　possible　for　themselves。　　Their　circumstances　furnish

them　with　more　of　welfare　than　of　hardship；　and　their　moral

dullness　makes　it　possible　for　them　to　forget　that　the　advantage　of

their　position　is　accidental；　and　that　not　everyone　can　have　a

thousand　wives　and　palaces　like　Solomon；　that　for　everyone　who　has

a　thousand　wives　there　are　a　thousand　without　a　wife；　and　that　for

each　palace　there　are　a　thousand　people　who　have　to　build　it　in　the

sweat　of　their　brows；　and　that　the　accident　that　has　today　made　me

a　Solomon　may　tomorrow　make　me　a　Solomon's　slave。　　The　dullness　of

these　people's　imagination　enables　them　to　forget　the　things　that

gave　Buddha　no　peace　　the　inevitability　of　sickness；　old　age；　and

death；　which　today　or　tomorrow　will　destroy　all　these　pleasures。

　　　　　So　think　and　feel　the　majority　of　people　of　our　day　and　our

manner　of　life。　　The　fact　that　some　of　these　people　declare　the

dullness　of　their　thoughts　and　imaginations　to　be　a　philosophy；

which　they　call　Positive；　does　not　remove　them；　in　my　opinion；　from

the　ranks　of　those　who；　to　avoid　seeing　the　question；　lick　the

honey。　　I　could　not　imitate　these　people；　not　having　their　dullness

of　imagination　I　could　not　artificially　produce　it　in　myself。　　I

could　not　tear　my　eyes　from　the　mice　and　the　dragon；　as　no　vital

man　can　after　he　has　once　seen　them。

　　　　　The　third　escape　is　that　of　strength　and　energy。　　It　consists

in　destroying　life；　when　one　has　understood　that　it　is　an　evil　and

an　absurdity。　　A　few　exceptionally　strong　and　consistent　people　act

so。　　Having　understood　the　stupidity　of　the　joke　that　has　been

played　on　them；　and　having　understood　that　it　is　better　to　be　dead

than　to　be　alive；　and　that　it　is　best　of　all　not　to　exist；　they　act

accordingly　and　promptly　end　this　stupid　joke；　since　there　are

means：　　a　rope　round　one's　neck；　water；　a　knife　to　stick　into　one's

heart；　or　the　trains　on　the　railways；　and　the　number　of　those　of

our　circle　who　act　in　this　way　becomes　greater　and　greater；　and　for

the　most　part　they　act　so　at　the　best　time　of　their　life；　when　the

strength　of　their　mind　is　in　full　bloom　and　few　habits　degrading　to

the　mind　have　as　yet　been　acquired。

　　　　　I　saw　that　this　was　the　worthiest　way　of　escape　and　I　wished