sketches of young gentlemen(定煤武平殆宙)-及6何蛍
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election�察 �with which he intersperses his conversation at intervals with
surprising effect。 But his great topic is the constitution�察�upon which he
will declaim�察�by the hour together�察�with much heat and fury�察�not that he
has any particular information on the subject�察�but because he knows that
the constitution is somehow church and state�察 �and church and state
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
somehow the constitution�察�and that the fellows on the other side say it isn't�察�
which is quite a sufficient reason for him to say it is�察�and to stick to it。
Perhaps his greatest topic of all�察�though�察�is the people。 If a fight takes
place in a populous town�察 �in which many noses are broken�察 �and a few
windows�察 �the young gentleman throws down the newspaper with a
triumphant air�察 �and exclaims�察 �'Here's your precious people��' If half´a´
dozen boys run across the course at race time�察�when it ought to be kept
clear�察 �the young gentleman looks indignantly round�察 �and begs you to
observe the conduct of the people�察 �if the gallery demand a hornpipe
between the play and the afterpiece�察�the same young gentleman cries 'No'
and 'Shame' till he is hoarse�察�and then inquires with a sneer what you think
of popular moderation NOW�察 �in short�察 �the people form a never´failing
theme for him�察�and when the attorney�察�on the side of his candidate�察�dwells
upon it with great power of eloquence at election time�察�as he never fails to
do�察�the young gentleman and his friends�察�and the body they head�察 �cheer
with great violence against THE OTHER PEOPLE�察�with whom�察�of course�察�
they have no possible connexion。 In much the same manner the audience
at a theatre never fail to be highly amused with any jokes at the expense of
the public ´ always laughing heartily at some other public�察 �and never at
themselves。
If the political young gentleman be a Radical�察 �he is usually a very
profound person indeed�察�having great store of theoretical questions to put
to you�察 �with an infinite variety of possible cases and logical deductions
therefrom。 If he be of the utilitarian school�察 �too�察 �which is more than
probable�察 �he is particularly pleasant company�察 �having many ingenious
remarks to offer upon the voluntary principle and various cheerful
disquisitions connected with the population of the country�察�the position of
Great Britain in the scale of nations�察�and the balance of power。 Then he
is exceedingly well versed in all doctrines of political economy as laid
down in the newspapers�察�and knows a great many parliamentary speeches
by heart�察�nay�察�he has a small stock of aphorisms�察�none of them exceeding a
couple of lines in length�察�which will settle the toughest question and leave
you nothing to say。 He gives all the young ladies to understand�察 �that
Miss Martineau is the greatest woman that ever lived�察 �and when they
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
praise the good looks of Mr。 Hawkins the new member�察�says he's very well
for a representative�察�all things considered�察�but he wants a little calling to
account�察�and he is more than half afraid it will be necessary to bring him
down on his knees for that vote on the miscellaneous estimates。 At this�察�
the young ladies express much wonderment�察�and say surely a Member of
Parliament is not to be brought upon his knees so easily�察�in reply to which
the political young gentleman smiles sternly�察 �and throws out dark hints
regarding the speedy arrival of that day�察�when Members of Parliament will
be paid salaries�察 �and required to render weekly accounts of their
proceedings�察 �at which the young ladies utter many expressions of
astonishment and incredulity�察 �while their lady´mothers regard the
prophecy as little else than blasphemous。
It is extremely improving and interesting to hear two political young
gentlemen�察 �of diverse opinions�察 �discuss some great question across a
dinner´table�察�such as�察�whether�察�if the public were admitted to Westminster
Abbey for nothing�察 �they would or would not convey small chisels and
hammers in their pockets�察 �and immediately set about chipping all the
noses off the statues�察 �or whether�察 �if they once got into the Tower for a
shilling�察�they would not insist upon trying the crown on their own heads�察�
and loading and firing off all the small arms in the armoury�察�to the great
discomposure of Whitechapel and the Minories。 Upon these�察�and many
other momentous questions which agitate the public mind in these
desperate days�察�they will discourse with great vehemence and irritation for
a considerable time together�察�both leaving off precisely where they began�察�
and each thoroughly persuaded that he has got the better of the other。
In society�察�at assemblies�察�balls�察�and playhouses�察�these political young
gentlemen are perpetually on the watch for a political allusion�察�or anything
which can be tortured or construed into being one�察 �when�察 �thrusting
themselves into the very smallest openings for their favourite discourse�察�
they fall upon the unhappy company tooth and nail。 They have recently
had many favourable opportunities of opening in churches�察�but as there the
clergyman has it all his own way�察�and must not be contradicted�察�whatever
politics he preaches�察�they are fain to hold their tongues until they reach the
outer door�察�though at the imminent risk of bursting in the effort。
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As such discussions can please nobody but the talkative parties
concerned�察 �we hope they will henceforth take the hint and discontinue
them�察 �otherwise we now give them warning�察 �that the ladies have our
advice to discountenance such talkers altogether。
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
THE DOMESTIC YOUNG
GENTLEMAN
Let us make a slight sketch of our amiable friend�察�Mr。 Felix Nixon。 We
are strongly disposed to think�察 �that if we put him in this place�察 �he will
answer our purpose without another word of comment。
Felix�察�then�察�is a young gentleman who lives at home with his mother�察�
just within the twopenny´post office circle of three miles from St。 Martin´
le´Grand。 He wears Indiarubber goloshes when the weather is at all
damp�察 �and always has a silk handkerchief neatly folded up in the right´
hand pocket of his great´coat�察�to tie over his mouth when he goes home at
night�察 �moreover�察 �being rather near´ sighted�察 �he carries spectacles for
particular occasions�察 �and has a weakish tremulous voice�察 �of which he
makes great use�察�for he talks as much as any old lady breathing。
The two chief subjects of Felix's discourse�察�are himself and his mother�察�
both of whom would appear to be very wonderful and interesting persons。
As Felix and his mother are seldom apart in body�察�so Felix and his mother
are scarcely ever separate in spirit。 If you ask Felix how he finds himself
to´day�察 �he prefaces his reply with a long and minute bulletin of his
mother's state of health�察 �and the good lady in her turn�察 �edifies her
acquaintance with a circumstantial and alarming account�察�how he sneezed
four times and coughed once after being out in the rain the other night�察�but
having his feet promptly put into hot water�察�and his head into a flannel´
something�察 �which we will not describe more particularly than by this
delicate allusion�察 �was happily brought round by the next morning�察 �and
enabled to go to business as usual。
Our friend is not a very adventurous or hot´headed person�察�but he has
passed through many dangers�察 �as his mother can testify�此 �there is one
great story in particular�察�concerning a hackney coachman who wanted to
overcharge him one night for bringing them home from the play�察 �upon
which Felix gave the aforesaid coachman a look which his mother thought
would have crushed him to the earth�察�but which did not crush him quite�察�
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for he continued to demand another sixpence�察�notwithstanding that Felix
took out his pocket´book�察�and�察�with the aid of a flat candle�察�pointed out the
fare in print�察 �which the coachman obstinately disregarding�察 �he shut the
street´door with a slam which his mother shudders to think of�察�and then�察�
roused to the most appalling pitch of passion by the coachman knocking a
double knock to show that he was by no means convinced�察�he broke with
uncontrollable force from his parent and the servant girl�察�and ru