the story of an african farm-第3部分

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〃God　cannot　lie。　　I　had　faith。　　No　fire　came。　　I　am　like　CainI　am　not

His。　　He　will　not　hear　my　prayer。　　God　hates　me。〃



The　boy's　heart　was　heavy。　　When　he　reached　the　kraal　gate　the　two　girls

met　him。



〃Come；〃　said　the　yellow…haired　Em；　〃let　us　play　coop。〃　　There　is　still　time

before　it　gets　quite　dark。　　You；　Waldo；　go　and　hide　on　the　kopje；　Lyndall

and　I　will　shut　eyes　here；　and　we　will　not　look。〃



The　girls　hid　their　faces　in　the　stone　wall　of　the　sheep…kraal；　and　the　boy

clambered　half　way　up　the　kopje。　　He　crouched　down　between　two　stones　and

gave　the　call。　　Just　then　the　milk…herd　came　walking　out　of　the　cow…kraal

with　two　pails。　　He　was　an　ill…looking　Kaffer。



〃Ah！〃　thought　the　boy；　〃perhaps　he　will　die　tonight；　and　go　to　hell！　　I

must　pray　for　him；　I　must　pray！〃



Then　he　thought〃Where　am　I　going　to？〃　and　he　prayed　desperately。



〃Ah！　this　is　not　right　at　all；〃　little　Em　said；　peeping　between　the　stones；

and　finding　him　in　a　very　curious　posture。　　〃What　are　you　doing　Waldo？　　It

is　not　the　play；　you　know。　　You　should　run　out　when　we　come　to　the　white

stone。　　Ah；　you　do　not　play　nicely。〃



〃II　will　play　nicely　now；〃　said　the　boy；　coming　out　and　standing

sheepishly　before　them；　〃II　only　forgot；　I　will　play　now。〃



〃He　has　been　to　sleep；〃　said　freckled　Em。



〃No；〃　said　beautiful　little　Lyndall；　looking　curiously　at　him：　　〃he　has

been　crying。〃



She　never　made　a　mistake。



。。。





The　Confession。



One　night；　two　years　after；　the　boy　sat　alone　on　the　kopje。　　He　had　crept

softly　from　his　father's　room　and　come　there。　　He　often　did；　because；　when

he　prayed　or　cried　aloud；　his　father　might　awake　and　hear　him；　and　none

knew　his　great　sorrow；　and　none　knew　his　grief；　but　he　himself；　and　he

buried　them　deep　in　his　heart。



He　turned　up　the　brim　of　his　great　hat　and　looked　at　the　moon；　but　most　at

the　leaves　of　the　prickly　pear　that　grew　just　before　him。　　They　glinted；

and　glinted；　and　glinted；　just　like　his　own　heartcold；　so　hard；　and　very

wicked。　　His　physical　heart　had　pain　also；　it　seemed　full　of　little　bits　of

glass；　that　hurt。　　He　had　sat　there　for　half　an　hour；　and　he　dared　not　go

back　to　the　close　house。



He　felt　horribly　lonely。　　There　was　not　one　thing　so　wicked　as　he　in　all

the　world；　and　he　knew　it。　　He　folded　his　arms　and　began　to　crynot　aloud；

he　sobbed　without　making　any　sound；　and　his　tears　left　scorched　marks　where

they　fell。　　He　could　not　pray；　he　had　prayed　night　and　day　for　so　many

months；　and　tonight　he　could　not　pray。　　When　he　left　off　crying；　he　held

his　aching　head　with　his　brown　hands。　　If　one　might　have　gone　up　to　him　and

touched　him　kindly；　poor；　ugly　little　thing！　　Perhaps　his　heart　was　almost

broken。



With　his　swollen　eyes　he　sat　there　on　a　flat　stone　at　the　very　top　of　the

kopje；　and　the　tree；　with　every　one　of　its　wicked　leaves；　blinked；　and

blinked；　and　blinked　at　him。　　Presently　he　began　to　cry　again；　and　then

stopped　his　crying　to　look　at　it。　　He　was　quiet　for　a　long　while；　then　he

knelt　up　slowly　and　bent　forward。　　There　was　a　secret　he　had　carried　in　his

heart　for　a　year。　　He　had　not　dared　to　look　at　it；　he　had　not　whispered　it

to　himself；　but　for　a　year　he　had　carried　it。　　〃I　hate　God！〃　he　said。　　The

wind　took　the　words　and　ran　away　with　them；　among　the　stones；　and　through

the　leaves　of　the　prickly　pear。　　He　thought　it　died　away　half　down　the

kopje。　　He　had　told　it　now！



〃I　love　Jesus　Christ；　but　I　hate　God。〃



The　wind　carried　away　that　sound　as　it　had　done　the　first。　　Then　he　got　up

and　buttoned　his　old　coat　about　him。　　He　knew　he　was　certainly　lost　now；　he

did　not　care。　　If　half　the　world　were　to　be　lost；　why　not　he　too？　　He　would

not　pray　for　mercy　any　more。　　Better　sobetter　to　know　certainly。　　It　was

ended　now。　　Better　so。



He　began　scrambling　down　the　sides　of　the　kopje　to　go　home。



Better　so！　　But　oh；　the　loneliness；　the　agonized　pain！　for　that　night；　and

for　nights　on　nights　to　come！　　The　anguish　that　sleeps　all　day　on　the　heart

like　a　heavy　worm；　and　wakes　up　at　night　to　feed！



There　are　some　of　us　who　in　after　years　say　to　Fate；　〃Now　deal　us　your

hardest　blow；　give　us　what　you　will；　but　let　us　never　again　suffer　as　we

suffered　when　we　were　children。〃



The　barb　in　the　arrow　of　childhood's　suffering　is　this：　　its　intense

loneliness；　its　intense　agony。





Chapter　1。II。　　Plans　and　Bushman　Paintings。



At　last　came　the　year　of　the　great　drought；　the　year　of　eighteen…sixty…two。

From　end　to　end　of　the　land　the　earth　cried　for　water。　　Man　and　beast

turned　their　eyes　to　the　pitiless　sky；　that　like　the　roof　of　some　brazen

oven　arched　overhead。　　On　the　farm；　day　after　day；　month　after　month；　the

water　in　the　dams　fell　lower　and　lower；　the　sheep　died　in　the　fields；　the

cattle；　scarcely　able　to　crawl；　tottered　as　they　moved　from　spot　to　spot　in

search　of　food。　　Week　after　week；　month　after　month；　the　sun　looked　down

from　the　cloudless　sky；　till　the　karoo…bushes　were　leafless　sticks；　broken

into　the　earth；　and　the　earth　itself　was　naked　and　bare；　and　only　the　milk…

bushes；　like　old　hags；　pointed　their　shrivelled　fingers　heavenward；　praying

for　the　rain　that　never　came。



。。。



It　was　on　an　afternoon　of　a　long　day　in　that　thirsty　summer；　that　on　the

side　of　the　kopje　furthest　from　the　homestead　the　two　girls　sat。　　They　were

somewhat　grown　since　the　days　when　they　played　hide…and…seek　there；　but

they　were　mere　children　still。



Their　dress　was　of　dark；　coarse　stuff；　their　common　blue　pinafores　reached

to　their　ankles；　and　on　their　feet　they　wore　home…made　velschoen。



They　sat　under　a　shelving　rock；　on　the　surface　of　which　were　still　visible

some　old　Bushman　paintings；　their　red　and　black　pigments　having　been

preserved　through　long　years　from　wind　and　rain　by　the　overhanging　ledge；

grotesque　oxen；　elephants；　rhinoceroses；　and　a　one…horned　beast；　such　as　no

man　ever　has　seen　or　ever　shall。



The　girls　sat　with　their　backs　to　the　paintings。　　In　their　laps　were　a　few

fern　and　ice…plant　leaves；　which　by　dint　of　much　searching　they　had

gathered　under　the　rocks。



Em　took　off　her　big　brown　kapje　and　began　vigorously　to　fan　her　red　face

with　it；　but　her　companion　bent　low　over　the　leaves　in　her　lap；　and　at　last

took　up　an　ice…plant　leaf　and　fastened　it　on　to　the　front　of　her　blue

pinafore　with　a　pin。



〃Diamonds　must　look　as　these　drops　do；〃　she　said；　carefully　bending　over

the　leaf；　and　crushing　one　crystal　drop　with　her　delicate　little　nail。　

〃When　I；〃　she　said；　〃am　grown　up；　I　shall　wear　real　diamonds；　exactly　like

these　in　my　hair。〃



Her　companion　opened　her　eyes　and　wrinkled　her　low　forehead。



〃Where　will　you　find　them；　Lyndall？　　The　stones　are　only　crystals　that　we

picked　up　yesterday。　　Old　Otto　says　so。〃



〃And　you　think　that　I　am　going　to　stay　here　always？〃



The　lip　trembled　scornfully。



〃Ah；　no；〃　said　her　companion。　　〃I　suppose　some　day　we　shall　go　somewhere；

but　now　we　are　only　twelve；　and　we　cannot　marry　till　we　are　seventeen。　

Four　years；　fivethat　is　a　long　time　to　wait。　　And　we　might　not　have

diamonds　if　we　did　marry。〃



〃And　you　think　that　I　am　going　to　stay　here　till　then？〃



〃Well；　where　are　you　going？〃　asked　her　companion。



The　girl　crushed　an　ice…plant　leaf　between　her　fingers。



〃Tant　Sannie　is　a　miserable　old　woman；〃　she　said。　　〃Your　father　married　her

when　he　was　dying；　because　he　thought　she　would　take　better　care　of　the

farm；　and　of　us；　than　an　English　woman。　　He　said　we　should　be　taught　and

sent　to　school。　　Now　she　saves　every　farthing　for　herself；　buys　us　not　even

one　old　book。　　She　does　not　ill…use　uswhy？　　Because　she　is　afraid　of　your

father's　ghost。　　Only　this　morning　she　told　her　Hottentot　that　she　would

have　beaten　you　for　breaking　the　plate；　but　that　three　nights　ago　she　heard

a　rustling　and　a　grunting　behind　the　pantry　door；　and　knew　it　was　your

father　coming　to　spook　her。　　She　is　a　miserable　old　woman；〃　said　the　girl；

throwing　the　leaf　from　her；　〃but　I　intend　to　go　to　school。〃



〃And　if　she　won't　let　you？〃



〃I　shall　make　her。〃



〃How？〃



The　child　took　not　the　slightest　notice　of　the　last　question；　and　folded

her　small　arms　across　her　knees。



〃But　why　do　you　want　to　go；　Lyndall？〃



〃There　is　nothing　helps　in　this　world；〃　said　the　child　slowly；　〃but　to　be

very　wise；　and　to　know　everythingto　be　clever。〃



〃But　I　should　not　like　to　go　to　school！〃　persisted　the　small　freckled　face。



〃And　you　do　not　need　to。　　When　you　are　seventeen　this　Boer…woman　will　go；

you　will　have　this　farm　and　everything　that　is　upon　it　for　your　own；　but

I；〃　said　Lyndall；　〃will　have　nothing。　　I　must　learn。〃



〃Oh；　Lyndall！　　I　will　give　you　some　of　my　sheep；〃　said　Em；　with　a　sudden

burst　of　pitying　generosity。



〃I　do　not　want　your　sheep；〃　said　the　girl　slowly；　〃I　want　things　of　my　own。

When　I　am　grown　up；〃　she　added；　the　flush　on　her　delicate　features

deepening　at　every　word；　〃there　will　be　nothing　that　I　do　not　know。　　I

shall　be　rich；　very　rich；　and　I　shall　wear　not　only　for　best；　but　every

day；　a　pure　white　silk；　and　little　rose…buds；　like　the　lady　in　Tant

Sannie's　bedroom；　and　my　petticoats　will　be　embroidered；　not　only　at　the

bottom；　but　all　through。〃



The　lady　in　Tant　Sannie's　bedroom　was　a　gorgeous　creature　from　a　fashion…

sheet；　which　the　Boer…woman；　somewhere　obtaining；　had　pasted　up　at　the　foot

of　her　bed；　to　be　profoundly　admired　by　the　children。



〃It　would　be　very　nice；〃　said　Em；　but　it　seemed　a　dream　of　quite　too

transcendent　a　glory　ever　to　be　realized。



At　this　instant　there　appeared　at　the　foot　of　the　kopje　two　figuresthe

one；　a　dog；　white　and　sleek；　one　yellow　ear　hanging　down　over　his　left　eye；

the　other；　his　master；　a　lad　of　fourteen；　and　no　other　than　the　boy　Waldo；

grown　into　a　heavy；　slouching　youth　of　fourteen。　　The　dog　mounted　the　kopje

quickly；　his　master　followed　slowly。　　He　wore　an　aged　jacket　much　to