the story of an african farm-第31部分

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you　talk　so　to　me　I　will　go　mad！　　You　must　love　me；　love　me　better　than

all！　　You　must　give　yourself　to　me。　　I　have　loved　you　since　that　first

moment　when　I　saw　you　walking　by　the　stone　wall　with　the　jug　in　your　hands。　

You　were　made　for　me；　created　for　me！　　I　will　love　you　till　I　die！　　Oh；　Em；

do　not　be　so　cold；　so　cruel　to　me！〃



He　held　her　arm　so　tightly　that　her　fingers　relaxed　their　hold；　and　the

cloak　fluttered　down　on　to　the　ground；　and　the　wind　played　more　roughly

than　ever　with　the　little　yellow　head。



〃I　do　love　you　very　much；〃　she　said；　〃but　I　do　not　know　if　I　want　to　marry

you。　　I　love　you　better　than　Waldo；　but　I　can't　tell　if　I　love　you　better

than　Lyndall。　　If　you　would　let　me　wait　for　a　week　I　think　perhaps　I　could

tell　you。〃



Gregory　picked　up　the　cloak　and　wrapped　it　round　her。



〃If　you　could　but　love　me　as　I　love　you；〃　he　said；　〃but　no　woman　can　love

as　a　man　can。　　I　will　wait　till　Saturday。　　I　will　not　once　come　near　you

till　then。　　Good…bye！　　Oh；　Em；〃　he　said；　turning　again；　and　twining　his　arm

about　her；　and　kissing　her　surprised　little　mouth；　〃if　you　are　not　my　wife

I　cannot　live。　　I　have　never　loved　another　woman；　and　I　never　shall！

never；　never！〃



〃You　make　me　afraid；〃　said　Em。　　〃Come；　let　us　go；　and　I　will　fill　your

pail。〃



〃I　want　no　milk。　　Good…bye！　　You　will　not　see　me　again　till　Saturday。〃



Late　that　night；　when　every　one　else　had　gone　to　bed；　the　yellow…haired

little　woman　stood　alone　in　the　kitchen。　　She　had　come　to　fill　the　kettle

for　the　next　morning's　coffee；　and　now　stood　before　the　fire。　　The　warm

reflection　lit　the　grave　old…womanish　little　face；　that　was　so　unusually

thoughtful　this　evening。



〃Better　than　all　the　world；　better　than　everything；　he　loves　me　better　than

everything！〃　　She　said　the　words　aloud；　as　if　they　were　more　easy　to

believe　if　she　spoke　them　so。　　She　had　given　out　so　much　love　in　her　little

life；　and　had　got　none　of　it　back　with　interest。　　Now　one　said；　〃I　love　you

better　than　all　the　world。〃　　One　loved　her　better　than　she　loved　him。　　How

suddenly　rich　she　was。　　She　kept　clasping　and　unclasping　her　hands。　　So　a

beggar　feels　who　falls　asleep　on　the　pavement　wet　and　hungry；　and　who　wakes

in　a　palace…hall　with　servants　and　lights；　and　a　feast　before　him。　　Of

course　the　beggar's　is　only　a　dream；　and　he　wakes　from　it；　and　this　was

real。



Gregory　had　said　to　her；　〃I　will　love　you　as　long　as　I　live。〃　　She　said　the

words　over　and　over　to　herself　like　a　song。



〃I　will　send　for　him　tomorrow；　and　I　will　tell　him　how　I　love　him　back；〃

she　said。



But　Em　needed　not　to　send　for　him。　　Gregory　discovered　on　reaching　home

that　Jemima's　letter　was　still　in　his　pocket。　　And；　therefore；　much　as　he

disliked　the　appearance　of　vacillation　and　weakness；　he　was　obliged　to　be

at　the　farmhouse　before　sunrise　to　post　it。



〃If　I　see　her；〃　Gregory　said；　〃I　shall　only　bow　to　her。　　She　shall　see　that

I　am　a　man；　one　who　keeps　his　word。〃



As　to　Jemima's　letter；　he　had　turned　down　one　corner　of　the　page；　and　then

turned　it　back；　leaving　a　deep　crease。　　That　would　show　that　he　was　neither

accepted　nor　rejected；　but　that　matters　were　in　an　intermediate　condition。　

It　was　a　more　poetical　way　then　putting　it　in　plain　words。



Gregory　was　barely　in　time　with　his　letter；　for　Waldo　was　starting　when　he

reached　the　homestead；　and　Em　was　on　the　doorstep　to　see　him　off。　　When　he

had　given　the　letter；　and　Waldo　had　gone；　Gregory　bowed　stiffly　and

prepared　to　remount　his　own　pony；　but　somewhat　slowly。　　It　was　still　early；

none　of　the　servants　were　about。　　Em　came　up　close　to　him　and　put　her

little　hand　softly　on　his　arm　as　he　stood　by　his　horse。



〃I　do　love　you　best　of　all；〃　she　said。　　She　was　not　frightened　now；　however

much　he　kissed　her。　　〃I　wish　I　was　beautiful　and　nice；〃　she　added；　looking

up　into　his　eyes　as　he　held　her　against　his　breast。



〃My　darling；　to　me　you　are　more　beautiful　than　all　the　women　in　the　world；

dearer　to　me　than　everything　it　holds。　　If　you　were　in　hell　I　would　go

after　you　to　find　you　there！　　If　you　were　dead；　though　my　body　moved；　my

soul　would　be　under　the　ground　with　you。　　All　life　as　I　pass　with　you　in　my

arms　will　be　perfect　to　me。　　It　will　pass；　pass　like　a　ray　of　sunshine。〃



Em　thought　how　beautiful　and　grand　his　face　was　as　she　looked　up　into　it。

She　raised　her　hand　gently　and　put　it　on　his　forehead。



〃You　are　so　silent；　so　cold；　my　Em；〃　he　cried。　　〃Have　you　nothing　to　say　to

me？〃



A　little　shade　of　wonder　filled　her　eyes。



〃I　will　do　everything　you　tell　me；〃　she　said。



〃What　else　could　she　say？　　Her　idea　of　love　was　only　service。



〃Then；　my　own　precious　one；　promise　never　to　kiss　that　fellow　again。　　I

cannot　bear　that　you　should　love　any　one　but　me。　　You　must　not！　　I　will　not

have　it！　　If　every　relation　I　had　in　the　world　were　to　die　tomorrow；　I

would　be　quite　happy　if　I　still　only　had　you！　　My　darling；　my　love；　why　are

you　so　cold？　　Promise　me　not　to　love　him　any　more。　　If　you　asked　me　to　do

anything　for　you；　I　would　do　it；　though　it　cost　my　life。〃



Em　put　her　hand　very　gravely　round　his　neck。



〃I　will　never　kiss　him；〃　she　said；　〃and　I　will　try　not　to　love　any　one

else。　　But　I　do　not　know　if　I　will　be　able。〃



〃Oh；　my　darling；　I　think　of　you　all　night；　all　day。　　I　think　of　nothing

else；　love；　nothing　else；〃　he　said；　folding　his　arms　about　her。



Em　was　a　little　conscience　stricken；　even　that　morning　she　had　found　time

to　remember　that　in　six　months　her　cousin　would　come　back　from　school；　and

she　had　thought　to　remind　Waldo　of　the　lozenges　for　his　cough；　even　when

she　saw　Gregory　coming。



〃I　do　not　know　how　it　is；〃　she　said　humbly；　nestling　to　him；　〃but　I　cannot

love　you　so　much　as　you　love　me。　　Perhaps　it　is　because　I　am　only　a　woman；

but　I　do　love　you　as　much　as　I　can。〃



Now　the　Kaffer　maids　were　coming　from　the　huts。　　He　kissed　her　again；　eyes

and　mouth　and　hands；　and　left　her。



Tant　Sannie　was　well　satisfied　when　told　of　the　betrothment。　　She　herself

contemplated　marriage　within　the　year　with　one　or　other　of　her　numerous

vrijers；　and　she　suggested　that　the　weddings　might　take　place　together。



Em　set　to　work　busily　to　prepare　her　own　household　linen　and　wedding

garments。　　Gregory　was　with　her　daily；　almost　hourly；　and　the　six　months

which　elapsed　before　Lyndall's　return　passed；　as　he　felicitously　phrased

it；　〃like　a　summer　night；　when　you　are　dreaming　of　some　one　you　love。〃



Late　one　evening；　Gregory　sat　by　his　little　love；　turning　the　handle　of　her

machine　as　she　drew　her　work　through　it；　and　they　talked　of　the　changes

they　would　make　when　the　Boer…woman　was　gone；　and　the　farm　belonged　to　them

alone。　　There　should　be　a　new　room　here；　and　a　kraal　there。　　So　they

chatted　on。　　Suddenly　Gregory　dropped　the　handle；　and　impressed　a　fervent

kiss　on　the　fat　hand　that　guided　the　linen。



〃You　are　so　beautiful；　Em；〃　said　the　lover。　　〃It　comes　over　me　in　a　flood

suddenly　how　I　love　you。〃



Em　smiled。



〃Tant　Sannie　says　when　I　am　her　age　no　one　will　look　at　me；　and　it　is　true。

My　hands　are　as　short　and　broad　as　a　duck's　foot；　and　my　forehead　is　so

low；　and　I　haven't　any　nose。　　I　can't　be　pretty。〃



She　laughed　softly。　　It　was　so　nice　to　think　he　should　be　so　blind。



〃When　my　cousin　comes　tomorrow　you　will　see　a　beautiful　woman；　Gregory；〃

she　added　presently。　　〃She　is　like　a　little　queen：　　her　shoulders　are　so

upright；　and　her　head　looks　as　though　it　ought　to　have　a　little　crown　upon

it。　　You　must　come　to　see　her　tomorrow　as　soon　as　she　comes。　　I　am　sure　you

will　love　her。〃



〃Of　course　I　shall　come　to　see　her；　since　she　is　your　cousin；　but　do　you

think　I　could　ever　think　any　woman　as　lovely　as　I　think　you？〃



He　fixed　his　seething　eyes　upon　her。



〃You　could　not　help　seeing　that　she　is　prettier；〃　said　Em；　slipping　her

right　hand　into　his；　〃but　you　will　never　be　able　to　like　any　one　so　much　as

you　like　me。〃



Afterward；　when　she　wished　her　lover　good　night；　she　stood　upon　the

doorstep　to　call　a　greeting　after　him；　and　she　waited；　as　she　always　did；

till　the　brown　pony's　hoofs　became　inaudible　behind　the　kopje。



Then　she　passed　through　the　room　where　Tant　Sannie　lay　snoring；　and　through

the　little　room　that　was　all　draped　in　white；　waiting　for　her　cousin's

return；　on　to　her　own　room。



She　went　to　the　chest　of　drawers　to　put　away　the　work　she　had　finished；　and

sat　down　on　the　floor　before　the　lowest　drawer。　　In　it　were　the　things　she

was　preparing　for　her　marriage。　　Piles　of　white　linen；　and　some　aprons　and

quilts；　and　in　a　little　box　in　the　corner　a　spray　of　orange…blossom　which

she　had　bought　from　a　smouse。　　There；　too；　was　a　ring　Gregory　had　given

her；　and　a　veil　his　sister　had　sent；　and　there　was　a　little　roll　of　fine

embroidered　work　which　Trana　had　given　her。　　It　was　too　fine　and　good　even

for　Gregory's　wifejust　right　for　something　very　small　and　soft。　　She

would　keep　it。　　And　she　touched　it　gently　with　her　forefinger；　smiling；　and

then　she　blushed　and　hid　it　far　behind　the　other　things。　　She　knew　so　well

all　that　was　in　that　drawer；　and　yet　she　turned　them　all　over　as　though　she

saw　them　for　the　first　time；　packed　them　all　out；　and　packed　them　all　in；

without　one　fold　or　crumple；　and　then　sat　down　and　looked　at　them。



Tomorrow　evening　when　Lyndall　came　she　would　bring　her　here；　and　show　it

her　all。　　Lyndall　would　so　like　to　see　itthe　little　wreath；　and　the　ring；

and　the　white　veil！　　It　would　be　so　nice！　　Then　Em　fell　to　seeing　pictures。　

Lyndall　should　live　with　them　till　she　herself　got　married　some　day。



Every　day　when　Gregory　came　home；　tired　from　his　work；　he　would　look　about

and　say；　〃Where　is　my　wife？　　Has　no　one　seen　my　wife？　　Wife；　some　coffee！〃

and　she　would　give　him　some。



Em's　little　face　grew　very　grave　at　last；　and　she　knelt　up　and　extended　her

hands　over　the　drawer　of　linen。



〃Oh；　God！〃　she　said；　〃I　am　so　glad！　　I