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my sudden departure。



〃I now fell into the most violent and almost raving fit of

despair。  I cursed myself; the king; and the whole world; which

no longer seemed to have any delight for me。  I threw myself on

the grave of my deceased love; and lay there without any kind of

sustenance for two whole days。  At last hunger; together with the

persuasions of some people who took pity on me; prevailed with me

to quit that situation; and refresh myself with food。  They then

persuaded me to return to my post; and abandon a place where

almost every object I saw recalled ideas to my mind which; as

they said; I should endeavor with my utmost force to expel from

it。  This advice at length succeeded; the rather; as the father

and mother of my beloved refused to see me; looking on me as the

innocent but certain cause of the death of their only child。



〃The loss of one we tenderly love; as it is one of the most

bitter and biting evils which attend human life; so it wants the

lenitive which palliates and softens every other calamity; I mean

that great reliever; hope。  No man can be so totally undone; but

that he may still cherish expectation:  but this deprives us of

all such comfort; nor can anything but time alone lessen it。 

This; however; in most minds; is sure to work a slow but

effectual remedy; so did it in mine:  for within a twelve…month I

was entirely reconciled to my fortune; and soon after absolutely

forgot the object of a passion from which I had promised myself

such extreme happiness; and in the disappointment of which I had

experienced such inconceivable misery。  



〃At the expiration of the month I returned to my garrison at

Exeter; where I was no sooner arrived than I was ordered to march

into the north; to oppose a force there levied by the earls of

Chester and Northumberland。  We came to York; where his majesty

pardoned the heads of the rebels; and very severely punished some

who were less guilty。  It was particularly my lot to be ordered

to seize a poor man who had never been out of his house; and

convey him to prison。  I detested this barbarity; yet was obliged

to execute it; nay; though no reward would have bribed me in a

private capacity to have acted such a part; yet so much sanctity

is there in the commands of a monarch or general to a soldier;

that I performed it without reluctance; nor had the tears of his

wife and family any prevalence with me。



〃But this; which was a very small piece of mischief in comparison

with many of my barbarities afterwards; was however; the only one

which ever gave me any uneasiness; for when the king led us

afterwards into Northumberland to revenge those people's having

joined with Osborne the Dane in his invasion; and orders were

given us to commit what ravages we could; I was forward in

fulfilling them; and; among some lesser cruelties (I remember it

yet with sorrow); I ravished a woman; murdered a little infant

playing in her lap; and then burned her house。  In short; for I

have no pleasure in this part of my relation; I had my share in

all the cruelties exercised on those poor wretches; which were so

grievous; that for sixty miles together; between York and Durham;

not a single house; church; or any other public or private

edifice; was left standing。



〃We had pretty well devoured the country; when we were ordered to

march to the Isle of Ely; to oppose Hereward; a bold and stout

soldier; who had under him a very large body of rebels; who had

the impudence to rise against their king and conqueror (I talk

now in the same style I did then) in defense of their liberties;

as they called them。  These were soon subdued; but as I happened

(more to my glory than my comfort) to be posted in that part

through which Hereward cut his way; I received a dreadful cut on

the forehead; a second on the shoulder; and was run through the

body with a pike。



〃I languished a long time with these wounds; which made me

incapable of attending the king into Scotland。  However; I was

able to go over with him afterwards into Normandy; in his

expedition against Philip; who had taken the opportunity of the

troubles in England to invade that province。  Those few Normans

who bad survived their wounds; and had remained in the Isle of

Ely; were all of our nation who went; the rest of his army being

all composed of English。  In a skirmish near the town of Mans my

leg was broke and so shattered that it was forced to be cut off。



〃I was now disabled from serving longer in the army; and

accordingly; being discharged from the service; I retired to the

place of my nativity; where; in extreme poverty; and frequent bad

health from the many wounds I had received; I dragged on a

miserable life to the age of sixty… three; my only pleasure being

to recount the feats of my youth; in which narratives I generally

exceeded the truth。  



〃It would be tedious and unpleasant to recount to you the several

miseries I suffered after my return to Caen; let it suffice; they

were so terrible that they induced Minos to compassionate me;

and; notwithstanding the barbarities I had been guilty of in

Northumberland; to suffer me to go once more back to earth。〃





CHAPTER XXII



What happened to Julian in the person of a tailor。



〃Fortune now stationed me in a character which the ingratitude of

mankind hath put them on ridiculing; though they owe to it not

only a relief from the inclemencies of cold; to which they would

otherwise be exposed; but likewise a considerable satisfaction of

their vanity。  The character I mean was that of a tailor; which;

if we consider it with due attention; must be confessed to have

in it great dignity and importance。  For; in reality; who

constitutes the different degrees between men but the tailor? the

prince indeed gives the title; but it is the tailor who makes the

man。  To his labors are owing the respect of crowds; and the awe

which great men inspire into their beholders; though these are

too often unjustly attributed to other motives。  Lastly; the

admiration of the fair is most commonly to be placed to his

account。



〃I was just set up in my trade when I made three suits of fine

clothes for king Stephen's coronation。  I question whether the

person who wears the rich coat hath so much pleasure and vanity

in being admired in it; as we tailors have from that admiration;

and perhaps a philosopher would say he is not so well entitled to

it。  I bustled on the day of the ceremony through the crowd; and

it was with incredible delight I heard several say; as my clothes

walked by; 'Bless me; was ever anything so fine as the earl of

Devonshire?  Sure he and Sir Hugh Bigot are the two best dressed

men I ever saw。' Now both those suits were of my making。



〃There would indeed be infinite pleasure in working for the

courtiers; as they are generally genteel men; and show one's

clothes to the best advantage; was it not for one small

discouragement; this is; that they never pay。  I solemnly

protest; though I lost almost as much by the court in my life as

I got by the city; I never carried a suit into the latter with

half the satisfaction which I have done to the former; though

from that I was certain of ready money; and from this almost as

certain of no money at all。



〃Courtiers may; however; be divided into two sorts; very

essentially different from each other; into those who never

intend to pay for their clothes; and those who do intend to pay

for them; but never happen to be able。  Of the latter sort are

many of those young gentlemen whom we equip out for the army; and

who are; unhappily for us; cut off before they arrive at

preferment。  This is the reason that tailors; in time of war; are

mistaken for politicians by their inquisitiveness into the event

of battles; one campaign very often proving the ruin of

half…a…dozen of us。  I am sure I had frequent reason to curse

that fatal battle of Cardigan; where the Welsh defeated some of

king Stephen's best troops; and where many a good suit of mine

unpaid for; fell to the ground。





〃The gentlemen of this honorable calling have fared much better

in later ages than when I was of it; for now it seems the fashion

is; when they apprehend their customer is not in the best

circumstances; if they are not paid as soon as they carry home

the suit; they charge him in their book as much again as it is

worth; and then send a gentleman with a small scrip of parchment

to demand the money。  If this be not immediately paid the

gentleman takes the beau with him to his house; where he locks

him up till the tailor is contented:  but in my time these scrips

of parchment were not in use; and if the beau disliked paying for

his clothes; as very often happened; we had no method of

compelling him。



〃In several of the characters which I have related to you; I

apprehend I have sometimes forgot myself; and considered myself

as really interested as I was when I personated them on earth。  I

have just now caught myself in the fact; for I have complained to

you as bitterly of my customers as I formerly used to do when I

was the tailor:  but in reality; though there were some few

persons of very great quality; and some others; who never paid

their debts; yet those were but a few; and I had a method of

repairing this loss。  My customers I divided under three heads:

those who paid ready money; those who paid slow; and those who

never paid at all。  The first of these I considered apart by

themselves; as persons by whom I got a certain but small profit。 

The two last I lumped together; making those who paid slow

contribute to repair my losses by those who did not pay at all。 

Thus; upon the whole; I was a very inconsiderable loser; and

might have left a fortune to my family; had I not launched forth

into expenses which swallowed up all my gains。  I had a wife and

two children。  These indeed I kept frugally enough;

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