initials only-第39部分

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lips。

〃And　ended　the　pitiful　struggle　of　the　moment　with　one　quick；　unpremeditated　blow；〃　was　what　he　said。　　〃There　is　no　other　explanation　possible　for　this　act；　Oswald。　　Bitter　as　it　is　for　me　to　acknowledge　it；　I　am　thus　far　guilty　of　this　beloved　woman's　death。　　But；　as　God　hears　me；　from　the　moment　I　first　saw　her；　to　the　moment　I　saw　her　last；　I　did　not　know；　nor　did　I　for　a　moment　dream　that　she　was　anything　to　you　or　to　any　other　man　of　my　stamp　and　station。　　I　thought　she　despised　my　country　birth；　my　mechanical　attempts；　my　lack　of　aristocratic　pretensions　and　traditions。〃

〃Edith？〃

〃Now　that　I　know　she　had　other　reasons　for　her　contempt　…　that　the　words　she　wrote　were　in　rebuke　to　the　brother　rather　than　to　the　man；　I　feel　my　guilt　and　deplore　my　anger。　　I　cannot　say　more。　　I　should　but　insult　your　grief　by　any　lengthy　expressions　of　regret　and　sorrow。〃

A　groan　of　intolerable　anguish　from　the　sick　man's　lips；　and　then　the　quick　thrust　of　his　re…awakened　intelligence　rising　superior　to　the　overthrow　of　all　his　hopes。

〃For　a　woman　of　Edith's　principle　to　seek　death　in　a　moment　of　desperation；　the　provocation　must　have　been　very　great。　　Tell　me　if　I'm　to　hate　you　through　life　…　yea　through　all　eternity　…　or　if　I　must　seek　in　some　unimaginable　failure　of　my　own　character　or　conduct　the　cause　of　her　intolerable　despair。〃

〃Oswald！〃　　The　tone　was　controlling；　and　yet　that　of　one　strong　man　to　another。　　〃Is　it　for　us　to　read　the　heart　of　any　woman；　least　of　all　of　a　woman　of　her　susceptibilities　and　keen　inner　life？　　The　wish　to　end　all　comes　to　some　natures　like　a　lightning　flash　from　a　clear　sky。　　It　comes；　it　goes；　often　without　leaving　a　sign。　　But　if　a　weapon　chances　to　be　near　…（here　it　was　in　hand）…　then　death　follows　the　impulse　which；　given　an　instant　of　thought；　would　have　vanished　in　a　back　sweep　of　other　emotions。　　Chance　was　the　real　accessory　to　this　death　by　suicide。　　Oswald；　let　us　realise　it　as　such　and　accept　our　sorrow　as　a　mutual　burden　and　turn　to　what　remains　to　us　of　life　and　labour。　　Work　is　grief's　only　consolation。　Then　let　us　work。〃

But　of　all　this　Oswald　had　caught　but　the　one　word。

〃　Chance？〃　he　repeated。　　〃Orlando；　I　believe　in　God。〃

〃Then　seek　your　comfort　there。　　I　find　it　in　harnessing　the　winds；　in　forcing　the　powers　of　nature　to　do　my　bidding。〃

The　other　did　not　speak；　and　the　silence　grew　heavy。　　It　was　broken；　when　it　was　broken；　by　a　cry　from　Oswald：

〃No　more；〃　said　he；　〃no　more。〃　　Then；　in　a　yearning　accent；　〃Send　Doris　to　me；〃

Orlando　started。　　This　name　coming　so　close　upon　that　word　comfort　produced　a　strange　effect　upon　him。　　But　another　look　at　Oswald　and　he　was　ready　to　do　his　bidding。　　The　bitter　ordeal　was　over；　let　him　have　his　solace　if　it　was　in　her　power　to　give　it　to　him。

Orlando；　upon　leaving　his　brother's　room；　did　not　stop　to　deliver　that　brother's　message　directly　to　Doris；　he　left　this　for　Truda　to　do；　and　retired　immediately　to　his　hangar　in　the　woods。　　Locking　himself　in；　he　slightly　raised　the　roof　and　then　sat　down　before　the　car　which　was　rapidly　taking　on　shape　and　assuming　that　individuality　and　appearance　of　sentient　life　which　hitherto　he　had　only　seen　in　dreams。　　But　his　eye；　which　had　never　failed　to　kindle　at　this　sight　before；　shone　dully　in　the　semi…gloom。　　The　air…car　could　wait；　he　would　first　have　his　hour　in　this　solitude　of　his　own　making。　　The　gaze　he　dreaded；　the　words　from　which　he　shrank　could　not　penetrate　here。　　He　might　even　shout　her　name　aloud；　and　only　these　windowless　walls　would　respond。　　He　was　alone　with　his　past；　his　present　and　his　future。

Alone！

He　needed　to　be。　　The　strongest　must　pause　when　the　precipice　yawns　before　him。　　The　gulf　can　be　spanned；　he　feels　himself　forceful　enough　for　that；　but　his　eyes　must　take　their　measurement　of　it　first；　he　must　know　its　depths　and　possible　dangers。　　Only　a　fool　would　ignore　these　steeps　of　jagged　rock；　and　he　was　no　fool；　only　a　man　to　whom　the　unexpected　had　happened；　a　man　who　had　seen　his　way　clear　to　the　horizon　and　then　had　come　up　against　this！　　Love；　when　he　thought　such　folly　dead！　　Remorse；　when　Glory　called　for　the　quiet　mind　and　heart！　　　　He　recognised　its　mordant　fang；　and　knew　that　its　ravages；　though　only　just　begun；　would　last　his　lifetime。　　Nothing　could　stop　them　now；　nothing；　nothing。　　And　he　laughed；　as　the　thought　went　home；　laughed　at　the　irony　of　fate　and　its　inexorableness；　laughed　at　his　own　defeat　and　his　nearness　to　a　barred　Paradise。　　Oswald　loved　Edith；　loved　her　yet；　with　a　flame　time　would　take　long　to　quench。　　Doris　loved　Oswald　and　he　Doris；　and　not　one　of　them　would　ever　attain　the　delights　each　was　so　fitted　to　enjoy。　　Why　shouldn't　he　laugh？　　What　is　left　to　man　but　mockery　when　all　props　fall？　　Disappointment　was　the　universal　lot；　and　it　should　go　merrily　with　him　if　he　must　take　his　turn　at　it。　　But　here　the　strong　spirit　of　the　man　re…asserted　itself；　it　should　be　but　a　turn。　　A　man's　joys　are　not　bounded　by　his　loves　or　even　by　the　satisfaction　of　a　perfectly　untrammelled　mind。　　Performance　makes　a　world　of　its　own　for　the　capable　and　the　strong；　and　this　was　still　left　to　him。　　He；　Orlando　Brotherson；　despair　while　his　great　work　lay　unfinished！　　That　would　be　to　lay　stress　on　the　inevitable　pains　and　fears　of　commonplace　humanity。　He　was　not　of　that　ilk。　　Intellect　was　his　god；　ambition　his　motive　power。　　What　would　this　casual　blight　upon　his　supreme　contentment　be　to　him；　when　with　the　wings　of　his　air…car　spread；　he　should　spurn　the　earth　and　soar　into　the　heaven　of　fame　simultaneously　with　his　flight　into　the　open。

He　could　wait　for　that　hour。　　He　had　measured　the　gulf　before　him　and　found　it　passable。　　Henceforth　no　looking　back。

Rising；　he　stood　for　a　moment　gazing；　with　an　alert　eye　now；　upon　such　sections　of　his　car　as　had　not　yet　been　fitted　into　their　places；　then　he　bent　forward　to　his　work；　and　soon　the　lips　which　had　uttered　that　sardonic　laugh　a　few　minutes　before；　parted　in　gentler　fashion；　and　song　took　the　place　of　curses　…　a　ballad　of　love　and　fondest　truth。　　But　Orlando　never　knew　what　he　sang。　　He　had　the　gift　and　used　it。

Would　his　tones；　however；　have　rung　out　with　quite　so　mellow　a　sweetness　had　he　seen　the　restless　figure　even　then　circling　his　retreat　with　eyes　darting　accusation　and　arms　lifted　towards　him　in　wild　but　impotent　threat？

Yes；　I　think　they　would；　for　he　knew　that　the　man　who　thus　expressed　his　helplessness　along　with　his　convictions；　was　no　nearer　the　end　he　had　set　himself　to　attain　than　on　the　day　he　first　betrayed　his　suspicions。



XXXIV

THE　HUT　CHANGES　ITS　NAME


That　night　Oswald　was　taken　very　ill。　　For　three　days　his　life　hung　in　the　balance；　then　youth　and　healthy　living　triumphed　over　shock　and　bereavement；　and　he　came　slowly　back　to　his　sad　and　crippled　existence。

He　had　been　conscious　for　a　week　or　more　of　his　surroundings；　and　of　his　bitter　sorrows　as　well；　when　　one　morning　he　asked　Doris　whose　face　it　was　he　had　seen　bending　over　him　so　often　during　the　last　week：　〃Have　you　a　new　doctor？　　A　man　with　white　hair　and　a　comforting　smile？　　Or　have　I　dreamed　this　face？　　I　have　had　so　many　fancies　this　might　easily　be　one　of　them。〃

〃No；　it　is　not　a　fancy；〃　was　the　quiet　reply。　　〃Nor　is　it　the　face　of　a　doctor。　　It　is　that　of　　friend。　　One　whose　heart　is　bound　up　in　your　recovery；　one　for　whom　you　must　live；　Mr。　Brotherson。〃

〃I　don't　know　him；　Doris。　　It's　a　strange　face　to　me。　　And　yet；　it's　not　altogether　strange。　　Who　is　this　man　and　why　should　he　care　for　me　so　deeply？〃

〃Because　you　share　one　love　and　one　grief。　　It　is　Edith's　father　whom　you　see　at　your　bedside。　　He　has　helped　to　nurse　you　ever　since　you　came　down　this　second　time。〃

〃Edith's　father！　　Doris；　it　cannot　be。　　Edith's　father！〃

〃Yes；　Mr。　Challoner　has　been　in　Derby　for　the　last　two　weeks。　　He　has　only　one　interest　now；　to　see　you　well　again。〃

〃Why？〃

Doris　caught　the　note　of　pain；　if　not　suspicion；　in　this　query；　and　smiled　as　she　asked　in　turn：

〃Shall　he　answer　that　question　himself？　　He　is　waiting　to　come　in。　Not　to　talk。　　You　need　not　fear　his　talking。　　He's　as　quiet　as　any　man　I　ever　saw。〃

The　sick　man　closed　his　eyes；　and　Doris　watching；　saw　the　flush　rise　to　his　emaciated　cheek；　then　slowly　fade　away　again　to　a　pallor　that　frightened　her。　　Had　she　injured　where　she　would　heal？　　Had　she　pressed　too　suddenly　and　too　hard　on　the　ever　gaping　wound　in　her　invalid's　breast？　　She　gasped　in　terror　at　the　thought；　then　she　faintly　smiled；　for　his　eyes　had　opened　again　and　showed　a　calm　determination　as　he　said：

〃I　should　like　to　see　him。　　I　should　like　him　to　answer　the　question　I　have　just　put　you。　　I　should　rest　easier　and　get　well　faster　…　or　not　get　well　at　all。〃

This　latter　he　half　whispered；　and　Doris；　tripping　from　the　room　may　not　have　heard　it；　for　her　face　showed　no　further　shadow　as　she　ushered　in　Mr。　Challoner；　and　closed　the　door　behind　him。　　She　had　looked　forward　to　this　moment　for　days。　　To　Oswald；　however；　it　was　an　unexpected　excitement　and　his　voice　trembled　with　something　more　than　physical　weakness　as　he　greeted　his　visitor　and　　thanked　him　for　his　attentions。

〃Doris　says　that　you　have　shown　me　this　kindness　from　the　desire　you　have　to　see　me　well　again　Mr。　Challoner。　　Is　this　true？〃

〃Very　true。　　I　cannot　emphasise　the　fact　too　strongly。〃

Oswald's　eyes　met　his　again；　this　time　with　great　earnestness。

〃You　must　have　serious　reasons　for　feeling　so　…　reasons　which　I　do　not　quite　understand。　　May　I　ask　why　you　place　such　value　upon　a　life　which；　if　ever　useful　to　itself　or　others；　has　lost　and　lost　forever；　the　one　delight　which　gave　it　meaning？〃

It　was　for　Mr。　Challoner's　voice　to　tremble　now；　as　reaching　out　his　hand；　he　declared；　with　unmistakable　feeling：

〃I　have　no　son。　　I　have　no　interest　left　in　life；　outside　this　room　and　the　possibilities　it　contains　for　me。　　Your　attachment　to　my　daughter　has　created　a　bond　between　us；　Mr。　Brotherson；　which　I　sincerely　hope　to　see　recognised　by　you。〃

Startled　and　deeply　moved；　the　young　man　stretched　out　a　shaking　hand　towards　his　visitor；　with　the　feeble　but　exulting　cry：

〃Then　you　do　not　blame　me　for　her　wretched　and　mysterious　death。　You　hold　me　guiltless　of　the　misery　whi