letters of two brides-第4部分

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which　separates　a　Carmelite　sister　from　a　girl　in　society。　Of
ourselves　we　could　never　have　conceived　it。

During　this　lunch　my　father　seemed　absent…minded；　and　we　left　him　to
his　thoughts；　he　is　deep　in　the　King's　confidence。　I　was　entirely
forgotten；　but；　from　what　I　have　seen；　I　have　no　doubt　he　will
remember　me　when　he　has　need　of　me。　He　is　a　very　attractive　man　in
spite　of　his　fifty　years。　His　figure　is　youthful；　he　is　well　made；
fair；　and　extremely　graceful　in　his　movements。　He　has　a　diplomatic
face；　at　once　dumb　and　expressive；　his　nose　is　long　and　slender；　and
he　has　brown　eyes。

What　a　handsome　pair！　Strange　thoughts　assail　me　as　it　becomes　plain
to　me　that　these　two；　so　perfectly　matched　in　birth；　wealth；　and
mental　superiority；　live　entirely　apart；　and　have　nothing　in　common
but　their　name。　The　show　of　unity　is　only　for　the　world。

The　cream　of　the　Court　and　diplomatic　circles　were　here　last　night。
Very　soon　I　am　going　to　a　ball　given　by　the　Duchesse　de　Maufrigneuse；
and　I　shall　be　presented　to　the　society　I　am　so　eager　to　know。　A
dancing…master　is　coming　every　morning　to　give　me　lessons；　for　I　must
be　able　to　dance　in　a　month；　or　I　can't　go　to　the　ball。

Before　dinner；　my　mother　came　to　talk　about　the　governess　with　me。　I
have　decided　to　keep　Miss　Griffith；　who　was　recommended　by　the　English
ambassador。　Miss　Griffith　is　the　daughter　of　a　clergyman；　her　mother
was　of　good　family；　and　she　is　perfectly　well　bred。　She　is　thirty…six；
and　will　teach　me　English。　The　good　soul　is　quite　handsome　enough　to
have　ambitions；　she　is　Scotchpoor　and　proudand　will　act　as　my
chaperon。　She　is　to　sleep　in　Rose's　room。　Rose　will　be　under　her
orders。　I　saw　at　a　glance　that　my　governess　would　be　governed　by　me。
In　the　six　days　we　have　been　together；　she　has　made　very　sure　that　I
am　the　only　person　likely　to　take　an　interest　in　her；　while；　for　my
part；　I　have　ascertained　that；　for　all　her　statuesque　features；　she
will　prove　accommodating。　She　seems　to　me　a　kindly　soul；　but　cautious。
I　have　not　been　able　to　extract　a　word　of　what　passed　between　her　and
my　mother。

Another　trifling　piece　of　news！　My　father　has　this　morning　refused　the
appointment　as　Minister　of　State　which　was　offered　him。　This　accounts
for　his　preoccupied　manner　last　night。　He　says　he　would　prefer　an
embassy　to　the　worries　of　public　debate。　Spain　in　especial　attracts
him。

This　news　was　told　me　at　lunch；　the　one　moment　of　the　day　when　my
father；　mother；　and　brother　see　each　other　in　an　easy　way。　The
servants　then　only　come　when　they　are　rung　for。　The　rest　of　the　day　my
brother；　as　well　as　my　father；　spends　out　of　the　house。　My　mother　has
her　toilet　to　make；　between　two　and　four　she　is　never　visible；　at　four
o'clock　she　goes　out　for　an　hour's　drive；　when　she　is　not　dining　out；
she　receives　from　six　to　seven；　and　the　evening　is　given　to
entertainments　of　various　kindstheatres；　balls；　concerts；　at　homes。
In　short；　her　life　is　so　full；　that　I　don't　believe　she　ever　has　a
quarter　of　an　hour　to　herself。　She　must　spend　a　considerable　time
dressing　in　the　morning；　for　at　lunch；　which　takes　place　between
eleven　and　twelve；　she　is　exquisite。　The　meaning　of　the　things　that
are　said　about　her　is　dawning　on　me。　She　begins　the　day　with　a　bath
barely　warmed；　and　a　cup　of　cold　coffee　with　cream；　then　she　dresses。
She　is　never；　except　on　some　great　emergency；　called　before　nine
o'clock。　In　summer　there　are　morning　rides；　and　at　two　o'clock　she
receives　a　young　man　whom　I　have　never　yet　contrived　to　see。

Behold　our　family　life！　We　meet　at　lunch　and　dinner；　though　often　I　am
alone　with　my　mother　at　this　latter　meal；　and　I　foresee　that　still
oftener　I　shall　take　it　in　my　own　rooms　（following　the　example　of　my
grandmother）　with　only　Miss　Griffith　for　company；　for　my　mother
frequently　dines　out。　I　have　ceased　to　wonder　at　the　indifference　my
family　have　shown　to　me。　In　Paris；　my　dear；　it　is　a　miracle　of　virtue
to　love　the　people　who　live　with　you；　for　you　see　little　enough　of
them；　as　for　the　absentthey　do　not　exist！

Knowing　as　this　may　sound；　I　have　not　yet　set　foot　in　the　streets；　and
am　deplorably　ignorant。　I　must　wait　till　I　am　less　of　the　country
cousin　and　have　brought　my　dress　and　deportment　into　keeping　with　the
society　I　am　about　to　enter；　the　whirl　of　which　amazes　me　even　here；
where　only　distant　murmurs　reach　my　ear。　So　far　I　have　not　gone　beyond
the　garden；　but　the　Italian　opera　opens　in　a　few　days；　and　my　mother
has　a　box　there。　I　am　crazy　with　delight　at　the　thought　of　hearing
Italian　music　and　seeing　French　acting。

Already　I　begin　to　drop　convent　habits　for　those　of　society。　I　spend
the　evening　writing　to　you　till　the　moment　for　going　to　bed　arrives。
This　has　been　postponed　to　ten　o'clock；　the　hour　at　which　my　mother
goes　out；　if　she　is　not　at　the　theatre。　There　are　twelve　theatres　in
Paris。

I　am　grossly　ignorant　and　I　read　a　lot；　but　quite　indiscriminately；
one　book　leading　to　another。　I　find　the　names　of　fresh　books　on　the
cover　of　the　one　I　am　reading；　but　as　I　have　no　one　to　direct　me；　I
light　on　some　which　are　fearfully　dull。　What　modern　literature　I　have
read　all　turns　upon　love；　the　subject　which　used　to　bulk　so　largely　in
our　thoughts；　because　it　seemed　that　our　fate　was　determined　by　man
and　for　man。　But　how　inferior　are　these　authors　to　two　little　girls；
known　as　Sweetheart　and　Darlingotherwise　Renee　and　Louise。　Ah！　my
love；　what　wretched　plots；　what　ridiculous　situations；　and　what
poverty　of　sentiment！　Two　books；　however；　have　given　me　wonderful
pleasure/Corinne/　and　/Adolphe/。　Apropos　of　this；　I　asked　my　father
one　day　whether　it　would　be　possible　for　me　to　see　Mme。　de　Stael。　My
father；　mother；　and　Alphonse　all　burst　out　laughing；　and　Alphonse
said：

〃Where　in　the　world　has　she　sprung　from？〃

To　which　my　father　replied：

〃What　fools　we　are！　She　springs　from　the　Carmelites。〃

〃My　child；　Mme。　de　Stael　is　dead；〃　said　my　mother　gently。

When　I　finished　/Adolphe/；　I　asked　Miss　Griffith　how　a　woman　could　be
betrayed。

〃Why；　of　course；　when　she　loves；〃　was　her　reply。

Renee；　tell　me；　do　you　think　we　could　be　betrayed　by　a　man？

Miss　Griffith　has　at　last　discerned　that　I　am　not　an　utter　ignoramus；
that　I　have　somewhere　a　hidden　vein　of　knowledge；　the　knowledge　we
learned　from　each　other　in　our　random　arguments。　She　sees　that　it　is
only　superficial　facts　of　which　I　am　ignorant。　The　poor　thing　has
opened　her　heart　to　me。　Her　curt　reply　to　my　question；　when　I　compare
it　with　all　the　sorrows　I　can　imagine；　makes　me　feel　quite　creepy。
Once　more　she　urged　me　not　to　be　dazzled　by　the　glitter　of　society；　to
be　always　on　my　guard；　especially　against　what　most　attracted　me。　This
is　the　sum…total　of　her　wisdom；　and　I　can　get　nothing　more　out　of　her。
Her　lectures；　therefore；　become　a　trifle　monotonous；　and　she　might　be
compared　in　this　respect　to　the　bird　which　has　only　one　cry。



III

THE　SAME　TO　THE　SAME
December。

My　Darling；Here　I　am　ready　to　make　my　bow　to　the　world。　By　way　of
preparation　I　have　been　trying　to　commit　all　the　follies　I　could　think
of　before　sobering　down　for　my　entry。　This　morning；　I　have　seen
myself；　after　many　rehearsals；　well　and　duly　equippedstays；　shoes；
curls；　dress；　ornaments；all　in　order。　Following　the　example　of
duelists　before　a　meeting；　I　tried　my　arms　in　the　privacy　of　my
chamber。　I　wanted　to　see　how　I　would　look；　and　had　no　difficulty　in
discovering　a　certain　air　of　victory　and　triumph；　bound　to　carry　all
before　it。　I　mustered　all　my　forces；　in　accordance　with　that　splendid
maxim　of　antiquity；　〃Know　thyself！〃　and　boundless　was　my　delight　in
thus　making　my　own　acquaintance。　Griffith　was　the　sole　spectator　of
this　doll's　play；　in　which　I　was　at　once　doll　and　child。　You　think　you
know　me？　You　are　hugely　mistaken。

Here　is　a　portrait；　then；　Renee；　of　your　sister；　formerly　disguised　as
a　Carmelite；　now　brought　to　life　again　as　a　frivolous　society　girl。
She　is　one　of　the　greatest　beauties　in　FranceProvence；　of　course；
excepted。　I　don't　see　that　I　can　give　a　more　accurate　summary　of　this
interesting　topic。

True；　I　have　my　weak　points；　but　were　I　a　man；　I　should　adore　them。
They　arise　from　what　is　most　promising　in　me。　When　you　have　spent　a
fortnight　admiring　the　exquisite　curves　of　your　mother's　arms；　and
that　mother　the　Duchesse　de　Chaulieu；　it　is　impossible；　my　dear；　not
to　deplore　your　own　angular　elbows。　Yet　there　is　consolation　in
observing　the　fineness　of　the　wrist；　and　a　certain　grace　of　line　in
those　hollows；　which　will　yet　fill　out　and　show　plump；　round；　and　well
modeled；　under　the　satiny　skin。　The　somewhat　crude　outline　of　the　arms
is　seen　again　in　the　shoulders。　Strictly　speaking；　indeed；　I　have　no
shoulders；　but　only　two　bony　blades；　standing　out　in　harsh　relief。　My
figure　also　lacks　pliancy；　there　is　a　stiffness　about　the　side　lines。

Poof！　There's　the　worst　out。　But　then　the　contours　are　bold　and
delicate；　the　bright；　pure　flame　of　health　bites　into　the　vigorous
lines；　a　flood　of　life　and　of　blue　blood　pulses　under　the　transparent
skin；　and　the　fairest　daughter　of　Eve　would　seem　a　Negress　beside　me！
I　have　the　foot　of　a　gazelle！　My　joints　are　finely　turned；　my　features
of　a　Greek　correctness。　It　is　true；　madame；　that　the　flesh　tints　do
not　melt　into　each　other；　but；　at　least；　they　stand　out　clear　and
bright。　In　short；　I　am　a　very　pretty　green　fruit；　with　all　the　charm
of　unripeness。　I　see　a　great　likeness　to　the　face　in　my　aunt's　old
missal；　which　rises　out　of　a　violet　lily。

There　is　no　silly　weakness　in　the　blue　of　my　insolent　eyes；　the　white
is　pure　mother…of…pearl；　prettily　marked　with　tiny　veins；　and　the
thick；　long　lashes　fall　like　a　silken　fringe。　My　forehead　sparkles；
and　the　hair　grows　deliciously；　it　ripples　into　waves　of　pale　gold；
growing　browner　towards　the　centre；　whence　escape　little　rebel　locks；
which　alone　would　tell　that　my　fairness　is　not　of　the　insipid　and
hysterical　type。　I　am　a　tropical　blonde；　with　plenty　of　blood　in　my
veins；　a　blonde　more　apt　to　strike　than　to　turn　the　cheek。　What　do　you
think　the　hairdresser　proposed？　He　wanted；　if　you　please；　to　smooth　my
hair　into　two　bands；　and　place　over　my　forehead　a　pearl；　kept　in　place
by　a　gold　chain！　He　s