hemingway, ernest - for whom the bell tolls-第67部分
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〃I am glad thou hast never been married；〃 she said。 〃But I am glad thou knowest about such things as you have told me for that means thou hast been with many women and the Pilar told me that it is only such men who are possible for husbands。 But thou wilt not run with other women now？ Because it would kill me。〃
〃I have never run with many women；〃 he said； truly。 〃Until thee I did not think that I could love one deeply。〃
She stroked his cheeks and then held her hands clasped behind his head。 〃Thou must have known very many。〃
〃Not to love them。〃
〃Listen。 The Pilar told me something〃
〃Say it。〃
〃No。 It is better not to。 Let us talk again about Madrid。〃
〃What was it you were going to say？〃
〃I do not wish to say it。〃
〃Perhaps it would be better to say it if it could be important。〃
〃You think it is important？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃But how can you know when you do not know what it is？〃
〃From thy manner。〃
〃I will not keep it from you then。 The Pilar told me that we would all die tomorrow and that you know it as well as she does and that you give it no importance。 She said this not in criticism but in admiration。〃
〃She said that？〃 he said。 The crazy bitch； he thought； and he said； 〃That is more of her gypsy manure。 That is the way old market women and caf椤owards talk。 That is manuring obscenity。〃 He felt the sweat that came from under his armpits and slid down between his arm and his side and he said to himself； So you are scared； eh？ and aloud he said； 〃She is a manure…mouthed superstitious bitch。 Let us talk again of Madrid。〃
〃Then you know no such thing？〃
〃Of course not。 Do not talk such manure；〃 he said； using a stronger； ugly word。
But this time when he talked about Madrid there was no slipping into make…believe again。 Now he was just lying to his girl and to himself to pass the night before battle and he knew it。 He liked to do it； but all the luxury of the acceptance was gone。 But he started again。
〃I have thought about thy hair；〃 he said。 〃And what we can do about it。 You see it grows now all over thy head the same length like the fur of an animal and it is lovely to feel and I love it very much and it is beautiful and it flattens and rises like a wheatfield in the wind when I pass my hand over it。〃
〃Pass thy hand over it。〃
He did and left his hand there and went on talking to her throat； as he felt his own throat swell。 〃But in Madrid I thought we could go together to the coiffeur's and they could cut it neatly on the sides and in the back as they cut mine and that way it would look better in the town while it is growing out。〃
〃I would look like thee；〃 she said and held him close to her。 〃And then I never would want to change it。〃
〃Nay。 It will grow all the time and that will only be to keep it neat at the start while it is growing long。 How long will it take it to grow long？〃
〃Really long？〃
〃No。 I mean to thy shoulders。 It is thus I would have thee wear it。〃
〃As Garbo in the cinema？〃
〃Yes；〃 he said thickly。
Now the making believe was coming back in a great rush and he would take it all to him。 It had him now； and again he surrendered and went on。 〃So it will hang straight to thy shoulders and curl at the ends as a wave of the sea curls； and it will be the color of ripe wheat and thy face the color of burnt gold and thine eyes the only color they could be with thy hair and thy skin； gold with the dark flecks in them； and I will push thy head back and look in thy eyes and hold thee tight against me〃
〃Where？〃
〃Anywhere。 Wherever it is that we are。 How long will it take for thy hair to grow？〃
〃I do not know because it never had been cut before。 But I think in six months it should be long enough to hang well below my ears and in a year as long as thou couldst ever wish。 But do you know what will happen first？〃
〃Tell me。〃
〃We will be in the big clean bed in thy famous room in our famous hotel and we will sit in the famous bed together and look into the mirror of the _armoire_ and there will be thee and there will be me in the glass and then I will turn to thee thus； and put my arms around thee thus； and then I will kiss thee thus。〃
Then they lay quiet and close together in the night； hot…aching； rigid； close together and holding her； Robert Jordan held closely too all those things that he knew could never happen； and he went on with it deliberately and said； 〃Rabbit； we will not always live in that hotel。〃
〃Why not？〃
〃We can get an apartment in Madrid on that street that runs along the Parque of the Buen Retiro。 I know an American woman who furnished apartments and rented them before the movement and I know how to get such an apartment for only the rent that was paid before the movement。 There are apartments there that face on the park and you can see all of the park from the windows； the iron fence； the gardens； and the gravel walks and the green of the lawns where they touch the gravel； and the trees deep with shadows and the many fountains； and now the chestnut trees will be in bloom。 In Madrid we can walk in the park and row on the lake if the water is back in it now。〃
〃Why would the water be out？〃
〃They drained it in November because it made a mark to sight from when the planes came over for bombing。 But I think that the water is back in it now。 I am not sure。 But even if there is no water in it we can walk through all the park away from the lake and there is a part that is like a forest with trees from all parts of the world with their names on them； with placards that tell what trees they are and where they came from。〃
〃I would almost as soon go the cinema；〃 Maria said。 〃But the trees sound very interesting and I will learn them all with thee if I can remember them。〃
〃They are not as in a museum；〃 Robert Jordan said。 〃They grow naturally and there are hills in the park and part of the park is like a jungle。 Then below it there is the book fair where along the sidewalks there are hundreds of booths with second…hand books in them and now； since the movement； there are many books； stolen in the looting of the houses which have been bombed and from the houses of the fascists； and brought to the book fair by those who stole them。 I could spend all day every day at the stalls of the book fair as I once did in the days before the movement； if I ever could have any time in Madrid。〃
〃While thou art visiting the book fair I will occupy myself with the apartment；〃 Maria said。 〃Will we have enough money for a servant？〃
〃Surely。 I can get Petra who is at the hotel if she pleases thee。 She cooks well and is clean。 I have eaten there with newspapermen that she cooks for。 They have electric stoves in their rooms。〃
〃If you wish her；〃 Maria said。 〃Or I can find some one。 But wilt thou not be away much with thy work？ They would not let me go with thee on such work as this。〃
〃Perhaps I can get work in Madrid。 I have done this work now for a long time and I have fought since the start of the movement。 It is possible that they would give me work now in Madrid。 I have never asked for it。 I have always been at the front or in such work as this。
〃Do you know that until I met thee I have never asked for anything？ Nor wanted anything？ Nor thought of anything except the movement and the winning of this war？ Truly I have been very pure in my ambitions。 I have worked much and now I love thee and；〃 he said it now in a complete embracing of all that would not be； 〃I love thee as I love all that we have fought for。 I love thee as I love liberty and dignity and the rights of all men to work and not be hungry。 I love thee as I love Madrid that we have defended and as I love all my comrades that have died。 And many have died。 Many。 Many。 Thou canst not think how many。 But I love thee as I love what I love most in the world and I love thee more。 I love thee very much； rabbit。 More than I can tell thee。 But I say this now to tell thee a little。 I have never had a wife and now I have thee for a wife and I am happy。〃
〃I will make thee as good a wife as I can；〃 Maria said。 〃Clearly I am not well trained but I will try to make up for that。 If we live in Madrid； good。 If we must live in any other place； good。 If we live nowhere and I can go with thee； better。 If we go to thy country I will learn to talk _Ingl閟_ like the most _Ingl閟_ that there is。 I will study all their manners and as they do so will I do。〃
〃Thou wilt be very comic。〃
〃Surely。 I will make mistakes but you will tell me and I will never make them twice； or maybe only twice。 Then in thy country if thou art lonesome for our food I can cook for thee。 And I will go to a school to learn to be a wife； if there is such a school； and study at it。〃
〃There are such schools but thou dost not need that schooling。〃
〃Pilar told me that she thought they existed in your country。 She had read of them in a periodical。 And she told me also that I must learn to speak _Ingl閟_ and to speak it well so thou wouldst never be ashamed of me。〃
〃When did she tell you this？〃
〃Today while we were packing。 Constantly she talked to me about what I should do to be thy wife。〃
I guess she was going to Madrid too； Robert Jordan thought； and said； 〃What else did she say？〃
〃She said I must take care of my body and guard the line of my figure as though I were a bullfighter。 She said this was of great importance。〃
〃It is；〃 Robert Jordan said。 〃But thou hast not to worry about that for many years。〃
〃No。 She said those of our race must watch that always as it can come suddenly。 She told me she was once as slender as I but that in those days women did not take exercise。 She told me what exercises I should take and that I must not eat too much。 She told me which things not to eat。 But I have forgotten and must ask her again。〃
〃Potatoes；〃 he said。
〃Yes；〃 she went on。 〃It was potatoes and things that are fried。 Also when I told her about this of the soreness she said I must not tell thee but must support the pain and not let thee know。 But I told thee because I do not wish to lie to thee ever and also I feared that thou might think we did not have the joy in common any longer and that other； as it was in the high country； had not truly happened。〃
〃It was right to tell me。〃
〃Truly？ For I am ashamed and I will do anything for thee that thou should wish。 Pil
