hemingway, ernest - for whom the bell tolls-第9部分

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〃Yet　you　have　killed。〃
〃Yes。　And　will　again。　But　if　I　live　later；　I　will　try　to　live　in　such　a　way；　doing　no　harm　to　any　one；　that　it　will　be　forgiven。〃
〃By　whom？〃
〃Who　knows？　Since　we　do　not　have　God　here　any　more；　neither　His　Son　nor　the　Holy　Ghost；　who　forgives？　I　do　not　know。〃
〃You　have　not　God　any　more？〃
〃No。　Man。　Certainly　not。　If　there　were　God；　never　would　He　have　permitted　what　I　have　seen　with　my　eyes。　Let　_them_　have　God。〃
〃They　claim　Him。〃
〃Clearly　I　miss　Him；　having　been　brought　up　in　religion。　But　now　a　man　must　be　responsible　to　himself。〃
〃Then　it　is　thyself　who　will　forgive　thee　for　killing。〃
〃I　believe　so；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃Since　you　put　it　clearly　in　that　way　I　believe　that　must　be　it。　But　with　or　without　God；　I　think　it　is　a　sin　to　kill。　To　take　the　life　of　another　is　to　me　very　grave。　I　will　do　it　whenever　necessary　but　I　am　not　of　the　race　of　Pablo。〃
〃To　win　a　war　we　must　kill　our　enemies。　That　has　always　been　true。〃
〃Clearly。　In　war　we　must　kill。　But　I　have　very　rare　ideas；〃　Anselmo　said。
They　were　walking　now　close　together　in　the　dark　and　he　spoke　softly；　sometimes　turning　his　head　as　he　climbed。　〃I　would　not　kill　even　a　Bishop。　I　would　not　kill　a　proprietor　of　any　kind。　I　would　make　them　work　each　day　as　we　have　worked　in　the　fields　and　as　we　work　in　the　mountains　with　the　timbet　all　of　the　rest　of　their　lives。　So　they　would　see　what　man　is　born　to。　That　they　should　sleep　where　we　sleep。　That　they　should　eat　as　we　eat。　But　above　all　that　they　should　work。　Thus　they　would　learn。〃
〃And　they　would　survive　to　enslave　thee　again。〃
〃To　kill　them　teaches　nothing；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃You　cannot　exterminate　them　because　from　their　seed　comes　more　with　greater　hatred。　Prison　is　nothing。　Prison　only　makes　hatred。　That　all　our　enemies　should　learn。〃
〃But　still　thou　hast　killed。〃
〃Yes；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃Many　times　and　will　again。　But　not　with　pleasure　and　regarding　it　as　a　sin。〃
〃And　the　sentry。　You　joked　of　killing　the　sentry。〃
〃That　was　in　joke。　I　would　kill　the　sentry。　Yes。　Certainly　and　with　a　clear　heart　considering　our　task。　But　not　with　pleasure。〃
〃We　will　leave　them　to　those　who　enjoy　it；〃　Robert　Jordan　said。　〃There　are　eight　and　five。　That　is　thirteen　for　those　who　enjoy　it。〃
〃There　are　many　of　those　who　enjoy　it；〃　Anselmo　said　in　the　dark。　〃We　have　many　of　those。　More　of　those　than　of　men　who　would　serve　for　a　battle。〃
〃Hast　thou　ever　been　in　a　battle？〃
〃Nay；〃　the　old　man　said。　〃We　fought　in　Segovia　at　the　start　of　the　movement　but　we　were　beaten　and　we　ran。　I　ran　with　the　others。　We　did　not　truly　understand　what　we　were　doing；　nor　how　it　should　be　done。　Also　I　had　only　a　shotgun　with　cartridges　of　large　buckshot　and　the　_guardia　civil_　had　Mausers。　I　could　not　hit　them　with　buckshot　at　a　hundred　yards；　and　at　three　hundred　yards　they　shot　us　as　they　wished　as　though　we　were　rabbits。　They　shot　much　and　well　and　we　were　like　sheep　before　them。〃　He　was　silent。　Then　asked；　〃Thinkest　thou　there　will　be　a　battle　at　the　bridge？〃
〃There　is　a　chance。〃
〃I　have　never　seen　a　battle　without　running；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃I　do　not　know　how　I　would　comport　myself。　I　am　an　old　man　and　I　have　wondered。〃
〃I　will　respond　for　thee；〃　Robert　Jordan　told　him。
〃And　hast　thou　been　in　many　battles？〃
〃Several。〃
〃And　what　thinkest　thou　of　this　of　the　bridge？〃
〃First　I　think　of　the　bridge。　That　is　my　business。　It　is　not　difficult　to　destroy　the　bridge。　Then　we　will　make　the　dispositions　for　the　rest。　For　the　preliminaries。　It　will　all　be　written。〃
〃Very　few　of　these　people　read；〃　Anselmo　said。
〃It　will　be　written　for　every　one's　knowledge　so　that　all　know；　but　also　it　will　be　clearly　explained。〃
〃I　will　do　that　to　which　I　am　assigned；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃But　remembering　the　shooting　in　Segovia；　if　there　is　to　be　a　battle　or　even　much　exchanging　of　shots；　I　would　wish　to　have　it　very　clear　what　I　must　do　under　all　circumstances　to　avoid　running。　I　remember　that　I　had　a　great　tendency　to　run　at　Segovia。〃
〃We　will　be　together；〃　Robert　Jordan　told　him。　〃I　will　tell　you　what　there　is　to　do　at　all　times。〃
〃Then　there　is　no　problem；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃I　can　do　anything　that　I　am　ordered。〃
〃For　us　will　be　the　bridge　and　the　battle；　should　there　be　one；〃　Robert　Jordan　said　and　saying　it　in　the　dark；　he　felt　a　little　theatrical　but　it　sounded　well　in　Spanish。
〃It　should　be　of　the　highest　interest；〃　Anselmo　said　and　hearing　him　say　it　honestly　and　clearly　and　with　no　pose；　neither　the　English　pose　of　understatement　nor　any　Latin　bravado；　Robert　Jordan　thought　he　was　very　lucky　to　have　this　old　man　and　having　seen　the　bridge　and　worked　out　and　simplified　the　problem　it　would　have　been　to　surprise　the　posts　and　blow　it　in　a　normal　way；　he　resented　Golz's　orders；　and　the　necessity　for　them。　He　resented　them　for　what　they　could　do　to　him　and　for　what　they　could　do　to　this　old　man。　They　were　bad　orders　all　right　for　those　who　would　have　to　carry　them　out。
And　that　is　not　the　way　to　think；　he　told　himself；　and　there　is　not　you；　and　there　are　no　people　that　things　must　not　happen　to。　Neither　you　nor　this　old　man　is　anything。　You　are　instruments　to　do　your　duty。　There　are　necessary　orders　that　are　no　fault　of　yours　and　there　is　a　bridge　and　that　bridge　can　be　the　point　on　which　the　future　of　the　human　race　can　turn。　As　it　can　turn　on　everything　that　happens　in　this　war。　You　have　only　one　thing　to　do　and　you　must　do　it。　Only　one　thing；　hell；　he　thought。　If　it　were　one　thing　it　was　easy。　Stop　worrying；　you　windy　bastard；　he　said　to　himself。　Think　about　something　else。
So　he　thought　about　the　girl　Maria；　with　her　skin；　the　hair　and　the　eyes　all　the　same　golden　tawny　brown；　the　hair　a　little　darker　than　the　rest　but　it　would　be　lighter　as　her　skin　tanned　deeper；　the　smooth　skin；　pale　gold　on　the　surface　with　a　darkness　underneath。　Smooth　it　would　be；　all　of　her　body　smooth；　and　she　moved　awkwardly　as　though　there　were　something　of　her　and　about　her　that　embarrassed　her　as　though　it　were　visible；　though　it　was　not；　but　only　in　her　mind。　And　she　blushed　with　he　looked　at　her；　and　she　sitting；　her　hands　clasped　around　her　knees　and　the　shirt　open　at　the　throat；　the　cup　of　her　breasts　uptilted　against　the　shirt；　and　as　he　thought　of　her；　his　throat　was　choky　and　there　was　a　difficulty　in　walking　and　he　and　Anselmo　spoke　no　more　until　the　old　man　said；　〃Now　we　go　down　through　these　rocks　and　to　the　camp。〃
As　they　came　through　the　rocks　in　the　dark；　a　man　spoke　to　them；　〃Halt。　Who　goes？〃　They　heard　a　rifle　bolt　snick　as　it　was　drawn　back　and　then　the　knock　against　the　wood　as　it　was　pushed　forward　and　down　on　the　stock。
〃Comrades；〃　Anselmo　said。
〃What　comrades？〃
〃Comrades　of　Pablo；〃　the　old　man　told　him。　〃Dost　thou　not　know　us？〃
〃Yes；〃　the　voice　said。　〃But　it　is　an　order。　Have　you　the　password？〃
〃No。　We　come　from　below。〃
〃I　know；〃　the　man　said　in　the　dark。　〃You　come　from　the　bridge。　　I　know　all　of　that。　The　order　is　not　mine。　You　must　know　the　second　half　of　a　password。〃
〃What　is　the　first　half　then？〃　Robert　Jordan　said。
〃I　have　forgotten　it；〃　the　man　said　in　the　dark　and　laughed。　〃Go　then　unprintably　to　the　campfire　with　thy　obscene　dynamite。〃
〃That　is　called　guerilla　discipline；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃Uncock　thy　piece。〃
〃It　is　uncocked；〃　the　man　said　in　the　dark。　〃I　let　it　down　with　my　thumb　and　forefinger。〃
〃Thou　wilt　do　that　with　a　Mauser　sometime　which　has　no　knurl　on　the　bolt　and　it　will　fire。〃
〃This　is　a　Mauser；〃　the　man　said。　〃But　I　have　a　grip　of　thumb　and　forefinger　beyond　description。　Always　I　let　it　down　that　way。〃
〃Where　is　the　rifle　pointed？〃　asked　Anselmo　into　the　dark。
〃At　thee；〃　the　man　said；　〃all　the　time　that　I　descended　the　bolt。　And　when　thou　comest　to　the　camp；　order　that　some　one　should　relieve　me　because　I　have　indescribable　and　unprintable　hunger　and　I　have　forgotten　the　password。〃
〃How　art　thou　called？〃　Robert　Jordan　asked。
〃Agust韓；〃　the　man　said。　〃I　am　called　Agust韓　and　I　am　dying　with　boredom　in　this　spot。〃
〃We　will　take　the　message；〃　Robert　Jordan　said　and　he　thought　how　the　word　_aburmiento_　which　means　boredom　in　Spanish　was　a　word　no　peasant　would　use　in　any　other　language。　Yet　it　is　one　of　the　most　common　words　in　the　mouth　of　a　Spaniard　of　any　class。
〃Listen　to　me；〃　Agust韓　said；　and　coming　close　he　put　his　hand　on　Robert　Jordan's　shoulder。　Then　striking　a　flint　and　steel　together　he　held　it　up　and　blowing　on　the　end　of　the　cork；　looked　at　the　young　man's　face　in　its　glow。
〃You　look　like　the　other　one；〃　he　said。　〃But　something　different。　Listen；〃　he　put　the　lighter　down　and　stood　holding　his　rifle。　〃Tell　me　this。　Is　it　true　about　the　bridge？〃
〃What　about　the　bridge？〃
〃That　we　blow　up　an　obscene　bridge　and　then　have　to　obscenely　well　obscenity　ourselves　off　out　of　these　mountains？〃
〃I　know　not。〃
〃_You_　know　not；〃　Agust韓　said。　〃What　a　barbarity！　Whose　then　is　the　dynamite？〃
〃Mine。〃
〃And　knowest　thou　not　what　it　is　for？　Don't　tell　me　tales。〃
〃I　know　what　it　is　for　and　so　will　you　in　time；〃　Robert　Jordan　said。　〃But　now　we　go　to　the　camp。〃
〃Go　to　the　unprintable；〃　Agust韓　said。　〃And　unprint　thyself。　But　do　you　want　me　to　tell　you　something　of　service　to　you？〃
〃Yes；〃　said　Robert　Jordan。　〃If　it　is　not　unprintable；〃　naming　the　principal　obscenity　that　had　larded　the　conversation。　The　man；　Agust韓；　spoke　so　obscenely；　coupling　an　obscenity　to　every　noun　as　an　adjective；　using　the　same　obscenity　as　a　verb；　that　Robert　Jordan　wondered　if　he　could　speak　a　straight　sentence。　Agust韓　laughed　in　the　dark　when　he　heard　the　word。　〃It　is　a　way　of　speaking　I　have。　Maybe　it　is　ugly。　Who　knows？　Each　one　speaks　according　to　his　manner。　Listen　to　me。　The　bridge　is　nothing　to　me。　As　well　the　bridge　as　another　thing。　Also　I　have　a　boredom　in　these　mountains。　That　we　should　go　if　it　is　needed。　These　mountains　say　nothing　to　me。　That　we　should　leave　them。　But　I　would　say　one　thing。　Guard　well　thy　explosive。〃
〃Thank　you；〃　Robert　Jordan　said。　〃From　thee？〃
〃No；〃　Agust韓　said。　〃From　people　less　unprintably　equipped　than　I。〃
〃So？〃　asked　Robert　Jordan。
〃You　understand　Spanish；〃　Agust韓　said　seriously　now。　〃Care　well　for　thy　unprintable　explosive。〃
〃Thank　you。〃
〃No。　Don't　thank　me。　Look　after　thy　stuff。〃
〃Has　anything　happened　to　it？〃
〃No；　or　I　would　no