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deceitful；　meaningless　visions　out　of　my　head。　
We　passed　Angela　Weber；　lingering　on　the　sidewalk；　discussing　an　assignment　
with　a　boy　from　her　Trigonometry　class。　　I　scanned　her　thoughts　perfunctorily；　expecting　
more　disappointment；　only　to　be　surprised　by　their　wistful　tenor。　
Ah；　so　there　was　something　Angela　wanted。　　Unfortunately；　it　wasn't　something　
that　could　be　easily　gift…wrapped。　
I　felt　strangely　comforted　for　a　moment；　hearing　Angela's　hopeless　yearning。　　A　
sense　of　kinship　that　Angela　would　never　know　about　passed　through　me；　and　I　was；　in　
that　second；　at　one　with　the　kind　human　girl。　
It　was　oddly　consoling　to　know　that　I　wasn't　the　only　one　living　out　a　tragic　love　
story。　　Heartbreak　was　everywhere。　
In　the　next　second；　I　was　abruptly　and　thoroughly　irritated。　　Because　Angela's　
story　didn't　have　to　be　tragic。　　She　was　human　and　he　was　human　and　the　difference　that　
seemed　so　insurmountable　in　her　head　was　ridiculous；　truly　ridiculous　compared　to　my　
own　situation。　　There　was　no　point　in　her　broken　heart。　　What　a　wasteful　sadness；　when　
there　was　no　valid　reason　for　her　not　to　be　with　the　one　she　wanted。　　Why　shouldn't　she　
have　what　she　wanted？　　Why　shouldn't　this　one　story　have　a　happy　ending？　
I　wanted　to　give　her　a　gift？　　Well；　I　would　give　her　what　she　wanted。　　Knowing　
what　I　did　of　human　nature；　it　probably　wouldn't　even　be　very　difficult。　　I　sifted　through　
the　consciousness　of　the　boy　beside　her；　the　object　of　her　affections；　and　he　did　not　seem　
unwilling；　he　was　just　stymied　by　the　same　difficulty　she　was。　　Hopeless　and　resigned；　
the　way　she　was。　
All　I　would　have　to　do　was　plant　the　suggestion？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
249　

The　plan　formed　easily；　the　script　wrote　itself　without　effort　on　my　part。　　I　would　
need　Emmett's　help—getting　him　to　go　along　with　this　was　the　only　real　difficulty。　
Human　nature　was　so　much　easier　to　manipulate　than　vampire　nature。　
I　was　pleased　with　my　solution；　with　my　gift　for　Angela。　　It　was　a　nice　diversion　
from　my　own　problems。　　Would　that　mine　were　as　easily　fixed。　
My　mood　was　slightly　improved　as　Bella　and　I　took　our　seats。　　Maybe　I　should　be　
more　positive。　　Maybe　there　was　some　solution　out　there　for　us　that　was　escaping　me；　the　
way　Angela's　obvious　solution　was　so　invisible　to　her。　　Not　likely？　　But　why　waste　time　
with　hopelessness？　　I　didn't　have　time　to　waste　when　it　came　to　Bella。　　Each　second　
mattered。　
Mr。　Banner　entered　pulling　an　ancient　TV　and　VCR。　　He　was　skipping　through　a　
section　he　wasn't　particularly　interested　in—genetic　disorders—by　showing　a　movie　for　
the　next　three　days。　　Lorenzo's　Oil　was　not　a　very　cheerful　piece；　but　that　didn't　stop　the　
excitement　in　the　room。　　No　notes；　no　test…able　material。　　Three　free　days。　　The　humans　
exulted。　
It　didn't　matter　to　me；　either　way。　　I　hadn't　been　planning　on　paying　any　attention　
to　anything　but　Bella。　
I　did　not　pull　my　chair　away　from　hers　today；　to　give　myself　space　to　breathe。　
Instead；　I　sat　close　beside　her　like　any　normal　human　would。　　Closer　than　we　sat　inside　
my　car；　close　enough　that　the　left　side　of　my　body　felt　submerged　in　the　heat　from　her　
skin。　
It　was　a　strange　experience；　both　enjoyable　and　nerve…racking；　but　I　preferred　this　
to　sitting　across　the　table　from　her。　　It　was　more　than　I　was　used　to；　and　yet　I　quickly　
realized　that　it　was　not　enough。　　I　was　not　satisfied。　　Being　this　close　to　her　only　made　me　
want　to　be　closer　still。　　The　pull　was　stronger　the　closer　I　got。　
I　had　accused　her　of　being　a　magnet　for　danger。　　Right　now；　it　felt　like　that　was　
the　literal　truth。　　I　was　danger；　and；　with　every　inch　I　allowed　myself　nearer　to　her；　her　
attraction　grew　in　force。　
And　then　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　out。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
250　

It　was　odd　how　much　of　a　difference　this　made；　considering　that　the　lack　of　light　
meant　little　to　my　eyes。　　I　could　still　see　just　as　perfectly　as　before。　　Every　detail　of　the　
room　was　clear。　
So　why　the　sudden　shock　of　electricity　in　the　air；　in　this　dark　that　was　not　dark　to　
me？　　Was　it　because　I　knew　that　I　was　the　only　one　who　could　see　clearly？　　That　both　
Bella　and　I　were　invisible　to　the　others？　　Like　we　were　alone；　just　the　two　of　us；　hidden　in　
the　dark　room；　sitting　so　close　beside　one　another？　
My　hand　moved　toward　her　without　my　permission。　　Just　to　touch　her　hand；　to　
hold　it　in　the　darkness。　　Would　that　be　such　a　horrific　mistake？　　If　my　skin　bothered　her；　
she　only　had　to　pull　away？　
I　yanked　my　hand　back；　folded　my　arms　tightly　across　my　chest　and　clenched　my　
hands　closed。　　No　mistakes。　　I'd　promised　myself　that　I　would　make　no　mistakes；　no　
matter　how　minimal　they　seemed。　　If　I　held　her　hand；　I　would　only　want　more—another　
insignificant　touch；　another　move　closer　to　her。　　I　could　feel　that。　　A　new　kind　of　desire　
was　growing　in　me；　working　to　override　my　self…control。　
No　mistakes。　
Bella　folded　her　arms　securely　across　her　own　chest；　and　her　hands　balled　up　into　
fists；　just　like　mine。　
What　are　you　thinking？　　I　was　dying　to　whisper　the　words　to　her；　but　the　room　
was　too　quiet　to　get　away　with　even　a　whispered　conversation。　
The　movie　began；　lightening　the　darkness　just　a　bit。　　Bella　glanced　up　at　me。　　She　
noted　the　rigid　way　I　held　my　body—just　like　hers—and　smiled。　　Her　lips　parted　slightly；　
and　her　eyes　seemed　full　of　warm　invitations。　
Or　perhaps　I　was　seeing　what　I　wanted　to　see。　
I　smiled　back；　her　breathing　caught　with　a　low　gasp　and　she　looked　quickly　away。　
That　made　it　worse。　　I　didn't　know　her　thoughts；　but　I　was　suddenly　positive　that　I　
had　been　right　before；　and　that　she　wanted　me　to　touch　her。　　She　felt　this　dangerous　desire　
just　as　I　did。　
Between　her　body　and　mine；　the　electricity　hummed。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
251　

She　didn't　move　all　through　the　hour；　holding　her　stiff；　controlled　pose　as　I　held　
mine。　　Occasionally　she　would　peek　at　me　again；　and　the　humming　current　would　jolt　
through　me　with　a　sudden　shock。　
The　hour　passed—slowly；　and　yet　not　slowly　enough。　　This　was　so　new；　I　could　
have　sat　like　this　with　her　for　days；　just　to　experience　the　feeling　fully。　
I　had　a　dozen　different　arguments　with　myself　while　the　minutes　passed；　
rationality　struggling　with　desire　as　I　tried　to　justify　touching　her。　
Finally；　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　on　again。　
In　the　bright　fluorescent　light；　the　atmosphere　of　the　room　returned　to　normal。　
Bella　sighed　and　stretched；　flexing　her　fingers　in　front　of　her。　　It　must　have　been　
uncomfortable　for　her　to　hold　that　position　for　so　long。　　It　was　easier　for　me—stillness　
came　naturally。　
I　chuckled　at　the　relieved　expression　on　her　face。　　〃Well；　that　was　interesting。〃　
〃Umm；〃　she　murmured；　clearly　understanding　what　I　referred　to；　but　making　no　
comment。　　What　I　wouldn't　give　to　hear　what　she　was　thinking　right　now。　
I　sighed。　　No　amount　of　wishing　was　going　to　help　with　that。　
〃Shall　we？〃　I　asked；　standing。　
She　made　a　face　and　got　unsteadily　to　her　feet；　her　hands　splayed　out　as　if　she　
were　afraid　she　was　going　to　fall。　
I　could　offer　her　my　hand。　　Or　I　could　place　that　hand　underneath　her　elbow—just　
lightly—and　steady　her。　　Surely　that　wouldn't　be　such　a　horrible　infraction？　
No　mistakes。　
She　was　very　quiet　as　we　walked　toward　the　gym。　　The　crease　was　in　evidence　
between　her　eyes；　a　sign　that　she　was　deep　in　thought。　　I；　too；　was　thinking　deeply。　
One　touch　of　her　skin　wouldn't　hurt　her；　my　selfish　side　contended。　
I　could　easily　moderate　the　pressure　of　my　hand。　　It　wasn't　exactly　difficult；　as　
long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control　of　myself。　　My　tactile　sense　was　better　developed　than　a　
human's；　I　could　juggle　a　dozen　crystal　goblets　without　breaking　any　of　them；　I　could　
stroke　a　soap　bubble　without　popping　it。　　As　long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control？　
Bella　was　like　a　soap　bubble—fragile　and　ephemeral。　　Temporary。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
252　

How　long　would　I　be　able　to　justify　my　presence　in　her　life？　　How　much　time　did　
I　have？　　Would　I　have　another　chance　like　this　chance；　like　this　moment；　like　this　second？　
She　would　not　always　be　within　my　arm's　reach？　
Bella　turned　to　face　me　at　the　gym's　door；　and　her　eyes　widened　at　the　expression　
on　my　face。　　She　didn't　speak。　　I　looked　at　myself　in　the　reflection　of　her　eyes　and　saw　
the　conflict　raging　in　my　own。　　I　watched　my　face　change　as　my　better　side　lost　the　
argument。　
My　hand　lifted　without　a　conscious　command　for　it　to　do　so。　　As　gently　as　if　she　
were　made　of　the　thinnest　glass；　as　if　she　were　fragile　as　a　bubble；　my　fingers　stroked　the　
warm　skin　that　covered　her　cheekbone。　　It　heated　under　my　touch；　and　I　could　feel　the　
pulse　of　blood　speed　beneath　her　transparent　skin。　
Enough；　I　ordered；　though　my　hand　was　aching　to　shape　itself　to　the　side　of　her　
face。　　Enough。　
It　was　difficult　to　pull　my　hand　back；　to　stop　myself　from　moving　closer　to　her　
than　I　already　was。　　A　thousand　different　possibilities　ran　through　my　mind　in　an　
instant—a　thousand　different　ways　to　touch　her。　　The　tip　of　my　finger　tracing　the　shape　of　
her　lips。　　My　palm　cupping　under　her　chin。　　Pulling　the　clip　from　her　hair　and　letting　it　
spill　out　across　my　hand。　　My　arms　winding　around　her　waist；　holding　her　against　the　
length　of　my　body。　
Enough。　
I　forced　myself　to　turn；　to　move　away　from　her。　　My　body　moved　stiffly—　
unwilling。　
I　let　my　mind　linger　behind　to　watch　her　as　I　walked　swiftly　away；　almost　running　
from　the　temptation。　　I　caught　Mike　Newton's　thoughts—they　were　the　loudest—while　
he　watched　Bella　walk　past　him　in　oblivion；　her　eyes　unfocused　and　her　cheeks　red。　　He　
glowered　and　suddenly　my　name　was　mingled　with　curses　in　his　head；　I　couldn't　help　
grinning　slightly　in　response。　
My　hand　was　tingling。　　I　flexed　it　and　then　curled　it　into　a　fist；　but　it　continued　to　
sting　painlessly。　
No；　I　hadn't　hurt　her—but　touching　her　had　still　been　a　mistake。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
253　

It　felt　like　fire—like　the　thirsting　burn　of　my　throat　had　spread　throughout　my　
entire　body。　
The　next　time　I　was　close　to　her；　would　I　be　able　to　stop　myself　from　touching　her　
again？　　And　if　I　touched　her　once；　would　I　be　able　to　stop　at　that？　
No　more