the captives-第51部分

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nscious　pulling　back　on　the　sudden　edge　of　a　dim　pit；　as　something　that　would　always　be　with　her　nowalways。　One　knows　that　in　the　second　stage　of　a　great　intimacy　one's　essential　loneliness　is　only　redoubled　by　close　companionship。　One　asks　for　so　much　more；　and　then　more　and　more；　but　that　final　embrace　is　elusive　and　no　physical　contact　can　surrender　it。　But　she　was　young　and　did　not　know　that　yet。　All　she　knew　was　that　she　would　have　to　face　these　immediate　troubles　alone；　that　she　would　not　see　him　for　perhaps　a　week；　that　she　would　not　know　what　his　people　at　home　were　doing；　and　that　she　must　not　let　any　of　these　thoughts　come　up　into　her　brain。　She　must　keep　them　all　back：　if　she　did　not；　she　would　tumble　into　some　foolish　precipitate　action。

When　she　reached　home　she　was　obstinate　and　determined。　At　once　she　found　that　something　was　the　matter。　During　luncheon　the　two　aunts　sat　like　statues　（Aunt　Elizabeth　a　dumpy　and　squat　one）。　Aunt　Anne's　aloofness　was　coloured　now　with　a　very　human　anger。　Maggie　realised　with　surprise　that　she　had　never　seen　her　angry　before。　She　had　been　indignant；　disapproving；　superior；　forbidding；　but　never　angry。　The　eyes　were　hard　now；　not　with　religious　reserve　but　simply　with　bad　temper。　The　mist　of　anger　dimmed　the　room；　it　was　in　the　potatoes　and　the　cold　dry　mutton；　especially　was　it　in　the　hard　pallid　knobs　of　cheese。　And　Aunt　Elizabeth；　although　she　was　frightened　by　her　sister's　anger　on　this　occasion；　shared　in　it。　She　pursed　her　lips　at　Maggie　and　moved　her　fat；　podgy　hand　as　though　she　would　like　to　smack　Maggie's　cheeks。

Maggie　was　frightenedreally　frightened。　The　line　of　bold　independence　was　all　very　well；　but　now　risks　were　attached　to　it。　If　she　swiftly　tossed　her　head　and　told　her　aunts　that　she　would　walk　out　of　the　house　they　might　say　〃Walk！〃　and　that　would　precipitate　Martin's　crisis。　She　knew　from　the　way　he　had　looked　at　her　that　morning　that　his　thoughts　were　with　his　father；　and　it　showed　that　she　had　travelled　through　the　first　stage　of　her　intimacy　with　him；　that　she　could　not　trust　him　to　put　her　before　his　own　family　troubles。　At　all　costs　she　must　keep　him　safe　through　these　next　difficult　weeks；　and　the　best　way　to　keep　him　safe　was　herself　to　remain　quietly　at　home。

Of　all　this　she　thought　as　she　swallowed　the　hostile　knobs　of　cheese　and　drank　the　tepid；　gritty　coffee。

She　followed　her　aunts　upstairs；　and　was　not　at　all　surprised　when　Aunt　Elizabeth；　with　an　agitated　murmur；　vanished　into　higher　regions。　She　followed　Aunt　Anne　into　the　drawing…room。

Aunt　Anne　sat　in　the　stiff…backed　tapestry　chair　by　the　fire。　Maggie　stood　in　front　of　her。　She　was　disarmed　at　that　all…important　moment　by　her　desperate　sensation　of　defenceless　loneliness。　It　was　as　though　half　of　herselfthe　man…half　of　herselfhad　left　her。　She　tried　to　summon　her　pluck　but　there　was　no　pluck　there。　She　could　only　want　Martin；　over　and　over　again　inside　herself。　Had　any　one　been；　ever　so　hopelessly　ALONE　before？

〃Maggie；　I　am　angry；〃　said　Aunt　Anne。　She　said　it　as　though　she　meant　it。　Amazing　how　human　this　strange　aloof　creature　had　become。　As　though　some　coloured　saint　bright　with　painted　wood　and　tinsel　before　whom　one　stood　in　reverence　slipped　down　suddenly　and　with　fingers　of　flesh　and　blood　struck　one's　face。　Her　cheeks　were　flushed；　her　beautiful　hands　were　no　longer　thin　but　were　hard　and　active。

〃What　have　I　done；　aunt？〃　asked　Maggie。

〃You　have　not　treated　us　fairly。　My　sister　and　I　have　done　everything　for　you。　You　have　not　made　it　especially　easy　for　us　in　any　way；　but　we　have　tried　to　give　you　what　you　wanted。　You　have　repaid　is　with　ingratitude。〃

She　paused；　but　Maggie　said　nothing。　She　went　on：

〃Latelythese　last　three　weekswe　have　given　you　complete　liberty。　I　advised　that　strongly　against　my　sister's　opinion　because　I　thought　you　weren't　happy。　You　didn't　make　friends　amongst　our　friends；　and　I　thought　you　should　have　the　chance　of　finding　some　who　were　younger　and　gayer　than　we　were。　Then　I　thought　we　could　trust　you。　You　have　many　faults；　but　I　believed　that　you　were　honest。〃

〃I　am　honest！〃　Maggie　broke　in。　Her　aunt　went　on：

〃You　have　used　the　liberty　we　gave　you　during　these　weeks　to　make　yourself　the　talk　of　our　friends。　You　have　been　meeting　Mr。　Martin　Warlock　secretly　every　day。　You　have　been　alone　with　him　in　the　Park　and　at　the　theatre。　I　know　that　you　are　young　and　very　ignorant。　You　could　not　have　known　that　Martin　Warlock　is　a　man　with　whom　no　girl　who　respects　herself　would　be　seen　alone〃

〃That　is　untrue！〃　Maggie　flamed　out。

〃and；〃　went　on　Aunt　Anne；　〃we　would　have　forgiven　that。　It　is　your　deceit　to　ourselves　that　we　cannot　forget。　Day　after　day　you　were　meeting　him　and　pretending　that　you　went　to　your　other　friends。　I　am　disappointed　in　you；　bitterly　disappointed。　I　saw　from　the　first　that　you　did　not　mean　to　care　for　us；　now；　as　well；　you　have　disgraced　us〃

Maggie　began：　〃Yes；　I　have　been　seeing　Martin。　I　didn't　think　it　wrongI　don't　now。　I　didn't　tell　you　because　I　was　afraid　that　you　would　stop　me〃

〃Then　that　shows　that　you　knew　it　was　wrong。〃

〃No；　Aunt　Anneonly　that　you　would　think　it　was　wrong。　I　can　only　go　by　myself；　by　what　I　feel　is　wrong　I　mean。　I've　always　had　to；　all　my　life。　It　would　have　been　no　good　doing　anything　else　at　home；　because　father〃

She　pulled　herself　up。　She　was　not　going　to　defend　herself　or　ask　for　pity。　She　said；　speaking　finally：

〃Yes；　I　have　been　out　with　Martin　every　day。　I　went　to　the　theatre　with　him；　too；　and　also　had　tea　with　him。〃

Maggie　could　see　Aunt　Anne's　anger　rising　higher　and　higher　like　water　in　a　tube。　Her　voice　was　hard　when　she　spoke　againshe　pronounced　judgment：

〃We　see　now　that　you　were　right　when　you　said　that　you　had　better　leave　us。　You　are　free　to　go　as　soon　as　you　wish。　You　have；　of　course；　your　money；　but　if　you　care　to　stay　with　us　until　you　have　found　some　work　you　must　now　obey　our　rules。　While　you　remain　with　us　you　must　not　go　out　unless　my　sister　or　I　accompany　you。〃　Then　her　voice　changed；　softening　a　little。　She　suddenly　raised　her　hands　in　a　gesture　of　appeal：　〃Oh；　Maggie；　Maggie；　turn　to　God。　You　have　rebelled　against　Him。　You　have　refused　to　listen　to　His　voice。　The　end　of　that　can　be　only　misery。　He　loves；　but　He　also　judges。　Even　now；　within　a　day；　a　week；　He　may　come　with　judgment。　Turn　to　Him；　Maggie；　not　because　I　tell　you　but　because　of　the　Truth。　Pray　with　me　now　that　He　may　help　you　and　give　you　strength。〃

Because　she　felt　that　she　had　indeed　treated　them　badly　and　must　do　just　now　what　they　wished；　she　knelt　down　on　the　drawing…room　carpet。　Aunt　Anne　also　knelt　down；　her　figure　stiff　like　iron；　her　raised　hands　once　again　delicate　and　ghost…like。

〃0　Lord　God；〃　she　prayed；　〃this　Thy　servant　comes　to　Thee　and　prays　that　Thou　wilt　give　her　strength　in　her　struggle　with　the　Evil　One。　She　has　been　tempted　and　is　weak；　but　Thou　art　strong　to　save　and　wilt　not　despise　the　least　of　these　Thy　children。〃

〃Come；　O　Lord　the　Father；　and　take　Thy　daughter　into　Thy　loving　care；　and　when　Thou　comest；　in　all　Thy　splendour；　to　redeem　the　world；　I　pray　that　Thou　wilt　find　her　waiting　for　Thee　in　holiness　and　meekness　of　heart。〃

They　rose。　Maggie's　knees　were　sore　with　the　stiff　carpet。　The　family　group　watched　her　from　the　wall　ironically。

She　saw　that　in　spite　of　the　prayer　Aunt　Anne　had　not　forgiven　her。　She　stood　away　from　her；　and　although　her　voice　now　was　not　so　hard；　it　had　lost　altogether　the　tender　note　that　it　used　to　have。

〃Now；　Maggie；　you　must　promise　us　that　you　will　not　see　Martin　Warlock　again。〃

Maggie　flushed。　〃No；　aunt；　I　can't　promise　that。〃

〃Then　we　must　treat　you　as　a　prisoner　whilst　you　are　with　us。〃

〃If　he　wants　to　see　me　I　must　see　him。〃

They　looked　at　one　another。　Aunt　Anne　was　like　a　man　just　then。

〃Very　well。　Until　you　give　us　your　promise　we　must　see　ourselves　that　you　do　not　disgrace　us。〃

There　was　no　more　to　be　said。　It　was　as　though　a　heavy　iron　door　had　rolled　to。

Aunt　Anne　passed　Maggie　and　left　the　room。

Well；　then；　there　was　the　situation。　As　she　remained　in　the　empty　room　she　felt　relief　because　now　she　knew　where　she　was。

If　only　she　could　keep　in　touch　with　Martin　then　nothing　else　at　all　mattered。　But　that　must　be；　otherwise　she　felt　that　she　would　rush　at　them　all　and　tread　them　down　and　break　doors　and　windows　to　get　at　him。

Meanwhile；　how　they　must　all　have　been　talking！　She　felt　no　especial　anger　against　Caroline　Smith。　It　had　been　her　own　fault　for　trusting　that　note　to　her　honour。　Caroline　had　no　honour；　of　course。　Maggie　might　have　guessed　that　from　the　way　that　she　talked　about　other　people。　And　then　probably　she　herself　was　in　love　with　Martin　。　。　。　She　sat　down；　staring　in　front　of　her；　thinking。　They　all　knew；　Amy　Warlock；　Mr。　Thurston；　Miss　Aviesknew　about　that　wonderful；　marvellous　thing；　her　love　for　Martin；　his　for　her。　They　were　turning　it　over　in　their　hands；　soiling　it；　laughing　at　it；　sneering　at　it。　And　what　were　they　doing　to　Martin？　At　that　thought　she　sprang　up　and　began　hurriedly　to　walk　about。　Oh；　they　must　leave　him　alone！　What　were　they　saying　to　him？　They　were　telling　him　how　ridiculous　it　was　to　have　anything　to　do　with　a　plain；　ugly　girl！　And　he？　Was　he　defending　her？　At　the　sudden　suggestion　of　his　disloyalty　indignation　fought　in　her　with　some　strange；　horrible　suspicion。　Yes；　it　would　come　back；　that　thought。　He　was　weak。　He　had　told　her　that　he　was。　He　was　weak。　She　KNEW　that　he　was。　She　would　not　lie　to　herself。　And　then　at　the　thought　of　his　weakness　the　maternal　love　in　her　that　was　the　strongest　instinct　in　her　character　flooded　her　body　and　soul；　so　that　she　did　not　mind　if　he　were　weak；　but　only　wanted　to　defend　him；　to　protect　him　。　。　。

Strangely；　she　felt　more　sure　of　him　at　that　moment　when　she　was　conscious　of　his　weakness　than　she　had　been　when　she　asserted　his　strength。　Beneath　that　weakness　he　would　be　true　to　her　because　he　needed　her。　No　one　else　could　give　him　what　she　did；　he　had　said　so　again　and　again。　And　it　would　always　be　so。　He　would　have　to　come　back　to　her　however　often　he　denied　her。

She　felt　happier　then。　She　could　face　them　all。　She　had　been　bad　to　her　aunts；　too。　She　had　done　them　harm；　and　they　had　been　nothin