sk.thewastelands-第39部分

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　　Eddie　shook　his　head　again；　and　licked　his　lips。　〃I　don't　know　that；　either。　Not　for　sure。　Tonight？　I　don't　think　so。　Time　。。。　it　isn't　the　same　over　here　as　it　is　where　the　kid　is。　It　goes　slower　in　his　where　and　when。　Maybe　tomorrow。〃　He　had　been　battling　panic；　but　now　it　broke　free。　He　turned　and　grabbed　Roland's　shirt　with　his　cold；　sweating　fingers。　〃But　I'm　supposed　to　finish　the　key；　and　I　haven't；　and　I'm　supposed　to　do　something　else；　and　I　don't　have　a　clue　about　what　it　is。　And　if　the　kid　dies；　it'll　be　my　fault！〃
　　The　gunslinger　locked　his　own　hands　over　Eddie's　and　pulled　them　away　from　his　shirt。　〃Get　control　of　yourself。〃
　　〃Roland；　don't　you　understand…〃
　　〃I　understand　that　whining　and　puling　won't　solve　your　problem。　I　understand　that　you　have　forgotten　the　face　of　your　father。〃
　　〃Quit　that　bullshit！　I　don't　care　dick　about　my　father！〃　Eddie　shouted　hysterically；　and　Roland　hit　him　across　the　face。　His　hand　made　a　sound　like　a　breaking　branch。
　　Eddie's　head　rocked　back；　his　eyes　widened　with　shock。　He　stared　at　the　gunslinger；　then　slowly　raised　his　hand　to　touch　the　reddening　handprint　on　his　cheek。　〃You　bastard！〃　he　whispered。　His　hand　dropped　to　the　butt　of　the　revolver　he　still　wore　on　his　left　hip。　Susannah　tried　to　put　her　own　hands　over　it；　Eddie　pushed　them　away。
　　And　now　I　must　teach　again；　Roland　thought；　only　this　time　I　teach　for　my　own　life；　I　think；　as　well　as　for　his。
　　Somewhere　in　the　distance　a　crow　hailed　its　harsh　cry　into　the　stillness；　and　Roland　thought　for　a　moment　of　his　hawk；　David。　Now　Eddie　was　his　hawk　。　。　。　and　like　David；　he　would　not　scruple　to　tear　out　his　eye　if　he　gave　so　much　as　a　single　inch。
　　Or　his　throat。
　　〃Will　you　shoot　me？　Is　that　how　you'd　have　it　end；　Eddie？〃
　　〃Man；　I'm　so　fucking　tired　of　your　jive；〃　Eddie　said。　His　eyes　were　blurred　with　tears　and　fury。
　　〃You　haven't　finished　the　key；　but　not　because　you　are　afraid　to　finish。　You're　afraid　of　finding　you　can't　finish。　You're　afraid　to　go　down　to　where　the　stones　stand；　but　not　because　you're　afraid　of　what　may　e　once　you　enter　the　circle。　You're　afraid　of　what　may　not　e。　You're　not　afraid　of　the　great　world；　Eddie；　but　of　the　small　one　inside　yourself。　You　haven't　forgotten　the　face　of　your　father。　So　do　it。　Shoot　me　if　you　dare。　I'm　tired　of　watching　you　blubber。〃
　　〃Stop　it！〃　Susannah　screamed　at　him。　〃Can't　you　see　he'll　do　it？　Can't　you　see　you're　forcing　him　to　do　it？〃
　　Roland　cut　his　eyes　toward　her。　〃I'm　forcing　him　to　decide。〃　He　looked　back　at　Eddie；　and　his　deeply　lined　face　was　stem。　〃You　have　e　from　the　shadow　of　the　heroin　and　the　shadow　of　your　brother；　my　friend。　e　from　the　shadow　of　yourself；　if　you　dare。　e　now。　e　out　or　shoot　me　and　have　done　with　it。〃
　　For　a　moment　he　thought　Eddie　was　going　to　do　just　that；　and　it　would　all　end　right　here；　on　this　high　ridge；　beneath　a　cloudless　summer　sky　with　the　spires　of　the　city　glimmering　on　the　horizon　like　blue　ghosts。　Then　Eddie's　cheek　began　to　twitch。　The　firm　line　of　his　lips　softened　and　began　to　tremble。　His　hand　fell　from　the　sandalwood　butt　of　Roland's　gun。　His　chest　hitched　once　。。。　twice　。　。　。　three　times。　His　mouth　opened　and　all　his　despair　and　terror　came　out　in　one　groaning　cry　as　he　blun…dered　toward　the　gunslinger。
　　〃I'm　afraid；　you　numb　fuck！　Don't　you　understand　that？　Roland；　I'm　afraid！〃
　　His　feet　tangled　together；　He　fell　forward。　Roland　caught　him　and　held　him　close；　smelling　the　sweat　and　dirt　on　his　skin；　smelling　his　tears　and　terror。
　　The　gunslinger　embraced　him　for　a　moment；　then　turned　him　toward　Susannah。　Eddie　dropped　to　his　knees　beside　her　chair；　his　head　hanging　wearily。　She　put　a　hand　on　the　back　of　his　neck；　pressing　his　head　against　her　thigh；　and　said　bitterly　to　Roland；　〃Sometimes　I　hate　you；　big　white　man。〃
　　Roland　placed　the　heels　of　his　hands　against　his　forehead　and　pressed　hard。　〃Sometimes　I　hate　myself。〃
　　〃Don't　ever　stop　you；　though；　do　it？〃
　　Roland　didn't　reply。　He　looked　at　Eddie；　who　lay　with　his　cheek　pressed　against　Susannah's　thigh　and　his　eyes　tightly　shut。　His　face　was　a　study　in　misery。　Roland　fought　away　the　dragging　weariness　that　made　him　want　to　leave　the　rest　of　this　charming　discussion　for　another　day。　If　Eddie　was　right；　there　was　no　other　day。　Jake　was　almost　ready　to　make　his　move。　Eddie　had　been　chosen　to　midwife　the　boy　into　this　world。　If　he　wasn't　prepared　to　do　that；　Jake　would　die　at　the　point　of　entry；　as　surely　as　an　infant　must　strangle　if　the　mother…root　is　tangled　about　its　neck　when　the　contractions　begin；
　　〃Stand　up；　Eddie。〃
　　For　a　moment　he　thought　Eddie　would　simply　go　on　crouching　there　and　hiding　his　face　against　the　woman's　leg。　If　so；　everything　was　lost　。　。　。　and　that　was　ka；　too。　Then；　slowly；　Eddie　got　to　his　feet。　He　stood　there　with　everything…hands；　shoulders；　head；　hair…hanging；　not　good；　but　he　was　up；　and　that　was　a　start。
　　〃Look　at　me。〃
　　Susannah　stirred　uneasily；　but　this　time　she　said　nothing。
　　Slowly；　Eddie　raised　his　head　and　brushed　the　hair　out　of　his　eyes　with　a　trembling　hand。
　　〃This　is　for　you。　I　was　wrong　to　take　it　at　all；　no　matter　how　deep　my　pain。〃　Roland　curled　his　hand　around　the　rawhide　strip　and　yanked；　snapping　it。　He　held　the　key　out　to　Eddie。　Eddie　reached　for　it　like　a　man　in　a　dream；　but　Roland　did　not　immediately　open　his　hand。　〃Will　you　try　to　do　what　needs　to　be　done？〃
　　〃Yes。〃　His　voice　was　almost　inaudible。
　　〃Do　you　have　something　to　tell　me？〃
　　〃I'm　sorry　I'm　afraid。〃　There　was　something　terrible　in　Eddie's　voice；　something　which　hurt　Roland's　heart；　and　he　supposed；　he　knew　what　it　was：　here　was　the　last　of　Eddie's　childhood；　expiring　painfully　among　the　three　of　them。　It　could　not　be　seen；　but　Roland　could　hear　its　weakening　cries。　He　tried　to　make　himself　deaf　to　them。
　　Something　else　I've　done　in　the　name　of　the　Tower。　My　score　grows　ever　longer；　and　the　day　when　it　will　all　have　to　be　totted　up；　like　a　long…time　drunkard's　bill　in　an　alehouse；　draws　ever　nearer。　How　will　I　ever　pay？
　　〃I　don't　want　your　apology；　least　of　all　for　being　afraid；〃　he　said。
　　〃Without　fear；　what　would　we　be？　Mad　dogs　with　foam　on　our　muzzles　and　shit　drying　on　our　hocks。〃
　　〃What　do　you　want；　then？〃　Eddie　cried。　〃You've　taken　everything　else…everything　I　have　to　give！　No；　not　even　that；　because　in　the　end；　I　gave　it　to　you！　So　what　else　do　you　want　from　me？〃
　　Roland　held　the　key　which　was　their　half　of　Jake　Chambers's　salva…tion　locked　in　his　fist　and　said　nothing。　His　eyes　held　Eddie's；　and　the　sun　shone　on　the　green　expanse　of　plain　and　the　blue…gray　reach　of　the　Send　River；　and　somewhere　in　the　distance　the　crow　hailed　again　across　the　golden　leagues　of　this　fading　summer　afternoon。
　　After　a　while；　understanding　began　to　dawn　in　Eddie　Dean's　eyes。
　　Roland　nodded。
　　〃I　have　forgotten　the　face　。　。　。〃　Eddie　paused。　Dipped　his　head。　Swallowed。　Looked　up　at　the　gunslinger　once　more。　The　thing　which　had　been　dying　among　them　had　moved　on　now…Roland　knew　it。　That　thing　was　gone。　Just　like　that。　Here；　on　this　sunny　wind…swept　ridge　at　the　edge　of　everything；　it　had　gone　forever。　〃I　have　forgotten　the　face　of　my　father；　gunslinger　。　。　。　and　I　cry　your　pardon。〃
　　Roland　opened　his　hand　and　returned　the　small　burden　of　the　key　to　him　who　ka　had　decreed　must　carry　it。　〃Speak　not　so；　gunslinger；〃　he　said　in　the　High　Speech。　〃Your　father　sees　you　very　well　。　。　。　loves　you　very　well　。　。　。　and　so　do　I。〃
　　Eddie　closed　his　own　hand　over　the　key　and　turned　away　with　his　tears　still　drying　on　his　face。　〃Let's　go；〃　he　said；　and　they　began　to　move　down　the　long　hill　toward　the　plain　which　stretched　beyond。
　　
　　　16
　　JAKE　WALKED　SLOWLY　ALONG　Castle　Avenue；　past　pizza　shops　and　bars　and　bodegas　where　old　women　with　suspicious　faces　poked　the　potatoes　and　squeezed　the　tomatoes。　The　straps　of　his　pack　had　chafed　the　skin　beneath　his　arms；　and　his　feet　hurt。　He　passed　beneath　a　digital　ther…mometer　which　announced　it　was　eighty…five。　It　felt　more　like　a　hundred　and　five　to　Jake。
　　Up　ahead；　a　police　car　turned　onto　the　Avenue。　Jake　at　once　became　extremely　interested　in　a　display　of　gardening　supplies　in　the　window　of　a　hardware　store。　He　watched　the　reflection　of　the　blue…and…white　pass　in　the　window　and　didn't　move　until　it　was　gone。
　　Hey；　Jake；　old　buddy…where；　exactly；　are　you　going？
　　He　hadn't　the　slightest　idea。　He　felt　positive　that　the　boy　he　was　looking　for…the　boy　in　the　green　bandanna　and　the　yellow　T…shirt　that　said　NEVER　A　DULL　MOMENT　IN　MID…WORLD…was　somewhere　close　by；　but　so　what？　To　Jake　he　was　still　nothing　but　a　needle　hiding　in　the　haystack　which　was　Brooklyn。
　　He　passed　an　alley　which　had　been　decorated　with　a　tangle　of　spray…painted　graffiti。　Mostly　they　were　names…EL　TIANTE　91；　SPEEDY　GONZALES；　MOTORVAN　MIKE…but　a　few　mottos　and　words　to　the　wise　had　been　dropped　in　here　and　there；　and　Jake's　eyes　fixed　on　two　of　these。
　　A　ROSE　IS　A　ROSE　IS　A　ROSE
　　had　been　written　across　the　bricks　in　spray…paint　which　had　weathered　to　the　same　dusky…pink　shade　of　the　rose　which　grew　in　the　vacant　lot　where　Tom　and　Gerry's　Artistic　Deli　had　once　stood。　Below　it；　in　a　blue　so　dark　it　was　almost　black；　someone　had　spray…painted　this　oddity：
　　I　CRY　YOUR　PARDON。
　　What　does　that　mean？　Jake　wondered。　He　didn't　know…something　from　the　Bible；　maybe…but　it　held　like　the　eye　of　a　snake　is　reputed　to　hold　a　bird。　At　last　he　walked　on；　slowly　and　thoughtfully。　It　was　almost　two…thirty；　and　his　shadow　was　beginning　to　grow　longer。
　　Just　ahead；　he　saw　an　old　man　walking　down　the　street；　keeping　to　the　shade　as　much　as　possible　and　leaning　on　a　gnarled　cane。　Behind　the　thick　glasses　he　wore；　his　brown　eyes　swam　like　oversized　eggs。
　　〃I　cry　your　pardon；　sir；〃　Jake　said　without　thinking　or　even　really　hearing　himself。
　　The　old　man　turned　to　look　at　him；　blinking　in　surprise　and　fear。　〃Liff　me　alone；　boy；〃　he　said。　He　raised　his　walking…stick　and　brandished　it　clumsily　in　Jake's　direction。
　　〃Would　you　know　if　there's　a　place　called　Markey　Academy　anyplace　around　here；　sir？〃　This　was　utter　desperation；　but　it　was　the　only　thing　he　could　think　to　ask。
　　The　old　man　slowly　lowered　his　stick…it　was　the