tw.thestoneoffarewell-第50部分

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　　〃It's　a　lie！〃　Simon　shouted。　The　soldier's　eyes　widened　in　surprise。　Heads　turned　from　the　campfire；　looking　to　the　sudden　noise。　〃It's　a　lie；　a　lie！　What　gifts？　To　crawl　around　like　a　bug；　here　and　there；　trying　to　find　something　to　eat；　somewhere　to　sleep…and　then　without　warning　some…　thing　smashes　you？　What　kind　of　gift　is　that！？　To　do　the　right　thing；　and。。。　and　fight　against　evil；　like　the　Book　of　the　Aedon　says…if　you　do　that　you　get　killed！　Just　like　Haestan！　just　like　Morgenes！　The　bad　ones　live　on…live　on　and　grow　rich　and　laugh　at　the　good　ones！　It's　a　stupid　lie！〃
　　〃That　is　terrible；　Simon！〃　Sludig　said；　his　voice　also　rising。　〃You　speak　from　madness　and　grief。　。　。〃
　　〃It's　a　lie…and　you　are　an　idiot　to　believe　it！〃　Simon　yelled；　throwing　his　wood　down　at　Sludig's　feet。　He　turned　and　ran　down　the　mountain　path　with　a　great；　grieving　pain　in　his　middle　that　almost　took　his　breath　away；　following　the　twisting　course　until　the　camp　had　disappeared　from　view。　Qantaqa's　bark　wafted　after　him；　faint　and　percussive　as　someone　clapping　in　another　room。
　　At　last　he　sank　down　on　a　stone　beside　the　path；　rubbing　his　hands　back　and　forth　over　the　worn　cloth　of　his　breeches。　There　was　moss　growing　on　the　stone；　burnt　brown　by　frost　and　wind；　but　still　somehow　vital　and　alive。　He　stared　at　it；　wondering　why　he　could　not　cry　and　whether　he　even　wanted　to。
　　After　some　time　he　heard　a　clicking　noise　and　looked　up　to　see　Qantaqa　pacing　toward　him　over　the　sloping　rocks　above　the　path。　The　wolfs　nose　hovered　low；　sniffing　close　to　the　stone。　She　hopped　down　onto　the　path；　and　regarded　him　quizzically　for　a　moment　with　her　head　cocked　to　one　side；　then　walked　past；　brushing　against　his　leg。　Simon　trailed　his　fingers　along　the　thick　pelt　of　her　flank　as　she　went　by。　Qantaqa　continued　on　down　the　path；　a　dim　gray　shape　in　the　growing　darkness。
　　〃Simon…friend。〃　Binabik　appeared　around　the　bend　in　the　track。　〃Qantaqa　is　off　to　hunt；〃　he　said；　watching　her　disappearing　form。　〃It　is　hard　for　a　wolf　to　be　walking　all　day　where　I　ask　her。　She　is　a　good　panion　to　make　such　sacrifice　for　my　sake。〃
　　When　Simon　did　not　respond；　the　troll　came　forward　and　squatted　at　his　side；　his　walking　stick　balanced　on　his　knees。
　　〃You　are　much　upset；〃　he　said。
　　Simon　took　a　deep　breath；　then　let　it　out。　〃Everything　is　a　lie；〃　he　sighed。
　　Binabik　raised　an　eyebrow。　〃What　is　'everything'？　And　what　is　making　it　a　lie？〃
　　〃I　don't　think　we　can　do　anything　at　all。　Anything　to　make　things　better。　We're　going　to　die。〃
　　〃At　some　time；〃　the　troll　nodded。
　　〃We're　going　to　die　fighting　the　Storm　King。　It's　a　lie　if　we　say　we're　not。　God's　not　going　to　save　us；　or　even　help　us。〃　Simon　picked　up　a　loose　stone　and　flung　it　across　the　path；　where　it　went　rattling　into　darkness。　〃Binabik；　I　couldn't　even　pick　up　Thorn。　What　good　is　the　sword　going　to　be　if　we　can't　even　use　it？　How　is　a　sword…even　three　Great　Swords　or　whatever　they're　called…going　to　kill　an　enemy　like　him？　Kill　someone　who's　already　dead？〃
　　〃These　are　questions　that　need　answering；〃　the　little　man　replied。　〃I　do　not　know。　How　do　you　know　that　the　sword　is　for　killing？　And　if　it　is　for　that；　what　makes　you　think　any　of　us　is　to　be　the　killer？〃
　　Simon　chose　another　rock　and　threw　it。　〃I　don't　know　anything；　either。　I'm　just　a　kitchen　boy；　Binabik。〃　He　felt　immensely　sorry　for　himself。　〃I　just　want　to　go　home。〃　The　word　caught　in　his　throat。
　　The　troll　stood；　brushing　off　his　seat。　〃You　are　not　a　boy；　Simon。　You　are　a　man　in　all　the　ways　for　measuring。　A　young　man；　true；　but　a　man…or　with　great　nearness。〃
　　Simon　shook　his　head。　〃It　doesn't　matter；　anyway。　I　thought　。。。　I　don't　know。　I　thought　that　it　would　be　like　a　story。　That　we　would　find　the　sword　and　it　would　be　a　powerful　weapon；　that　we　would　destroy　our　enemies　and　things　would　be　right　again。　1　didn't　think　any　more　people　would　die！　How　could　there　be　a　God　who　would　let　good　people　die；　no　matter　what　they　do？〃
　　〃Another　question　I　cannot　be　answering。〃　Binabik　smiled；　but　gently；　mindful　of　Simon's　pain。　〃And　I　cannot　be　telling　you　what　is　right　for　belief。　The　truths　that　became　our　stories　of　gods　are　far　away　in　the　past。　Even　the　Sithi；　who　live　for　eons；　do　not　know　how　the　world　began　or　what　began　it…at　least　not　for　certain；　I　am　thinking。　But　I　can　tell　you　something　important　。。。〃
　　The　troll　leaned　forward；　touching　Simon's　arm；　waiting　until　his　young　friend　had　raised　his　eyes　from　the　moss　once　more。　〃Gods　in　the　heaven　or　in　the　stone　are　distant；　and　we　can　guess　only　at　what　they　intend。〃　He　squeezed　Simon's　forearm。　〃But　you　and　I；　we　are　living　in　a　time　when　a　god　walks　the　earth　once　more。　He　is　not　a　god　who　intends　kindness。　Men　may　fight　and　die；　they　may　build　walls　and　break　stone；　but　Ineluki　has　died　and　e　back；　that　is　something　no　one　else　has　ever　been　doing；　not　even　your　Usires　Aedon。　Forgive　me；　because　I　am　not　meaning　blasphemy；　but　is　not　what　Ineluki　has　done　a　thing　like　a　god　can　do？〃　Binabik　gave　Simon　a　little　shake；　staring　into　his　eyes。　〃He　is　jealous　and　terrible；　and　the　world　he　can　make　will　be　a　terrible　place。　We　are　having　a　task　of　great　fear　and　very　great　difficulty；　Simon…it　may　even　be　that　there　is　no　possibility　of　succeeding…but　it　is　not　a　task　we　can　be　fleeing。〃
　　Simon　tore　his　gaze　from　Binabik's。　〃That's　what　I　said。　How　do　you　fight　a　god？　We'll　be　crushed　like　ants。〃　Another　stone　went　flying　out　into　darkness。
　　〃Perhaps。　But　if　we　are　not　trying；　then　there　is　no　chance　of　anything　but　this　antlike　crushing；　so　we　must　try。　There　is　always　something　beyond　even　the　worst　of　bad　times。　We　may　die；　but　the　dying　of　some　may　mean　living　for　others。　That　is　not　much　to　cling　to；　but　it　is　a　true　thing　in　any　case。〃
　　The　troll　moved　a　little　way　down　the　path　and　took　a　seat　on　another　stone。　The　sky　was　darkening　swiftly。　〃Also；〃　Binabik　said　gravely；　〃it　may　or　may　not　be　foolishness　to　pray　to　the　gods；　but　there　is　certainly　being　no　wisdom　in　cursing　them。〃
　　Simon　said　nothing。　They　passed　some　time　in　silence。　At　last　Binabik　twisted　loose　the　knife　end　of　his　walking　stick；　allowing　the　bone　flute　inside　the　hollow　stick　to　slide　free。　He　blew　a　few　experimental　notes；　then　began　to　play　a　slow；　melancholy　air。　The　dissonant　music；　echoing　down　the　mountainside　in　darkness；　seemed　to　sing　with　the　voice　of　Simon's　own　loneliness。　He　shivered；　feeling　the　wind　through　his　tattered　cloak。　His　dragon…scar　stung　fiercely。
　　〃Are　you　still　my　friend；　Binabik？〃　he　said　at　last。
　　The　troll　took　the　flute　from　his　lips。　〃To　death　and　beyond；　Simon…friend。〃　He　began　to　play　once　more。
　　When　the　flutesong　was　finished；　Binabik　whistled　for　Qantaqa　and　walked　back　up　the　path　toward　camp。　Simon　followed　him。
　　
　　The　fire　had　burned　low　and　the　wineskin　was　making　the　last　of　many　trips　around　the　circle　when　Simon　finally　worked　up　the　courage　to　approach　Sludig。　The　Rimmersman　was　sharpening　the　head　of　his　Qanuc　spear　with　a　whetstone；　he　continued　for　some　while　as　Simon　stood　before　him。　At　last　he　looked　up。
　　〃Yes？〃　His　voice　was　gruff。
　　〃I'm　sorry；　Sludig。　I　should　not　have　said　what　I　did。　You　were　only　being　kind。〃
　　The　Rimmersman　stared　at　him　for　a　moment；　a　certain　cold　look　in　his　eyes。　At　last　his　expression　softened。　〃You　may　think　as　you　like；　Simon；　but　do　not　speak　such　blasphemy　of　the　One　God　before　me。〃
　　〃I'm　sorry。　I'm　only　a　kitchen　boy。〃
　　〃Kitchen　boy！〃　Sludig's　laugh　was　harsh。　He　looked　searchingly　into　Simon's　eyes；　then　laughed　again　with　better　humor。　〃You　really　think　so；　don't　you！　You're　a　fool；　Simon。〃　He　stood　up；　chuckling　and　shaking　his　head。　〃A　kitchen　boy！　A　kitchen　boy　who　swords　dragons　and　slays　giants。　Look　at　you！　You　are　taller　than　I　am；　and　Sludig　is　not　small！〃
　　Simon　stared　at　the　Rimmersman；　surprised。　It　was　true；　of　course：　he　stood　half　a　hand　taller　than　Sludig。　〃But　you're　strong！〃　Simon　protested。　〃You're　a　grown　man。〃
　　〃As　you　are　fast　being。　And　you　are　stronger　than　you　know。　You　must　see　the　truth；　Simon。　You　are　a　boy　no　more。　You　cannot　act　as　though　you　are　one　still。〃　The　Rimmersman　contemplated　him　for　a　long　moment。　〃As　a　matter　of　fact；　it　is　dangerous　not　to　train　you　better。　You　have　been　lucky　to　survive　several　bad　fights；　but　luck　is　fickle。　You　need　sword　and　spear　teaching；　I　will　give　them　to　you。　Haestan　would　have　wanted　it；　and　it　will　give　us　something　to　work　at　on　our　long　trip　to　your　Stone　of　Farewell。〃
　　〃Then　you　forgive　me？〃　Simon　was　embarrassed　by　this　talk　of　manhood。　〃If　I　must。〃　The　Rimmersman　sat　down　again。　〃Now　go　and　sleep。　We　have　a　long　walk　again　tomorrow；　then　you　and　I　will　drill　for　some　time　after　we　make　camp。〃
　　Simon　felt　more　than　a　little　resentful　about　being　sent　to　bed；　but　did　not　want　to　risk　another　argument。　As　it　was；　it　had　been　difficult　for　him　to　e　back　to　the　campfire　and　eat　with　the　others。　He　knew　they　had　all　been　watching　him；　wondering　if　he　would　have　another　outburst。
　　He　retreated　to　the　bed　he　had　made　of　springy　branches　and　leaves　and　wrapped　himself　tightly　in　his　cloak。　He　would　be　happy　to　be　in　a　cave；　or　down　off　the　mountain　entirely；　where　they　would　not　be　exposed　so　nakedly　to　the　wind。
　　The　bright；　cold　stars　seemed　to　quiver　in　the　sky　overhead。　Simon　stared　up　at　them　through　unfathomable　distances；　letting　thoughts　chase　themselves　through　his　head　until　sleep　came　at　last。
　　
　　The　sound　of　the　trolls　singing　to　their　rams　woke　Simon　from　a　dream。　He　dimly　remembered　a　little　gray　cat　and　a　feeling　of　being　trapped　by　someone　or　something；　but　the　dream　was　fading　fast。　He　opened　his　eyes　to　the　thin　morning　light；　then　closed　them　quickly。　He　did　not　want　to　get　up　and　face　the　day。
　　The　singing　went　on；　acpanied　by　the　clinking　of　harnesses。　He　had　seen　this　ritual　so　many　times　since　leaving　Mintahoq　that　he　could　picture　it　in　his　head　as　vividly　as　if　he　was　watching。　The　trolls　were　cinching　up　the　straps　and　filling　the　saddlebags；　guttural　yet　high…pitched　voices　busy　with　their　seemingly　endless　chant。　From　time　to　time　they　would　pause；　stroking　their　mounts；　currying　the　rams'　thick　fleeces；　lea