rj.acrownofswords-第123部分

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ered　itchoak？　…　but　I'm　shamed　to　say　it　took　being　terrified　out　of　my　wits　to　stir　my　feet。　I　do　want　us　to　be　friends　again；　but　I　need　your　help；　too。　You　are　the　only　one　I'm　sure　I　can　trust。〃
　　　〃Serancha　was　a　prig　then；　and　still　is。〃　Pevara　laughed。　〃The　Gray　is　a　good　place　for　her。　But　I　can't　believe　you　terrified　at　anything。　Why；　you　never　decided　it　was　logical　to　be　afraid　until　we　were　back　in　our　beds。　Short　of　a　promise　to　stand　in　the　Hall　without　knowing　what　for；　whatever　help　I　can　give　is　yours；　Seaine。　What　do　you　need？〃
　　　Brought　to　the　point；　Seaine　hesitated；　sipping　her　tea。　Not　that　she　had　any　doubts　about　Pevara；　but　pushing　the　words　out　of　her　mouth　was。。。　difficult。　〃The　Amyrlin　came　to　see　me　this　morning；〃　she　said　finally。　〃She　instructed　me　to　make　an　inquiry；　Sealed　to　the　Flame。〃　Pevara　frowned　slightly；　but　she　did　not　say　that　in　that　case　Seaine　should　not　be　speaking　of　it。　Seaine　might　have　planned　how　to　carry　out　most　of　their　pranks　as　girls；　but　Pevara　had　been　the　one　with　the　audacity　to　think　most　of　them　up；　and　she　had　provided　most　of　the　nerve　to　go　through　with　them。　〃She　was　very　circumspect；　but　after　a　little　thought；　it　was　clear　to　me　what　she　wanted。　I　am　to　hunt　out。。。　〃　At　the　last；　courage　failed　her　tongue。　〃。。。　Darkfriends　in　the　Tower。〃
　　　Pevara's　eyes；　as　dark　as　her　own　were　blue；　became　stone；　and　swept　to　the　mantel　above　her　fireplace；　where　miniatures　of　her　own　family　made　a　precise　line。　They　had　all　died　while　she　was　a　novice；　parents；　brothers　and　sisters；　aunts；　uncles　and　all；　murdered　in　a　quickly　suppressed　uprising　of　Darkfriends　who　had　bee　convinced　the　Dark　One　was　about　to　break　free。　That　was　why　Seaine　had　been　sure　she　could　trust　her。　That　was　why　Pevara　had　chosen　Red　…　though　Seaine　still　thought　she　could　have　done　as　well　and　been　happier　as　a　Green　…　because　she　believed　a　Red　hunting　men　who　could　channel　had　the　best　chance　of　finding　Darkfriends。　She　had　been　very　good　at　it；　that　plump　exterior　covered　a　core　of　steel。　And　she　possessed　the　courage　to　say　calmly　what　Seaine　had　been　unable　to　bring　herself　to　utter。
　　　〃The　Black　Ajah。　Well。　No　wonder　Elaida　would　be　circumspect。〃
　　　〃Pevara；　I　know　she's　always　denied　its　existence　harder　than　any　three　other　sisters　bined；　but　I'm　certain　sure　that's　what　she　meant；　and　if　she　is　convinced。。。　〃
　　　Her　friend　waved　her　off。　〃You　have　no　need　to　convince　me；　Seaine。　I　have　been　sure　the　Black　Ajah　exists　for。。。　〃　Strangely；　Pevara　became　hesitant；　peering　into　her　teacup　like　a　fortune…teller　at　a　fair。　〃What　do　you　know　of　events　right　after　the　Aiel　War？〃
　　　〃Two　Amyrlins　dying　suddenly　in　the　space　of　five　years；〃　Seaine　said　carefully。　She　assumed　the　other　woman　meant　events　in　the　Tower。　Truth　to　tell；　until　being　raised　a　Sitter　nearly　fifteen　years　ago；　just　a　year　after　Pevara；　she　had　not　given　much　attention　to　anything　outside　the　Tower。　And　not　that　much　inside；　really。　〃A　great　many　sisters　died　in　those　years；　as　I　recall。　Do　you　mean　to　say　you　think　the。。。　the　Black　Ajah　had　a　hand　in　that？〃　There；　she　had　said　it；　and　the　name　had　not　burned　her　tongue。
　　　〃I　don't　know；〃　Pevara　said　softly；　shaking　her　head　〃You've　done　well　to　wrap　yourself　deep　in　philosophy。　There　were。。。　things。。。　done　then；　and　Sealed　to　the　Flame。〃　She　drew　a　troubled　breath。
　　　Seaine　did　not　press　her；　she　herself　had　mitted　something　akin　to　treason　by　breaking　that　same　seal；　and　Pevara　would　have　to　decide　on　her　own。　〃Looking　at　reports　will　be　safer　than　asking　questions　with　no　idea　who　we're　really　asking。　Logically；　a　Black　sister　must　be　able　to　lie　despite　the　Oaths。〃　Otherwise；　the　Black　Ajah　would　have　been　revealed　long　since。　That　name　seemed　to　be　ing　more　easily　with　use。　〃If　any　sister　wrote　that　she　did　one　thing　when　we　can　prove　she　did　another；　then　we　have　found　a　Darkfriend。〃
　　　Pevara　nodded。　〃Yes。　Perhaps　the　Black　Ajah　has　no　hand　in　the　rebellion；　but　I　cannot　think　they　would　let　this　turmoil　pass　without　taking　advantage。　We　must　look　closely　at　this　last　year；　I　think。〃
　　　To　that；　Seaine　agreed　reluctantly。　There　would　be　fewer　pieces　of　paper　to　read　and　more　questions　to　ask　concerning　recent　months。　Deciding　who　else　to　make　part　of　the　inquiry　was　even　harder。　Especially　after　Pevara　said；　〃You　were　very　brave　ing　to　me；　Seaine。　I've　known　Darkfriends　to　kill　brothers；　sisters；　parents；　to　try　hiding　who　they　are　and　what　they've　done。　I　love　you　for　it；　but　you　were　very　brave　indeed。〃
　　　Seaine　shivered　as　if　a　goose　had　walked　on　her　grave。　Had　she　wanted　to　be　brave；　she　would　have　chosen　Green。　She　almost　wished　Elaida　had　gone　to　someone　else。　There　was　no　turning　back　now；　though。
　　　
　　　
Chapter　33　
（Dragon）　
A　Bath　
　　　
　　　The　days　after　sending　Perrin　away　seemed　endless　to　Rand；　and　the　nights　longer。　He　retreated　to　his　rooms　and　stayed　there；　telling　the　Maidens　to　allow　no　one　to　enter。　Only　Nandera　was　allowed　past　the　doors　with　the　gilded　suns；　bringing　his　meals。　The　sinewy　Maiden　would　set　down　a　covered　tray　and　list　those　who　had　asked　to　see　him；　then　give　him　a　look　of　rebuke　when　he　repeated　that　he　would　see　no　one。　Often　he　heard　disapproving　ments　from　the　Maidens　outside　before　she　pulled　the　door　shut　behind　her；　he　was　intended　to　hear；　else　they　would　have　used　handtalk。　But　if　they　thought　to　chivy　him　out　by　claiming　that　he　was　sulking。。。　The　Maidens　did　not　understand；　and　might　not　if　he　explained。　If　he　could　have　brought　himself　to。
　　　He　picked　at　the　meals　without　appetite；　and　tried　to　read；　but　his　favorite　books　could　divert　him　for　only　a　few　pages　even　in　the　beginning。　At　least　once　every　day；　though　he　had　promised　himself　he　would　not；　he　lifted　the　massive　wardrobe　of　polished　blackwood　and　ivory　in　his　bedchamber；　floated　it　aside　on　flows　of　Air　and　carefully　unraveled　the　traps　he　had　set　and　the　Mask　of　Mirrors　that　made　the　wall　seem　smooth；　all　inverted　so　no　other　eyes　but　his　could　see。　There；　in　a　niche　hollowed　out　with　the　Power；　stood　two　small　statues　of　white　stone　about　a　foot　tall；　a　woman　and　a　man；　each　in　flowing　robes　and　holding　a　clear　crystal　sphere　overhead　in　one　hand。　The　night　he　set　the　army　in　motion　toward　Illian　he　had　gone　to　Rhuidean　alone　to　fetch　these　ter'angreal：　if　he　needed　them；　he　might　not　have　much　time。　That　was　what　he　had　told　himself。　His　hand　would　stretch　toward　the　bearded　man；　the　only　one　of　the　pair　a　man　could　use；　stretch　out　and　stop；　shaking。　One　finger　touching；　and　more　of　the　One　Power　than　he　could　imagine　could　be　his。　With　that；　no　one　could　defeat　him；　no　one　stand　against　him。　With　that；　Lanfear　had　said　once；　he　could　challenge　the　Creator。
　　　〃It　is　mine　by　right；〃　he　muttered　each　time；　with　his　hand　trembling　just　short　of　the　figure。　〃Mine！　I　am　the　Dragon　Reborn！〃
　　　And　each　time　he　made　himself　draw　back；　reweaving　the　Mask　of　Mirrors；　reweaving　the　invisible　traps　that　would　burn　anyone　to　a　cinder　who　tried　to　pass　them　without　the　key。　The　huge　wardrobe　wafted　back　into　place　like　a　feather。　He　was　the　Dragon　Reborn。　But　was　that　enough？　It　would　have　to　be。
　　　〃I　am　the　Dragon　Reborn；〃　he　whispered　at　the　walls　sometimes；　and　sometimes　shouted　at　them。　〃I　am　the　Dragon　Reborn！〃　Silently　and　aloud　he　raged　at　those　who　opposed　him；　the　blind　fools　who　could　not　see　and　those　who　refused　to　see；　for　ambition　or　avarice　or　fear。　He　was　the　Dragon　Reborn；　the　only　hope　of　the　world　against　the　Dark　One。　And　the　Light　help　the　world　for　it。
　　　But　his　rages　and　thoughts　of　using　the　ter'angreal　were　only　attempts　to　escape　other　things；　and　he　knew　it。　Alone；　he　picked　at　his　meals；　though　less　every　day；　and　tried　to　read；　though　seldom；　and　attempted　to　find　sleep。　That　he　tried　more　often　as　the　days　passed；　not　caring　whether　the　sun　was　down　or　high。　Sleep　came　in　fitful　snatches；　and　what　harrowed　his　waking　thoughts　also　stalked　his　dreams　and　chased　him　awake　too　soon　for　any　rest。　No　amount　of　shielding　could　keep　out　what　was　already　inside。　He　had　the　Forsaken　to　face；　and　sooner　or　later　the　Dark　One　himself。　He　had　fools　who　fought　him　or　ran　away　when　their　only　hope　was　to　stand　behind　him。　Why　would　his　dreams　not　let　him　be？　From　one　dream　he　always　sprang　awake　before　it　more　than　began；　to　lie　there　filled　with　self…loathing　and　muddled　with　lack　of　sleep；　but　the　others。。。　He　deserved　them　all；　he　knew。
　　　Colavaere　confronted　him　sleeping；　her　face　black　and　the　scarf　she　had　used　to　hang　herself　still　buried　in　the　swollen　flesh　of　her　neck。　Colavaere；　silent　and　accusing；　with　all　the　Maidens　who　had　died　for　him　arrayed　behind　her　in　silent　staring　ranks；　all　the　women　who　died　because　of　him。　He　knew　every　face　as　well　as　his　own；　and　every　name　but　one。　From　those　dreams；　he　woke　weeping。
　　　A　hundred　times　he　hurled　Perrin　across　the　Grand　Hall　of　the　Sun；　and　a　hundred　times　he　was　overwhelmed　by　blazing　fear　and　rage。　A　hundred　times；　he　killed　Perrin　in　his　dreams　and　woke　to　his　own　screams。　Why　had　the　man　chosen　the　Aes　Sedai　prisoners　to　use　for　their　argument？　Rand　tried　not　to　think　about　them；　he　had　done　his　best　to　ignore　their　existence　from　the　beginning。　They　were　too　dangerous　to　keep　long　as　captives；　and　he　had　no　idea　what　to　do　with　them。　They　frightened　him。　Sometimes　he　dreamed　of　being　bound　inside　the　box　again；　of　Galina　and　Erian　and　Katerine　and　the　rest　taking　him　out　to　beat　him；　dreamed　and　woke　whimpering　even　after　he　convinced　himself　his　eyes　were　open　and　he　was　outside。　They　frightened　him　because　he　feared　he　might　give　way　to　the　fear　and　the　anger；　and　then。。。　He　tried　not　to　think　of　what　he　might　do　then；　but　sometimes　he　dreamed　it；　and　woke　shaking　in　a　cold　sweat。　He　would　not　do　that。　Whatever　he　had　done；　he　would　not　do　that。
　　　In　dreams　he　gathered　the　Asha'man　to　attack　the　White　Tower　and　punish　Elaida；　he　leaped　from　a　gateway　filled　with　righteous　anger　and　saidin　…　and　learned　that　Alviarin's　letter　had　been　a　lie；　saw　her　stand　alongside　Elaida；　saw　Egwene　beside　her；　too；　and　Nynaeve；　and　even　Elayne；　all　with　Aes　Sedai　faces；　because　he　was　too　dangerous　to　let　r