cw.imarriedadeadman-第29部分

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ake。　The　downslope　began　almost　outside　the　car　door。
　〃Why　here？〃　she　whispered。
　He　pointed。　〃Listen。　Hear　it？〃　It　was　a　sound　like　the　cracking　of　nuts。　Like　a　vast　layer　of　nuts；　all　rolling　around　and　being　cracked　and　shelled。
　〃I'd　like　to　get　him　out　of　town；〃　he　said。　He　got　out；　and　scrambled　down　the　slope　a　way；　until　she　could　only　see　him　from　the　waist　up；　and　stood　looking　down。　Then　he　picked　up　something…　a　stone；　maybe；　or　something…and　she　saw　him　throw。　Then　he　turned　his　head　a　little；　and　seemed　to　be　listening。
　Finally　he　fought　his　way　back　up　to　her　again；　digging　his　feet　in　sideways　to　gain　leverage。
　〃It's　a　slow　freight；〃　he　said。　〃Outbound。　It's　on　the　inside　track；　I　mean　the　one　right　under　us　here。　I　could　see　a　lantern　go　by　on　the　roof　of　one　of　the　cars。　It's　unearthly　long…I　think　they're　empties…and　it's　going　very　slow；　almost　at　a　crawl。　I　threw　a　stone；　and　I　heard　it　hit　one　of　the　roofs。〃
　She　had　already　guessed；　and　could　feel　her　skin　crawling。
　He　was　bending　over　the　form　on　the　front　seat；　going　through　its　pockets。　He　ripped　something　out　of　the　inside　coat…pocket　A　label　or　something。
　〃They　don't　always　get　right　of　way　like　the　fast　passengers　do。　It　may　have　to　stop　for　that　big　turnpike　crossing　not　far　up；　you　know　the　one　I　mean。　The　lootive　must　be　just　about　reaching　it　by　now…〃
　She'd　fought　down　her　repulsion；　she'd　made　up　her　mind　once　more；　though　this　was　going　to　be　even　worse　than　back　there　at　the　doorway。　〃Shall　I…　Do　you　want　me　to…？〃　And　she　got　ready　to　get　out　with　him。
　〃No；〃　he　said；　〃no。　Just　stay　in　it　and　watch　the　road。　The　slope　is　so　steep；　that　when　you　get　down　below　a　certain　point　with…　anything…it　will　plunge　down　the　rest　of　the　way　by　itself。　It's　been　sheared　off　at　the　bottom；　it's　a　sheer　drop。〃
　He'd　swung　the　front　door　out　as　far　as　it　would　go；　now。
　〃How's　the　road？〃　he　asked。
　She　looked　back　first；　all　along　it。　Then　forward。　The　way　it　rose　ahead　made　it　even　easier　to　sight　along。
　〃Empty；〃　she　said。　〃There's　not　a　moving　light　on　it　anywhere。〃
　He　dipped　down；　did　something　with　his　arm；　and　then　the　two　heads　and　the　two　pairs　of　shoulders　rose　together。　A　minute　later　the　front　seat　was　empty。
　She　turned　away　and　looked　at　the　road；　looked　at　the　road　for　all　she　was　worth。
　〃I'll　never　be　able　to　sit　on　the　front　seat　of　this　car　again；〃　it　occurred　to　her。　〃They'll　wonder　why；　but　I'll　always　balk；　I'll　always　think　of　what　was　there　tonight。〃
　He　had　a　hard　time　getting　him　down　the　slope；　he　had　to　be　a　brake　on　the　two　of　them　at　once；　and　the　weight　was　double。　Once　the　two　of　them　went　down　momentarily；　in　a　stumble；　and　her　heart　shot　up　into　her　throat；　as　though　there　were　a　pulley；　a　counterweight；　working　between　them　and　it。
　Then　he　regained　his　balance　again。
　Then　when　she　could　only　see　him　from　the　waist　up；　he　bent　over；　as　if　laying　something　down　before　him；　and　when　he'd　straightened　up　again；　he　was　alone；　she　could　only　see　him　by　himself。
　Then　he　just　stood　there　waiting。
　It　was　a　gamble；　a　wild　guess。　A　last　car；　a　carboose；　could　have　suddenly　e　along；　and…no　more　train　to　carry　their　freight　away。　Just　trackbed　left　below；　to　reveal　what　lay　on　it　as　soon　as　it　got　light。
　But　he'd　guessed　right　The　sound　of　cracking　nuts　thinned；　began　to　die　out。　A　sort　of　rippling　wooden　shudder；　starting　way　up　ahead；　ran　past　them　and　to　the　rear。　Then　a　second　one。　Then　silence。
　He　dipped　again。
　Her　hands　flew　up　to　her　ears；　but　she　was　too　late。　The　sound　beat　her　to　it。
　It　was　a　sick；　hollow　thud。　Like　when　a　heavy　sack　is　dropped。　Only；　a　sack　bursts　from　such　a　drop。　This　didn't。
　She　put　her　head　down　low　over　her　lap；　and　held　her　hands　pressed　to　her　eyes。
　When　she　looked　up　again；　he　was　standing　there　beside　her。　He　looked　like　a　man　who　has　himself　in　hand；　but　isn't　sure　that　he　isn't　going　to　be　sick　before　long。
　〃Stayed　on；〃　he　said。　〃Caught　on　that　catwalk；　or　whatever　it　is；　that　runs　down　the　middle　of　each　roof。　I　could　see　him　even　in　the　dark。　But　his　hat　didn't。　That　came　off　and　went　over。〃
　She　wanted　to　scream：　〃Don't！　Don't　tell　me！　Let　me　not　know！　I　know　too　much　already！〃　But　she　didn't　And　by　that　time　it　was　over　with；　anyway。
　He　got　in　again　and　took　the　wheel；　without　waiting　for　the　train　to　remence　its　run。
　〃It'll　go　on　again；〃　he　said。　〃It　has　to。　It　was　already　on　its　way　once。　It　won't　just　stand　there　the　rest　of　the　night〃
　He　ran　the　car　back　onto　the　rim　of　the　road　again；　and　then　he　brought　it　around　in　a　U…turn；　facing　back　to　Caulfield。　And　still　nothing　came　along；　nothing　passed　them。　On　no　other　night　could　this　road　have　been　so　empty。
　He　let　their　headlight　beams　shoot　out　ahead　of　them　now。
　〃Do　you　want　to　e　up　here　and　sit　with　me？〃　he　asked　her　quietly。
　〃No！〃　she　said　in　a　choked　voice。　〃I　couldn't！　Not　on　that　seat。〃
　He　seemed　to　understand。　〃I　just　didn't　want　you　to　be　all　alone；〃　he　said　passionately。
　〃I'll　be　all　alone　from　now　on；　anyway；　no　matter　where　I　sit；〃　she　murmured。　〃And　so　will　you。　We'll　both　be　all　alone；　even　together。〃
　
　
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　She　heard　the　brakes　go　on；　and　felt　the　motion　of　the　car　stop。　He　got　out　and　got　into　the　back　next　to　her。　They　stayed　just　the　way　they　were　for　several　long　moments。　She　with　her　face　pressed　against　the　bosom　of　his　shirt；　buried　against　him　as　if　trying　to　hide　it　from　the　night　and　all　that　had　happened　in　the　night。　He　with　one　hand　to　the　back　of　her　head；　holding　it　there；　supporting　it。
　They　didn't　move　nor　speak　at　first。
　Now　I　have　to　tell　him；　she　kept　thinking　with　dread。　Now　the　time　is　here。　And　how　shall　I　be　able　to？
　She　raised　her　head　at　last；　and　opened　her　eyes。　He'd　stopped　around　the　corner　from　their　own　house。　（His　own。　How　could　it　ever　be　hers　again？　How　could　she　ever　go　in　there；　after　what　had　happened　tonight？）　He'd　stopped　around　the　corner；　out　of　sight　of　it；　and　not　right　at　the　door。　He　was　giving　her　the　chance　to　tell　him；　that　must　be　why　he　had　done　it。
　He　took　out　a　cigarette；　and　lit　it　for　her　in　his　mouth；　and　offered　it　to　her　inquiringly。　She　shook　her　head。　So　then　he　threw　it　out　the　side　of　the　car。
　His　mouth　was　so　close　to　hers；　she　could　smell　the　aroma　of　the　tobacco　freshly　on　his　breath。　It'll　never　be　this　close　again；　she　thought；　never；　not　after　I'm　done　with　what　I　have　to　tell　him　now。
　〃Bill；〃　she　whispered。
　It　was　too　weak；　too　pleading。　That　feeble　a　voice　would　never　carry　her　through。　And　it　had　such　rocky　words　ahead　of　it。
　〃Yes；　Patrice？〃　he　answered　quietly。
　〃Don't　call　me　that。〃　She　turned　toward　him　with　desperate　urgency；　forcing　her　voice　to　be　steady。　〃Bill　there's　something　you've　got　to　know。　I　don't　know　where　to　begin　it；　I　don't　know　how…　But；　oh；　you've　got　to　listen；　if　you've　never　listened　to　me　before！〃
　〃Sh；　Patrice；〃　he　said　soothingly。　〃Sh；　Patrice。〃　As　though　she　were　a　fretful　child。　And　his　hand　gently　stroked　her　hair；　downward；　and　then　downward　again；　and　still　downward。
　She　moaned；　almost　as　though　she　were　in　pain。　〃No…don't…　don't…don't〃
　〃I　know；〃　he　said　almost　absently。　〃I　know　what　you're　trying　so　hard；　so　brokenheartedly；　to　tell　me。　That　you're　not　Patrice。　That　you're　not　Hugh's　wife。　Isn't　that　it？〃
　She　sought　his　eyes；　and　he　was　gazing　into　the　distance；　through　the　windshield　and　out　ahead　of　the　car。　There　was　something　almost　abstract　about　his　look。
　〃I　know　that　already。　I've　always　known　it。　I　think　I've　known　it　ever　since　the　first　few　weeks　you　got　here。〃
　The　side　of　his　face　came　gently　to　rest　against　her　head；　and　stayed　there；　in　a　sort　of　implicit　caress。
　〃So　you　don't　have　to　try　so　hard；　Patrice。　Don't　break　your　heart　over　it　There　isn't　anything　to　tell。〃
　She　gave　an　exhausted　sob。　Shuddered　a　little　with　her　own　frustration。　〃Even　the　one　last　chance　to　redeem　myself；　you've　taken　away　from　me；〃　she　murmured　hopelessly。　〃Even　that　little。〃
　〃You　don't　have　to　redeem　yourself；　Patrice。〃
　〃Every　time　you　call　me　that；　it's　a　lie。　I　can't　go　back　to　that　house　with　you。　I　can't　go　in　there　ever　again。　It's　too　late　now…　two　years　too　late；　two　years…but　at　least　let　me　tell　it　to　you。　Oh　God；　let　me　get　it　out！　Patrice　Hazzard　was　killed　on　the　train；　right　along　with　your　brother。　I　was　deserted　by　a　man　named…〃
　Again　he　placed　his　hand　over　her　mouth；　as　he　had　at　Georgesson's　place。　But　more　gently　than　he　had　then。
　〃I　don't　want　to　know；〃　he　told　her。　〃I　don't　want　to　hear。　Can't　you　understand；　Patrice？〃　Then　took　his　hand　away；　but　now　she　was　silent；　for　that　was　the　way　he　wanted　her　to　be。　And　that　was　the　easier　way　to　be。　〃Won't　you　understand　howl　feel？〃　He　glanced　about　for　an　instant；　this　way　and　that；　as　if　helplessly　in　search　of　some　means　of　convincing　her。　Some　means　that　wasn't　there　at　hand。　Then　back　to　her　again；　to　try　once　more；　speaking　low　and　from　the　heart。
　〃What　difference　does　it　make　if　there　once　was　another　Patrice；　another　Patrice　than　you；　a　girl　I　never　knew；　some　other　place　and　some　other　time？　Suppose　there　were　two？　There　are　a　thousand　Marys；　a　thousand　Janes；　but　each　man　that　loves　Mary；　he　loves　only　his　Mary；　and　for　him　there　are　no　others　in　the　whole　wide　world。　And　that's　with　me　too。　A　girl　named　Patrice　came　into　my　life　one　day。　And　that's　the　only　Patrice　there　is　for　me　in　the　world。　I　don't　love　the　name；　I　love　the　girl。　What　kind　of　love　do　you　think　I　have；　anyway？　That　if　she　got　the　name　from　a　clergyman；　it's　on；　but　if　she　helped　herself　to　it；　it's　off？〃
　〃But　she　stole　the　name；　took　it　away　from　the　dead。　And　she　lay　in　someone　else's　arms　first；　and　then　came　into　your　house　with　her　child…〃
　〃No；　she　didn't；　no；〃　he　contradicted　her　with　tender　stubbornness。　〃You　still　don't　see；　you　still　won't　see；　because　you're　not　the　man　who　loves　you。　She　couldn't　have；　because　she　wasn't；　until　I　met　her。　She　only　began　then；　she　only　starts　from　then。　She　only　came　into　existence；　as　my　eyes　first　took　her　in；　as　my　love　first　started　in　to　start。　Before　then　there　wasn't　any　she。　My　love　began　her；　and　when　my　love　ends；　she　ends　with　it。　She　has　to；　because　she　is　my　love。　Bef