cw.imarriedadeadman-第3部分

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　The　envelope　plummeted　to　the　floor。
　She　couldn't　seem　to　understand　for　a　long　time。　It　was　as　though　she'd　never　seen　a　five…dollar　bill　before。　It　was　as　though　she'd　never　seen　an　accordion…pleated　strip　of　railroad…tickets　like　that　before。　She　kept　staring　down　at　them。
　Then　she　started　to　shake　a　little。　At　first　without　sound。　Her　face　kept　twitching　intermittently；　up　alongside　the　eyes　and　down　around　the　corners　of　the　mouth；　as　if　her　expression　were　struggling　to　burst　forth　into　some　kind　of　fulminating　emotion。　For　a　moment　or　two　it　seemed　that　when　it　did；　it　would　be　weeping。　But　it　wasn't。
　It　was　laughter。
　Her　eyes　wreathed　into　oblique　slits；　and　her　lips　slashed　back；　and　harsh　broken　sounds　came　through。　Like　rusty　laughter。　Like　laughter　left　in　the　rain　too　long；　that　has　got　all　mildewed　and　spoiled。
　She　was　still　laughing　when　she　brought　out　the　battered　valise；　and　placed　it　atop　the　bed；　and　threw　the　lid　back。　She　was　still　laughing　when　she'd　filled　it　and　closed　it　again。
　She　never　seemed　to　get　through　laughing。　Her　laughter　never　stopped。　As　at　some　long…drawn　joke；　that　goes　on　and　on；　and　is　never　done　with　in　its　telling。
　But　laughter　should　be　merry；　vibrant　and　alive。
　This　wasn't。
　
　
　4
　
　The　train　had　already　ticked　off　fifteen　minutes'　solid；　steady　headway；　and　she　hadn't　yet　found　a　seat。　The　seats　were　full　with　holiday　crowds　and　the　aisles　were　full　and　the　very　vestibules　were　full；　she'd　never　seen　a　train　like　this　before。　She'd　been　too　far　behind　at　the　dammed…up　barrier；　and　too　slow　and　awkward　with　her　cumbersome　valise；　and　too　late　getting　on。　Her　ticket　only　allowed　her　to　get　aboard；　it　gave　her　no　priority　on　any　place　to　sit。
　Flagging；　wilting；　exhausted；　she　struggled　down　car…aisle　after　car…aisle；　walking　backward　against　the　train…pull；　eddying；　teetering　from　side　to　side；　leaden　valise　pulling　her　down。
　They　were　all　packed　with　standees；　and　this　was　the　last　one　now。　No　more　cars　after　this。　She'd　been　through　them　all。　No　one　offered　her　a　seat。　This　was　a　through　train；　no　stops　for　whole　States　at　a　time；　and　an　act　of　courtesy　now　would　have　e　too　high。　This　was　no　trolley　or　bus　with　a　few　moments'　running　time。　Once　you　were　gallant　and　stood；　you　stood　for　hundreds　and　hundreds　of　miles。
　She　stopped　at　last；　and　stayed　where　she'd　stopped；　for　sheer　inability　to　turn　and　go　back　again　to　where　she'd　e　from。　No　use　going　any　further。　She　could　see　to　the　end　of　the　car；　and　there　weren't　any　left。
　She　let　her　valise　down　parallel　to　the　aisle；　and　tried　to　seat　herself　upon　its　upturned　edge　as　she　saw　so　many　others　doing。　But　she　floundered　badly　for　a　moment；　out　of　her　own　topheaviness；　and　almost　tumbled　in　lowering　herself。　Then　when　she'd　succeeded；　she　let　her　head　settle　back　against　the　sideward　edge　of　the　seat　she　was　adjacent　to；　and　stayed　that　way。　Too　tired　to　know；　too　tired　to　care；　too　tired　even　to　close　her　eyes。
　What　makes　you　stop；　when　you　have　stopped；　just　where　you　have　stopped？　What　is　it；　what？　Is　it　something；　or　is　it　nothing？　Why　not　a　yard　short；　why　not　a　yard　more？　Why　just　there　where　you　are；　and　nowhere　else？
　Some　say：　It's　just　blind　chance；　and　if　you　hadn't　stopped　there；　you　would　have　stopped　at　the　next　place。　Your　story　would　have　been　different　then。　You　weave　your　own　story　as　you　go　along。
　But　others　say：　You　could　not　have　stopped　any　place　else　but　this　even　if　you　had　wanted　to。　It　was　decreed；　it　was　ordered；　you　were　meant　to　stop　at　this　spot　and　no　other。　Your　story　is　there　waiting　for　you；　it　has　been　waiting　for　you　there　a　hundred　years；　long　before　you　were　born；　and　you　cannot　change　a　ma　of　it。　Everything　you　do；　you　have　to　do。　You　are　the　twig；　and　the　water　you　float　on　swept　you　here。　You　are　the　leaf　and　the　breeze　you　were　borne　on　blew　you　here。　This　is　your　story；　and　you　cannot　escape　it；　you　are　only　the　player；　not　the　stage　manager。　Or　so　some　say。
　On　the　floor　before　her　downcast　eyes；　just　over　the　rim　of　the　seat…arm；　she　could　see　two　pairs　of　shoes　uptilted；　side　by　side。　On　the　inside；　toward　the　window；　a　diminutive　pair　of　pumps；　pert；　saucy；　without　backs；　without　sides；　without　toes；　in　fact　with　scarcely　anything　but　dagger…like　heels　and　a　couple　of　straps。　And　on　the　outside；　the　nearer　side　to　her；a　pair　of　man's　brogues；　looking　by　parison　squat；　bulky；　and　tremendously　heavy。　These　hung　one　above　the　other；　from　legs　coupled　at　the　knee。
　She　did　not　see　their　faces　and　she　did　not　want　to。　She　did　not　want　to　see　anyone's　face。　She　did　not　want　to　see　anything。
　Nothing　happened　for　a　moment。　Then　one　of　the　pumps　edged　slyly　over　toward　one　of　the　brogues；　nudged　gently　into　it；　as　if　in　a　deft　little　effort　to　municate　something。　The　brogue　remained　oblivious；　it　didn't　get　the　message。　It　got　the　feeling；　but　not　the　intent　A　large　hand　came　down；　and　scratched　tentatively　at　the　sock　just　above　the　brogue；　then　went　up　again。
　The　pump；　as　if　impatient　at　such　obtuseness；　repeated　the　effort。　Only　this　time　it　delivered　a　good　sharp　dig；　with　a　bite　to　it；　and　on　the　unprotected　ankle；　above　the　armorlike　brogue。
　That　got　results。　A　newspaper　rattled　somewhere　above；　as　if　it　had　been　lowered　out　of　the　way；　to　see　what　all　this　unpleasant　nipping　was　about。
　A　whispered　remark　was　voiced　above；　spoken　too　low　to　be　distinguishable　by　any　but　the　ear　for　which　it　was　intended。
　An　interrogative　grunt；　in　masculine　timbre；　answered　it。
　Both　brogues　came　down　even　on　the　floor；　as　the　legs　above　uncoupled。　Then　they　swivelled　slightly　toward　the　aisle；　as　if　their　owner　had　turned　his　upper　body　to　glance　that　way。
　The　girl　on　the　valise　closed　her　eyes　wearily；　to　avoid　the　gaze　that　she　knew　must　be　on　her。
　When　she　opened　them　again；　the　brogues　had　e　out　through　the　seat…gap；　and　the　wearer　was　standing　full…height　in　the　aisle；　on　the　other　side　of　her。　A　good　height　too；　a　six…foot　height。
　〃Take　my　seat；　miss；〃　he　invited。　〃Go　ahead；　take　my　place　for　awhile。〃
　She　tried　to　demur　with　a　faint　smile　and　a　halfhearted　shake　of　the　head。　But　the　velour　back　lopked　awfully　good。
　The　girl　who　had　remained　in　it　added　her　insistence　to　his。　〃Go　ahead；　honey；　take　it；〃　she　urged。　〃He　wants　you　to。　We　want　you　to。　You　can't　stay　out　there　like　that；　where　you　are。〃
　The　velour　back　looked　awfully　good。　She　couldn't　take　her　eyes　off　it。　But　she　was　almost　too　tired　to　stand　up　and　effect　the　change。　He　had　to　reach　down　and　take　her　by　the　arm　and　help　her　rise　from　the　valise　and　shift　over。
　Her　eyes　closed　again　for　a　moment；　in　ineffable　bliss；　as　she　sank　back。
　〃There　you　are；〃　he　said　heartily。　〃Isn't　that　better？〃
　And　the　girl　beside　her；　her　new　seat…mate；　said：　〃Why；　you　are　tired。　I　never　saw　anyone　so　all…in。〃
　She　smiled　her　thanks；　and　still　tried　to　protest　a　little；　though　the　act　had　already　been　pleted；　but　they　both　overrode　her　remonstrances。
　She　looked　at　the　two　of　them。　Now　she　at　least　wanted　to　see　their　two　faces；　if　no　others；　though　only　a　few　moments　ago　she　hadn't　wanted　to　see　any　faces；　anywhere；　ever　again。　But　kindness　is　a　form　of　restorative。
　They　were　both　young。　Well；　she　was　too。　But　they　were　both　happy；　gay；　basking　in　the　world's　blessings；　that　was　the　difference　between　them　and　her。　It　stood　out　all　over　them。　There　was　some　sort　of　gilded　incandescence　alight　within　both　of　them　alike；　something　that　was　more　than　mere　good　spirits；　more　than　mere　good　fortune；　and　for　the　first　few　moments　she　couldn't　tell　what　it　was。　Then　in　no　time　at　all；　their　eyes；　and　every　turn　of　their　heads；　and　every　move　they　made；　gave　it　away：　they　were　supremely；　brimmingly　in　love　with　one　another。　It　glowed　out　all　over　them；　almost　like　phosphorus。
　Young　love。　New　untarnished　love。　That　first　love　that　es　just　once　to　everyone　and　never　es　back　again。
　But；　conversationally；　it　expressed　itself　inversely；　at　least　on　her　part　if　not　his；　almost　every　remark　she　addressed　to　him　was　a　friendly　insult；　a　gentle　slur；　an　amiable　depreciation。　Not　so　much　as　a　word　of　tenderness；　or　even　ordinary　human　consideration；　did　she　seem　to　have　for　him。　Though　her　eyes　belied　her。　And　he　understood。　He　had　that　smile　for　all　her　outrageous　insolences；　that　worshipped；　that　adored；　that　understood　so　well。
　〃Well；　go　on；〃　she　said　with　a　peremptory　flick　of　her　hand。　〃Don't　stand　there　like　a　dope；　breathing　down　the　backs　of　our　necks。　Go　and　find　something　to　do。〃
　〃Oh；　pardon　me；〃　he　said；　and　pretended　to　turn　the　back　of　his　collar　up；　as　if　frozen　out　He　looked　vaguely　up　and　down　the　aisle。　〃Guess　I'll　go　out　on　the　platform　and　smoke　a　cigarette。〃
　〃Smoke　two；〃　she　said　airily。　〃See　if　I　care。〃
　He　turned　and　began　to　pick　his　way　down　the　thronged　aisle。
　〃That　was　nice　of　him；〃　the　newer　said　appreciatively；　glancing　after　him。
　〃Oh；　he's　tolerable；〃　her　panion　said。　〃He　has　his　good　points。〃　She　gave　a　shrug。　But　her　eyes　made　a　liar　out　of　her。
　She　glanced　around　to　make　sure　he'd　gone　out　of　earshot。　Then　she　leaned　slightly　toward　the　other；　dropped　her　voice　confidentially。　〃I　could　tell　right　away；〃　she　said。　〃That's　why　I　made　him　get　up。　About　you；　I　mean。〃
　The　girl　who'd　been　on　the　valise　dropped　her　eyes　for　an　instant；　confused；　deprecating。　She　didn't　say　anything。
　〃I　am　too。　You're　not　the　only　one；〃　her　panion　rushed　on；　with　just　a　trace　of　vainglory；　as　if　she　couldn't　wait　to　tell　it　quickly　enough。
　The　girl　said；　〃Oh。〃　She　didn't　know　what　else　to　say。　It　sounded　flat；　superficial；　the　way　you　say　〃Is　that　so？〃　or　〃You　don't　say？〃　She　tried　to　force　a　smile　of　sympathetic　interest；　but　she　wasn't　very　good　at　it。　Out　of　practice　at　smiling；　maybe。
　〃Seven　months；〃　the　other　added　gratuitously。
　The　girl　could　feel　her　eyes　on　her；　as　though　she　expected　some　return　in　kind　to　be　made；　if　only　for　the　record。
　〃Eight；〃　she　said；　half…audibly。　She　didn't　want　to；　but　she　did。
　〃Wonderful；〃　was　her　panion's　praise　for　this　arithmetical　information。　〃Marvelous。〃　As　though　there　were　some　sort　of　a　caste　system　involved　in　this；　and　she　unexpectedly　found　herself　speaking　to　one　of　the　upper　br