cw.imarriedadeadman-第34部分

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　to　the　one　without　the　other。　When　delivered；　it　is　not　to　be　opened　by　the　one　without　the　other。　And　finally；　it　is　only　to　be　delivered　in　the　case　of　your　marriage。　If　you　were　not　married　at　this　time；　as　she　wanted　you　to　be…and　you　know　she　did；　very　much…then　it　was　to　be　destroyed　by　me；　unopened。　Singly；　it　is　not　for　either　one　of　you。　United　in　marriage；　it　is　a　last　gift　to　the　two　of　you；　from　her。
　〃However。　You　need　not　read　it　if　you　do　not　want　to。　You　can　destroy　it　unopened。　I　am　under　pledge　not　to　reveal　what　is　in　it；　even　though　I　naturally　know；　for　I　took　her　words　down　at　the　bedside；　and　witnessed　and　notarized　her　signature　in　my　capacity　as　her　attorney。　You　must；　therefore；　either　read　it　or　not　read　it　for　yourselves。　And　if　you　do　read　it；　then　when　you　have　read　it；　you　are　to　destroy　it　just　the　same。〃
　He　waited　a　moment。
　〃Now；　do　you　want　me　to　deliver　it　to　you；　or　do　you　prefer　that　I　destroy　it？〃
　〃We　want　it；　of　course；〃　Patrice　whispered。
　〃We　want　it；〃　Bill　echoed。
　He　extended　it　to　them　lengthwise。　〃You　kindly　place　your　fingers　on　this　corner。　You　on　this。〃　He　withdrew　his　own　fingers；　and　they　were　left　holding　it。
　〃I　hope　it　brings　you　the　extra　added　happiness　she　wanted　you　both　to　have。　I　know　that　that　is　why　she　did　it。　She　asked　me　to　bless　you　both；　for　her；　as　I　gave　it　to　you。　Which　I　do　now。　That　concludes　my　stewardship　in　the　matter。〃
　They　waited　several　hours；　until　they　were　alone　together　in　their　room　that　night。　Then　when　he'd　finished　putting　on　his　robe；　and　saw　that　she　had　doned　a　silken　bridal　something　over　her　nightdress；　he　took　it　out　of　his　coat…pocket　and　said：
　〃Now。　Shall　we？　You　do　want　to；　don't　you？〃
　〃Of　course。　It's　from　her。　We　want　to　read　it。　I've　been　counting　the　minutes　all　evening　long。〃
　〃I　knew　you'd　want　to。　e　on　over　here。　We'll　read　it　together。〃
　He　sat　down　in　an　easy　chair；　adjusted　the　hood　of　the　lamp　over　one　shoulder。　She　perched　beside　him　on　the　arm　of　the　chair；　slipped　an　arm　about　his　shoulders。
　The　sealing…wax　wafers　crumbled　and　the　flap　shot　upright；　under　his　fingers。
　In　silent　intensity；　heads　close　together；　they　read：
　
　〃My　beloved　children：
　You　are　married　by　now；　by　the　time　this　reaches　you。　（For　if　you　are　not；　it　will　not　reach　you；　Mr。　Winthrop　will　tell　you　all　about　that。）　You　are　happy。　I　hope　I　have　given　you　that　happiness。　I　want　to　give　you　even　a　little　more。　And　trust　and　pray　that　out　of　your　plenty；　you　will　spare　a　little　of　it　for　me；　even　though　I　am　gone　and　no　longer　there　with　you。　I　do　not　want　a　shadow　to　cross　your　minds　every　time　you　recall　me。　I　cannot　bear　to　have　you　think　ill　of　me。
　I　did　not　do　that　thing；　of　course。　I　did　not　take　that　young　man's　life。　Perhaps　you　have　already　guessed　it。　Perhaps　you　both　know　me　well　enough　to　know　I　could　not　have　done　such　a　thing。
　I　knew　that　he　was　doing　something　to　threaten　Patrice's　happiness；　that　was　all。　That　was　why　we　were　havng　Mr。　Carter　investigate　him。　But　I　never　actually　set　eyes　on　him；　I　never　saw　him。
　I　was　alone　in　the　house　last　night　（for　as　Mr。　Winthrop　writes　this　for　me；　it　is　still　last　night；　though　you　will　not　read　it　for　a　long　time　to　e）。　Even　Father；　who　never　goes　out　without　me；　had　to　attend　an　important　emergency　meeting　at　the　plant。　It　meant　settling　the　strike　that　much　sooner；　and　I　pleaded　with　him　to　go；　though　he　did　not　want　to。　I　was　alone；　just　Aunt　Josie　and　the　child　and　I。
　Mr。　Carter　phoned　around　ten…thirty　o'clock　and　told　me　he　had　bad　news；　that　a　marriage…service　had　just　been　performed　joining　the　two　of　them　at　Hastings。　I　had　taken　the　call　on　the　downstairs　phone。　The　shock　brought　on　an　attack。　Not　wishing　to　alarm　Aunt　Josie；　I　tried　to　get　up　the　stairs　to　my　room　unaided。　By　the　time　I　had　reached　the　top；　I　became　exhausted　and　could　only　lie　there；　unable　to　move　any　further　or　to　call　out。
　While　I　was　lying　there　helpless　like　that；　I　heard　the　outside　door　open　and　recognized　Bill's　step　below。　I　tried　to　attract　his　attention；　but　my　voice　was　too　weak；　I　couldn't　reach　him　with　it。　I　heard　him　go　into　the　library；　stay　there　several　moments；　then　e　out　again。　Afterward　I　remembered　hearing　something　click　between　his　hands　right　then；　as　he　stood　there　by　the　door。　And　I　knew　he　never　uses　a　cigarettelighter。　Then　he　left　the　house。
　When　Aunt　Josie　had　e　out　some　time　later；　found　me　there；　and　carried　me　to　my　bed；　and　while　we　were　waiting　for　the　doctor；　I　sent　her　to　the　library　to　see　if　that　gun　that　belonged　there　was　still　there。　She　did　not　understand　why　I　wanted　her　to　do　this；　and　I　did　not　tell　her。　But　when　she　came　back　and　told　me　that　the　gun　was　missing；　I　was　afraid　what　that　might　mean。
　I　knew　by　then　that　I　was　dying。　One　does。　I　had　time　to　think；　lying　there　during　those　next　long　hours。　I　could　think　so　clearly。　I　knew　that　there　was　a　way　in　which　either　my　Bill　or　my　Patrice　might　need　my　protection；　once　I　was　no　longer　there　to　give　it。　I　knew　I　had　to　give　it　none　the　less；　as　best　I　could。　I　wanted　them　to　have　their　happiness。　I　wanted　above　all　my　little　grandchild　to　have　his　security；　his　start　in　life　without　anything　to　mar　it。　I　knew　what　the　way　was　in　which　I　could　give　this　to　them。
　So　as　soon　as　Dr。　Parker　would　allow　it；　I　had　Ty　Winthrop　called　to　my　bedside。　To　him；　in　privacy；　I　dictated　the　sworn　statement　which　you　have　had　by　now。
　I　hope；　my　dear　ones；　you　have　not　had　to　use　it。　I　pray　you　have　not；　and　never　will　have　to。　…
　But　this　is　its　retraction。　This　is　the　truth；　just　meant　for　you　two　alone。　One　tells　the　truth　to　one's　loved　ones；　one　does　not　have　to　swear　to　and　notarize　it。　There　is　no　guilt　upon　me。　This　is　my　wedding　gift　to　you。　To　make　your　happiness　even　more　plete　than　it　is　already。
　Burn　it　after　you　have　read　it。　This　is　a　dying　woman's　last　wish。　Bless　you　both。
　
　Your　devoted　Mother。〃
　
　The　match　made　a　tiny　snap。　Stripes　of　black　crept　up　the　paper；　then　ran　together；　before　any　flame　could　be　seen。　Then　there　was　a　little　soundless　puff；　and　suddenly　yellow　light　glowed　all　around　it。
　And　as　it　burned；　over　this　yellow　light；　they　turned　their　heads　and　looked　at　one　another。　With　a　strange；　new　sort　of　fright　they'd　never　felt　before。　As　when　the　world　drops　away；　and　there　is　nothing　left　underfoot　to　stand　on。
　〃She　didn't　do　it；〃　he　whispered；　stricken。
　〃She　didn't；〃　she　breathed；　appalled。
　〃Then…？〃
　〃Then…？〃
　And　each　pair　of　eyes　answered；　〃You。〃
　
　
　*　*　*
　
　
　The　summer　nights　are　so　pleasant　in　Caulfield。　They　smell　of　heliotrope；　of　jasmine；　and　of　clover。　The　stars　are　warm　and　close　above　us。　The　breeze　is　gentle　as　a　baby's　kiss。　The　soothing　whisper　of　the　leafy　trees；　the　lamplight　falling　on　the　lawns；　the　hush　of　perfect　peace　and　security。
　But　not　for　us。
　The　house　we　live　in　is　so　pleasant　here　in　Caulfield。　Its　blue…green　lawn；　always　freshly　watered；　the　dazzling　whiteness　of　the　porchsupports　in　the　sun；　the　gracious　symmetry　of　the　bannister　that　curves　down　from　above；　the　gloss　of　rich　old　floors；　the　lushness　of　pile　carpeting；　in　every　room　some　favorite　chair　that's　an　old　friend。　People　e　and　say；　〃What　more　can　there　be？　This　is　a　home。〃
　But　not　for　us。
　I　love　him　so。　More　than　ever　before；　not　less。　So　bitterly　I　love　him。　And　he　loves　me。　And　yet　I　know　that　on　some　day　to　e；　maybe　this　year；　maybe　next；　but　surely　to　e；　suddenly　he'll　pack　and　go　away　and　leave　me。　Though　he'll　love　me　still；　and　never　stop　even　after　he's　gone。
　Or　if　he　doesn't；　I　will。　I'll　take　up　my　valise；　and　walk　out　through　the　door；　and　never　return。　I'll　leave　my　heart　behind；　and　leave　my　child　behind；　and　leave　my　life　behind；　but　I'll　never　e　back。
　It's　certain；　it's　assured。　The　only　uncertainty　is：　which　one　of　us　will　be　the　first　to　break。
　We've　fought　this　thing。　In　every　way　we　know；　in　every　way　there　is。　No　good；　no　good　at　all。　There's　no　way　out。　We're　caught；　we're　trapped。　For　if　he's　innocent；　then　it　has　to　be　me。　And　if　I　am；　it　has　to　be　he。　But　I　know　I'm　innocent。　（Yet　he　may　know　he　is　too。）　We　can't　break　through；　there's　no　way　out。
　It's　in　the　very　kiss　we　give　each　other。　Somehow　we　trap　it　right　between　our　lips；　each　time。　It's　everywhere；　it's　all　the　time；　it's　us。
　I　don't　know　what　the　game　was。　I'm　not　sure　how　it　should　be　played。　No　one　ever　tells　you。　I　only　know　we　must　have　played　it　wrong；　somewhere　along　the　way。　I　don't　even　know　what　the　stakes　are。　I　only　know　they're　not　for　us。
　We've　lost。　That's　all　I　know。　We've　lost。　And　now　the　game　is　through。
　
　



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