tp.guards!guards!-第27部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　〃You　all　right；　Captain？〃　said　Sergeant　Colon。
　〃I　could　see　right　up　its　nose；〃　said　Captain　Vimes　dreamily。　His　eyes　focused　on　the　worried　face　of　the　sergeant。　〃Where's　it　gone？〃　he　demanded。　Colon　pointed　along　the　street。
　Vimes　glowered　at　the　shape　disappearing　over　the　rooftops。
　〃Follow　it！〃　he　said。
　。。。
　　
　The　horn　sounded　again。
　Other　people　were　hurrying　towards　the　plaza。　The　dragon　drifted　ahead　of　them　like　a　shark　heading　towards　a　wayward　airbed；　its　tail　flicking　slowly　from　side　to　side。
　〃Some　loony　is　going　to　fight　it！〃　said　Nobby。
　〃I　thought　someone　would　have　a　go；〃　said　Colon。　〃Poor　bugger'll　be　baked　in　his　own　armour。〃
　This　seemed　to　be　the　opinion　of　the　crowds　lining　the　plaza。　The　people　of　Ankh…Morpork　had　a　straightforward；　no…nonsense　approach　to　entertainment；　and　while　they　were　looking　forward　to　seeing　a　dragon　slain；　they'd　be　happy　to　settle　instead　for　seeing　someone　being　baked　alive　in　his　own　armour。　You　didn't　get　the　chance　every　day　to　see　someone　baked　alive　in　their　own　armour。　It　would　be　something　for　the　children　to　remember。
　Vimes　was　jostled　and　bounced　around　by　the　crowd　as　more　people　flooded　into　the　plaza　behind　them。
　The　horn　sounded　a　third　challenge。
　〃That's　a　slug…horn；　that　is；〃　said　Colon　knowledgeably。　〃Like　a　tocsin；　only　deeper。〃
　〃You　sure？〃　said　Nobby。
　〃Yep。〃
　〃It　must　have　been　a　bloody　big　slug。〃
　〃Peanuts！　Figgins！　Hot　sausages！〃　whined　a　voice　behind　them。　〃Hallo；　lads。　Hallo；　Captain　Vimes！　In　at　the　death；　eh？　Have　a　sausage。　On　the　house。〃
　〃What's　going　on；　Throat？〃　said　Vimes；　clinging　to　the　vendor's　tray　as　more　people　spilled　around　them。
　〃Some　kid's　ridden　into　the　city　and　said　he'd　kill　the　dragon；〃　said　Cut…me…own…Throat。　〃Got　a　magic　sword；　he　says。〃
　〃Has　he　got　a　magic　skin？〃
　〃You've　got　no　romance　in　your　soul；　Captain；〃　said　Throat；　removing　a　very　hot　toasting　fork　from　the　tiny　frying　pan　on　his　tray　and　applying　it　gently　to　the　buttock　of　a　large　woman　in　front　of　him。　〃Stand　aside；　madam；　merce　is　the　lifeblood　of　the　city；　thank　you　very　much。　O'course；〃　he　continued；　〃by　rights　there　should　be　a　maiden　chained　to　a　rock。　Only　the　aunt　said　no。　That's　the　trouble　with　some　people。　No　sense　of　tradition。　This　lad　says　he's　the　rightful　air；　too。〃
　Vimes　shook　his　head。　The　world　was　definitely　going　mad　around　him。　〃You've　lost　me　there；〃　he　said。
　〃Air；〃　said　Throat　patiently。　〃You　know。　Air　to　the　throne。〃
　〃What　throne？〃
　〃The　throne　of　Ankh。〃
　〃What　throne　of　Ankh？〃
　〃You　know。　Kings　and　that。〃　Throat　looked　reflective。　〃Wish　I　knew　what　his　bloody　name　is；〃　he　said。　〃I　put　an　order　in　to　Igneous　the　Troll's　all…night　wholesale　pottery　for　three　gross　of　coronation　mugs　and　it's　going　to　be　a　right　pain；　painting　all　the　names　in　afterwards。　Shall　I　put　you　down　for　a　couple；　Cap'n？　To　you　ninety　pence；　and　that's　cutting　me　own　throat。〃
　Vimes　gave　up；　and　shoved　his　way　back　through　the　throng　using　Carrot　as　a　lighthouse。　The　lance…constable　loomed　over　the　crowd；　and　the　rest　of　the　rank　had　anchored　themselves　to　him。
　〃It's　all　gone　mad；〃　he　shouted。　〃What's　going　on；　Carrot？〃
　〃There's　a　lad　on　a　horse　in　the　middle　of　the　plaza；〃　said　Carrot。　〃He's　got　a　glittery　sword；　you　know。　Doesn't　seem　to　be　doing　much　at　the　moment；　though。〃
　Vimes　fought　his　way　into　the　lee　of　Lady　Ramkin。
　〃Kings；〃　he　panted。　〃Of　Ankh。　And　Thrones。　Are　there？〃
　〃What？　Oh；　yes。　There　used　to　be；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。　〃Hundreds　of　years　ago。　Why？〃
　〃Some　kid　says　he's　heir　to　the　throne！〃
　〃That's　right；〃　said　Throat；　who'd　followed　Vimes　in　the　hope　of　clinching　a　sale。　'　'He　made　a　big　speech　about　how　he　was　going　to　kill　the　dragon；　overthrow　the　usurpers　and　right　all　wrongs。　Everyone　cheered。　Hot　sausages；　two　for　a　dollar；　made　of　genuine　pig；　why　not　buy　one　for　the　lady？〃
　〃Don't　you　mean　pork；　sir？〃　said　Carrot　warily；　eyeing　the　glistening　tubes。
　〃Manner　of　speaking；　manner　of　speaking；〃　said　Throat　quickly。　〃Certainly　your　actual　pig　products。　Genuine　pig。〃
　〃Everyone　cheers　any　speech　in　this　city；〃　growled　Vimes。　〃It　doesn't　mean　anything！〃
　〃Get　your　pig　sausages；　five　for　two　dollars！〃　said　Throat；　who　never　let　a　conversation　stand　in　the　way　of　trade。　〃Could　be　good　for　business；　could　monarchy。　Pig　sausages！　Pig　sausages！　Inna　bun！　And　righting　all　wrongs；　too。　Sounds　like　a　solid　idea　to　me。　With　onions！〃
　〃Can　I　press　you　to　a　hot　sausage；　ma'am？〃　said　Nobby。
　Lady　Ramkin　looked　at　the　tray　around　Throat's　neck。　Thousands　of　years　of　good　breeding　came　to　her　aid　and　there　was　only　the　faintest　suggestion　of　horror　in　her　voice　when　she　said；　〃My；　they　look　good。　What　splendid　foodstuffs。〃
　〃Are　they　made　by　monks　on　some　mystic　mountain？〃　said　Carrot。
　Throat　gave　him　an　odd　look。　〃No；〃　he　said　patiently；　〃by　pigs。〃
　〃What　wrongs？〃　said　Vimes　urgently。　〃e　on；　tell　me。　What　wrongs　is　he　going　to　right？〃
　〃We…ell；〃　said　Throat；　〃there's；　well；　taxes。　That's　wrong；　for　a　start。〃　He　had　the　grace　to　look　slightly　embarrassed。　Paying　taxes　was　something　that；　in　Throat's　world；　happened　only　to　other　people。
　〃That's　right；〃　said　an　old　woman　next　to　him。　〃And　the　gutter　of　my　house　leaks　something　dreadful　and　the　landlord　won't　do　nothing。　That's　wrong。〃
　〃And　premature　baldness；〃　said　the　man　in　front　of　her。　〃That's　wrong；　too。〃　Vimes's　mouth　dropped　open。
　〃Ah。　Kings　can　cure　that；　you　know；〃　said　another　protomonarchist　knowingly。
　〃As　a　matter　of　fact；〃　said　Throat；　rummaging　in　his　pack；　〃I've　got　one　bottle　left　of　this　astonishing　ointment　what　is　made。。。〃　he　glared　at　Carrot；〃。。。by　some　ancient　monks　who　live　on　a　mountain。。。〃
　〃And　they　can't　answer　back；　you　know；〃　the　monarchist　went　on。　〃That's　how　you　can　tell　they're　royal。　pletely　incapable　of　it。　It's　to　do　with　being　gracious。〃
　〃Fancy；〃　said　the　leaky…guttering　woman。
　〃Money；　too；〃　said　the　monarchist；　enjoying　the　attention。　〃They　don't　carry　it。　That's　how　you　can　always　tell　a　king。〃
　〃Why？　It's　not　that　heavy；〃　said　the　man　whose　remaining　hair　was　spread　across　the　dome　of　his　head　like　the　remnant　of　a　defeated　army。　〃I　can　carry　hundreds　of　dollars；　no　problem。〃
　〃You　probably　get　weak　arms；　being　a　king；〃　said　the　woman　wisely。　〃Probably　with　the　waving。〃
　〃I've　always　thought；〃　said　the　monarchist；　pulling　out　a　pipe　and　beginning　to　fill　it　with　the　ponderous　air　of　one　who　is　going　to　deliver　a　lecture；　〃that　one　of　the　major　problems　of　being　a　king　is　the　risk　of　your　daughter　getting　a　prick。〃
　There　was　a　thoughtful　pause。
　〃And　falling　asleep　for　a　hundred　years；〃　the　monarchist　went　on　stolidly。
　〃Ah；〃　said　the　others；　unaccountably　relieved。
　〃And　then　there's　wear　and　tear　on　peas；〃　he　added。
　〃Well；　there　would　be；〃　said　the　woman；　uncertainly。
　〃Having　to　sleep　on　them　all　the　time；〃　said　the　monarchist。
　〃Not　to　mention　hundreds　of　mattresses。〃
　〃Right。〃
　〃Is　that　so？　I　think　I　could　get　'em　for　him　wholesale；〃　said　Throat。　He　turned　to　Vimes；　who　had　been　listening　to　all　this　with　leaden　depression。　〃See；　Captain？　And　you'd　be　in　the　royal　guard；　I　expect。　Get　some　plumes　in　your　helmet。〃
　〃Ah；　pageantry；〃　said　the　monarchist；　pointing　with　his　pipe。　〃Very　important。　Lots　of　spectacles。〃
　〃What；　free？〃　said　Throat。
　〃We…ell；　I　think　maybe　you　have　to　pay　for　the　frames；〃　said　the　monarchist。
　〃You're　all　bloody　mad！〃　shouted　Vimes。　〃You　don't　know　anything　about　him　and　he　hasn't　even　won　yet！〃
　〃Bit　of　a　formality；　I　expect；〃　said　the　woman。
　〃It's　a　fire…breathing　dragon！〃　screamed　Vimes；　remembering　those　nostrils。　〃And　he's　just　a　guy　on　a　horse；　for　heaven's　sake！〃
　Throat　prodded　him　gently　in　the　breastplate。　〃You　got　no　soul；　Cap'n；〃　he　said。　〃When　a　stranger　es　into　the　city　under　the　thrall　of　the　dragon　and　challenges　it　with　a　glittery　sword；　weeell；　there's　only　one　oute；　ain't　there？　It's　probably　destiny。〃
　〃Thrall？〃　shouted　Vimes。　〃Thrall？　You　thieving　bugger；　Throat；　you　were　flogging　cuddly　dragon　dolls　yesterday！〃
　〃That's　was　just　business；　Cap'n。　No　need　to　get　excited　about　it；〃　said　Throat　pleasantly。
　Vimes　went　back　to　the　rank　in　a　gloomy　rage。　Say　what　you　liked　about　the　people　of　Ankh…Morpork；　they　had　always　been　staunchly　independent；　yielding　to　no　man　their　right　to　rob；　defraud；　embezzle　and　murder　on　an　equal　basis。　This　seemed　absolutely　right；　to　Vimes's　way　of　thinking。　There　was　no　difference　at　all　between　the　richest　man　and　the　poorest　beggar；　apart　from　the　fact　that　the　former　had　lots　of　money；　food；　power；　fine　clothes；　and　good　health。　But　at　least　he　wasn't　any　better。　Just　richer；　fatter；　more　powerful；　better　dressed　and　healthier。　It　had　been　like　that　for　hundreds　of　years。
　〃And　now　they　get　one　sniff　of　an　ermine　robe　and　they　go　all　gooey；〃　he　muttered。
　The　dragon　was　circling　the　plaza　slowly　and　warily。　Vimes　craned　to　see　over　the　heads　in　front　of　him。
　In　the　same　way　that　various　predators　have　the　silhouette　of　their　prey　almost　programmed　into　their　genes；　it　was　possible　that　the　shape　of　someone　on　a　horse　holding　a　sword　clicked　a　few　tumblers　in　a　dragon's　brain。　It　was　showing　keen　but　wary　interest。
　Back　in　the　crowd；　Vimes　shrugged。　〃I　didn't　even　know　we　were　a　kingdom。〃
　〃Well；　we　haven't　been　for　ages；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。　〃The　kings　got　thrown　out；　and　jolly　good　job　too。　They　could　be　quite　frightful。〃
　〃But　you're；　well；　from　a　pos　…　from　a　high…born　family；〃　he　said。　〃I　should　have　thought　you'd　be　all　for　kings。〃
　〃Some　of　them　were　fearful　ilks；　you　know；〃　she　said　airily。　〃Wives　all　over　the　place；　and　chopping　people's　heads　off；　fighting　pointless　wars；　eating　with　their　knife；　chucking　half…eaten　chicken　legs　over　their　shoulders；　that　sort　of　thing。　Not　our　sort　of　people　at　all。〃
　The　plaza　went　quiet。　The　dragon　had　flapped　slowly　to　the　far　end　and　was　almost　stationary　in　the　air；　apart　from　the　slow　beating　of　its　wings。
　Vimes　felt　something　claw　gently　at　his　back；　and　then　Errol　was　on　his　shoulder；　gripping　with　his　hind　claws。　His　stubby　wings　were　beating　in　time　with　those　of　the　bigger　specimen。　He　was　hissing。　His　eyes　were　fixed　on　the　hovering　bulk。
　The　boy's　horse　jigged　ne