da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第23部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


other；　or　was　it　three　times　the　speed　of　something　else？　Jolly　impressive　anyway。　He　peered　into　the　bright　distance　behind　the　ship；　looking　for　something。　He　did　this　every　few　minutes　or　so；　but　never　found　what　he　was　looking　for。　He　didn't　let　it　worry　him　though。　The　scientist　chaps　had　been　very　insistent　that　everything　was　going　to　be　perfectly　alright　providing　nobody　panicked　and　everybody　got　on　and　did　their　bit　in　an　orderly　fashion。
　　He　wasn't　panicking。　As　far　as　he　was　concerned　everything　was　going　splendidly。　He　dabbed　at　his　shoulder　with　a　large　frothy　sponge。　It　crept　back　into　his　mind　that　he　was　feeling　mildly　irritated　about　something。　Now　what　was　all　that　about？　A　slight　cough　alerted　him　to　the　fact　that　the　ship's　first　officer　was　still　standing　nearby。
　　Nice　chap；　Number　One。　Not　of　the　very　brightest；　had　the　odd　spot　of　difficulty　doing　up　his　shoe　laces；　but　jolly　good　officer　material　for　all　that。　The　Captain　wasn't　a　man　to　kick　a　chap　when　he　was　bending　over　trying　to　do　up　his　shoe　laces；　however　long　it　took　him。　Not　like　that　ghastly　Number　Two；　strutting　about　all　over　the　place；　polishing　his　buttons；　issuing　reports　every　hour：　〃Ship's　still　moving；　Captain。〃　〃Still　on　course；　Captain。〃　〃Oxygen　levels　still　being　maintained；　Captain。〃　〃Give　it　a　miss；〃　was　the　Captain's　vote。　Ah　yes；　that　was　the　thing　that　had　been　irritating　him。　He　peered　down　at　Number　One。
　　〃Yes；　Captain；　he　was　shouting　something　or　other　about　having　found　some　prisoners。。。〃
　　The　Captain　thought　about　this。　Seemed　pretty　unlikely　to　him；　but　he　wasn't　one　to　stand　in　his　officers'　way。
　　〃Well；　perhaps　that'll　keep　him　happy　for　a　bit；〃　he　said；　〃He's　always　wanted　some。〃
　　Ford　Prefect　and　Arthur　Dent　trudged　onwards　up　the　ship's　apparently　endless　corridors。　Number　Two　marched　behind　them　barking　the　occasional　order　about　not　making　any　false　moves　or　trying　any　funny　stuff。　They　seemed　to　have　passed　at　least　a　mile　of　continuous　brown　hessian　wall　weave。　Finally　they　reached　a　large　steel　door　which　slid　open　when　Number　Two　shouted　at　it。
　　They　entered。　To　the　eyes　of　Ford　Prefect　and　Arthur　Dent；　the　most　remarkable　thing　about　the　ship's　bridge　was　not　the　fifty　foot　diameter　hemispherical　dome　which　covered　it；　and　through　which　the　dazzling　display　of　stars　shone　down　on　them：　to　people　who　have　eaten　at　the　Restaurant　at　the　End　of　the　Universe；　such　wonders　are　monplace。　Nor　was　it　the　bewildering　array　of　instruments　that　crowded　the　long　circumferential　wall　around　them。　To　Arthur　this　was　exactly　what　spaceships　were　traditionally　supposed　to　look　like；　and　to　Ford　it　looked　thoroughly　antiquated：　it　confirmed　his　suspicions　that　Disaster　Area's　stuntship　had　taken　them　back　at　least　a　million；　if　not　two　million；　years　before　their　own　time。
　　No；　the　thing　that　really　caught　them　off　balance　was　the　bath。
　　The　bath　stood　on　a　six　foot　pedestal　of　rough　hewn　blue　water　crystal　and　was　of　a　baroque　monstrosity　not　often　seen　outside　the　Maximegalon　Museum　of　Diseased　Imaginings。　An　intestinal　jumble　of　plumbing　had　been　picked　out　in　gold　leaf　rather　than　decently　buried　at　midnight　in　an　unmarked　grave；　the　taps　and　shower　attachment　would　have　made　a　gargoyle　jump。
　　As　the　dominant　centrepiece　of　a　starship　bridge　it　was　terribly　wrong；　and　it　was　with　the　embittered　air　of　a　man　who　knew　this　that　Number　Two　approached　it。
　　〃Captain；　sir！〃　he　shouted　through　clenched　teeth　…　a　difficult　trick　but　he'd　had　years　during　which　to　perfect　it。
　　A　large　genial　face　and　a　genial　foam　covered　arm　popped　up　above　the　rim　of　the　monstrous　bath。
　　〃Ah；　hello；　Number　Two；〃　said　the　Captain；　waving　a　cheery　sponge；　〃having　a　nice　day？〃
　　Number　Two　snapped　even　further　to　attention　than　he　already　was。
　　〃I　have　brought　you　the　prisoners　I　located　in　freezer　bay　seven；　sir！〃　he　yapped。
　　Ford　and　Arthur　coughed　in　confusion。
　　〃Er。。。　hello；〃　they　said。
　　The　Captain　beamed　at　them。　So　Number　Two　had　really　found　some　prisoners。　Well；　good　for　him；　thought　the　Captain；　nice　to　see　a　chap　doing　what　he's　best　at。
　　〃Oh；　hello　there；〃　he　said　to　them；　〃Excuse　me　not　getting　up；　having　a　quick　bath。　Well；　jynnan　tonnyx　all　round　then。　Look　in　the　fridge　Number　one。〃
　　〃Certainly　sir。〃
　　It　is　a　curious　fact；　and　one　to　which　no　one　knows　quite　how　much　importance　to　attach；　that　something　like　85％　of　all　known　worlds　in　the　Galaxy；　be　they　primitive　or　highly　advanced；　have　invented　a　drink　called　jynnan　tonnyx；　or　gee…N'N…T'N…ix；　or　jinond…o…nicks；　or　any　one　of　a　thousand　or　more　variations　on　the　same　phonetic　theme。　The　drinks　themselves　are　not　the　same；　and　vary　between　the　Sivolvian　〃chinanto/mnigs〃　which　is　ordinary　water　server　at　slightly　above　room　temperature；　and　the　Gagrakackan　〃tzjin…anthony…ks〃　which　kills　cows　at　a　hundred　paces；　and　in　fact　the　one　mon　factor　between　all　of　them；　beyond　the　fact　that　the　names　sound　the　same；　is　that　they　were　all　invented　and　named　before　the　worlds　concerned　made　contact　with　any　other　worlds。
　　What　can　be　made　of　this　fact？　It　exists　in　total　isolation。　As　far　as　any　theory　of　structural　linguistics　is　concerned　it　is　right　off　the　graph；　and　yet　it　persists。　Old　structural　linguists　get　very　angry　when　young　structural　linguists　go　on　about　it。　Young　structural　linguists　get　deeply　excited　about　it　and　stay　up　late　at　night　convinced　that　they　are　very　close　to　something　of　profound　importance；　and　end　up　being　old　structural　linguists　before　their　time；　getting　very　angry　with　the　young　ones。　Structural　linguistics　is　a　bitterly　divided　and　unhappy　discipline；　and　a　large　number　of　its　practitioners　spend　too　many　nights　drowning　their　problems　in　Ouisghian　Zodahs。
　　Number　Two　stood　before　the　Captain's　bathtub　trembling　with　frustration。
　　〃Don't　you　want　to　interrogate　the　prisoners　sir？〃　he　squealed。
　　The　Captain　peered　at　him　in　bemusement。
　　〃Why　on　Golgafrincham　should　I　want　to　do　that？〃　he　asked。
　　〃To　get　information　out　of　them；　sir！　To　find　out　why　they　came　here！〃
　　〃Oh　no；　no；　no；〃　said　the　Captain；　〃I　expect　they　just　dropped　in　for　a　quick　jynnan　tonnyx；　don't　you？〃
　　〃But　sir；　they're　my　prisoners！　I　must　interrogate　them！〃
　　The　Captain　looked　at　them　doubtfully。
　　〃Oh　all　right；〃　he　said；　〃if　you　must。　Ask　them　what　they　want　to　drink。〃
　　A　hard　cold　gleam　came　into　Number　Two's　eyes。　He　advanced　slowly　on　Ford　Prefect　and　Arthur　Dent。
　　〃All　right；　you　scum；〃　he　growled；　〃you　vermin。。。〃　He　jabbed　Ford　with　the　Kill…O…Zap　gun。
　　〃Steady　on；　Number　Two；〃　admonished　the　Captain　gently。
　　〃What　do　you　want　to　drink！！！〃　Number　Two　screamed。
　　〃Well　the　jynnan　tonnyx　sounds　very　nice　to　me；〃　said　Ford；　〃What　about　you　Arthur？〃
　　Arthur　blinked。
　　〃What？　Oh；　er；　yes；〃　he　said。
　　〃With　ice　or　without？〃　bellowed　Number　Two。
　　〃Oh；　with　please；〃　said　Ford。
　　〃Lemon？？！！〃
　　〃Yes　please；〃　said　Ford；　〃and　do　you　have　any　of　those　little　biscuits？　You　know；　the　cheesy　ones？〃
　　〃I'm　asking　the　questions！！！！〃　howled　Number　Two；　his　body　quaking　with　apoplectic　fury。
　　〃Er；　Number　Two。。。〃　said　the　Captain　softly。
　　〃Sir？！〃
　　〃Push　off；　would　you；　there's　a　good　chap。　I'm　trying　to　have　a　relaxing　bath。〃
　　Number　Two's　eyes　narrowed　and　became　what　are　known　in　the　Shouting　and　Killing　People　trade　as　cold　slits；　the　idea　presumably　being　to　give　your　opponent　the　impression　that　you　have　lost　your　glasses　or　are　having　difficulty　keeping　awake。　Why　this　is　frightening　is　an；　as　yet；　unresolved　problem。
　　He　advanced　on　the　captain；　his　（Number　Two's）　mouth　a　thin　hard　line。　Again；　tricky　to　know　why　this　is　understood　as　fighting　behaviour。　If；　whilst　wandering　through　the　jungle　of　Traal；　you　were　suddenly　to　e　upon　the　fabled　Ravenous　Bugblatter　Beast；　you　would　have　reason　to　be　grateful　if　its　mouth　was　a　thin　hard　line　rather　than；　as　it　usually　is；　a　gaping　mass　of　slavering　fangs。
　　〃May　I　remind　you　sir；〃　hissed　Number　Two　at　the　Captain；　〃that　you　have　now　been　in　that　bath　for　over　three　years？！〃　This　final　shot　delivered；　Number　Two　spun　on　his　heel　and　stalked　off　to　a　corner　to　practice　darting　eye　movements　in　the　mirror。
　　The　Captain　squirmed　in　his　bath。　He　gave　Ford　Prefect　a　lame　smile。
　　〃Well　you　need　to　relax　a　lot　in　a　job　like　mine；〃　he　said。
　　Ford　slowly　lowered　his　hands。　It　provoked　no　reaction。　Arthur　lowered　his。
　　Treading　very　slowly　and　carefully；　Ford　moved　over　to　the　bath　pedestal。　He　patted　it。
　　〃Nice；〃　he　lied。
　　He　wondered　if　it　was　safe　to　grin。　Very　slowly　and　carefully；　he　grinned。　It　was　safe。
　　〃Er。。。〃　he　said　to　the　Captain。
　　〃Yes？〃　said　the　Captain。
　　〃I　wonder；〃　said　Ford；　〃could　I　ask　you　actually　what　your　job　is　in　fact？〃
　　A　hand　tapped　him　on　the　shoulder。　He　span　round。
　　It　was　the　first　officer。
　　〃Your　drinks；〃　he　said。
　　〃Ah；　thank　you；〃　said　Ford。　He　and　Arthur　took　their　jynnan　tonnyx。　Arthur　sipped　his；　and　was　surprised　to　discover　it　tasted　very　like　a　whisky　and　soda。
　　〃I　mean；　I　couldn't　help　noticing；〃　said　Ford；　also　taking　a　sip；　〃the　bodies。　In　the　hold。〃
　　〃Bodies？〃　said　the　Captain　in　surprise。
　　Ford　paused　and　thought　to　himself。　Never　take　anything　for　granted；　he　thought。　Could　it　be　that　the　Captain　doesn't　know　he's　got　fifteen　million　dead　bodies　on　his　ship？
　　The　Captain　was　nodding　cheerfully　at　him。　He　also　appeared　to　be　playing　with　a　rubber　duck。
　　Ford　looked　around。　Number　Two　was　staring　at　him　in　the　mirror；　but　only　for　an　instant：　his　eyes　were　constantly　on　the　move。　The　first　officer　was　just　standing　there　holding　the　drinks　tray　and　smiling　benignly。
　　〃Bodies？〃　said　the　Captain　again。
　　Ford　licked　his　lips。
　　〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃All　those　dead　telephone　sanitizers　and　account　executives；　you　know；　down　in　the　hold。〃
　　The　Captain　stared　at　him。　Suddenly　he　threw　back　his　head　and　laughed。
　　〃Oh　they're　not　dead；〃　he　said；　〃Good　Lord　no；　no　they're　frozen。　They're　going　to　be　revived。〃
　　Ford　did　something　he　very　rarely　did。　He　blinked。
　　Arthur　seemed　to　e　out　of　a　trance。
　　〃You　mean　you've　got　a　hold　full　of　frozen　hairdressers？〃　he