da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第6部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　　〃I　just　materialized　out　of　thin　air　in　one　of　your　cafes；〃　he　said；　〃as　a　result　of　an　argument　with　the　ghost　of　my　great　grandfather。　No　sooner　had　I　got　there　that　my　former　self；　the　one　that　operated　on　my　brain；　popped　into　my　head　and　said　'Go　see　Zarniwoop'。　I　have　never　heard　of　the　cat。　That　is　all　I　know。　That　and　the　fact　that　I've　got　to　find　the　man　who　rules　the　Universe。〃
　　He　winked。
　　〃Mr。　Beeblebrox；　sir；〃　said　the　insect　in　awed　wonder；　〃you're　so　weird　you　should　be　in　movies。〃
　　〃Yeah；〃　said　Zaphod　patting　the　thing　on　a　glittering　pink　wing；　〃and　you；　baby；　should　be　in　real　life。〃
　　The　insect　paused　for　a　moment　to　recover　from　its　agitation　and　then　reached　out　a　tentacle　to　answer　a　ringing　phone。
　　A　metal　hand　restrained　it。
　　〃Excuse　me；〃　said　the　owner　of　the　metal　hand　in　a　voice　that　would　have　made　an　insect　of　a　more　sentimental　disposition　collapse　in　tears。
　　This　was　not　such　an　insect；　and　it　couldn't　stand　robots。
　　〃Yes；　sir；〃　it　snapped；　〃can　I　help　you？〃
　　〃I　doubt　it；〃　said　Marvin。
　　〃Well　in　that　case；　if　you'll　just　excuse　me。。。〃　Six　of　the　phones　were　now　ringing。　A　million　things　awaited　the　insect's　attention。
　　〃No　one　can　help　me；〃　intoned　Marvin。
　　〃Yes；　sir；　well。。。〃
　　〃Not　that　anyone　tried　of　course。〃　The　restraining　metal　hand　fell　limply　by　Marvin's　side。　His　head　hung　forward　very　slightly。
　　〃Is　that　so；〃　said　the　insect　tartly。
　　〃Hardly　worth　anyone's　while　to　help　a　menial　robot　is　it？〃
　　〃I'm　sorry；　sir；　if。。。〃
　　〃I　mean　where's　the　percentage　in　being　kind　or　helpful　to　a　robot　if　it　doesn't　have　any　gratitude　circuits？〃
　　〃And　you　don't　have　any？〃　said　the　insect；　who　didn't　seem　to　be　able　to　drag　itself　out　of　this　conversation。
　　〃I've　never　had　occasion　to　find　out；〃　Marvin　informed　it。
　　〃Listen；　you　miserable　heap　of　maladjusted　metal。。。〃
　　〃Aren't　you　going　to　ask　me　what　I　want？〃
　　The　insect　paused。　Its　long　thin　tongue　darted　out　and　licked　its　eyes　and　darted　back　again。
　　〃Is　it　worth　it？〃　it　asked。
　　〃Is　anything？〃　said　Marvin　immediately。
　　〃What。。。　do。。。　you。。。　want？〃
　　〃I'm　looking　for　someone。〃
　　〃Who？〃　hissed　the　insect。
　　〃Zaphod　Beeblebrox；〃　said　Marvin；　〃he's　over　there。〃
　　The　insect　shook　with　rage。　It　could　hardly　speak。
　　〃Then　why　did　you　ask　me？〃　it　screamed。
　　〃I　just　wanted　something　to　talk　to；〃　said　Marvin。
　　〃What！〃
　　〃Pathetic　isn't　it？〃
　　With　a　grinding　of　gears　Marvin　turned　and　trundled　off。　He　caught　up　with　Zaphod　approaching　the　elevators。　Zaphod　span　round　in　astonishment。
　　〃Hey。。。　Marvin！〃　he　said；　〃Marvin！　How　did　you　get　here？〃
　　Marvin　was　forced　to　say　something　which　came　very　hard　to　him。
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said。
　　〃But。。。〃
　　〃One　moment　I　was　sitting　in　your　ship　feeling　very　depressed；　and　the　next　moment　I　was　standing　here　feeling　utterly　miserable。　An　Improbability　Field　I　expect。〃
　　〃Yeah；〃　said　Zaphod；　〃I　expect　my　great　grandfather　sent　you　along　to　keep　me　pany。〃
　　〃Thanks　a　bundle；　grandad；〃　he　added　to　himself　under　his　breath。
　　〃So；　how　are　you？〃　he　said　aloud。
　　〃Oh；　fine；〃　said　Marvin；　〃if　you　happen　to　like　being　me　which　personally　I　don't。〃
　　〃Yeah；　yeah；〃　said　Zaphod　as　the　elevator　doors　opened。
　　〃Hello；〃　said　the　elevator　sweetly；　〃I　am　to　be　your　elevator　for　this　trip　to　the　floor　of　your　choice。　I　have　been　designed　by　the　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　to　take　you；　the　visitor　to　The　Hitch　Hiker's　Guide　to　the　Galaxy；　into　these　their　offices。　If　you　enjoy　your　ride；　which　will　be　swift　and　pleasurable；　then　you　may　care　to　experience　some　of　the　other　elevators　which　have　recently　been　installed　in　the　offices　of　the　Galactic　tax　department；　Boobiloo　Baby　Foods　and　the　Sirian　State　Mental　Hospital；　where　many　ex…Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　executives　will　be　delighted　to　wele　your　visits；　sympathy；　and　happy　tales　of　the　outside　world。〃
　　〃Yeah；〃　said　Zaphod；　stepping　into　it；　〃what　else　do　you　do　besides　talk？〃
　　〃I　go　up；〃　said　the　elevator；　〃or　down。〃
　　〃Good；〃　said　Zaphod；　〃We're　going　up。〃
　　〃Or　down；〃　the　elevator　reminded　him。
　　〃Yeah；　OK；　up　please。〃
　　There　was　a　moment　of　silence。
　　〃Down's　very　nice；〃　suggested　the　elevator　hopefully。
　　〃Oh　yeah？〃
　　〃Super。〃
　　〃Good；〃　said　Zaphod；　〃Now　will　you　take　us　up？〃
　　〃May　I　ask　you；〃　inquired　the　elevator　in　its　sweetest；　most　reasonable　voice；　〃if　you've　considered　all　the　possibilities　that　down　might　offer　you？〃
　　Zaphod　knocked　one　of　his　heads　against　the　inside　wall。　He　didn't　need　this；　he　thought　to　himself；　this　of　all　things　he　had　no　need　of。　He　hadn't　asked　to　be　here。　If　he　was　asked　at　this　moment　where　he　would　like　to　be　he　would　probably　have　said　he　would　like　to　be　lying　on　the　beach　with　at　least　fifty　beautiful　women　and　a　small　team　of　experts　working　out　new　ways　they　could　be　nice　to　him；　which　was　his　usual　reply。　To　this　he　would　probably　have　added　something　passionate　on　the　subject　of　food。
　　One　thing　he　didn't　want　to　be　doing　was　chasing　after　the　man　who　ruled　the　Universe；　who　was　only　doing　a　job　which　he　might　as　well　keep　at；　because　if　it　wasn't　him　it　would　only　be　someone　else。　Most　of　all　he　didn't　want　to　be　standing　in　an　office　block　arguing　with　an　elevator。
　　〃Like　what　other　possibilities？〃　he　asked　wearily。
　　〃Well；〃　the　voice　trickled　on　like　honey　on　biscuits；　〃there's　the　basement；　the　microfiles；　the　heating　system。。。　er。。。〃
　　It　paused。
　　〃Nothing　particularly　exciting；〃　it　admitted；　〃but　they　are　alternatives。〃
　　〃Holy　Zarquon；〃　muttered　Zaphod；　〃did　I　ask　for　an　existentialist　elevator？〃　he　beat　his　fists　against　the　wall。
　　〃What's　the　matter　with　the　thing？〃　he　spat。
　　〃It　doesn't　want　to　go　up；〃　said　Marvin　simply；　〃I　think　it's　afraid。〃
　　〃Afraid？〃　cried　Zaphod；　〃Of　what？　Heights？　An　elevator　that's　afraid　of　heights？〃
　　〃No；〃　said　the　elevator　miserably；　〃of　the　future。。。〃
　　〃The　future？〃　exclaimed　Zaphod；　〃What　does　the　wretched　thing　want；　a　pension　scheme？〃
　　At　that　moment　a　motion　broke　out　in　the　reception　hall　behind　them。　From　the　walls　around　them　came　the　sound　of　suddenly　active　machinery。
　　〃We　can　all　see　into　the　future；〃　whispered　the　elevator　in　what　sounded　like　terror；　〃it's　part　of　our　programming。〃
　　Zaphod　looked　out　of　the　elevator　…　an　agitated　crowd　had　gathered　round　the　elevator　area；　pointing　and　shouting。
　　Every　elevator　in　the　building　was　ing　down；　very　fast。
　　He　ducked　back　in。
　　〃Marvin；〃　he　said；　〃just　get　this　elevator　go　up　will　you？　We've　got　to　get　to　Zarniwoop。〃
　　〃Why？〃　asked　Marvin　dolefully。
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Zaphod；　〃but　when　I　find　him；　he'd　better　have　a　very　good　reason　for　me　wanting　to　see　him。〃
　　Modern　elevators　are　strange　and　plex　entities。　The　ancient　electric　winch　and　〃maximum…capacity…eight…persons〃　jobs　bear　as　much　relation　to　a　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　Happy　Vertical　People　Transporter　as　a　packet　of　mixed　nuts　does　to　the　entire　west　wing　of　the　Sirian　State　Mental　Hospital。
　　This　is　because　they　operate　on　the　curios　principle　of　〃defocused　temporal　perception〃。　In　other　words　they　have　the　capacity　to　see　dimly　into　the　immediate　future；　which　enables　the　elevator　to　be　on　the　right　floor　to　pick　you　up　even　before　you　knew　you　wanted　it；　thus　eliminating　all　the　tedious　chatting；　relaxing；　and　making　friends　that　people　were　previously　forced　to　do　whist　waiting　for　elevators。
　　Not　unnaturally；　many　elevators　imbued　with　intelligence　and　precognition　became　terribly　frustrated　with　the　mindless　business　of　going　up　and　down；　up　and　down；　experimented　briefly　with　the　notion　of　going　sideways；　as　a　sort　of　existential　protest；　demanded　participation　in　the　decision…making　process　and　finally　took　to　squatting　in　basements　sulking。
　　An　impoverished　hitch…hiker　visiting　any　planets　in　the　Sirius　star　system　these　days　can　pick　up　easy　money　working　as　a　counsellor　for　neurotic　elevators。
　　At　the　fifteenth　floor　the　elevator　doors　opened　quickly。
　　〃Fifteenth；〃　said　the　elevator；　〃and　remember；　I'm　only　doing　this　because　I　like　your　robot。〃
　　Zaphod　and　Marvin　bundled　out　of　the　elevator　which　instantly　snapped　its　doors　shut　and　dropped　as　fast　as　its　mechanism　would　take　it。
　　Zaphod　looked　around　warily。　The　corridor　was　deserted　and　silent　and　gave　no　clue　as　to　where　Zarniwoop　might　be　found。　All　the　doors　that　led　off　the　corridor　were　closed　and　unmarked。
　　They　were　standing　close　to　the　bridge　which　led　across　from　one　tower　of　the　building　to　the　other。　Through　a　large　window　the　brilliant　sun　of　Ursa　Minor　Beta　threw　blocks　of　light　in　which　danced　small　specks　of　dust。　A　shadow　flitted　past　momentarily。
　　〃Left　in　the　lurch　by　a　lift；〃　muttered　Zaphod；　who　was　feeling　at　his　least　jaunty。
　　They　both　stood　and　looked　in　both　directions。
　　〃You　know　something？〃　said　Zaphod　to　Marvin。
　　〃More　that　you　can　possibly　imagine。〃
　　〃I'm　dead　certain　this　building　shouldn't　be　shaking；〃　Zaphod　said。
　　It　was　just　a　light　tremor　through　the　soles　of　his　feet　…　and　another　one。　In　the　sunbeams　the　flecks　of　dust　danced　more　vigorously。　Another　shadow　flitted　past。
　　Zaphod　looked　at　the　floor。
　　〃Either；〃　he　said；　not　very　confidently；　〃they've　got　some　vibro　system　for　toning　up　your　muscles　while　you　work；　or。。。〃
　　He　walked　across　to　the　window　and　suddenly　stumbled　because　at　that　moment　his　Joo　Janta　200　Super…Chromatic　Peril　Sensitive　sunglasses　had　turned　utterly　black。　A　large　shadow　flitted　past　the　window　with　a　sharp　buzz。
　　Zaphod　ripped　off　his　sunglasses；　and　as　he　did　so　the　building　shook　with　a　thunderous　roar。　He　leapt　to　the　window。
　　〃Or；〃　he　said；　〃this　building's　being　bombed！〃
　　Another　roar　cracked　through　the　building。
　　〃Who　in　the　Galaxy　would　want　to　bomb　a　publishing　pany？〃　asked　Zaphod；　but　never　heard　Marvin's　reply　because　at　that　moment　the　building　shook　with　another　bomb　attack。　He　tried　to　stagger　back　to　the　elevator　…　a　pointless　manoeuvre　he　realized；　but　the　only　one　he　could　think　of。
　　Suddenly；　at　the　end　of　the　corridor　leading　at　right　angles　from　this　one；　he　caught　sigh