el.angeleyes-第11部分

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thing　I　can　say　or　do　that　will　ever　change　it。　As　she　let　the　silence　of　the　encroaching　evening　steal　up　on　them；　she　was　aware　of　a　great　sadness　welling　up　inside　her。　She　recognized　that　she　was　angry　at　her　father；　but　also　at　herself　for　letting　him　get　to　her　again　and　again。
　She　said；　after　a　time；''Are　you　going　to　tell　me　the　story　of　the　Zen　Policeman？''
　Ellis　Nunn　nodded；　but　whether　it　was　in　simple　assent　or　in　acceptance　of　the　fragility　of　their　relationship；　she　could　not　tell。
　〃Many　centuries　ago；〃　he　began；　〃there　was　a　young　Buddhist　priest　who　traveled　to　Tibet　in　order　to　further　his　understanding　of　religion　and　philosophy。
　〃He　possessed　the　proper　credentials　as　well　as　a　letter　of　introduction　from　his　superior　at　his　temple　in　central　China。　When；　at　length；　he　came　upon　the　monastery　he　was　searching　for；　he　had　climbed　so　high　he　felt　as　if　he　had　breached　the　very　vault　of　heaven；　and　it　took　him　some　time　before　he　was　able　to　adapt　his　breathing　to　this　dizzying　height。
　〃In　due　course　he　was　accepted　into　the　monastery；　but　it　was　some　days　before　he　was　summoned　to　the　presence　of　the　high　lama。　The　old；　wizened　man　looked　three　hundred　years　old。
　〃　'I　understand　that　though　you　are　a　priest　you　do　not　believe　that　your　spiritual　education　is　plete。'
　〃　'That　is　correct；　sir；'　the　young　priest　said　in　a　somewhat　overawed　voice。
　〃　'What　is　it　you　seek　to　learn　here？'　the　old　lama　asked。
　〃　'Why；　all　there　is　to　learn；'　the　young　priest　said　immediately。
　〃The　old　lama　looked　at　him　and　smiled。　'We　shall　see；'　he　said。　'In　the　meantime；　we　require　you　to　remain　awake　and　on　guard　during　the　night。'
　〃The　young　priest　looked　confused。　'It　took　me　two　months　to　reach　here。　I　know　how　remote　this　monastery　is。　How　could　you　have　enemies　here？'
　〃　'The　monk　who　brought　you　to　this　chamber　will　tell　you　where　you　must　sit　tonight；'　the　lama　said。
　〃　'But　I　am　a　priest；　not　a　guard；'　the　young　man　protested。　'Besides；　I　am　a　Buddhist。　I　have　pledged　never　to　harm　a　single　creature。　I　cannot　even　till　the　earth　for　fear　of　killing　a　worm　or　an　insect。'
　〃　'You　do　not　yet　know　who　or　what　you　are；'　the　old　lama　said。　'That　is　why　you　are　here。'
　〃That　night；　the　young　priest　was　shown　to　the　spot　in　the　exact　center　of　the　monastery　where　he　must　keep　watch。　A　pillow　was　placed　for　him　to　sit。　It　was　a　crossing　of　the　four　main　corridors　of　the　stone　structure；　and　from　his　vantage　point　he　could　see　most；　if　not　all；　the　monks'　tiny　sleeping　cells。
　〃The　hours　of　the　night　crept　by　with　agonizing　slowness。　Nothing　happened。　The　silence　became　a　weight　on　the　young　priest's　eyelids；　so　that　once　or　twice　he　found　himself　drifting　off　into　a　light　slumber　before　starting　awake。　He　yawned　and　stretched　to　keep　himself　alert。　He　began　to　wonder　why　he　had　e　here；　or　if　he　had　e　to　the　right　place　at　all。
　〃Then；　all　at　once；　he　stood　up。　He　looked　from　corridor　to　corridor；　sure　that　he　had　heard　a　sound。　But　there　was　only　the　heavy　awful　silence；　claustrophobic　as　the　inside　of　a　tomb。　Then　he　became　aware　that　the　'sound'　was　an　ethereal　stirring；　as　if　in　his　own　mind；　and　he　whirled　around。
　〃He　was　not　alone。　Something　was　in　the　west　corridor。　It　came　toward　him　but；　in　the　flickering　light　of　the　reed　torches；　he　could　not　make　out　what　it　was。
　〃Suddenly；　it　burst　out　of　the　corridor；　ing　upon　him　like　a　whirlwind；　and　he　felt　a　chill　race　down　his　spine。　It　was　as　translucent　as　the　wings　of　an　insect；　he　could　clearly　see　the　corridor　behind　it；　through　it。
　〃The　wraith　brushed　past　him；　careening　down　another　corridor。　Soon　the　intersection　where　the　young　priest　now　stood　was　thick　with　these　wraiths。　Sometimes　it　seemed　to　him　that　they　had　faces；　bodies；　hands　and　feet。　At　other　times　they　were　nothing　more　than　pure　energy。
　〃The　young　priest　felt　a　fright　welling　up　inside　of　him。　What　were　these　forms？　Were　they　the　enemies　of　the　Tibetan　monks？　If　so；　how　was　he　to　bat　them；　when　violence　was　anathema　to　him？　These　questions　and　ten　thousand　others　crowded　his　mind　in　the　same　way　the　wraiths　crowded　the　corridors　of　the　monastery。　The　terrible　fear　built　inside　him；　until　he　contemplated　abandoning　his　post；　turning　tail；　and　putting　this　mad　place　behind　him　forever。　But；　as　if　in　a　dream；　he　felt　rooted　to　the　spot。　He　did　not　know　whether　to　fear　for　the　loss　of　his　mind　or　his　life。
　〃Then　he　noticed　a　curious　thing。　The　fear　was　ing　from　inside　him。　When　he　concentrated　his　spiritual　powers；　he　realized　that　the　wraiths；　whatever　or　whoever　they　might　be；　posed　no　threat　to　him　or　to　the　people　of　the　monastery。　The　chaos　of　their　rushing　to　and　fro　was；　in　a　way；　self…contained。
　〃And　then　he　set　about　trying　to　turn　the　chaos　into　order。　He　found　that；　with　continued　concentration；　he　could　move　closer　to　these　darting　wraiths；　could　feel　where　they　wanted　to　go　and；　eventually；　guide　them　on　their　way。
　〃It　was　at　that　moment　that　he　recognized　one　of　the　wraiths　as　the　monk　who　had　led　him　to　the　lama's　sanctuary；　and　to　this　crossroads。　And　then　the　young　priest　understood　everything。
　〃These　wraiths　were　the　spirits　of　the　monks。　Unleashed　as　they　slept；　freed　from　the　bonds　of　their　daytime　work；　these　spirits　were　prone　to　the　chaos　that　lurked　within　the　innermost　recesses　of　even　the　most　disciplined　mind。　They　lacked　but　a　single　soul…a　kind　of　Zen　policeman…to　see　them　on　their　proper　paths；　to　keep　them　from　the　dangers　inherent　in　chaos。''
　Tori　and　her　father　had　e　to　the　far　end　of　the　pergola。　He　turned　around；　took　one　last　look　at　the　statue　of　Diana；　cloaked　now　in　the　robes　of　twilight。　He　said；　after　a　long　silence；''Does　that　answer　your　question　as　to　how　I　have　survived　in　Diana's　Garden？　I　learned　that　I　had　to　change　in　order　to　survive　the　demons　peculiar　to　your　mother's　genius。''
　Tori　thought　for　a　long　time。　It　was　an　amazing　story；　and　even　more　amazing　that　it　had　e　from　her　father。　She　simply　had　not　thought　he　had　such　subtlety　in　him。　The　story　also　explained　many　things　about　her　parents'　relationship。　But　it　also　brought　into　focus　some　of　her　own　childhood　concerns。　She　said　carefully；　〃I　worry　sometimes　that　I。。。　Well；　I　still　sort　of　lose　myself　when　Mom's　around。　There's　so　much　of　her…her　personality；　her　aura；　her　wa；　as　the　Japanese　would　say…that　there　often　seems　no　space　left　over　for　me。〃
　Her　father　said；　〃You　should　try　to　understand　your　mother　more。　If　you　did；　I'm　sure　you'd　find　it　worth　your　while。〃
　〃I'm　not　sure　you　heard　what　I　said。''　Tori　was　struggling　to　find　a　basis　for　municating　with　him；　but　either　he　was　misunderstanding　her　or　being　willful。　Still；　she　pressed　on。　〃I　often　end　up　not　knowing　how　I　feel　about　her。〃　She　looked　at　him；　at　that　noble；　almost　primitive　profile。　〃Do　you　love　Mom？〃
　Ellis　Nunn　turned　to　his　daughter。　〃I　understand　her。　Tori。　I　think；　in　your　mother's　case；　that's　the　same　as　loving　her。〃
　〃Is　it？〃
　〃Well；　you　tell　me；　then；〃　Ellis　Nunn　said　testily。　〃How　else　do　you　love　an　icon？　How　do　you　bring　something　so　monumental；　so　universally　adored；　into　your　reality？　The　answer　is；　you　don't　waste　your　time。　Instead；　you　enter　into　its　reality　as　best　you　can。〃
　〃I　don't…〃
　〃Look；　my　marriage　survived　where　the　marriages　of　people　like　DiMaggio　and　Arthur　Miller　did　not。　I've　e　to　see　that　as　acplishment　enough。〃　He　looked　away　toward　the　pool；　as　if　he　wished　he　were　in　there　now。　〃Your　mother　needs　to　be　what　she　has　bee　in　the　same　way　you　and　I　need　air　to　breathe。　Once　you　understand　that；　you　understand　everything。〃
　Tori　looked　up　into　his　face。　There　was　just　enough　light　left　so　that　the　reflections　from　the　pool　lit　up　his　face　and　she　was　reminded　of　the　photos　of　Greg；　poolside；　fresh　from　some　diving　triumph；　his　angel　eyes　aglow　with　the　victory　fever。　Greg。　It　was　always　Greg。　Even　death　could　not　stop　them　all　from　talking　about　him；　thinking　about　him；　trying　to　live　up　to　the　shining　potential　of　his　angel　eyes。
　〃Spoken　like　a　true　Zen　policeman；〃　she　said　with　all　the　irony　she　could　muster。
　
　Evening　approaches。　Tori；　hidden　away　from　her　mother；　behind　the　massive　carved　oak　doors　to　the　library；　is　again　feeling　trapped　in　Diana's　Garden。　She　remembers　a　time　of　adolescence。　She　is　trapped　in　the　big　house　in　L。A。；　in　the　sunshine；　in　her　sleek　tanned　body。　She　is　pinned　by　her　beauty　to　the　imagined　future；　the　foregone　conclusion　that　her　father　wants　for　her；　that　boys　her　own　age　imagine　is　already　hers。　They　are　the　same；　these　images；　and　they　dominate　her　life　like　a　nun's　vows。
　She　has　all　she　wants　within　Diana's　Garden；　and　increasingly　she　feels　that　there　is　no　reason　to　venture　outside　its　perfect；　all…enpassing　environs。
　Until；　one　night　during　a　party　given　by　her　parents；　she　discovers　how　pletely　she　has　fooled　herself。　Just　about　everyone　who　matters　in　Hollywood…except　enemies…has　descended　upon　the　manor　house；　and　the　rooms　are　full　of　familiar　faces；　screen　legends；　movers　and　shakers。　There　are　the　money　men　and　their　exquisite　women；　as　polished　as　gems；　seemingly　pulled　out　of　the　men's　pockets　like　an　expensive　watch　or　a　roll　of　thousand…dollar　bills。
　Gossip；　which　is　the　only　approved　mode　of　munication　at　affairs　such　as　this；　centers　around　who　is　sleeping　with　whom；　and　who　is　pregnant　by　whom。　Gradually　it　dawns　on　Tori　that　these　people　who　inhabit　Hollywood　like　a　race　of　gorgeous　troglodytes　run　their　private　lives　in　sync　with　their　professional　careers。　Love　affairs；　marriages；　seduction…whatever　the　current　voguish　designation…last　among　these　strange；　alien　life　forms　only　as　long　as　it　takes　to　make　a　film。　These　people　meet　on　the　set；　bee　immersed　in　each　other　in　the　same　manner　in　which　they　bee　immersed　in　their　roles；　in　order　to　differentiate　reality　from　fantasy；　however；　they　feel　pelled　to　make　tangible　their　love　for　one　another；　if　not　their　mitment。　A　child　follows；　as　surely　as　the　night　the　day。　But；　invariably；　with　the　advent　of　the　baby；　the　love　affair；　marriage；　seduction　loses　its　luster。　A　mother　is　never　as　exciting　as　a　lover；　three　takes　the　edge　off　the　heat　generated　by　two。
　Tori　understands　at　last　that　she　hates　these　peopl