el.angeleyes-第34部分

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to　be　in　constant　turmoil；　as　if　she　could　not　relax　even　for　a　moment。　She　thought；　My　God；　I'm　headed　for　a　nervous　breakdown。　And　that　frightened　her　even　more；　because　then　neither　Mars　nor　Valeri　would　want　her；　and　she　would　once　again　bee　nothing　in　her　utter　isolation。　Now　she　felt　as　if　only　she…Irina　Ponomareva…was　in　the　wrong。　Which　way　should　she　turn；　to　Valeri　or　to　Mars？　God　help　her；　she　did　not　know。
　She　felt　Mars　behind　her。　〃What　is　it　with　you　and　windows？　''　he　said。　''You're　like　a　cat　who　loves　to　stare　at　nothing。　What　is　it　you　see　out　there　that　I　cannot？〃
　Irina　turned　around。　〃I　was　just　thinking。〃
　Mars　searched　her　face。　〃This　sounds　serious。　It's　too　late　in　me　night　to　be　serious；　koshka。''　Darling。　What　Valeri　had　called　Natasha　Mayakova。
　〃Don't　you　think　that　the　darkness　makes　us　more　serious；　more　melancholy；　sometimes？〃
　''I　don't　know。''　Mars　cocked　his　head　to　one　side。　She　could　see　that　he　was　curious　about　her　train　of　thought。　''I　often　do　my　best　thinking　at　night。〃
　〃There。　You　see？〃
　〃But　it's　the　quiet；〃　he　said。　〃The　intimation　of　sleep　all　around　me。〃
　〃And　when　at　last　you　do　sleep。　Mars；　what　is　it　you　dream　of？〃
　〃Electronic　sheep；''　he　said。　''Powered　by　miniature　nuclear　reactors。〃
　She　could　see；　then；　that　he　was　making　fun　of　her；　but　gently；　trying　to　deflate　her　seriousness。
　He　gathered　her　into　his　arms。　〃What's　gotten　into　you？　Ever　since　we　went　to　see　Chekhov；　you　seem　to　have　picked　up　his　brooding　soul。　Is　something　the　matter？　Perhaps　I　can　help。　I'd　like　to　help　you；　Irina。〃　He　put　his　lips　close　to　her　ear。　〃Do　you　know　that　my　family　has　disapproved　of　every　woman　I　have　ever　brought　home。　Everyone　except　you。　My　whole　family　loves　you；　Irina。〃
　Irina　felt　a　tingling；　as　if　his　words　had　galvanized　her　spirit。　She　found　that　she　was　holding　her　breath；　she　wondered　if　he　could　feel　the　thundering　of　her　heart。
　〃I　care　so　much　for　you。〃
　She　felt　weak　in　the　knees；　as　if　he　was　saying　in　real　life　what　she　had　dreamed　about　ever　since　he　had　taken　her　home　to　meet　his　family。　A　family；　she　thought…what　I　wouldn't　give　to　have　a　father；　a　mother　who　knew　and　loved　me。
　She　allowed　him　to　draw　her　away　from　the　window；　the　kind　of　precaution　against　electronic　eavesdropping　he　did　without　conscious　thought。　He　took　her　down　the　hall　and　into　the　bathroom。　He　turned　on　the　tub　taps。　There　was　even　hot　water。
　Naked；　they　climbed　in　together；　letting　the　hot　water　chum　around　them。　The　background　of　splashing　water　had　a　soothing　effect。　They　sat　face　to　face；　their　legs　around　each　other。
　He　laughed　softly；　kissed　the　tip　of　her　nose。　〃You　see；　Irina；　I　have　an　overpowering　urge　to　trust　you。　That's　a　dangerous　urge　for　one　in　my　position　in　government；　someone　who　has　such　a　powerful　enemy　in　Valeri　Denysovich。　But　lately　I　find　I　want　to　tell　you　things　I'd　never　dare　tell　another　soul。　Crazy；　isn't　it？〃　His　lips　came　down　over　hers；　crushing　them；　opening　them。　Irina　gave　a　little　moan。
　〃Not　crazy；''　Irina　whispered；　her　eyes　half　closed。　''I　think　it's　perfectly　normal　behavior　for　a　man　in　love。〃
　〃But　that's　just　it；〃　Mars　said。　〃For　a　man　like　me；　being　in　love　is　the　most　dangerous　state　of　all。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃You　will　bee　my　weak　spot。〃
　Irina　was　aware　of　Valeri　telling　her　that　it　was　just　as　well　he　had　emerged　from　his　marriage　childless　because　in　this　terrible　world　a　child　could　be　used　against　him。　How　similar　these　two　men　were；　she　thought；　but　how　utterly　different　when　one　scratched　the　surface　of　their　carefully　prepared　facades。　Both　were　men　who　wore　masks；　and　masks　within　masks　when　they　faced　the　outside　world。　It　gave　Irina　a　fantastic　thrill　to　have　penetrated　beyond　those　masks　to　see　the　true　inner　workings　of　two　of　Russia's　most　influential　men。　And　now　one；　if　not　born；　was　in　love　with　her。　She　was　abruptly　suffused　with　the　scope　of　her　own　power；　aware　as　if　for　the　first　time　how　in　control　she　was；　how　more　in　control　she　would　be　once　she　unearthed　the　secrets　that　surely　these　men　must　harbor。　She　was　not　naive；　even　Mars　was　not　a　saint。　Their　power　could　not　have　been　acquired　without　a　degree　of　moral　corruption。
　The　old　Irina　would　have　quailed　from　such　a　notion；　but　everything　was　different　now。　The　power　had　changed　her。　She　could　see　quite　clearly　that　the　rules　for　her…as　well　as　for　Valeri　and　Mars…were　different　than　they　were　for　everyone　else。
　Irina　looked　into　Mars's　eyes　and；　in　that　moment；　she　knew　that　she　would　never　tell　him　about　how　Valeri　had　sent　her　to　spy　on　him。　This　was　a　measure　of　her　power　over　both　men；　and　she　would　never　give　it　up。
　〃Irina；　I　will　tell　you　a　secret；〃　Mars　said；　〃something　you　must　promise　never　to　tell　anyone。〃
　〃I　promise。〃
　〃I　can　well　imagine　how　Valeri　Denysovich；　for　one；　would　chop　me　up　for　fish　bait　if　he　ever　found　out　I　harbor　a　secret　affinity　for　the　nationalist　group。　White　Star。〃
　Irina　watched　him　through　the　steam　and　her　slitted　eyes。　This　was　the　last　thing　she　had　expected　him　to　say；　and；　under　the　circumstances；　it　pletely　disarmed　her。
　Mars　said；　〃You　see；　Irina；　Valeri　Denysovich　pretends　at　promise　with　the　Baltics　with　his　much　publicized　treaty。　But　he　gives　them　only　token　freedoms。　Then；　with　the　other　hand；　he　es　down　like　a　mailed　fist　against　the　Ukrainians；　his　own　people。　Imagine。〃　He　stroked　her　hair。　〃You　see；　despite　all　the　monumental　changes　taking　place　in　the　outside　world；　nationalism　is　still　a　dirty　word　inside　the　Kremlin…a　treasonable　offense。　In　fact；　there　are　some　who　believe　that　the　president　encouraged　the　pro…democracy　spin　in　Eastern　Europe　to　divert　the　increasing　pressure　the　West　was　putting　on　us　for　holding　on　to　the　Baltics。〃
　Mars　took　her　hand　in　his。　〃I　want　you　to　understand　this　clearly：　White　Star；　if　it's　legitimate…if　it's　not　being　run　by　fanatics　and　terrorists…must　be　recognized。　We　must　look　to　the　Poland　model。　Solidarity　could　not　be　denied。　Its　rise　to　power　was；　in　the　end；　the　will　of　the　people。　Our　strength…　though　our　own　government　has　yet　to　realize　it…is　in　our　people。　The　Soviet　peoples。　The　longer　we　suppress　their　individual　freedoms；　the　more　we　keep　them　at　arm's　length。　We　imprison　them；　rather　than　embracing　them。　White　Star　could　change　all　that；　given　half　a　chance。　I　think　it's　worth　the　risk　to　give　them　that　chance。〃
　Irina　looked　into　Mars's　dark　eyes。　〃It　happens　that　I　agree　with　you。〃
　Mars　smiled。　''I　knew　you　would。''　He　wiped　water　droplets　from　her　cheek。　〃Now　I'm　certain　you'll　agree　to　help　me　find　White　Star　and　talk　to　their　leaders。''
　〃Me？　How　on　earth　could　I　possibly　help？〃
　〃Well；　it　occurred　to　me　that　while　you　were　on　one　of　your　trips　to　America；　you　might　have　stumbled　across　a　White　Star　supporter　or　two。　It　seems　apparent　to　me　that　elements　inside　America　would　be　only　too　eager　to　give　what　they　could：　money；　arms；　what…have…you；　to　White　Star's　cause。〃
〃That　may　be　true；〃　Irina　said；　〃but　I　never　met　any。〃　
　〃Hmm。　Well；　it　was　just　a　thought；〃　Mars　said。　He　smiled；　and　wriggled　closer　to　her。　〃I'll　just　have　to　muddle　along　on　my　own；　then。〃
　〃Why？〃　Irina　reached　under　the　water　for　him。　〃When　we　can　muddle　along　together；〃　she　said。
　Irina　awoke　with　a　start。　It　was　very　dark　in　the　room。　She　could　hear　Mars's　even　breathing　as　he　slept　beside　her。　She　lay　for　a　time　watching　a　pattern　of　pale　light　spiderweb　the　ceiling。　Then　she　rose　without　a　sound　and　padded　over　to　the　window。
　She　thought　deeply　for　some　time；　her　mind　turning　over　the　possibilities　her　power　opened　to　her。　She　took　her　time；　forcing　back　the　desire　to　race　ahead。　At　last　she　came　to　the　conclusion　that　she　would；　indeed；　help　Mars　in　his　quest　to　find　White　Star。　The　dissident　nationalist　organization　seemed　to　loom　with　greater　importance。　Both　Mars　and　Valeri　were　interested　in　finding　White　Star；　each　for　his　own　reasons。　But　Mars　wanted　to　help　White　Star；　while　Valeri　was　most　concerned　with　the　smuggled　hafnium。
　And　now　she　could　feel　White　Star　exerting　its　own　magnetic　pull　on　her。　It　was　fate　that　Mars　had　opened　himself　up　to　her　tonight；　a　sign。　I　need　to　help　him；　Irina　decided。　The　way　each　man　has　reacted　to　White　Star　has　given　me　a　regained　sense　of　right　and　wrong。　And　perhaps　in　helping　the　peoples　of　White　Star　gain　their　freedom；　I　will　find　the　purpose　in　life　that　has　been　missing　ever　since　I　returned　from　Cambridge。
　She　nodded　to　herself；　beginning　at　last　to　see　a　way　out　of　her　terrible　dilemma。　She　would　continue　to　spy　on　Mars　for　Valeri；　but　now　it　would　be　a　facade。　Her　facade。　She　would　pass　on　to　Valeri　only　what　she　wanted　to；　only　enough　to　keep　him　from　getting　suspicious。　In　the　meantime；　she　would　work　on　Valeri　like　an　archaeologist　at　a　dig。　She　would　find　out　all　he　knew　about　White　Star。　But　first　she　needed　some　kind　of　insurance。
　She　did　not　delude　herself。　Turning　on　Valeri　Denysovich　Bondasenko　would　be　dangerous；　if　she　were　not　very　careful；　it　could　have　dire　consequences　for　her。　She　thought　of　her　dream　of　the　Siberian　winter　and　shuddered；　because　she　knew　that　Valeri　could　send　her　there　with　no　more　than　a　wave　of　his　hand。　No　one　would　dare　raise　his　voice　in　protest。　There　could　be　no　help　for　her；　no　reprieve；　even　from　Mars。
　She　was　smart　enough　to　know　that　there　was　a　personal　element　in　this　decision。　To　deceive　Valeri　as　he　was　deceiving　her　would；　in　some　measure；　make　up　for　the　hurt　he　had　caused　her　by　seeing　another　woman。　Again；　part　of　her　wondered　why　she　should　feel　so　hurt　by　Valeri；　and　why　she　felt　it　necessary　to　exact　a　measure　of　revenge。　After　all；　it　wasn't　as　if　she　did　care　for　him；　was　it？
　Insurance。　Irina　knew　she　would　need　it。　Some　kind　of　leverage；　should　Valeri　ever　find　out　what　she　was　doing。　Power　was　the　only　currency　Valeri　traded　in；　and　Irina　knew　she　needed　to　make　a　deposit　before　she　set　out　against　him。
　She　would　have　to　follow　him。　Valeri　had　claimed　that　he　had　no　secrets；　Irina　was　convinced　this　must　be　a　lie。　Everyone　had　a　secret　or　two　that　he　or　she　did　not　want　made　public。　Why　should　Valeri　be　an　exception？
　He　had　to　have　a　weakness；　some　crack；　no　matter　how　tiny；　in　the　armor　of　his　powe