el.angeleyes-第43部分

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or　as　you　know　it。〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃There's　。。。　I　don't　know；　a　substance　to　it。〃
　〃A　substance　such　as　what？　Like　your　spacecraft　had　substance？〃
　〃No；　not　like　that　at　all。〃
　There　was　a　long　pause　during　which　Mars　glanced　at　Lara。　She　was　sitting　with　her　wrists　on　her　knees；　gazing　into　the　Hero's　eyes。　Mars　wondered　whether　her　loyalties　were　wavering。　Then　he　immediately　dismissed　the　thought。　He　had　chosen　Lara　and　Tatiana　himself。　He　knew　their　backgrounds　intimately；　so　he　knew　where　their　loyalties　lay。　It　was　just　that　he　was　paid　to　be　paranoid。　Nevertheless；　he　told　himself；　he　mustn't　allow　the　business　of　paranoia　to　bee　an　obsession。　That　would　clearly　undermine　his　current　work。
　The　Hero　cleared　his　throat。　〃I've　thought　about　this　ever　since　I　first　awoke；〃　he　said　after　a　long　time；　〃and　I　believe　that　what　I　saw　out　there　was　the　color　of　God。〃
　Mars　was　interested　in　this。　〃Why　do　you　think　that？〃
　〃Because　it's　what　the　dreams　tell　me；　over　and　over；　in　as　many　different　ways　as　there　are　faces　on　the　people　of　this　planet。〃
　〃Lara；〃　Mars　said；　〃do　you　believe　him？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　The　Hero　looked　at　her。　〃Tell　Volkov　what　you　would　tell　him　if　this　was　one　of　your　weekly　debriefings。''
　Lara　was　clearly　stunned；　and　Mars　only　a　bit　less　so。　How　did　the　Hero　know　about　the　debriefings？
　The　Hero　gave　Mars　a　canny　look：　〃Let's　call　a　beet　a　beet；　yes？〃
　Mars　considered　this　challenge。　Then　he　nodded　at　Lara。　〃Tell　me。〃
　Lara　looked　from　the　Hero　to　him。''I　believe　him；''　she　said；　her　voice　echoing　out　over　the　gently　lapping　pool　where　Arbat　was　watching　them。
　Mars　took　some　time　to　work　this　through。　〃Perhaps；〃　he　said　to　the　Hero；　〃your　dreams　tell　you　that　you　are　God。〃
　A　smile　spread　slowly　from　the　ers　of　the　Hero's　mouth。　When　it　reached　his　eyes　he　said；　〃I'm　not　mad；　Volkov。　To　intimate　so　is　futile　and；　worse　for　you；　foolish。〃
　〃I　withdraw　the　intimation；〃　Mars　said　immediately；　accepting　this　little　defeat　as　gracefully　as　he　was　able。　〃You　understand　it　was　something　I　felt　pelled　to　ask。〃
　〃And　I　ask　myself　why？〃　The　Hero　regarded　him。　〃It's　not　such　a　great　secret；　although　I'll　bet　anything　you　think　it　is。　There's　only　one　thing　that　makes　this　discussion　meaningful；　Volkov；　and　it's　that；　like　me；　you　believe　in　God。　No；　don't　bother　to　deny　it…1　know　you're　doing　it　for　Lara's　sake。　You　needn't　bother。　For　one　thing；　Lara；　too；　believes　in　God。　So　does　Arbat；　so　for　once　we're　all　agreed　on　one　matter。　And　a　monumental　one　it　is；　too。　For　another　thing；　Lara　belongs　to　you；　hook；　line；　and　soul。　Now　isn't　that　ironic；　in　a　country　that　professes　to　put　no　value　on　the　capitalistic　notion　of　possessions。　I　see　your　lips　moving；　Volkov。　What's　that？　Speak　up！　Heresy；　you　say？　All　right。　Then　we　both　have　heretical　thoughts。　You　see？　You're　no　better　than　I　am；　though　I　can　hardly　expect　you　to　agree　with　me。〃
　Mars　glared　at　the　Hero；　as　if　with　his　gaze　he　could　burn　out　the　mysterious　alterations　the　void　of　space　had　worked　on　that　mind。
　''The　presence　of　God；''　said　the　Hero；　〃is　something　we　all　feel。　It's　what　binds　the　four　of　us；　even　though　four　more　divergent　creatures　could　hardly　exist　in　one　place。　Or　perhaps　it's　our　belief　in　Him　that　has　brought　us　together。''
　''I　don't　want　to　speak　about　God；''　Mars　said。
　''Then　by　all　means；　we'll　change　the　subject；''　the　Hero　said　sardonically。　〃I　wouldn't　want　you　to　feel　disfited　in　any　way。〃　He　smiled；　although　it　was　hardly　a　benign　expression。　〃But　before　we　do；　I'll　say　one　thing　more。　I've　got　your　weakness　down　pat。〃
　Mars　found　to　his　shame　that　his　mouth　was　dry。　He　longed　for　a　glass　of　water；　but　to　ask　Lara　to　get　him　one　would　be　unthinkable；　he　could　just　imagine　the　Hero　laughing　at　him。　〃And　what　is　that？〃　he　managed　to　get　out。
　〃It's　essentially　this：　you　don't　know　what　happened　to　me　up　there；　so　no　matter　what　stories　I　give　you；　no　matter　what　I　say；　you　cannot　altogether　disbelieve　me。　Because；　even　though　I　don't　think　of　myself　as　God；　in　one　sense　I've　bee　like　God。　You　know　absolutely　nothing　about　me。〃
　〃You're　a　man；　just　like　I'm　a　man。　We're　both　human　beings；　nothing　more。〃　But　Mars　said　this　with　far　more　conviction　than　he　felt。
　〃You　know；　Volkov；　the　two　of　us　remind　me　of　a　pair　of　rival　Spanish　Gypsies。　We've　challenged　each　other　to　a　duel。　We're　bound　together　by　a　six…foot　cord。　But　we've　somehow　lost　our　stabbing　knives；　our　conventional　weapons；　and　now　we're　desperately　trying　to　e　up　with　an　alternate　way　inside　each　other's　defenses。　Stalemate。〃　That　smile；　hard　as　steel；　widening。　〃Or　is　it？　Have　you　figured　it　out　yet？　Haven't　you　seen　its　shape　emerging　from　the　darkness？　Hasn't　our　duel；　rather；　evolved　into　a　war　of　wits？　〃
　〃We're　not　on　opposite　sides；〃　Mars　said。　〃I'm　not　sure　where　you　got　the　idea　that　I　am　your　enemy。''
　The　Hero　said　nothing。　He　was　watching　Arbat　in　the　pool。
　〃What　do　you　and　the　dolphin　talk　about？〃　Mars　said　suddenly。
　〃Arbat。〃
　〃Arbat；〃　Mars　conceded。
　''We　discuss　the　universe；''　the　Hero　said；　still　looking　at　the　dolphin。　〃The　plexity　of　existence；　the　diversity　of　knowledge。　We　also　contemplate　the　nature　of　death。〃
　Mars　was　staring　at　Lara；　but　apparently　she　did　not　think　this　exchange　at　all　amusing　or　even　odd。　Mars　abruptly　felt　an　acute　sense　of　dislocation。　What　is　going　on　here？　he　asked　himself。　One　of　us　in　this　room　appears　to　be　mad；　but　the　curious　thing　is；　I　don't　know　who　it　is。
　〃What　happened　up　there；　in　space；　in　Odin…Galaktika　II？〃　Mars　said。　〃We　lost　contact　with　you；　the　event　took　place。　I　know　it　was　a　long　time　ago…〃
　〃Not　for　me；〃　the　Hero　said。　〃It　happened　yesterday。〃
　〃Well；　I　know；　in　some　circumstances　it　must　seem　like…〃
　〃It　happened　yesterday；〃　the　Hero　repeated。　He　raised　his　hands；　cupped　them　into　a　hollow　sphere。　〃Because　I've　learned　how　to　bend　time　in　the　same　way　you've　learned　how　to　bend　light　rays。〃
　And　that　was　another　of　his　disconcerting；　dislocating　idiosyncrasies。　The　Него　kept　saying　〃you〃　instead　of　〃us；〃　as　if　he　no　longer　belonged　to　the　human　race。
　''How　many　times　in　the　past　fifteen　months　since　I　came　out　of　the　a　have　you　asked　me　what　happened？　And　how　many　times　have　I　told　you？〃
　Too　many　to　count；　Mars　thought。　The　trouble　was；　no　one　believed　him。　How　could　they？
　He　said；　〃Nevertheless；　I'd　appreciate　it　if　you　would　tell　me　again。〃
　〃Again？〃　the　Hero　asked。　〃Or　one　more　time？〃
　The　two　men　grinned　at　each　other；　and　Mars　thought。　He's　quite　right；　this　is　a　war　of　wits。　I　must　ensure　that　he　doesn't　win　it。
　''We　had　put　the　Mars　module　ponents　together　in　Earth's　orbit；〃　the　Hero　began。　〃Everything　was　going　just　fine。　We　were　working　well　together。　I　guess；　in　the　end；　you　were　right　in　paring　the　crew　down　from　ten　to　two。　We　never　would　have　made　it　in　such　a　huge　module。　It　was　very　difficult　putting　together　the　sections　of　the　smaller　module　you　sent　up　in　different　payloads。
　〃We　blasted　out　of　Earth's　orbit　into　the　Mars　injection　trajectory。　We　began　the　next　phase　of　the　mission。　We　were　well　past　the　gravitational　pull　of　the　Moon。　How　incredible　it　was　to　see　that　satellite　up　close。　For　those　moments　of　the　flyby；　I　was　a　child　again；　staring　up　through　a　clear　winter's　sky　and　wondering；　What's　it　like　up　there？　Now　I　knew；　and　it　was　giving　me　the　chills。　I　was　actually　sick　from　the　sight　of　it；　as　if　it　were　too　much　to　take　in；　as　if　I　were　Moses　approaching　the　burning　bush。　But；　of　course；　I　was　wrong。　That　would　e　later。
　〃We　were　in　deep　space。　Mars　was　beckoning　us　like　a　red　titan。　We　slept　like　dead　men。　We　were　told　that　would　happen　on　a　mission　of　almost　three　years。　Day　fatigue　sets　in。　Because　we　were　hooked　up　to　Mission　Control；　you　knew　just　when　we　were　awake　and　when　we　were　asleep。　The　funny　thing　was　that　I　never　dreamed。　I　know　I've　said　this　over　and　over　to　the　psychiatrists　and　they　don't　believe　me　because　the　hard　medical　evidence　refutes　it。　They　told　me　your　readouts　showed　I　had　REM　every　night　cycle。　They　insisted　I　dreamed；　that　I　just　never　remembered　my　dreams。　Well；　I　may　have　had　rapid　eye　movement；　but　I　tell　you　that　I　did　not　dream。　I　have　always　remembered　my　dreams；　ever　since　I　was　a　little　boy。　And　I　think　now　that　one　reason　I　didn't　dream　was　because　I　felt　as　if　I　was　dreaming　while　I　was　awake。
　〃Another　thing　is　that　the　psychiatrists　said　I　talk　altogether　too　much　about　dreams。　They　say　I'm　fixated　on　dreams。　But　in　the　scheme　of　what　happened　to　me　up　there；　I'm　convinced　that　not　dreaming　is　significant；　even　if　no　one　else　does。　I　know　they　think　I'm　lying　or；　at　least；　delusional　about　what　happened　during　the　event。　Otherwise　I　wouldn't　still　be　here；　and　you　wouldn't　continue　to　interrogate　me。　I　know　what　you're　like。　You　hate　a　mystery；　you'll　tear　apart　heaven　and　earth　to　solve　it。〃
　The　Hero　abruptly　began　to　laugh；　continuing　in　a　crescendo。　Through　his　tears　he　gasped；　〃Heaven　and　earth；　that's　very；　very　funny。　I　don't　know　what's　e　over　me。　Before　I　lifted　off；　I　never　had　much　of　a　sense　of　humor。　Who　knows；　perhaps　being　suspended　between　heaven　and　a　living　hell　will　do　that　for　you。〃
　Mars　felt　he　had　to　pierce　the　encroaching　silence　before　it　got　impenetrable。　〃What　happened　to　Gregor？〃　he　said。
　〃No　names！〃　the　Hero　shouted。　He　was　extremely　agitated。　〃Goddamnit；　I　told　you！　I　warned　you！　But　you're　a　thick　son…uvabiteh；　you　never　listen！　Now　fuck　off！〃
　〃I'm　sorry；〃　Mars　said。　〃I　apologize。　I　forgot。〃
　〃Like　hell　you　did。''　The　Hero　turned　away；　began　an　inprehensible　conversation　of　clicks　with　Arbat。
　Mars　looked　at　Lara。　Her　face　was　calm；　firm。　Did　he　see　the　hint　of　a　rebuke　in　her　expression？
　He　tried　again。　''What　should　we　call　your　partner　who　died？　Odysseus；　did　you　hear　me？〃
　〃Menelaus；〃　the　Hero　said；　without　turning　away　from　Arbat。
　〃All　right。　What　happened　to　Menelaus？〃
　〃He　died；〃　the　Hero　said　suddenly。　〃He　was　outside。　We　were　both　suited　up；　although　I　was　still　inside　the　vehicle。　It　was　a　typical　EVA；　planned　way　in　advance。　Everything　was　fine。　Until　。　。　。〃He　was　silent　for　a　long　time。　〃What　I　think　happened　was　that　we　encountered　some　kind　of　storm　in　the　form