el.angeleyes-第87部分
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
rs。''
Her head moved slightly； but her eyes did not change their focus。 〃The Man of One Tree taught me how to bat my curse。 He told me that karma was mutable； that if my will was sufficiently developed I could change my karma。 I believed because I had nothing else to believe。
〃I stayed with him on his island for many years。 I came to think of myself as his daughter； and it seemed that he thought of himself as my father。 I liked that。 My real father was always so afraid of me； whatever paternal instincts he might have had were channeled away from me； toward my brothers and sisters。
〃Then； one day； the Man of One Tree announced that we were leaving the island for several days。 He took me to the mainland； where his daughter was getting married。 Watching the look of love transform his face as he gazed upon his daughter； I knew what a pathetic fantasy I had been living all the years I had been with him。 I was nothing to him； not a daughter； not family。 Nothing。 But I hid my disappointment and anger by covering myself with shame。 Of course he did not think of me as his daughter。 How could he？ I was hinoeuma。 I was unworthy of his love。
''I said nothing of this to the Man of One Tree。 I needed him as much as I had before…perhaps even more。 Now that I knew he had not adopted me as his own； I had even less than I had thought。 And I needed every scrap of attention I could find； otherwise I was sure I would shrivel up and die。〃
Koi stood very still； paralyzed by memories。
Tori could feel the awesome strength of her wa purling outward in waves； but she did not try to fend it off。 Instead she said； 〃Koi； tell me something； why is it that you accept violence as your only alternative？〃
〃My nature is steeped in violence； in blood。 I am unclean。〃
〃And yet；〃 Tori said； 〃I bleed every month the same as you。〃
''And you embrace violence as if it were your lover。''
〃No；〃 Tori said。 〃That's not true。〃
〃But it is；〃 Koi said。 〃I feel the fire of rage in you。 It's easy to identify something that is so familiar to me。〃
〃We're women；〃 Tori said。 〃We should do whatever we can to find alternatives to violence。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Because fire without the requisite water to put it out occasionally is madness；〃 Tori said； beginning to work the enigma out for herself。 It had not been Tok Murashito who had been the enigma； it was herself。 〃Nature cannot long tolerate something that is so out of balance。 Yin without yang will not long survive。〃
Koi said； 〃Then I will be a star； burning bright in the blackness before winking out。〃
〃Is that what you want for yourself？〃 Tori asked。 〃Death？〃
〃In a world without honor； death is the only honorable solution。 ''
〃No。 You're wrong。 Bringing water to the fire is the preferable alternative。〃
〃Banking the fire is impossible for me。〃
〃For people like us； nothing is impossible；〃 Tori said。
Koi put her hand on Tori。 〃You cannot even bring the water to your own fire； how can you counsel me to do it？ 〃
Tori said； 〃In life； only failure breeds success。 If； in the past； I have tried and failed； it does not mean that I will stop trying。''
''And making the same mistakes over and over。''
''No。'' Tori struggled now to sit up； but Koi's powerful hand prevented her。 〃The circle of defeat must be broken。 I cannot tell you how to make yourself better。 Too many people in your life have already done that； and look at the result。〃
〃I cannot be better；〃 Koi said。 〃I am hinoeuma。 I am doomed。〃
〃Superstitious nonsense。 You're no different than I am； except that you've been totally cut off from people。 You've had too many mentors； and no one to trust。 It's so terrible to be disconnected。 Life seems so desolate； you begin to survive only on desperation。 But all you're doing is feeding on yourself。'' Tori's eyes caught Koi's。 〃If you trust me； I can help you。 Perhaps we can even help each other。''
''Impossible；'' Koi said； tightening her hold on Tori。 ''I must avenge Big Ezoe's death。 Giri。 I must kill you。〃
〃Then；〃 Tori said； 〃you truly are doomed。〃 Her eyes had not left Koi's。 Koi did nothing。
The two women； locked in a silent duel； heard the noise at the same moment。
〃It's Big Ezoe's assassin。 Kill her！〃
Tori recognized Hitasura's voice； saw； at the same moment； Russell step into the room； aim a gun at the back of Koi's head。
〃Shoot me；〃 Koi said calmly。 〃Before I die I will take Tori Nunn with me。〃
Into the ringing silence Tori said sharply； 〃Back off！〃 She risked a glance at the men in the open doorway。 〃I mean it； Russ！ Back off and take Hitasura with you！''
〃She's a killer； Tori；〃 Russell said。 〃She came here to kill you； for Christ's sake。 She's got to go。〃
〃I'm sick of you men and your solutions to problems！〃 Tori cursed in Japanese。 〃Get the hell out now！〃
Russell dropped his arm。 〃Tori 。。。〃 Tori said nothing。 The men withdrew。
〃Why did you do that？〃 Koi said。
〃Because this has nothing to do with them。 This is between us。〃
〃I think they found the right spot； they could have killed me before I had a chance to get to you。''
〃Perhaps。〃
〃Yet you insisted they back off。〃 She shook her head。 〃Why？〃
〃I told you before。 It's a matter of trust。''
〃I could kill you now。〃
〃I know。〃
〃It's what Big Ezoe wanted me to do。〃
Tori said； 〃What the hell is Big Ezoe to you？〃
For a moment Koi did nothing。 Then she began to laugh。 She laughed and laughed； collapsing on the bed beside Tori； holding her sides； gasping； tears streaming down her face。
Then； abruptly； she was weeping bitter tears； tears pent up for years； tears of rage and self…loathing； and she put her head in the crook of Tori's shoulder while Tori stroked her hair as she would a frightened child。
〃It's going to be all right；〃 Tori whispered。
But Koi shook her head。 〃No；〃 she gasped through her sobbing。 〃It won't。 I don't think I'm capable of trusting anyone。〃
〃But you're already trying； aren't you？〃
Koi nodded her head yes。
''Then；'' Tori told her； 〃if it won't be all right； at least it will be better。〃
〃I feel all right。〃
〃You look like death warmed over。〃
〃My； what a charmer you are。〃
Tori and Russell sat facing each other in the room where Tori had awakened to find Koi standing over her。 However； now； thirty…six hours later； the bed was empty。 Tori was dressed； had eaten two normal meals。
〃Just trying to make a point；〃 Russell said。
〃Which is？〃
〃You're not a being from the planet Krypton。〃
Tori groaned。 〃Don't worry。 I don't think I could leap over a fireplug； let alone a tall building。 But we've still got work to do。 Now where's Koi？ Have you kept her and Hitasura apart as I asked you to do？〃
〃Yes； though this is his turf； so it wasn't all that easy。 But； I must say； your poisoning has unnerved him。''
〃Is that so？〃 Tori said。 〃We'll see about that。〃
''What did you and Koi talk about？ You and she were up here for hours。〃
〃I need to do a couple of things before I tell you；'' Tori said。 〃First off； I need a hookup to the puters at Mail Central。 Can you fix that up？''
〃No problem。 I'll go make the call now。 We've rented out space in the Sumitomo Building for about a year now。〃
〃Good。 Then； I'm going to want to interview Hitasura。 That's long overdue。〃
〃You bet it is；〃 Russell said。 〃I have some questions to put to him。〃
〃No。 Trust me on this； Russ。 I've got to do this alone。〃
But Russell was already shaking his head。 〃No way。 For one thing； you've just got off a sickbed…〃
''Want to arm wrestle？''
〃For another； this is a situation of totally unknown consequences。 I can't take such a risk with your life。〃
〃Don't worry；〃 Tori said。 〃Whatever happens； Hitasura won't kill me。〃
〃I don't know that；〃 Russell said firmly； 〃and despite what you tell me； I can't believe you do； either。 No。 If you speak to Hitasura at all； it'll be with me in the same room。〃
〃Be realistic； Russ。 Hitasura won't talk to you。〃
〃Well； one way or another； you're going to have help when you meet with him。〃
But Tori wasn't listening。 〃Christ；〃 she continued； 〃if he's involved in cocaine smuggling； he might not even talk to me。''
''But he's got to；〃 Russell said。 〃He owes you； doesn't he？''
Tori gave him a small smile。 〃If only it were that simple。〃 She shook her head。 ''No matter what giri Hitasura feels toward me； I am still gaijin； an outsider。 That fact outweighs everything else； even giri； because to a Japanese a gaijin might speak of giri； but it is impossible to believe that he will live by it。 That gives him the leeway to speak of giri to me； without actually meaning it。〃
〃Christ。 If he feels he owes you nothing； how will you get him to admit to his involvement； let alone tell you what's going on？〃
〃Right now； I haven't the faintest idea；〃 Tori said。
Russell sat on the bed； took her in his arms。 ''You scared the hell out of me； you know。〃
〃Russ； you're losing your director's perspective。〃
〃Fuck being a director。 I'm a field executive now。〃
She smiled。 〃You've been demoted。〃
〃Is that how you see it？ I don't。 I've gotten a sense of the Mall that I never had before。 It seems that the higher you get in any hierarchy； the less you know about the nuts and bolts of running it。〃 He leaned forward。 〃That's because you have to turn off and disconnect yourself from one set of alliances in order to plug yourself into the political sockets needed to keep the jackals on Capitol Hill at bay。''
''Dangerous stuff。''
Russell nodded。 〃But a month ago I would have wasted my time and yours by shouting you down。 Being out here in the field has allowed me to finally see the danger in what I and Bernard do。 We get more and more insulated； devising policies…theoretical canvasses which we then order you to color with your blood。 I'm beginning to understand that Bernard and I have lost all perspective。 Politics and life are often wildly out of sync； that's what being out here in the wild has taught me。〃
Tori kissed him lightly。 〃We all have expectations of things： people； events； situations； you name it； but the reality is so often different。 You know； there was a story Bernard told me about when he was younger。''
〃You mean when he supposedly went to Chicago to look up his long…lost dad； and Dad turned out to b
