lh.narcissusinchains-第31部分

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was　wrong；　in　so　many　ways　it　was　wrong。　I　started　to　say；　〃Micah；　stop；　I　can't　do　this。〃　I　got　as　far　as；　〃Micah　。。。　〃　and　he　took　me　at　my　word。　He　thrust　into　me　so　hard　and　fast　it　tore　a　scream　from　my　throat　and　brought　that　new　part　of　me　that　was　Jean…Claude's　hunger　in　a　raging　wave　of　heat　that　rode　my　body　and　spilled　out　my　mouth。
　He'd　stopped。　〃Are　you　alright？〃
　〃Don't　stop。　Don't　stop！〃
　He　never　asked　again。　He　drove　himself　inside　me　so　fast　and　hard　that　it　left　me　gasping；　unable　to　catch　my　breath。　Small；　helpless　noises　fell　from　my　lips；　spaced　with　the　words；　〃Oh；　God；　yes；　yes；　Micah！〃　Every　time　he　thrust　as　far　as　he　could；　smashing　himself　inside　me；　it　rode　that　fine　line　between　overwhelming　pleasure　and　pain。　And　just　as　the　pleasure　began　to　turn　to　pain；　he'd　withdraw；　and　I'd　be　able　to　breathe　again。　Then　he'd　thrust　himself　inside　me　again；　and　it　would　start　all　over。
　It　felt　like　he　filled　me　up　as　if　I　were　a　cup；　until　there　was　nothing　inside　me　but　the　feel　of　his　body；　the　feel　of　his　flesh　pounding　into　mine。　It　was　tight；　thick；　like　he'd　plugged　a　hole　with　his　body；　and　would　never　let　it　go。　That　sense　of　fullness　inside　me　grew；　grew；　and　spilled　over　me；　through　me；　inside　me；　and　tore　out　of　my　mouth　in　ragged；　frantic　screams；　as　my　body　spasmed　around　him。　And　it　was　only　then　that　his　control　slipped　away；　letting　me　know　that　he　had　still　been　gentle。　His　control　went　when　he　did；　and　I　drank　him　into　me；　through　his　chest　pressed　to　my　back；　his　hips　thrusting　against　my　butt。　I　drank　him　in；　as　he　exploded　inside　me。　I　fed　on　him；　drew　him　inside　every　pore　of　my　skin；　until　it　was　as　if　our　skins　gave　way　and　we　spilled　into　each　other；　became　for　one　shining　moment　one　thing；　one　beast。　And　I　could　feel　his　beast　inside　mine；　as　if　they　were　coupling　within　our　bodies　as　our　human　shells　merged。　In　that　moment；　I　didn't　doubt　that　I　was　truly　his　Nimir…Ra。
　When　we　were　finished　and　had　slid　to　the　floor；　him　still　inside　me；　his　arms　hugging　me　to　the　front　of　his　body；　I　started　to　cry。　He　was　afraid　he'd　hurt　me；　but　that　wasn't　it。　I　couldn't　explain　the　tears　to　him；　because　I　didn't　want　to　say　it　out　loud。　But　I　knew。　I'd　tried　not　to　be　one　of　the　monsters　for　so　long；　and　now；　in　one　fell　swoop　I　was　them；　both　of　them。　You　couldn't　be　a　bloodsucking　vampire　and　be　a　lycanthrope　at　the　same　time。　They　canceled　each　other　out　as　a　disease　or　a　curse。　But　I　had　felt　my　beast　curl　around　Micah's。　I　had　felt　it　like　an　embryo　in　a　safe　warm　place；　waiting。　And　I　had　fed　off　of　him　as　surely　as　any　vampire。　I'd　always　thought　I'd　have　to　drink　blood　to　be　one　of　them。　But　I　had　been　wrong；　wrong　about　so　many　things。　I　let　Micah　hold　me。　I　felt　his　heart　pounding　against　my　back　and　wept。
　
　12
　
　NATHANIEL　DROVE　BECAUSE　I　was　too　shaky　to　concentrate。　I　was　functioning；　moving　forward；　solving　the　problems　one　at　a　time；　but　it　was　as　if　the　very　ground　I　walked　on；　the　air　I　breathed　was　precarious　and　new。　As　if　everything　had　changed；　because　I　had　changed。　I　knew　better。　I　knew　that　no　matter　how　bad　you　feel；　or　what　horrible　thing　happens　to　you；　that　the　world　just　keeps　on　going。　That　the　rest　of　the　world　doesn't　even　realize　that　the　monsters　are　eating　your　heart。　A　long　time　ago　it　use　to　bother　me　that　I　could　be　in　such　confusion；　such　pain；　and　the　world　just　didn't　give　a　shit。　The　world；　the　creation　as　a　whole；　is　designed　to　move　forward；　to　keep　on　keeping　on　without　any　one　individual　person。　It　feels　damned　impersonal；　and　it　is。　But；　then；　if　the　world　stopped　rotating　just　because　one　of　us　was　having　a　bad　day；　we'd　all　be　floating　out　in　space。
　So　I　huddled　in　the　passenger　seat　of　my　Jeep　in　the　late　darkness　and　knew　that　only　I　had　changed。　But　it　was　just　such　a　big　change　that　it　felt　like　the　world　should　have　changed　its　orbit；　just　a　little。
　June　was　back　to　its　normal　hot；　sticky　self。　Nathaniel　wore　a　ribbed　tank　top　and　silky　jogging　shorts。　He'd　tied　his　nearly　ankle…length　hair　in　a　loose　braid　that　curled　on　the　seat　beside　his　thigh。　He'd　found　that　if　he　let　his　hair　fall　onto　the　floorboard；　sometimes　it　tangled　around　the　pedals。　He　had　to　watch　the　gear　shift　between　the　seats；　too。　I'd　never　had　hair　that　long。
　Nathaniel　had　only　had　his　driver's　license　for　a　few　months；　even　though　he　was　twenty。　Gabriel；　their　old　alpha；　had　not　encouraged　them　to　be　independent。　I　sort　of　demanded　it　of　them；　as　far　as　they　were　able。　At　first　Nathaniel　had　been　lost　when　I　started　to　demand　that　he　decide　things　for　himself；　but　lately；　he'd　been　doing　better。　It　made　me　hopeful；　and　I　needed　some　hope　right　now。
　He'd　picked　out　the　clothes　that　he'd　brought　to　the　makeshift　hospital　for　me。　Black　jeans；　royal　blue　scoop　neck　T…shirt；　a　black　bra　that　fit　low　enough　to　acmodate　the　low　neckline；　matching　undies；　black　jogging　socks；　black　Nikes；　a　short…sleeved　black　shirt　to　cover　the　shoulder　rig　with　the　Browning　Hi…Power。　People　kept　urging　me　to　go　shopping　for　a　new　main　gun。　They　were　probably　right。　There　was　probably　something　out　there　that　would　fit　my　hand　better　than　the　Browning。　But　I'd　been　putting　it　off。　The　Browning　was　like　a　piece　of　me。　I　felt　inplete　without　it；　like　I　was　missing　a　hand。　It　was　going　to　take　something　more　than　a　smaller　grip　to　convince　me　to　switch　guns。　So；　for　now；　it　was　still　me　and　the　Browning。
　Nathaniel　had　also　brought　my　wrist　sheaths　and　the　matching　silver　knives。　I　was　going　to　leave　them　in　the　car　since　the　shirt　was　short…sleeved。　They　were　a　little　too　aggressive　to　wear　into　the　police　station。　I　had　just　replaced　the　back　sheath　I　had　ruined　in　New　Mexico。　It　had　been　a　special　order；　and　it　had　cost　mucho　extra　dinero　to　get　a　rush　job　on　it；　but　it　had　been　worth　it。　There　really　wasn't　anywhere　else　on　my　body　that　I　could　carry　a　blade　that　large　and　still　be　able　to　sit　down　without　the　hilt　showing。
　We　drove　in　silence。　Nathaniel　hadn't　even　turned　the　radio　on；　which　he　liked　to　do。　He　rarely　moved　in　silence　if　he　could　have　music　for　background。　But　tonight　he　let　the　silence　seep　into　the　Jeep。
　I　finally　asked　a　question　I'd　been　wanting　an　answer　for。　〃Who　put　the　derringer　in　my　robe　pocket？〃　The　derringer　was　in　the　glove　partment。
　〃I　did。〃
　〃Thanks。〃
　〃The　two　things　that　you　always　do　first　is　get　dressed　and　get　armed。〃　His　smile　flashed　in　an　instant　of　street　light。　〃I'm　not　sure　which　is　your　highest　priority。〃
　I　had　to　smile。　〃I'm　not　sure　either。〃
　〃How　are　you　doing？〃　His　voice　was　very　careful　when　he　asked　it；　quiet　in　the　rushing　silence　of　the　car。
　〃I　don't　want　to　talk　about　it。〃
　〃Okay。〃　He　was　one　of　the　few　people　that　would　actually　take　me　at　my　word　and　not　press。　If　I　told　Nathaniel　I　didn't　want　to　talk；　we　didn't　talk。　The　silence　between　us　was　no　longer　strained。　In　fact；　silence　with　Nathaniel　was　one　of　the　most　relaxing　sounds　of　my　day。
　Nathaniel　parked　the　Jeep　and　we　got　out。　I　had　my　executioner's　license　with　me；　and　most　people　knew　me　on　sight。　It　occurred　to　me　that　they　thought　I　was　dead。　As　we　walked　towards　the　door；　I　realized　I　should　probably　have　called　ahead　and　given　them　a　heads　up；　but　it　was　too　late　now。　I　was　a　yard　from　the　door。　I　wasn't　using　the　cell　phone　now。
　I　was　a　familiar　enough　sight　that　I　could　usually　just　wave　as　I　went　past　the　desk；　but　tonight　the　officer's　eyes　got　big　as　he　waved　me　on　to　the　left　so　I　didn't　have　to　go　through　the　metal　detector。　But　he　was　picking　up　a　phone　as　he　did　it。　I　was　betting　he　was　calling　ahead。　You　don't　see　people　rise　from　the　dead　every　night。　Well；　I　guess　I　do；　but　most　cops　don't。
　I　was　up　the　stairs　leading　to　RPIT's　headquarters　when　Detective　Clive　Perry　opened　the　door　and　started　down　the　stairs。　He　was　slender；　handsome；　African…American；　and　the　most　unfailingly　polite　person　I'd　ever　met。　He　actually　missed　the　step　and　had　to　catch　himself　on　the　railing。　Even　then　he　leaned　against　the　wall　like　his　legs　weren't　working　quite　right。　He　looked　shocked　　no；　scared。
　〃Anita。〃　His　voice　was　breathy。　It　was　probably　the　second　time　in　all　the　years　we'd　known　each　other　that　he　had　used　my　first　name。　It　was　usually　Ms。　Blake。
　I　responded　in　kind；　smiling。　〃Clive；　it's　good　to　see　you。〃
　His　eyes　flicked　from　me　to　Nathaniel；　then　back　to　me。　〃You're　supposed　to　be　。。。　〃　He　straightened　on　the　stairs。　〃I　mean；　we　heard　。。。　〃　I　watched　him　visibly　try　to　rally。　By　the　time　we　reached　the　step　he　was　on；　he　looked　almost　normal。　But　his　next　question　wasn't　normal。　〃Did　you　die？〃
　I　smiled；　then　felt　the　smile　fade　as　I　stared　into　his　eyes。　He　was　serious。　I　guess　I　did　raise　the　dead　for　a　living；　so　the　question　wasn't　as　ridiculous　as　it　sounded；　but　I　was　realizing　that　some　of　his　shock　wasn't　just　from　seeing　me　walking　around。　It　was　from　his　fear　of　what　I　was　now。　He　thought　I　was　the　walking　dead。　In　some　ways　he　was　closer　to　the　mark　than　was　fortable；　in　others　he　was　so　far　off。
　〃No；　Clive；　I　didn't　die。〃
　He　nodded；　but　there　was　a　tightness　around　his　eyes　that　made　me　wonder；　if　I　tried　to　touch　his　arm；　would　he　flinch？　I　didn't　want　to　find　out；　so　Nathaniel　and　I　just　walked　past　him；　leaving　him　alone　on　the　stairs。
　I　pushed　into　the　squad　room　with　its　crowded　desks　and　the　busy　clatter　of　people。　RPIT　had　some　of　its　busiest　hours　after　three　A。M。　The　noise　died　gradually　like　fading　water　rings；　going　out　into　the　room；　until　I　moved　in　silence　between　the　desks　and　the　staring　faces。　Nathaniel　stayed　at　my　back；　moving　like　an　attractive　shadow。
　I　finally　said；　loud　enough　to　carry　through　the　room；　〃The　rumors　of　my　death　are　greatly　exaggerated。〃　And　the　room　exploded　into　noise。　I　was　suddenly　surrounded　by　men；　and　a　few　women；　hugging　me；　slapping　me　on　the　back；　pumping　my　hand。　Smiling　faces；　relieved　eyes。　No　one　else　showed　the　reservations　that　Clive　Perry　had　shown　on　the　stairs；　and　it　made　me　wonder　about　his　religious　background；　or　his　metaphysical　one。　He　wasn't　a　sensitive；　but　that　didn't　mean　he　hadn't　grown　up　around　people　who　were。
　It　was　Zerbrowski　who　picked　me　pletely　off　the　ground　in　a　huge　bear　hug。　He's　only　five　eight；　a