dk.coldfire-第38部分
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〃Like I told you on the plane； I'm not a psychic；〃 he insisted。 〃I can't foresee things just because I want to。 I don't have visions。 It's a higher power working through me。〃
〃You want to define that a little？〃 He shrugged。 〃God。〃
〃God's talking to you？〃 〃Not talking。 I don't hear voices； His or anybody else's。 Now and then I'm pelled to be in a certain place at a certain time。 。 。〃
As best he could； he tried to explain how he had ended up at the McAlbery School in Portland and at the sites of the other miraculous rescues he had performed。 He also told her about Father Geary finding him on the floor of the church； by the sanctuary railing； with the stigmata of Christ marking his brow； hands； and side。
It was off the…wall stuff； a weird brand of mysticism that might have been concocted by an heretical Catholic and peyote…inspired Indian medicine man in association with a no…nonsense； Clint Eastwood…style cop。
Holly was fascinated。 But she said； 〃I can't honestly tell you I see God's big hand in this。〃
〃I do；〃 he said quietly； making it clear that his conviction was solid and in no need of her approval。
Nevertheless she said； 〃Sometimes you've had to be pretty damned violent； like with those guys who kidnapped Susie and her mother in the desert。〃
〃They got what they deserved；〃 he said flatly。 〃There's too much darkness in some people； corruption that could never be cleaned out in five lifetimes of rehabilitation。 Evil is real； it walks the earth。
Sometimes the devil works by persuasion。 Sometimes he just sets loose these sociopaths who don't have a gene for empathy or one for passion。〃
〃I'm not saying you didn't have to be violent in some of these situations。
Far as I can see； you had no choice。 I just meant…it's hard to see God encouraging his messenger to pick up a shotgun。〃
He drank some beer。 〃You ever read the Bible？〃 〃Sure。〃
〃Says in there that God wiped out the evil people in Sodom and Gomora rah with volcanoes； earthquakes； rains of fire。
Flooded the whole world once； didn't He？ Made the Red Sea wash over the pharaoh's soldiers； drowned them all。 I don't think He's going to be skittish about a little old shotgun。〃
〃I guess I was thinking about the God of the New Testament。 Maybe you heard about Him…understanding； passionate； merciful。〃
He fixed her with those eyes again； which could be so appealing that they made her knees weak or so cold they made her shiver。 A moment ago they had been warm； now they were icy。 If she'd had any doubt； she knew from his frigid response that he had not yet decided to wele her into his life。 〃I've met up with some people who're such walking scum； it'd be an insult to animals to call them animals。 If I thought God always dealt mercifully with their kind； I wouldn't want anything to do with God。〃
Holly stood at the kitchen sink； cleaning mushrooms and slicing tomatoes； while Jim separated egg whites from yolks to make a pair of paratively low…calorie omelettes。
〃All the time； people are dying conveniently； right in your own backyard。 But often you go clear across the country to save them。〃
〃Once to France；〃 he said； confirming her suspicion that he had ventured out of the country on his missions。 〃Once to Germany； twice to Japan； once to England。〃
〃Why doesn't this higher power give you only local work？〃 〃I don't know。〃
〃Have you ever wondered what's so special about the people you save？ I mean…why them and not others？〃 〃Yeah。 I've wondered about it。 I see stories on the news every week about innocent people being murdered or dying in accidents right here in southern California； and I wonder why He didn't choose to save them instead of some boy in Boston。 I just figure the boy in Boston…the devil was conspiring to take him before his time； and God used me to prevent that。〃
〃So many of them are young。〃
〃I've noticed that。〃
〃But you don't know why？〃 〃Not a clue。〃
The kitchen was redolent of cooking eggs； onions； mushrooms； and green peppers。 Jim made one big omelette in a single pan； planning to cut it in half when it was done。
While Holly monitored the progress of the whole…wheat bread in the toaster； she said； 〃Why would God want you to save Susie and her mother out there in the desert…but not the girl's father？〃 〃I don't know。〃
〃The father wasn't a bad man； was he？〃 〃No。 Didn't seem to be。〃
〃So why not save them all？〃 〃If He wants me to know； He'll tell me。〃
Jim's certainty about being in God's good grace and under His guidance； and his easy acceptance that God wanted some people to die and not others； made Holly uneasy。
On the other hand； how could he react to his extraordinary experience in any other way？ No point in arguing with God。
She recalled an old saying； a real chestnut that had bee a cliche in the hands of the pop psych crowd： God grant me the courage to change those things I can't accept； to accept those things I can't change； and the wisdom to know the difference。 Cliche or not； that was an eminently sane attitude。
When the two pieces of bread popped up； she plucked them from the toaster。 As she toasted two more； she said； 〃If God wanted to save Nicholas O'Conner from being fried when that power…pany vault went up； why didn't He just prevent it from exploding in the first place？〃 〃I don't know。〃
〃Doesn't it seem odd to you that God has to use you； run you clear across the country； throw you at the O'Conner boy an instant before that 17；000…volt line blows up？ Why couldn't He just。 。 。 oh； I don't know。
。 。 just spit on the cable or something； fix it up with a little divine saliva before it went blooey？ Or instead of sending you all the way to Atlanta to kill Norman Rink in that convenience store； why didn't God just tweak Norman's brain a little； give him a timely stroke？〃 Jim artfully tilted the pan to turn over the omelette。 〃Why did He make mice to torment people and cats to kill the mice？ Why did He create aphids that kill plants； then ladybugs to eat the aphids？ And why didn't He give us eyes in the back of our head…when He gave us so many reasons to need them there？〃 She finished lightly buttering the first two slices of toast。 〃I see what you're saying。 God works in mysterious ways。〃
〃Very。〃
They ate at the breakfast table。 In addition to toast； they had sliced tomatoes and cold bottles of Corona with the omelettes。
The purple cloth of twilight slid across the world outside； and the undraped form of night began to reveal itself Holly said； 〃You aren't entirely a puppet in these situations。〃
〃Yes； I am。〃
〃You have some power to determine the oute。〃
〃None。〃
〃Well； God sent you on Flight Two forty…six to save just the Dubroveks。〃
〃That's right。〃
〃But then you took matters into your own hands and saved more than just Christine and Casey。 How many were supposed to die？〃 〃A hundred and fifty…one。〃
〃And how many actually died？〃 〃Forty…seven。〃
〃Okay； so you saved a hundred and two more lives than He sent you to save。〃
〃A hundred and three； counting yours…but only because He allowed me to do it； helped me to do it。〃
〃What…you're saying God wanted you to save just the Dubroveks； but then He changed His mind？〃 〃I guess so。〃
〃God isn't sure what He wants？〃 〃I don't know。〃
〃God is sometimes confused？〃 〃I don't know。〃
〃God is a waffler？〃 〃Holly； I just don't know。〃
〃Good omelette。〃
〃Thank you。〃
〃I have trouble understanding why God would ever change His mind about anything。 After all； He's infallible； right？ So He can't have made the wrong decision the first time。〃
〃I don't concern myself with questions like that。 I just don't think about it。〃
〃Obviously；〃 she said。
He glared at her； and she felt the full effect of his eyes in their arctic mode。 Then focusing on his food and beer； he refused to respond to Holly's next few conversational gambits。
She realized that she was no closer to winning his trust than she had been when he had reluctantly invited her in from the patio。 He was still judging her； and on points she was probably losing。 What she needed was a solid knockout punch； and she thought she knew what it was； but she didn't want to use it until the right moment。
When Jim finished eating； he looked up from his empty plate and said； 〃Okay； I've listened to your pitch； I've fed you； and now I want you to go。〃
〃No； you don't。〃
He blinked。 〃Miss Thorne…〃 〃You called me Holly before。〃
〃Miss Thorne； please don't make me throw you out。〃
〃You don't want me to go；〃 Holly said； striving to sound more confident than she felt。 〃At all the scenes of these rescues； you've given only your first name。 No one's learned anything more about you。
Except me。 You told me you lived in southern California。 You told me your last name was Ironheart。〃
〃I never said you were a bad reporter。 You're good at prying information〃 〃I didn't pry。 You gave it。 And if it wasn't something you wanted to give； a grizzly bear with an engineering degree and crowhar couldn't pry it out of you。 I want another beer。〃
〃I asked you to go。〃
〃Don't stir yourself I know where you keep the suds。〃
She got up； stepped to the refrigerator； and withdrew another bottle of Corona。 She was walking on the wild side now； at least for her； but a third beer gave her an excuse…even if a flimsy one to stay and argue with him。
She had downed three bottles last night； at the motel cocktail lounge in Dubuque。 But then she had still been saturated with adrenaline； as superalert and edgy as a Siamese cat on Benzedrine； which canceled out the alcohol as fast as it entered her bloodstream。
Even so； she had hit the bed as hard as a lumberjack who'd downed a dozen boilermakers。 If she passed out on Ironheart； she'd no doubt wake up in her car； out in the street； and she would never get inside his house again。 She opened the beer and returned to the table with it。
〃You wanted me to find you；〃 she said as she sat down。
He regarded her with all the warmth of a dead penguin frozen to an ice flow。 〃I did； huh？〃 〃Absolutely。 That's why you told me your last name and where I could find you。〃
He said nothing。
〃And you remember your last words to me at the airport in Portland？〃 〃No。〃
