dk.coldfire-第70部分

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　Henry　looked　down　at　his　culpable　hands　again。　〃How　could　I　believe　that　a　boy　of　ten；　even　a　disturbed　boy；　could've　shoved　her　down　the　mill　stairs　when　he　loved　her　so　much？　Too　many　years　Later；　I　saw　that　I'd　been　so　damned　cruel　to　him；　so　unfeeling；　so　damned　stupid。　By　then；　he　wouldn't　give　me　the　chance　to　apologize　for　what　I'd　done。　。　
　what　I'd　thought。　After　he　left　for　college；　he　never　came　back。　Not　once　in　more　than　thirteen　years；　until　I　had　my　stroke。〃　
　He　came　back　once；　Holly　thought；　nineteen　years　after　Lena's　death；　to　face　up　to　it　and　put　flowers　on　her　grave。　
　Henry　said；　〃If　there　was　some　way　I　could　explain　to　him；　if　he'd　ust　give　me　one　chance。　。　〃　〃He's　here　now；〃　Holly　said；　getting　up　again。　
　The　weight　of　fear　that　pulled　on　the　old　man's　face　made　him　appear　even　more　gaunt　than　he　had　been。　〃Here？〃　〃He's　e　to　give　you　that　chance；〃　was　all　that　Holly　could　say。　
　〃Do　you　want　me　to　take　you　to　him？〃　The　blackbirds　were　flocking。　Eight　of　them　had　gathered　now　in　the　sky　above；　circling。　
　Once　upon　a　midnight　dreary；　while　I　pondered　weak　and　weary　Over　many　a　quaint　and　curious　volume　of　forgotten　lore　While　I　nodded；　nearly　napping；　suddenly　there　came　a　tapping；　As　of　some　one　gently　rapping；　rapping　at　my　chamber　door　To　the　real　birds　above；　Jim　whispered；〃　Quoth　the　Raven；　Never　more。〃　He　heard　a　soft　rhythmic　creaking；　as　of　a　wheel　going　around　and　around；　and　footsteps。　When　he　looked　up；　he　saw　Holly　pushing　his　wheelchair…bound　grandfather　along　the　walkway　toward　the　bench。　
　Eighteen　years　had　passed　since　he　had　gone　away　to　school；　and　he　had　seen　Henry　only　once　before　in　all　this　time。　Initially；　there　had　been　a　few　telephone　calls；　but　soon　Jim　stopped　making　those　and；　eventually；　stopped　accepting　them　as　well。　When　letters　came；　he　threw　them　away　unopened。　He　remembered　all　of　that　now…and　he　was　beginning　to　remember　why。　
　He　began　to　rise。　His　legs　would　not　support　him。　He　remained　on　the　bench。　
　Holly　parked　the　wheelchair　facing　Jim；　then　sat　beside　him。　〃How　you　doing？〃　Nodding　dumbly；　he　glanced　up　at　the　birds　circling　against　the　ashen　clouds；　rather　than　face　his　grandfather。　
　The　old　man　could　not　look　at　Jim；　either。　He　studied　the　beds　of　flowers　intently；　as　if　he　had　been　in　a　great　rush　to　get　outside　and　have　a　look　at　those　blooms　and　nothing　else。　
　Holly　knew　this　was　not　going　to　be　easy。　She　was　sympathetic　toward　each　of　the　men　and　wanted　to　do　her　best　to　bring　them　together　at　last。　
　First；　she　had　to　burn　away　the　tangled　weeds　of　one　last　lie　that　Jim　had　told　her　and　that；　consciously　if　not　subconsciously；　he　had　successfully　told　himself　〃There　was　no　traffic　accident；　honey；〃　she　said；　putting　a　hand　on　his　knee。　〃That　isn't　how　it　happened。〃　
　Jim　lowered　his　eyes　from　the　blackbirds　and　regarded　her　with　nervous　expectation。　She　could　see　that　he　longed　to　know　the　truth　and　dreaded　hearing　it。　
　〃It　happened　in　a　restaurant〃　Jim　slowly　shook　his　head　in　denial。　
　〃…down　in　Atlanta；　Georgia…〃　He　was　still　shaking　his　head；　but　his　eyes　were　widening。　
　〃…you　were　with　them〃　He　stopped　denying；　and　a　terrible　expression　stained　his　face。　
　〃…it　was　called　the　Dixie　Duck；〃　she　said。　
　When　the　memory　exploded　back　to　him　with　pile…driver　force；　he　hunched　forward　on　the　bench　as　if　he　might　vomit；　but　he　did　not。　He　curled　his　hands　into　fists　on　his　knees；　and　his　face　tightened　into　a　clench　er…　of　pain；　and　he　made　small　inarticulate　sounds　that　were　beyond　grief　and　horror。　
　and　She　put　an　arm　around　his　bent　shoulders。　
　his　Henry　Ironheart　looked　at　her　and　said；　〃Oh；　my　God；〃　as　he　began　to　realize　the　extremity　of　denial　to　which　his　grandson　had　been　driven。　
　mad　〃Oh；　my　God。〃　As　Jim's　strangled　gasps　of　pain　changed　into　quiet　sobs；　few　Henry　Ironheart　looked　at　the　flowers　again；　then　at　his　aged　hands；　then　away；　at　his　feet　on　the　tilted　braces　of　the　wheelchair；　everywhere　he　could　think　away　to　look　to　avoid　Jim　and　Holly；　but　at　last　he　met　Holly's　eyes　again。　〃He　had　therapy；〃　he　said；　trying　hard　to　expiate　his　guilt。　〃We　knew　he　might　need　therapy。　We　took　him　to　a　psychiatrist　in　Santa　Barbara。　Took　him　i　the　there　several　times。　We　did　what　we　could。　But　the　psychiatrist…Hemp　hill；　his　name　was…he　said　Jim　was　all　right；　he　said　there　was　no　reason　to　bring　him　any　more；　just　after　six　visits；　he　said　Jim　was　all　right。〃　
　Holly　said；　〃What　do　they　ever　know？　What　could　Hemphill　have　done　when　he　didn't　really　know　the　boy；　didn't　love　him？〃　you　Henry　Ironheart　flinched　as　if　she　had　struck　him；　though　she　had　not　meant　her　ment　to　be　a　condemnation　of　him。　
　〃No；〃　she　said　quickly；　hoping　he　would　believe　her；　〃what　I　meant　was；　there's　no　mystery　why　I've　gotten　farther　than　Hemphill　ever　could。　
　is　of　It's　just　because　I　love　him。　It's　the　only　thing　that　ever　leads　to　healing。〃　
　ave　a　Stroking　Jim's　hair；　she　said；　〃You　couldn't　have　saved　them；　baby。　You　didn't　have　the　power　then；　not　like　you　have　it　now。　
　You　were　lucky　to　ward　get　out　alive。　Believe　me；　honey；　listen　and　believe　me。〃　
　last。　For　a　moment　they　sat　unspeaking；　all　of　them　in　pain。　
　Jim　Holly　noticed　more　blackbirds　had　gathered　in　the　sky。　Maybe　a　dozen　cess…　of　them　now。　She　didn't　know　how　Jim　was　drawing　them　there…or　why　…but　she　knew　that　he　was；　and　regarded　them　with　growing　dread。　
　She　put　a　hand　over　one　of　Jim's　hands；　encouraging　him　to　relax　it。　
　Though　he　slowly　stopped　crying；　he　kept　his　fist　as　tight　as　a　fist　of　sculpted　stone。　
　To　Henry；　she　said；　〃Now。　This　is　your　chance。　Explain　why　you　turned　away　from　him；　why　you　did。　。　。　whatever　you　did　to　him。〃　
　Clearing　his　throat；　wiping　nervously　at　his　mouth　with　his　weak　right　hand；　Henry　spoke　at　first　without　looking　at　either　of　them。　
　〃Well。　。　。　
　you　have　to　know。　。　。　how　it　was。　A　few　months　after　he　came　back　from　Atlanta；　there　was　this　film　pany　in　town；　shooting　a　movie…〃　〃The　Black　Windmill；〃　Holly　said。　
　〃Yeah。　He　was　reading　all　the　time。　。　。　。〃　Henry　stopped；　closed　his　；　he　eyes　as　if　to　gather　strength。　When　he　opened　them；　he　stared　at　Jim's　of。　He　bowed　head　and　seemed　prepared　to　meet　his　eyes　if　he　looked　up。　〃You　clench　was　reading　all　the　time；　going　through　the　library　shelf　by　shelf；　and　because　of　the　film　you　read　the　Willott　book。　For　a　while　it　became。　。　。　
　hell；　I　don't　know。　。　。　I　guess　maybe　you'd　have　to　say　it　was　an　obsession　with　you；　Jim。　It　was　the　only　thing　that　brought　you　out　of　your　shell；　talking　about　that　book；　so　we　encouraged　you　to　go　watch　them　shoot　the　picture。　Remember？　After　a　while；　you　started　telling　us　an　alien　was　in　our　pond　and　windmill；　just　like　in　the　book　and　movie。　
　At　first　we　thought　you　was　just　play…acting。〃　
　He　paused。　
　The　silence　lengthened。　
　About　twenty　birds　in　the　sky　above。　
　Circling。　Silent。　
　To　Henry；　Holly　said；　〃Then　it　began　to　worry　you。〃　
　Henry　wiped　one　shaky　hand　down　his　deeply　lined　face；　not　so　much　as　if　he　was　trying　to　scrub　away　his　weariness　but　as　if　he　was　trying　to　slough　off　the　years　and　bring　that　lost　time　closer。　〃You　spent　more　and　more　hours　in　the　mill；　Jim。　Sometimes　you'd　be　out　there　all　day。　
　And　evenings；　too。　Sometimes　we'd　get　up　in　the　middle　of　the　night　to　use　the　john；　and　we'd　see　a　light　out　there　in　the　mill；　two　or　three　or　four　o'clock　in　the　morning。　And　you　wouldn't　be　in　your　room。〃　
　Henry　paused　more　often。　He　wasn't　tired。　He　just　didn't　want　to　dig　into　this　part　of　the　long…buried　past。　
　〃If　it　was　the　middle　of　the　night；　we'd　go　out　there　to　the　mill　and　bring　you　in；　either　me　or　Lena。　And　you'd　be　telling　us　about　The　Friend　in　the　mill。　You　started　spooking　us；　we　didn't　know　what　to　do　。　。　。　so　I　guess。　。　。　we　didn't　do　anything。　Anyway；　that　night　。　。　。　
　the　night　she　died。　。　。　a　storm　was　ing　up…〃　Holly　recalled　the　dream：。　。　。　a　fresh　wind　blows　as　she　hurries　along　the　gravel　path　。　
　。　。　
　〃…and　Lena　didn't　wake　me。　She　went　out　there　by　herself　and　up　at　the　high　room〃。　。　。　she　climbs　the　limestone　stairs。　。　。　
　〃…pretty　good　thunderstorm；　but　I　used　to　be　able　to　sleep　through　anything…〃。　。　。　the　heavens　flash　as　she　passes　the　stairwell　window；　and　through　the　glass　she　sees　an　object　in　the　pond　below。　。　。　
　〃…I　guess；　Jim；　you　was　just　doing　what　we　always　found　you　doing　out　there　at　night；　reading　that　book　by　candlelight〃。　。　。　inhuman　sounds　from　above　quicken　her　heart；　and　she　climbs　to　the　high　room；　afraid；　but　also　curious　and　concerned　for　Jim。　。　。　
　〃…a　crash　of　thunder　finally　woke　me…〃。　。　。　she　reaches　the　top　of　the　stairs　and　sees　him　standing；　hands　fisted　）7　at　his　sides；　a　yellow　candle　in　a　blue　dish　on　the　floor；　a　book　beside　the　candle。　。。　
　〃…I　realized　Lena　was　gone；　looked　out　the　bedroom　window；　and　saw　that　dim　light　in　the　mill〃。　the　boy　turns　to　her　and　cries　out；　I'm　scared　help　me　the　walls；　the　walls！　。　。　。　
　〃…and　I　couldn't　believe　my　eyes　because　the　sails　of　the　mill　were　turning；　and　even　in　those　days　the　sails　hadn't　turned　in　ten　or　fifteen　years；　been　frozen　up…〃。　she　sees　an　amber　light　within　the　walls；　the　sour　shades　of　pus　and　bile；　the　limestone　bulges；　and　she　realizes　something　is　impossibly　alive　in　the　stone。　。　。　
　〃…but　they　were　spinning　like　airplane　propellers；　so　I　pulled　on　my　pants；　and　hurried　downstairs…〃。　。　。　with　fear　but　also　with　perverse　excitement；　the　boy　says；　It's　ing　and　nobody　can　stop　it！　。　。　。　
　〃…I　grabbed　a　flashlight　and　ran　out　into　the　rain…〃。　。　。　the　curve　of　mortared　blocks　splits　like　the　spongy　membrane　of　an　insect's　egg；　taking　shape　from　a　core　of　foul　muck；　where　limestone　should　have　been；　is　the　embodiment　of　the　boy's　black　rage　at　the　world　and　its　injustice；　his　self　hatred　made　flesh；　his　own　death…wish　given　a　vicious　and　brutal　form　so　solid　that　it　is　an　entity　itself；　quite　separate　from　him。　。　。　
　〃…I　reached　the　mill；　couldn't　believe　how　those　old　sails　were　spinning；　whoosh；　whoosh；　whoosh！〃　Holly's　dream　had　ended　there；　but　her　imagination　too　easily　supplied　a　version　of　what　might　have　happened　thereafter。　Horrified　at　the　materialization　of　The　Enemy；　stunned　that　the　boy's　wild　tales　of　aliens　in　the　m