pzb.drawingblood-第41部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ite　vegetable。　It　was　soggy　and　nearly　tasteless；　with　only　a　faint　unpleasant　flavor　like　chlorophyll　tinged　with　sweat。　If　dirty　socks　grew　on　a　vine；　Zach　thought；　they　would　taste　like　zucchini。
　　The　casserole　or　whatever　it　was　Kinsey　had　tried　to　make　reminded　him　of　the　food　in　the　ic　Calvin　and　Hobbes　that　would　jump　off　the　plate　and　hop　across　the　table　or　down　the　kid's　shirt　making　noises　like　blurp　and　argh。　But　Zach　was　too　polite　to　pull　a　Calvin　face。　Instead　he　poured　himself　another　glass　of　wine　and　wished　he　were　back　in　the　shower　with　Trevor's　hands　reaching　around　to　soap　his　back；　with　his　open　mouth　sliding　across　Trevor's　wet　slippery　chest。
　　〃Can　I　get　you　something　else？〃　Kinsey　asked　him。
　　〃No；　thanks。　I　guess　I'm　just　not　very　hungry。〃　In　truth；　Zach　felt　slightly　nauseated　after　staring　at　the　green　lump　for　so　long；　but　the　wine　seemed　to　be　settling　his　stomach。　He　caught　an　odd　look　from　Trevor　and　remembered　that　asking　Kinsey　to　feed　them　had　been　his　own　idea。　It　was　a　mistake　he　wouldn't　make　again。
　　〃You　must　eat　out　a　lot　in　New　York；〃　said　Kinsey；　and　Trevor　shot　him　another　look：　New　York？
　　〃I　try　to　live　cheap；〃　he　told　Kinsey。
　　〃I　thought　that　was　impossible　in　New　York。〃
　　〃Rent　control；〃　said　Zach　helplessly；　with　no　real　idea　whether　they　had　such　a　thing　in　New　York　City。　Trevor　stared　hard　at　him。
　　I'll　explain　later；　he　thought；　trying　to　telegraph　it　into　Trevor's　head；　and　poured　himself　more　wine。
　　
　　No　sooner　had　they　bid　Kinsey　good　night　and　walked　across　the　overgrown　yard　to　the　car　than　Trevor　said；　〃New　York；　huh？〃
　　Zach's　head　was　spinning　from　the　wine　and　the　joint　they　had　smoked　after　dinner。　He　leaned　against　the　Mustang's　fender。　〃I'll　tell　you　about　it　when　we　get　home。〃
　　〃Tell　me　now。　I　don't　like　being　lied　to。〃
　　〃I　didn't　lie　to　you。　I　lied　to　Kinsey。〃
　　〃I　don't　like　lies　at　all；　Zach。　If　that's　really　your　name。〃
　　〃What？　Did　I　just　hear　that　from　the　lips　of　the　famous　Trevor　Black？〃　Trevor　looked　away。　〃Look；　I　told　you　I　was　on　the　run！　I　can't　just　go　around　telling　everyone　the　truth！　Now　get　in　the　car。〃
　　〃Can　you　drive？〃
　　〃Of　course　I　can　fucking　drive。〃　Zach　pushed　himself　off　the　fender　and　lost　his　balance；　almost　fell　headlong　into　the　grass。　Trevor　caught　him　and　he　leaned　into　Trevor's　arms；　slipped　his　arms　around　Trevor's　waist。　〃Don't　be　mad；〃　he　whispered。
　　〃Are　you　okay？〃　Trevor　asked。
　　Zach　hadn't　eaten　anything　all　day；　and　he　had　drunk　most　of　the　big　bottle　of　wine。　He　imagined　it　sloshing　around　in　his　stomach；　mingling　with　all　the　e　he'd　swallowed；　sweet　ruby　red　swirled　with　salty　pearly　white。　Zach　thought　again　of　the　green　lump　of　lasagna　and　almost　lost　it；　but　he　couldn't　stand　for　Trevor　to　see　him　puke。
　　〃I'm　fine；〃　he　said。　Muffled　against　the　front　of　Trevor's　shirt　it　came　out　as　one　slurry　word。　〃I　just　got　a　little　drunk。　It's　nothing。〃　He　felt　Trevor's　body　stiffen；　remembered　that　Bobby　had　been　drunk　on　whiskey　when　he　killed　the　family。　To　Trevor；　the　words　I'm　drunk；　it's　nothing　must　sound　both　stupid　and　cruel。
　　Well；　they'd　find　ways　to　deal　with　these　pitfalls　and　land　mines；　even　if　it　meant　plowing　straight　through　them。　Zach　wasn't　planning　to　go　on　the　wagon　anytime　soon。
　　And　why　the　hell　not？　he　thought。　He　liked　alcohol…usually…but　it　wasn't　vital　to　him　like　pot；　wasn't　essential　to　his　body　chemistry。　You're　not　in　New　Orleans　where　drinking's　de　rigueur；　not　anymore。　Why　not　just　forget　about　the　stuff　and　make　him　happy？
　　Because　I　don't　WANT　to！！！　his　mind　raged　in　the　voice　of　a　cranky　three…year…old。　I　LIKE　to　get　drunk　sometimes；　there's　nothing　wrong　with　that；　it　doesn't　make　me　beat　people　or　punch　them　or　kill　them！　It　just　makes　me　。。。
　　What？
　　Well；　get　laid；　for　one。
　　He　knew　it　was　true；　he　had　almost　always　been　drunk　when　he　went　cruising　in　the　Quarter。　It　helped　him　gloss　over　all　sorts　of　things；　like　the　look　on　Eddy's　face　when　she　saw　him　chatting　up　some　pretty；　empty…headed　creature　of　the　night；　the　fact　that　he　would　just　as　soon　spit　in　Death's　eye　as　wear　a　rubber；　the　knowledge　that　he　just　didn't　give　a　good　goddamn　about　much　of　anything　beyond　hacking　and　having　orgasms　and　watching　slasher　movies　and　thumbing　his　nose　at　the　world。
　　Except　that　now　he　did。　And　it　seemed　as　good　a　time　to　say　so　as　any。
　　But　just　then　a　vehicle　swept　around　the　corner　of　Kinsey's　street　and　came　screeching　toward　them。　A　pickup　or　a　four…wheel　drive　from　the　sound　and　size　of　it；　though　it　was　going　too　fast　to　tell。　Its　occupants　hung　out　the　windows；　all　hairy　limbs　and　big　bullish　heads　with　John　Deere　and　Red　Man　caps　wedged　down　firmly　over　the　brow　ridge。　〃FUCKIN'　QUAAAAAARES；〃　they　heard；　and　a　fusillade　of　silver　beer　cans　sailed　out　into　the　slipstream　and　came　clattering　around　them　in　the　hot；　still　night。　The　truck　was　already　disappearing　over　the　next　hill。
　　The　boys　had　been　drinking　beer；　Zach　observed。　A　fine　fascist…owned　beer　with　a　bouquet　hinting　at　toxic　waste　and　a　crisp；　golden；　piss…like　undertone　。　。　。
　　He　smelled　the　warm　stale　beer　leaking　onto　the　asphalt；　saw　a　submerged　cigarette　butt　dissolving　in　one　of　the　little　puddles；　and　lost　it。　He　pushed　away　from　Trevor　and　sprawled　headlong　over　the　curb　and　vomited　in　Kinsey's　yard。　It　felt　marvelous；　like　the　release　of　some　crushing　pressure；　like　vile　crimson　poison　flooding　out　of　his　system。　He　felt　the　palms　of　his　hands　connecting　with　the　earth；　felt　energy　flowing　up　into　his　arms　and　through　his　body　in　huge；　slow；　steady　waves。　He　was　plugged　into　the　biggest　damn　battery　of　all。
　　When　he　was　able　to　raise　his　head；　Zach　saw　Trevor　staring　at　him　like　some　interesting　but　faintly　repulsive　bug。　Zach　crawled　away　from　his　puddle　of　vomit　and　sat　shakily　on　the　curb。　He　took　off　his　spattered　glasses；　wiped　them　on　the　tail　of　his　shirt；　Trevor　sat　down　next　to　him。
　　〃Do　you　know　how　many　times　I　saw　my　dad　get　sick　from　drinking？〃　Trevor　asked。
　　〃A　bunch；　I　guess。〃
　　〃No。　Just　once。　Sometimes　I　wonder　what　would　have　happened；　though；　if　he'd　had　a　few　more　shots　before　Momma　came　home　that　night。　What　if　he'd　made　himself　sick　and　passed　out？　What　if　Momma　could　tell　somehow　that　he'd　drugged　us？〃
　　〃It　sounds　like　Bobby　was　pretty　much　unstoppable。〃
　　〃Maybe。〃　Trevor　shrugged。　〃But　maybe　one　more　shot　would've　knocked　him　out。　Maybe　Momma　would　have　taken　me　and　Didi　away。〃
　　〃I　guess　it's　possible。〃　More　than　anything；　Zach　wanted　Trevor　to　put　an　arm　around　his　shoulders；　wanted　to　lean　into　Trevor's　solid　forting　warmth。　But　he　wasn't　sure　if　Trevor　was　mad　at　him。　〃I　used　to　hope　the　same　thing　when　my　parents　would　go　on　a　binge；〃　he　said。　〃I'd　think；　Just　a　couple　more　drinks　and　they'll　pass　out。　They'll　shut　up。　They　won't　hit　me　anymore。　But　once　they　got　on　a　tear；　they　usually　stayed　on　it　for　a　while。〃
　　〃And　you　caught　the　worst　of　it。〃
　　〃Yeah；　unless　they　had　something　better　to　do。〃
　　〃Then　how…〃　Trevor　turned　to　Zach；　spread　his　hands　wide。　The　expression　on　his　face　was　half　disgust；　half　genuine　bewilderment。　〃How　can　you　drink　now？　You　saw　what　it　did　to　them…how　can　you　do　it　too？〃
　　〃Simple。　It　doesn't　do　the　same　things　to　me　that　it　did　to　them。〃
　　〃But…〃
　　〃But　nothing。　Remember　what　you　said　last　night？　The　still　doesn't　have　a　choice　about　making　liquor；　the　choice　is　up　to　the　person　who　drinks　it？　Drinking　didn't　make　my　parents　act　like　that。　They　were　like　that。　I'm　not。〃
　　〃So　where　does　that　leave　my　father？〃　Trevor's　voice　was　quiet；　but　deadly。
　　〃Well　。　。　。〃　This　was　the　all…important　question；　Zach　sensed。　If　he　answered　it　wrong；　he　could　forget　about　drinking　around　Trevor…which　meant　he　could　forget　about　Trevor；　because　he　wasn't　going　to　start　letting　someone　else　do　his　thinking　for　him。　And　if　he　answered　it　too　wrong；　he　wondered　if　he　might　see　his　blood　decorating　Trevor's　knuckles　again。
　　〃Maybe　Bobby　was　trying　to　tamp　down　his　anger；〃　he　said。　〃Maybe　he　was　trying　to　make　himself　pass　out　before　your　mom　came　home。〃
　　〃You　think　so？〃
　　He　wants　to　believe　that。　Is　it　cruel　to　encourage　him？　I　don't　think　so；　hell；　I'd　want　to　believe　it　if　I　were　him。　It　might　even　be　true。　〃I　wouldn't　be　surprised；〃　said　Zach。　〃You　know　he　loved　you…〃
　　〃No　I　don't。　I　know　he　loved　them。　He　took　them　with　him。　He　left　me　here。〃
　　〃Bullshit！〃　Zach　didn't　care　about　giving　the　right　answer　now；　this　line　of　reasoning　made　him　too　angry　to　worry　about　getting　hit。　〃He　wasted　everything　they　ever　could　have　done；　could　have　been。　The　only　life　he　had　a　right　to　take　was　his　own。　He　robbed　them。〃
　　〃But　if　you　love　someone…〃
　　〃Then　you　want　them　to　be　alive。　What's　to　love　about　a　cold；　dead　body？〃　Zach　caught　himself　before　he　went　too　far　on　that　track。　〃Bobby　fucked　up　your　life　pretty　good；　but　at　least　he　let　you　keep　it。　He　must　have　loved　you　best。　If　you　were　dead；　twenty　years　of　drawings　never　could've　existed；　and　I　couldn't　be　loving　you；　and　you　couldn't　even　be　wondering　about　all　this…〃
　　〃What？〃
　　〃I　said；　you　couldn't　even　be　wondering…〃
　　〃No。　The　other　part。〃
　　〃I　couldn't　be　loving　you；〃　Zach　repeated　softly。　The　words　felt　so　strange　in　his　mouth；　they　had　slipped　out　before　he　had　even　known　he　was　going　to　say　them。　But　he　didn't　want　to　take　them　back。
　　〃I　love　you　too；〃　said　Trevor。　He　leaned　over　and　kissed　Zach　full　on　the　mouth。　Zach's　eyes　widened　and　he　tried　to　pull　away；　but　Trevor　held　him　tight。　He　felt　Trevor's　tongue　sliding　over　his　lips；　worrying　at　the　corners；　and　finally　he　gave　up　and　opened　his　mouth　to　Trevor。　They　had　already　exchanged　most　of　their　other　bodily　fluids；　he　supposed　a　little　puke　wouldn't　make　much　difference。
　　At　last　Trevor　relented　and　just　held　him。　Zach　felt　his　shakes　beginning　to　recede；　the　raw　burn　of　bile　fading　from　his　throat。
　　〃So　you're　really　on　the　run？〃　Trevor　asked　after　a　while。
　　Zach　nodded。
　　〃And　you　told　Kinsey　and　Terry　you　were　from　New　York？〃
　　〃Well；　I　don't　think　Kinsey　believes　me。　But　that's　what　I　told　them；　yeah。〃
　　〃You　want　to　talk　about　it？〃
　　〃Could　we　get　in　the　car