anner.bloodandgold-第49部分

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hore。
　　　I　drew　in　my　breath　and　put　my　hands　over　my　face；　and　then　when　I　uncovered　my　eyes　I　found　the　painting　there　again。
　　　A　slight　impatient　sigh　came　from　Sandro　Botticelli。　What　in　the　name　of　the　gods　could　I　say　to　him　about　the　brilliance　of　this　work？　What　could　I　say　to　him　to　reveal　the　adulation　I　felt？
　　　Then　came　his　voice；　low　and　resigned。　〃If　you're　going　to　tell　me　it's　shocking　and　evil；　let　me　tell　you；　I　have　heard　it　a　thousand　times。　I'll　give　you　back　your　gold　if　you　want。　I've　heard　it　a　thousand　times。〃
　　　I　turned　and　went　down　on　my　knees；　and　I　took　his　hands　and　I　kissed　them　with　my　lips　as　closely　as　I　dared。　Then　I　rose　slowly　like　an　old　man　on　one　knee　before　the　other　and　I　stood　back　to　gaze　at　the　panel　for　a　long　time。
　　　I　looked　at　the　perfect　figure　of　Venus　again；　covering　her　most　intimate　secret　with　locks　of　her　abundant　hair。　I　looked　on　the　nymph　with　her　outstretched　hand　and　her　voluminous　garments。　I　looked　on　the　god　Zephyr　and　the　goddess　with　him；　and　all　of　the　tiny　details　of　the　painting　came　to　reside　in　my　mmd。
　　　〃How　has　it　e　about？　〃　I　asked。　〃After　so　long　a　time　of　Christs　and　Virgins；　that　such　a　thing　could　be　painted　at　last？　〃
　　　From　the　quiet　figure　of　the　unplaining　man　there　came　another　little　laugh。
　　　〃It's　up　to　my　patron；〃　he　said。　〃My　Latin　is　not　so　good。　They　read　the　poetry　to　me。　I　painted　what　they　said　to　paint。〃　Fie　paused。　He　looked　troubled。　〃Do　you　think　it's　sinful？〃
　　　〃Certainly　not；〃　I　responded。　〃You　ask　me　what　I　think？　I　think　it's　a　miracle。　I'm　surprised　that　you　would　ask；〃　I　looked　at　the　painting…　〃This　is　a　goddess；〃　I　said。　〃How　could　it　be　other　than　sacred？　There　was　a　time　when　millions　worshiped　her　with　all　their　hearts。　There　was　a　time　when　people　consecrated　themselves　to　her　with　all　their　hearts。〃
　　　〃Well；　yes；〃　he　answered　softly；　〃but　she's　a　pagan　goddess；　and　not　everyone　thinks　that　she　is　the　patron　of　marriage　as　some　say　now。　Some　say　this　painting　is　sinful；　that　I　shouldn't　be　doing　it。〃　He　gave　a　frustrated　sigh。　He　wanted　to　say　more；　but　I　sensed　that　the　arguments
　　　　were　quite　beyond　him。
　　　〃Don't　listen　to　such　things；〃　I　said。　〃It　has　a　purity　I've　almost　never　seen　in　painting…　Her　face；　the　way　you've　painted　it；　she's　　newborn　yet　sublime；　a　woman；　yet　divine。　Don't　think　of　sin　when　you　work　on　this　painting。　This　painting　is　too　vital；　too　eloquent。　Put　the　struggles　of　sin　out　of　your　mind。〃
　　　He　was　silent　but　I　knew　he　was　thinking。　I　turned　and　tried　to　read　his　mind。　It　seemed　chaotic；　and　full　of　wandering　thoughts　and　guilt。
　　　He　was　a　painter　almost　entirely　at　the　mercy　of　those　who　hired　him；　but　he　had　made　himself　supreme　by　virtue　of　the　particularities　that　all　cherished　in　his　work。　Nowhere　were　his　talents　more　fully　expressed　than　in　this　particular　painting　and　he　knew　this　though　he　couldn't　put　it　into　words。　He　thought　hard　on　how　to　tell　me　about　his　craft　and　his　originality；　but　he　simply　couldn't　do　it。　And　I　would　not　press　him。　It　would　be　a　wicked　thing　to　do。
　　　〃I　don't　have　your　words；〃　he　said　simply。　〃You　really　believe　the　painting　isn't　sinful？〃
　　　〃Yes；　I　told　you；　it's　not　sinful。　If　anyone　tells　you　anything　else　they're　lying　to　you。〃　I　couldn't　stress　it　enough。　〃Behold　the
　　　　innocence　in　the　face　of　the　goddess。　Dori't　think　of　anything　else。〃
　　　He　looked　tormented；　and　there　came　over　me　a　sense　of　how　fragile　he　was；　in　spite　of　his　immense　talent　and　his　immense　energy　to　work。　The　thrusts　of　his　art　could　be　utterly　crushed　by　those　who　criticized　him。　Yet　he　went　on　somehow　every　day　painting　the　best　pictures　that　he　knew　how　to　paint。
　　　〃Don't　believe　them；〃　I　said　again；　drawing　his　eyes　back　to　me。
　　　
　　　
　　　〃e；〃　he　said；　〃you've　paid　me　well　to　look　at　my　work。　Look　at　this　tondo　of　the　Virgin　Maty　with　Angels。　Tell　me　how　you　like　this。〃
　　　He　brought　the　lamp　to　the　far　wall　and　held　it　so　that　I　might　see　the　round　painting　which　hung　there。
　　　Once　again　I　was　too　shocked　by　the　loveliness　of　it　to　speak。　But　it　was　plainly　obvious　that　the　Virgin　was　as　purely　beautiful　as　thegoddess　Venus；　and　the　Angels　were　sensual　and　alluring　as　only　very　young　boys　and　girls　can　be。
　　　〃I　know；〃　he　said　to　me。　〃You　don't　have　to　tell　me。　My　Venus　looks　like　the　Virgin　and　the　Virgin　looks　like　the　Venus　and　so　they　say　of　me。　But　my　patrons　pay　me。〃
　　　〃Listen　to　your　patrons；〃　I　said。　I　wanted　so　to　clasp　his　arms。　I　wanted　to　gently　shake　him　so　that　he　would　never　forget　my　words。　〃Do　what　they　tell　you。　Both　paintings　are　magnificent。　Both　paintings　are　finer　than　anything　I've　ever　seen。〃
　　　He　couldn't　know　what　I　meant　by　such　words。　I　couldn't　tell　him。　I　stared　at　him；　and　for　the　first　time　I　saw　a　little　apprehension　in　him。　He　had　begun　to　notice　my　skin；　and　perhaps　my　hands。
　　　It　was　time　to　leave　him　before　he　became　even　more　suspicious；　and　I　wanted　him　to　remember　me　kindly　and　not　with　fear。
　　　I　took　out　another　purse　which　I　had　brought　with　me。　It　was　full　of　gold　florins。
　　　He　gestured　to　refuse　it。　In　fact；　he　gave　me　a　very　stubborn　refusal。　I　placed　it　on　the　table。
　　　For　a　moment　we　merely　looked　at　each　other。
　　　〃Good…bye；　Sandro；〃　I　said。
　　　〃Marius；　was　it？　I'll　remember　you。〃
　　　I　made　my　way　out　the　front　door　and　into　the　street。　I　hurried　for　the　space　of　two　blocks　and　then　I　stopped；　breathing　too　hurriedly；　and　it　seemed　a　dream　that　I　had　been　with　him；　that　I　had　seen　such　paintings；　that　such　paintings　had　been　created　by　man。
　　　I　didn't　go　back　to　my　rooms　in　the　palazzo。
　　　When　I　reached　the　vault　of　Those　Who　Must　Be　Kept；　I　fell　down　in　a　new　kind　of　exhaustion；　crazed　by　what；　I　had　beheld。　I　couldn't　get　the　impression　of　the　man　out　of　my　mind。　I　couldn't　stop　seeing　him　with　his　soft　dull　hair　and　sincere　eyes。
　　　As　for　the　paintings；　they　haunted　me；　and　I　knew　that　my　torment；　my　obsession；　my　plete　abandonment　to　the　love　of　Botticelli　had　only　just　begun。
　　　
　　　
　　　
　　　16
　　　
　　　IN　THE　MONTHS　that　followed　I　became　a　busy　visitor　of　Florence；　slipping　into　various　palaces　and　churches　to　see　the　work　that　Botticelli　had　done。
　　　Those　who　praised　him　had　not　lied。　He　was　the　most　revered　painter　in　Florence；　and　those　who　plained　of　him　were　those　for　whom　he　had　no　time；　for　he　was　only　a　mortal　man。
　　　In　the　Church　of　San　Paolino；　I　found　an　altarpiece　which　was　to　drive　me　mad。　The　subject　of　the　painting　was　a　mon　one；　I　had　discovered；　usually　called　The　Lamentation；　being　the　scene　of　those　weeping　over　the　body　of　the　dead　Christ　only　just　taken　down　from　the　Cross。
　　　It　was　a　miracle　of　Botticelli's　sensuality；　most　specifically　in　the　tender　representation　of　Christ　himself　who　had　the　gorgeous　body　of　a　Greek　god；　and　in　the　utter　abandon　of　the　woman　who　had　pressed　her　face　against　that　of　his；　for　though　Christ　lay　with　his　head　hanging　downward；　she　knelt　upright　and　her　eyes　were　therefore　very　near　to　Christ's　mouth。
　　　Ah；　to　see　these　two　faces　seamlessly　pressed　to　each　other；　and　to　see　the　delicacy　of　every　face　and　form　surrounding　them；　it　was　more　than　I　could　endure。
　　　How　long　would　I　let　this　torture　me？　How　long　must　I　go　through　this　wanton　enthusiasm；　this　mad　celebration　before　I　retreated　to　my　loneliness　and　coldness　in　the　vault？　I　knew　how　to　punish　myself；　didn't　I？　Did　I　have　to　go　out　of　my　way　to　the　city　of　Florence　for　this？
　　　There　were　reasons　to　be　gone。
　　　Two　other　blood　drinkers　haunted　this　city　who　might　want　me　out　of　it；　but　so　far　they　had　left　me　alone。　They　were　very　young　and
　
　　　
　　　
　　　hardly　very　clever；　nevertheless　I　did　not　want　them　to　e　upon　me；　and　spread　〃the　legend　of　Marius〃　any　further　than　it　had　already　gone。
　　　And　then　there　was　that　monster　I　had　encountered　in　Rome…that　evil　Santino　who　might　e　this　far　to　harry　me　with　his　little　Satan　worshipers　whom　I　so　desperately　deplored。
　　　But　these　things　didn't　really　matter。
　　　I　had　time　in　Florence　and　I　knew　it。　There　were　no　Satan　worshipers
　　　　here　and　that　was　a　good　thing。　I　had　time　to　suffer　as　much　as
　　　I　chose。
　　　And　I　was　mad　for　this　mortal；　Botticelli；　this　painter；　this　genius；　and　I　could　scarce　think　of　anything　else。
　　　Meantime；　there　came　from　Bpttieelli's　brilliance　yet　another　immense　pagan　masterpiece　which　I　beheld　in　the　palazzo　to　which　it　was　sent　upon　being　finished…a　place　into　which　I　crept　in　the　early　hours　of　the　morning　to　see　the　painting　while　the　owners　of　the
　　　　building　slept。
　　　Once　again；　Botticelli　had　used　Roman　mythology；　or　perhaps　the　Greek　mythology　that　lay　behind　it　to　create　a　garden…yes；　of　all　things；　a　garden…a　garden　of　eternal　springtime　in　which　mythical
　　　　figures　made　their　sublime　progress　with　harmonious　gestures　and　dreamy　expressions；　their　attitudes　exquisitely　gentle　in　the　extreme。
　　　On　one　side　of　the　verdant　garden　danced　the　youthful　and　inevitably　beautiful　Three　Graces　in　transparent　and　billowing　garments　while　on　the　other　side　came　the　goddess　Flora；　　magnificently　clothed　and　strewing　flowers　from　her　dress。　The　goddess　Venus　once　more　appeared　in　the　center；　dressed　as　a　rich　Florentine　woman；　her　hand　up　in　a　gesture　of　wele；　her　head　tilted　slightly　to　one　side。
　　　The　figure　of　Mercury　in　the　far　left　corner；　and　several　other　mythic　beings　pleted　the　gathering　which　entranced　me　so　that　I　stood　before　the　masterpiece　for　hours；　perusing　all　the　details；　sometimes　smiling；　sometimes　weeping；　wiping　at　my　face；　and　eyen　now　and　then　covering　my　eyes　and　then　uncovering　them　again　to　see　the　vivid　colors　and　the　delicate　gestures　and　attitudes　of　these　creatures…　the　whole　so　reminiscent　of　the　lost　glory　of　Rome；　and　yet　so　utterly　new　and　different　from　it　that　I　thought；　for　loving　all　this；　I　will　lose
　　　my　mind。
　　　Any　and　all　gardens　which　I　had　ever　painted　or　imagined　were　obliterated　by　this　painting。　HOW　would　I　ever　rival；　even　in　my　dreams；　such　a　work　as　this？
　　　How　exquisite　here　to　die　of　happiness　after　being　so　long　miserable　and　alone。　How　exquisite　to　see　this　triumph　of　form　and　color　after　having　studied　with　bitter　sacrifice　so