高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第11部分

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e　water；　visibly　underthe　power　of　the　Lord；　and　on　the　shore　the　saints　awaited　them；　beating　their　tambourines。
　　Standing　bear　the　shore　were　the　elders　of　the　church；　holding　towels　with　which　to　cover　thenewly　baptized；　who　were　then　led　into　the　tents；　one　for　either　sex；　where　they　could　change　theirclothes。
　　At　last；　Gabriel；　dressed　in　an　old　white　shirt　and　short　linen　pants；　stood　on　the　edge　of　thewater。　Then　he　was　slowly　led　into　the　river；　where　he　had　so　often　splashed　naked；　until　hereached　the　preacher。　And　the　moment　that　the　preacher　threw　him　down；　crying　out　the　words　ofJohn　the　Baptist；　Gabriel　began　to　kick　and　sputter；　nearly　throwing　the　preacher　off　balance；　andthough　at　first　they　thought　that　it　was　the　power　of　the　Lord　that　worked　in　him；　they　realized　ashe　rose；　still　kicking　and　with　his　eyes　tightly　shut；　that　it　was　only　fury；　and　too　much　water　in　hisnose。　Some　folks　smiled；　but　Florence　and　Deborah　did　not　smile。　Though　Florence　had　also　been　indignant；　years　before　when　the　slimy　water　entered　her　incautiously　open　mouth；　she　had　doneher　best　not　to　sputter；　and　she　had　not　cried　out。　But　now；　here　came　Gabriel；　floundering　andfurious　up　the　bank；　and　what　she　looked　at；　with　an　anger　more　violent　than　any　she　had　feltbefore；　was　his　nakedness。　He　was　drenched；　and　his　thin；　white　clothes　clung　like　another　skin　tohis　black　body。　Florence　and　Deborah　looked　at　one　another；　while　the　singing　rose　to　coverGabriel’s　howling；　and　Deborah　looked　away。
　　Years　later；　Deborah　and　Florence　had　stood　on　Deborah’s　porch　at　night　and　watched　avomit…covered　Gabriel　stagger　up　the　moonlight　road；　and　Florence　had　cried　out：　‘I　hate　him！　Ihate　him！　Big；　black；　prancing　tomcat　of　a　nigger！’　And　Deborah　had　said；　in　that　heavy　voice　ofhers：　‘You　know；　honey；　the　Word　tell　us　to　hate　the　sin　but　not　the　sinner。’
　　In　nieen　hundred；　when　she　was　twenty…six；　Florence　walked　out　through　the　cabindoor。　She　had　thought　to　wait　until　her　mother；　who　was　so　ill　now　that　she　no　longer　stirred　out　ofbed；　should　be　buried—but　suddenly　she　knew　that　she　would　wait　no　longer；　the　time　had　e。
　　She　had　been　working　as　cook　and　serving…girl　for　a　large　white　family　in　town；　and　it　was　on　theday　her　master　proposed　that　she　bee　his　concubine　that　she　knew　her　life　among　thesewretched　people　had　e　to　its　destined　end。　She　left　her　employment　that　same　day　（leavingbehind　her　a　most　vehement　conjugal　bitterness）；　and　with　part　of　the　money　that　with　cunning；cruelty；　and　sacrifice　she　had　saved　over　a　period　of　years；　bought　a　railroad　ticket　to　New　York。
　　When　she　bout　it；　in　a　kind　of　scarlet　rage；　she　held　like　a　talisman　at　the　back　of　her　mind　thethought：　‘I　can　give　it　back；　I　can　sell　it。　This　don’t　mean　I　got　to　go。’　But　she　knew　that　nothingcould　stop　her。
　　And　it　was　this　leave…taking　that　came　to　stand；　in　Florence’s　latter　days；　and　with　othermany　witness；　at　her　bedside。　Gray　clouds　obscured　the　sun　that　day；　and　outside　the　cabin　windowshe　saw　that　mist　still　covered　the　ground。　Her　mother　lay　in　bed；　awake；　she　was　pleading　withGabriel；　who　had　been　out　drinking　the　night　before；　and　who　was　not　really　sober　now；　to　mendhis　ways　and　e　to　the　Lord。　And　Gabriel；　full　of　the　confusion；　and　pain；　and　guilt　that　were　hiswhenever　he　thought　of　how　he　made　his　mother　suffer；　but　that　became　nearly　insupportablewhen　she　taxed　him　with　it；　stood　before　the　mirror；　head　bowed；　buttoning　his　shirt。　Florenceknew　that　he　could　not　unlock　his　lips　to　speak；　he　could　not　say　yes　to　his　mother；　and　to　theLord；　and　he　could　not　say　no。
　　‘Honey；’　their　mother　was　saying；　‘don’t　you　let　your　old　mother　die　without　you　look　herin　the　eye　and　tell　her　she　going　to　see　you　in　glory。　You　hear　me；　boy？’
　　In　a　moment；　Florence　thought　with　scorn；　tears　would　fill　his　eyes；　and　he　would　promiseto　‘do　better。’　He　had　been　promising　to　‘do　better’　since　the　day　he　had　been　baptized。
　　She　put　down　her　bag　in　the　center　of　the　hateful　room。
　　‘Ma；’　she　said；　‘I’m　going。　I’m　a…going　this　morning。’
　　Now　that　she　had　said　it；　she　was　angry　with　herself　for　not　having　said　it　the　night　before；so　that　they　would　have　had　time　to　be　finished　with　their　weeping　and　their　arguments。　She　hadnot　trusted　herself　to　withstand　the　night　before；　but　now　there　was　almost　no　time　t。　The　center　of　her　mind　was　filled　with　the　image　of　the　great；　white　clock　at　the　railway　station；　on　which　thehands　did　not　cease　to　move。
　　‘You　going　where？’　her　mother　asked　sharply。　But　she　knew　that　her　mother　hadunderstood；　had　indeed　long　before　this　moment　known　that　this　time　would　e。　Theastonishment　with　which　she　stared　at　Florence’s　bag　was　not　altogether　astonishment；　but　astartled；　wary　attention。　A　danger　imagined　had　bee　present　and　real；　and　her　mother　wasalready　searching　for　a　way　to　break　Florence’s　will。　All　this　Florence　knew　in　a　moment；　and　itmade　her　stronger。　She　watched　her　mother；　waiting。
　　But　at　the　tone　of　his　mother’s　voice　Gabriel；　who　had　scarcely　heard　Florence’sannouncement；　so　grateful　had　he　been　that　something　had　occurred　to　distract　from　him　hismother’s　attention；　dropped　his　eyes　and　saw　Florence’s　traveling…bag。　And　he　repeated　hismother’s　question　in　a　stunned；　angry　voice；　understanding　it　only　as　the　words　hit　the　air：
　　‘Yes；　girl。　Where　you　think　you　going？’
　　‘I’m　going；　she　said；　‘to　New　York。　I　got　my　ticket。’
　　And　her　mother　watched　her。　For　a　moment　no　one　said　a　word。　Then；　Gabriel；　in　achanged　and　frightened　voice；　asked：
　　‘And　when　you　done　decide　that？’
　　She　did　not　look　at　him；　nor　answer　his　question。　She　continued　to　watch　her　mother。　‘I　gotmy　ticket；’　she　repeated。　‘I’m　going　on　the　morning　train。’
　　‘Girl；’　asked　her　mother；　quietly；　‘is　you　sure　you　know　what　you’s　doing？’
　　She　stiffened。　seeing　in　her　mother’s　eyes　a　mocking　pity。　‘I’m　a　woman　grown；’　she　said。
　　‘I　know　what　I’m　doing。’
　　‘And　you　going；’　cried　Gabriel；　‘this　morning—just　like　that？　And　you　going　to　walk　offand　leave　your　mother—just　like　that？’
　　‘You　hush；’　she　said；　turning　to　him　for　the　first　time；　‘she　got　you；　ain’t　she？’
　　This　was　indeed；　she　realized　as　he　dropped　his　eyes；　the　bitter；　troubling　point。　He　couldnot　endure　the　thought　of　being　left　alone　with　his　mother；　with　nothing　whatever　to　put　betweenhimself　and　his　guilty　love。　With　Florence　gone；　time　would　have　swallowed　up　all　his　mother’schildren；　except　himself；　and　he；　then；　must　make　amends　for　all　the　pain　that　she　had　borne；　andsweeten　her　last　moments　with　all　his　proofs　of　love。　And　his　mother　required　of　him　one　proofonly；　that　he　tarry　no　longer　in　sin。　With　Florence　gone；　his　stammering　time；　his　playing　time；contracted　with　a　bound　to　the　sparest　interrogative　second；　when　he　must　stiffen　himself；　andanswer　to　his　mother；　and　all　the　host　of　Heaven；　yes　or　no。
　　Florence　smiled　inwardly　a　small；　malicious　smile；　watching　his　slow　bafflement；　andpanic；　and　rage：　and　she　looked　at　her　mother　again。　‘She　got　you；’　she　repeated。　‘She　don’t　needme。’
　　‘You　going　north；’　her　mother　said；　then。　‘And　when　you　reckon　on　ing　back？’
　　‘I　don’t　reckon　on　ing　back；’　she　said。
　　　‘You　e　crying　back　soon　enough；’　said　Gabriel；　with　malevolence；　‘soon　as　they　whipyour　butt　up　there　four　or　five　times。’
　　She　looked　at　him　again。　‘Just　don’t　you　try　to　hold　your　breath　till　then；　you　hear？’
　　‘Girl；’　said　her　mother；　‘you　mean　to　tell　me　the　Devil’s　done　made　your　heart　so　hard　youcan　just　leave　your　mother　on　her　dying　bed；　and　you　don’t　care　if　you　don’t　never　see　her　in　thisworld　no　more？　Honey；　you　can’t　tell　me　you　done　got　so　evil　as　all　that？’
　　She　felt　Gabriel　watching　her　to　see　how　she　would　take　this　question—the　question　that；for　all　her　determination；　she　had　dreaded　most　to　hear。　She　looked　away　from　her　mother；　andstraightened；　catching　her　breath；　looking　outwards　through　the　small；　cracked　window。　Thereoutside；　beyond　the　slowly　rising　mist；　and　farther　off　that　her　eyes　could　see；　her　life　awaited　her。
　　The　woman　on　the　bed　was　old；　her　life　was　fading　as　the　mist　rose。　She　thought　of　her　mother　asalready　in　the　grave；　and　she　would　not　let　herself　be　strangled　by　the　hands　of　the　dead。
　　‘I’m　going；　Ma；’　she　said。　‘I　got　to　go。’
　　Her　mother　leaned　back；　face　upward　to　the　light　and　began　to　cry。　Gabriel　moved　toFlorence’s　side　and　grabbed　her　arm。　She　looked　up　into　his　face　and　saw　that　his　eyes　were　full　oftears。
　　‘You　can’t　go；’　he　said。　‘You　can’t　go。　You　can’t　go　and　leave　your　mother　thisaway。　Sheneed　a　woman；　Florence；　to　help　look　after　her。　What　she　going　to　do　here；　all　alone　with　me？’
　　She　pushed　him　from　her　and　moved　to　stand　over　her　mother’s　bed。
　　‘Ma；’　she　said；　‘don’t　be　like　that。　Ain’t　a　thing　can　happen　to　me　up　North　can’t　happen　tome　here。　God’s　everywhere；　Ma。　Ain’t　no　need　to　worry。’
　　She　knew　that　she　was　mouthing　words；　and　she　realized　suddenly　that　her　mother　scornedto　dignify　these　words　with　her　attention。　She　had　granted　Florence　the　victory—with　apromptness　that　had　the　effect　of　making　Florence；　however　dimly　and　unwillingly；　wonder　if　hervictory　was　real。　She　was　not　weeping　for　her　daughter’s　future；　she　was　weeping　for　the　past；　andweeping　in　an　anguish　in　which　Florence　had　no　part。　And　all　of　this　filled　Florence　with　terriblefear；　which；　which　was　immediately　transformed　into　anger。　‘Gabriel　can　take　care　of　you；’　shesaid；　her　voice　shaking　with　malice。　‘Gabriel　ain’t　never　going　to　leave　you。　Is　you；　boy？’　and　shelooked　at　him。　He　stood；　stupid　with　bewilderment　and　grief；　a　few　inches　from　the　bed。　‘But　me；’
　　she　said；　‘I　got　to　go。’　She　walked　to　the　center　of　the　room　again；　and　picked　up　her　bag。
　　‘Girl；’　Gabriel　whispered；　‘ain’t　you　got　feelings　at　all？’
　　‘Lord！’　her　mother　cried；　and　at　the　sound　her　heart　turned　over；　she　and　Gabriel；　arrested；stared　at　the　bed。　‘Lord；　Lord；　Lord！　Lord；　have　mercy　on　my　sinful　daughter！　Stretch　out　yourhand　and　hold　her　back　from　the　lake　that　burns　forever！　Oh；　my　Lord；　my　Lord！’　and　her　voicedropped；　and　broke；