little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第176部分

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appointment　except　Satan's。　Laugh；　but　I　will　be　known　as　I　know
myself；　and　as　Flintwinch　knows　me；　though　it　is　only　to　you　and　this
half…witted　woman。'

'Add；　to　yourself；　madame；'　said　Rigaud。　'I　have　my　little　suspicions
that　madame　is　rather　solicitous　to　be　justified　to　herself。'

'It　is　false。　It　is　not　so。　I　have　no　need　to　be；'　she　said；　with　great
energy　and　anger。

'Truly？'　retorted　Rigaud。　'Hah！'

'I　ask；　what　was　the　penitence；　in　works；　that　was　demanded　of　her？

〃You　have　a　child；　I　have　none。　You　love　that　child。　Give　him　to　me。　He
shall　believe　himself　to　be　my　son；　and　he　shall　be　believed　by　every
one　to　be　my　son。　To　save　you　from　exposure；　his　father　shall　swear
never　to　see　or　municate　　from
being　stripped　by　his　uncle；　and　to　save　your　child　from　being　a　beggar；
you　shall　swear　never　to　see　or　municate　with　either　of　them　more。
That　done；　and　your　present　means；　derived　from　my　husband；　renounced；
I　charge　myself　with　your　support。　You　may；　with　your　place　of　retreat
unknown；　then　leave；　if　you　please；　uncontradicted　by　me；　the　lie　that
when　you　passed　out　of　all　knowledge　but　mine；　you　merited　a　good　name。〃
That　was　all。　She　had　to　sacrifice　her　sinful　and　shameful　affections；
no　more。　She　was　then　free　to　bear　her　load　of　guilt　in　secret；　and　to
break　her　heart　in　secret；　and　through　such　present　misery　（light　enough
for　her；　I　think！）　to　purchase　her　redemption　from　endless　misery；　if
she　could。　If；　in　this；　I　punished　her　here；　did　I　not　open　to　her　a　way
hereafter？　If　she　knew　herself　to　be　surrounded　by　insatiable　vengeance
and　unquenchable　fires；　were　they　mine？　If　I　threatened　her；　then　and
afterwards；　with　the　terrors　that　enpassed　her；　did　I　hold　them　in　my
right　hand？'

She　turned　the　watch　upon　the　table；　and　opened　it；　and；　with　an
unsoftening　face；　looked　at　the　worked　letters　within。

'They　did　not　forget。　It　is　appointed　against　such　offences　that　the
offenders　shall　not　be　able　to　forget。　If　the　presence　of　Arthur　was　a
daily　reproach　to　his　father；　and　if　the　absence　of　Arthur　was　a　daily
agony　to　his　mother；　that　was　the　just　dispensation　of　Jehovah。　As　well
might　it　be　charged　upon　me；　that　the　stings　of　an　awakened　conscience
drove　her　mad；　and　that　it　was　the　will　of　the　Disposer　of　all　things
that　she　should　live　so；　many　years。　I　devoted　myself　to　reclaim　the
otherwise　predestined　and　lost　boy；　to　give　him　the　reputation　of　an
honest　origin；　to　bring　him　up　in　fear　and　trembling；　and　in　a　life　of
practical　contrition　for　the　sins　that　were　heavy　on　his　head　before　his
entrance　into　this　condemned　world。　Was　that　a　cruelty？　Was　I；　too；
not　visited　with　consequences　of　the　original　offence　in　which　I　had　no
plicity？　Arthur's　father　and　I　lived　no　further　apart；　with　half　the
globe　between　us；　than　when　we　were　together　in　this　house。　He　died；
and　sent　this　watch　back　to　me；　with　its　Do　not　forget。　I　do　NOT　forget；
though　I　do　not　read　it　as　he　did。　I　read　in　it；　that　I　was　appointed
to　do　these　things。　I　have　so　read　these　three　letters　since　I　have
had　them　lying　on　this　table；　and　I　did　so　read　them；　with　equal
distinctness；　when　they　were　thousands　of　miles　away。'

As　she　took　the　watch…case　in　her　hand；　with　that　new　freedom　in　the　use
of　her　hand　of　which　she　showed　no　consciousness　whatever；　bending　her
eyes　upon　it　as　if　she　were　defying　it　to　move　her；　Rigaud　cried　with　a
loud　and　contemptuous　snapping　of　his　fingers。　'e；　madame！　Time　runs
out。　e；　lady　of　piety；　it　must　be！　You　can　tell　nothing　I　don't　know。
e　to　the　money　stolen；　or　I　will！　Death　of　my　soul；　I　have　had　enough
of　your　other　jargon。　e　straight　to　the　stolen　money！'

'Wretch　that　you　are；'　she　answered；　and　now　her　hands　clasped　her　head：
'through　what　fatal　error　of　Flintwinch's；　through　what　inpleteness
on　his　part；　who　was　the　only　other　person　helping　in　these　things　and
trusted　with　them；　through　whose　and　what　bringing　together　of　the　ashes
of　a　burnt　paper；　you　have　bee　possessed　of　that　codicil；　I　know　no
more　than　how　you　acquired　the　rest　of　your　power　here……'

'And　yet；'　interrupted　Rigaud；　'it　is　my　odd　fortune　to　have　by　me；　in　a
convenient　place　that　I　know　of；　that　same　short　little　addition　to　the
will　of　Monsieur　Gilbert　Clennam；　written　by　a　lady　and　witnessed　by　the
same　lady　and　our　old　intriguer！　Ah；　bah；　old　intriguer；　crooked　little
puppet！　Madame；　let　us　go　on。　Time　presses。　You　or　I　to　finish？'

'I！'　she　answered；　with　increased　determination；　if　it　were　possible。
'I；　because　I　will　not　endure　to　be　shown　myself；　and　have　myself
shown　to　any　one；　with　your　horrible　distortion　upon　me。　You；　with　your
practices　of　infamous　foreign　prisons　and　galleys　would　make　it　the
money　that　impelled　me。　It　was　not　the　money。'

'Bah；　bah；　bah！　I　repudiate；　for　the　moment；　my　politeness；　and　say；
Lies；　lies；　lies。　You　know　you　suppressed　the　deed　and　kept　the　money。'

'Not　for　the　money's　sake；　wretch！'　She　made　a　struggle　as　if　she　were
starting　up；　even　as　if；　in　her　vehemence；　she　had　almost　risen　on　her
disabled　feet。　'If　Gilbert　Clennam；　reduced　to　imbecility；　at　the　point
of　death；　and　labouring　under　the　delusion　of　some　imaginary　relenting
towards　a　girl　of　whom　he　had　heard　that　his　nephew　had　once　had　a　fancy
for　her　which　he　had　crushed　out　of　him；　and　that　she　afterwards　drooped
away　into　melancholy　and　withdrawal　from　all　who　knew　her……if；　in　that
state　of　weakness；　he　dictated　to　me；　whose　life　she　had　darkened　with
her　sin；　and　who　had　been　appointed　to　know　her　wickedness　from　her
own　hand　and　her　opense　to　her
for　supposed　unmerited　suffering；　was　there　no　difference　between　my
spurning　that　injustice；　and　coveting　mere　money……a　thing　which　you；　and
your　rades　in　the　prisons；　may　steal　from　anyone？'

'Time　presses；　madame。　Take　care！'


'If　this　house　was　blazing　from　the　roof　to　the　ground；'　she　returned；
'I　would　stay　in　it　to　justify　myself　against　my　righteous　motives　being
classed　with　those　of　stabbers　and　thieves。'

Rigaud　snapped　his　fingers　tauntingly　in　her　face。　'One　thousand　guineas
to　the　little　beauty　you　slowly　hunted　to　death。　One　thousand　guineas
to　the　youngest　daughter　her　patron　might　have　at　fifty；　or　（if　he
had　none）　brother's　youngest　daughter；　on　her　ing　of　age；　〃as　the
remembrance　his　disinterestedness　may　like　best；　of　his　protection　of
a　friendless　young　orphan　girl。〃　Two　thousand　guineas。　What！　You　will
never　e　to　the　money？'

'That　patron；'　she　was　vehemently　proceeding；　when　he　checked　her。

'Names！　Call　him　Mr　Frederick　Dorrit。　No　more　evasions。'

'That　Frederick　Dorrit　was　the　beginning　of　it　all。　If　he　had　not　been
a　player　of　music；　and　had　not　kept；　in　those　days　of　his　youth　and
prosperity；　an　idle　house　where　singers；　and　players；　and　such…like
children　of　Evil　turned　their　backs　on　the　Light　and　their　faces　to　the
Darkness；　she　might　have　remained　in　her　lowly　station；　and　might　not
have　been　raised　out　of　it　to　be　cast　down。　But；　no。　Satan　entered　into
that　Frederick　Dorrit；　and　counselled　him　that　he　was　a　man　of　innocent
and　laudable　tastes　who　did　kind　actions；　and　that　here　was　a　poor　girl
with　a　voice　for　singing　music　with。　Then　he　is　to　have　her　taught。　Then
Arthur's　father；　who　has　all　along　been　secretly　pining　in　the　ways　of
virtuous　ruggedness　for　those　accursed　snares　which　are　called　the　Arts；
bees　acquainted　with　her。　And　so；　a　graceless　orphan；　training　to　be
a　singing　girl；　carries　it；　by　that　Frederick　Dorrit's　agency；　against
me；　and　I　am　humbled　and　deceived！……Not　I；　that　is　to　say；'　she　added
quickly；　as　colour　flushed　into　her　face；　'a　greater　than　I。　What　am　I？'

Jeremiah　Flintwinch；　who　had　been　gradually　screwing　himself　towards
her；　and　who　was　now　very　near　her　elbow　without　her　knowing　it；　made　a
specially　wry　face　of　objection　when　she　said　these　words；　and　moreover
twitched　his　gaiters；　as　if　such　pretensions　were　equivalent　to　little
barbs　in　his　legs。

'Lastly；'　she　continued；　'for　I　am　at　the　end　of　these　things；　and　I
will　say　no　more　of　them；　and　you　shall　say　no　more　of　them；　and　all
that　remains　will　be　to　determine　whether　the　knowledge　of　them　can
be　kept　among　us　who　are　here　present；　lastly；　when　I　suppressed　that
paper；　with　the　knowledge　of　Arthur's　father……'

'But　not　with　his　consent；　you　know；'　said　Mr　Flintwinch。

'Who　said　with　his　consent？'　She　started　to　find　Jeremiah　so　near　her；
and　drew　back　her　head；　looking　at　him　with　some　rising　distrust。　'You
were　often　enough　between　us　when　he　would　have　had　me　produce　it　and
I　would　not；　to　have　contradicted　me　if　I　had　said；　with　his　consent。　I
say；　when　I　suppressed　that　paper；　I　made　no　effort　to　destroy　it；　but
kept　it　by　me；　here　in　this　house；　many　years。　The　rest　of　the　Gilbert
property　being　left　to　Arthur's　father；　I　could　at　any　time；　without
unsettling　more　than　the　two　sums；　have　made　a　pretence　of　finding
it。　But；　besides　that　I　must　have　supported　such　pretence　by　a　direct
falsehood　（a　great　responsibility）；　I　have　seen　no　new　reason；　in
all　the　time　I　have　been　tried　here；　to　bring　it　to　light。　It　was　a
rewarding　of　sin；　the　wrong　result　of　a　delusion。　I　did　what　I　was
appointed　to　do；　and　I　have　undergone；　within　these　four　walls；　what
I　was　appointed　to　undergo。　When　the　paper　was　at　last　destroyed……as
I　thought……in　my　presence；　she　had　long　been　dead；　and　her　patron；
Frederick　Dorrit；　had　long　been　deservedly　ruined　and　imbecile。　He　had
no　daughter。　I　had　found　the　niece　before　then；　and　what　I　did　for　her；
was　better　for　her　far　than　the　money　of　which　she　would　have　had　no
good。'　She　added；　after　a　moment；　as　though　she　addressed　the　watch：
'She　herself　was　innocent；　and　I　might　not　have　forgotten　to　relinquish
it　to　her　at　my　death：'　and　sat　looking　at　it。

'Shall　I　recall　something　to　you；　worthy　madame？'　said　Rigaud。　'The
little　paper　was　in　this　house　on　the　night　when　our　friend　the
prisoner……jail…rade　of　my　soul……came　home　from　foreign　countries。
Shall　I　recall　yet　something　more　to　you？　The　little　singing…bird
that　never　was　fledged；　was　long　kept　in　a　cage　by　a　guardian　of　your
appointing；　well　enough　known　to　our　old　intriguer　here。　Shall　we　coax
our　old　intriguer　t