little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第184部分

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Father　and　Mother　Meagles　never　deserved　their　names　better　than　when
they　took　the　headstrong　foundling…girl　into　their　protection　again。

'Oh！　I　have　been　so　wretched；'　cried　Tattycoram；　weeping　much　more；
'always　so　unhappy；　and　so　repentant！　I　was　afraid　of　her　from　the　first
time　I　saw　her。　I　knew　she　had　got　a　power　over　me　through　understanding
what　was　bad　in　me　so　well。　It　was　a　madness　in　me；　and　she　could　raise
it　whenever　she　liked。　I　used　to　think；　when　I　got　into　that　state；　that
people　were　all　against　me　because　of　my　first　beginning；　and　the　kinder
they　were　to　me；　the　worse　fault　I　found　in　them。　I　made　it　out　that
they　triumphed　above　me；　and　that　they　wanted　to　make　me　envy　them；　when
I　know……when　I　even　knew　then……that　they　never　thought　of　such　a　thing。
And　my　beautiful　young　mistress　not　so　happy　as　she　ought　to　have　been；
and　I　gone　away　from　her！　Such　a　brute　and　a　wretch　as　she　must　think
me！　But　you'll　say　a　word　to　her　for　me；　and　ask　her　to　be　as　forgiving
as　you　two　are？　For　I　am　not　so　bad　as　I　was；'　pleaded　Tattycoram；　'I　am
bad　enough；　but　not　so　bad　as　I　was；　indeed。　I　have　had　Miss　Wade
before　me　all　this　time；　as　if　it　was　my　own　self　grown　ripe……turning
everything　the　wrong　way；　and　twisting　all　good　into　evil。　I　have　had
her　before　me　all　this　time；　finding　no　pleasure　in　anything　but　keeping
me　as　miserable；　suspicious；　and　tormenting　as　herself。　Not　that　she　had
much　to　do；　to　do　that；'　cried　Tattycoram；　in　a　closing　great　burst　of
distress；　'for　I　was　as　bad　as　bad　could　be。　I　only　mean　to　say；　that；
after　what　I　have　gone　through；　I　hope　I　shall　never　be　quite　so　bad
again；　and　that　I　shall　get　better　by　very　slow　degrees。　I'll　try　very
hard。　I　won't　stop　at　five…and…twenty；　sir；　I'll　count　five…and…twenty
hundred；　five…and…twenty　thousand！'

Another　opening　of　the　door；　and　Tattycoram　subsided；　and　Little　Dorrit
came　in；　and　Mr　Meagles　with　pride　and　joy　produced　the　box；　and　her
gentle　face　was　lighted　up　with　grateful　happiness　and　joy。

The　secret　was　safe　now！　She　could　keep　her　own　part　of　it　from　him；　he
should　never　know　of　her　loss；　in　time　to　e　he　should　know　all　that
was　of　import　to　himself；　but　he　should　never　know　what　concerned　her
only。　That　was　all　passed；　all　forgiven；　all　forgotten。

'Now；　my　dear　Miss　Dorrit；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　'I　am　a　man　of　business……or
at　least　was……and　I　am　going　to　take　my　measures　promptly；　in　that
character。　Had　I　better　see　Arthur　to…night？'

'I　think　not　to…night。　I　will　go　to　his　room　and　ascertain　how　he　is。
But　I　think　it　will　be　better　not　to　see　him　to…night。'

'I　am　much　of　your　opinion；　my　dear；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　'and　therefore
I　have　not　been　any　nearer　to　him　than　this　dismal　room。　Then　I　shall
probably　not　see　him　for　some　little　time　to　e。　But　I'll　explain　what
I　mean　when　you　e　back。'

She　left　the　room。　Mr　Meagles；　looking　through　the　bars　of　the　window；
saw　her　pass　out　of　the　Lodge　below　him　into　the　prison…yard。　He　said
gently；　'Tattycoram；　e　to　me　a　moment；　my　good　girl。'

She　went　up　to　the　window。

'You　see　that　young　lady　who　was　here　just　now……that　little；　quiet；
fragile　figure　passing　along　there；　Tatty？　Look。　The　people　stand　out
of　the　way　to　let　her　go　by。　The　men……see　the　poor；　shabby　fellows……pull
off　their　hats　to　her　quite　politely；　and　now　she　glides　in　at　that
doorway。　See　her；　Tattycoram？'

'Yes；　sir。'

'I　have　heard　tell；　Tatty；　that　she　was　once　regularly　called　the　child
of　this　place。　She　was　born　here；　and　lived　here　many　years。

I　can't　breathe　here。　A　doleful　place　to　be　born　and　bred　in；
Tattycoram？'

'Yes　indeed；　sir！'

'If　she　had　constantly　thought　of　herself；　and　settled　with　herself　that
everybody　visited　this　place　upon　her；　turned　it　against　her；　and　cast
it　at　her；　she　would　have　led　an　irritable　and　probably　an　useless
existence。　Yet　I　have　heard　tell；　Tattycoram；　that　her　young　life　has
been　one　of　active　resignation；　goodness；　and　noble　service。　Shall　I
tell　you　what　I　consider　those　eyes　of　hers；　that　were　here　just　now；　to
have　always　looked　at；　to　get　that　expression？'

'Yes；　if　you　please；　sir。'

'Duty；　Tattycoram。　Begin　it　early；　and　do　it　well；　and　there　is　no
antecedent　to　it；　in　any　origin　or　station；　that　will　tell　against　us
with　the　Almighty；　or　with　ourselves。'

They　remained　at　the　window；　Mother　joining　them　and　pitying　the
prisoners；　until　she　was　seen　ing　back。　She　was　soon　in　the　room；　and
remended　that　Arthur；　whom　she　had　left　calm　and　posed；　should　not
be　visited　that　night。

'Good！'　said　Mr　Meagles；　cheerily。　'I　have　not　a　doubt　that's　best。　I
shall　trust　my　remembrances　then；　my　sweet　nurse；　in　your　hands；　and　I
well　know　they　couldn't　be　in　better。　I　am　off　again　to…morrow　morning。'

Little　Dorrit；　surprised；　asked　him　where？

'My　dear；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　'I　can't　live　without　breathing。　This　place
has　taken　my　breath　away；　and　I　shall　never　get　it　back　again　until
Arthur　is　out　of　this　place。'

'How　is　that　a　reason　for　going　off　again　to…morrow　morning？'

'You　shall　understand；'　said　Mr　Meagles。　'To…night　we　three　will　put　up
at　a　City　Hotel。　To…morrow　morning；　Mother　and　Tattycoram　will　go　down
to　Twickenham；　where　Mrs　Tickit；　sitting　attended　by　Dr　Buchan　in　the
parlour…window；　will　think　them　a　couple　of　ghosts；　and　I　shall　go
abroad　again　for　Doyce。　We　must　have　Dan　here。　Now；　I　tell　you；　my　love；
it's　of　no　use　writing　and　planning　and　conditionally　speculating　upon
this　and　that　and　the　other；　at　uncertain　intervals　and　distances；　we
must　have　Doyce　here。　I　devote　myself　at　daybreak　to…morrow　morning；　to
bringing　Doyce　here。　It's　nothing　to　me　to　go　and　find　him。　I'm　an　old
traveller；　and　all　foreign　languages　and　customs　are　alike　to　me……I
never　understand　anything　about　any　of　'em。　Therefore　I　can't　be　put
to　any　inconvenience。　Go　at　once　I　must；　it　stands　to　reason；　because
I　can't　live　without　breathing　freely；　and　I　can't　breathe　freely　until
Arthur　is　out　of　this　Marshalsea。　I　am　stifled　at　the　present　moment；
and　have　scarcely　breath　enough　to　say　this　much；　and　to　carry　this
precious　box　down…stairs　for　you。'

They　got　into　the　street　as　the　bell　began　to　ring；　Mr　Meagles　carrying
the　box。　Little　Dorrit　had　no　conveyance　there：　which　rather　surprised
him。　He　called　a　coach　for　her　and　she　got　into　it；　and　he　placed　the
box　beside　her　when　she　was　seated。　In　her　joy　and　gratitude　she　kissed
his　hand。

'I　don't　like　that；　my　dear；'　said　Mr　Meagles。　'It　goes　against　my
feeling　of　what's　right；　that　YOU　should　do　homage　to　ME……at　the
Marshalsea　Gate。'

She　bent　forward；　and　kissed　his　cheek。

'You　remind　me　of　the　days；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　suddenly　drooping……'but
she's　very　fond　of　him；　and　hides　his　faults；　and　thinks　that　no
one　sees　them……and　he　certainly　is　well　connected　and　of　a　very　good
family！'

It　was　the　only　fort　he　had　in　the　loss　of　his　daughter；　and　if　he
made　the　most　of　it；　who　could　blame　him？




CHAPTER　34。　Gone


On　a　healthy　autumn　day；　the　Marshalsea　prisoner；　weak　but　otherwise
restored；　sat　listening　to　a　voice　that　read　to　him。　On　a　healthy　autumn
day；　when　the　golden　fields　had　been　reaped　and　ploughed　again；　when　the
summer　fruits　had　ripened　and　waned；　when　the　green　perspectives　of　hops
had　been　laid　low　by　the　busy　pickers；　when　the　apples　clustering　in　the
orchards　were　russet；　and　the　berries　of　the　mountain　ash　were　crimson
among　the　yellowing　foliage。　Already　in　the　woods；　glimpses　of　the　hardy
winter　that　was　ing　were　to　be　caught　through　unaccustomed　openings
among　the　boughs　where　the　prospect　shone　defined　and　clear；　free　from
the　bloom　of　the　drowsy　summer　weather；　which　had　rested　on　it　as　the
bloom　lies　on　the　plum。　So；　from　the　seashore　the　ocean　was　no　longer　to
be　seen　lying　asleep　in　the　heat；　but　its　thousand　sparkling　eyes　were
open；　and　its　whole　breadth　was　in　joyful　animation；　from　the　cool　sand
on　the　beach　to　the　little　sails　on　the　horizon；　drifting　away　like
autumn…tinted　leaves　that　had　drifted　from　the　trees。　Changeless　and
barren；　looking　ignorantly　at　all　the　seasons　with　its　fixed；　pinched
face　of　poverty　and　care；　the　prison　had　not　a　touch　of　any　of　these
beauties　on　it。　Blossom　what　would；　its　bricks　and　bars　bore　uniformly
the　same　dead　crop。　Yet　Clennam；　listening　to　the　voice　as　it　read　to
him；　heard　in　it　all　that　great　Nature　was　doing；　heard　in　it　all　the
soothing　songs　she　sings　to　man。　At　no　Mother's　knee　but　hers　had　he
ever　dwelt　in　his　youth　on　hopeful　promises；　on　playful　fancies；　on
the　harvests　of　tenderness　and　humility　that　lie　hidden　in　the
early…fostered　seeds　of　the　imagination；　on　the　oaks　of　retreat　from
blighting　winds；　that　have　the　germs　of　their　strong　roots　in　nursery
acorns。

But；　in　the　tones　of　the　voice　that　read　to　him；　there　were　memories　of
an　old　feeling　of　such　things；　and　echoes　of　every　merciful　and　loving
whisper　that　had　ever　stolen　to　him　in　his　life。

When　the　voice　stopped；　he　put　his　hand　over　his　eyes；　murmuring　that
the　light　was　strong　upon　them。


Little　Dorrit　put　the　book　by；　and　presently　arose　quietly　to　shade
the　window。　Maggy　sat　at　her　needlework　in　her　old　place。　The　light
softened；　Little　Dorrit　brought　her　chair　closer　to　his　side。

'This　will　soon　be　over　now；　dear　Mr　Clennam。　Not　only　are　Mr　Doyce's
letters　to　you　so　full　of　friendship　and　encouragement；　but　Mr　Rugg　says
his　letters　to　him　are　so　full　of　help；　and　that　everybody　（now　a　little
anger　is　past）　is　so　considerate；　and　speaks　so　well　of　you；　that　it
will　soon　be　over　now。'

'Dear　girl。　Dear　heart。　Good　angel！'

'You　praise　me　far　too　much。　And　yet　it　is　such　an　exquisite　pleasure
to　me　to　hear　you　speak　so　feelingly；　and　to……and　to　see；'　said　Little
Dorrit；　raising　her　eyes　to　his；　'how　deeply　you　mean　it；　that　I　cannot
say　Don't。'

He　lifted　her　hand　to　his　lips。

'You　have　been　here　many；　many　times；　when　I　have　not　seen　you；　Little
Dorrit？'

'Yes；　I　have　been　here　sometimes　when　I　have　not　e　into　the　room。'

'Very　often？'

'Rather　often；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　timidly。

'Every　day？'

'I　think；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　after　hesitating；　'that　I　have　been　here
at　least　twice　every　day。'　He　m