little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第50部分

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soft　little　voice；　'Oh；　Mr　John！　Is　it　you？'　But　she　felt　what　it　had
been；　as　he　felt　what　it　had　been；　and　they　stood　looking　at　one　another
equally　confused。

'Miss　Amy；　I　am　afraid　I　disturbed　you　by　speaking　to　you。'

'Yes；　rather。　I……I　came　here　to　be　alone；　and　I　thought　I　was。'

'Miss　Amy；　I　took　the　liberty　of　walking　this　way；　because　Mr　Dorrit
chanced　to　mention；　when　I　called　upon　him　just　now；　that　you……'

She　caused　him　more　dismay　than　before　by　suddenly　murmuring；　'O　father；
father！'　in　a　heartrending　tone；　and　turning　her　face　away。

'Miss　Amy；　I　hope　I　don't　give　you　any　uneasiness　by　naming　Mr　Dorrit。
I　assure　you　I　found　him　very　well　and　in　the　best　of　Spirits；　and　he
showed　me　even　more　than　his　usual　kindness；　being　so　very　kind　as　to
say　that　I　was　not　a　stranger　there；　and　in　all　ways　gratifying　me　very
much。'

To　the　inexpressible　consternation　of　her　lover；　Little　Dorrit；　with　her
hands　to　her　averted　face；　and　rocking　herself　where　she　stood　as　if　she
were　in　pain；　murmured；　'O　father；　how　can　you！　O　dear；　dear　father；　how
can　you；　can　you；　do　it！'

The　poor　fellow　stood　gazing　at　her；　overflowing　with　sympathy；　but　not
knowing　what　to　make　of　this；　until；　having　taken　out　her　handkerchief
and　put　it　to　her　still　averted　face；　she　hurried　away。　At　first　he
remained　stock　still；　then　hurried　after　her。

'Miss　Amy；　pray！　Will　you　have　the　goodness　to　stop　a　moment？　Miss　Amy；
if　it　es　to　that；　let　ME　go。　I　shall　go　out　of　my　senses；　if　I　have
to　think　that　I　have　driven　you　away　like　this。'

His　trembling　voice　and　unfeigned　earnestness　brought　Little　Dorrit　to
a　stop。　'Oh；　I　don't　know　what　to　do；'　she　cried；　'I　don't　know　what　to
do！'

To　Young　John；　who　had　never　seen　her　bereft　of　her　quiet　self…mand；
who　had　seen　her　from　her　infancy　ever　so　reliable　and　self…suppressed；
there　was　a　shock　in　her　distress；　and　in　having　to　associate　himself
with　it　as　its　cause；　that　shook　him　from　his　great　hat　to　the
pavement。　He　felt　it　necessary　to　explain　himself。　He　might　be
misunderstood……supposed　to　mean　something；　or　to　have　done　something；
that　had　never　entered　into　his　imagination。　He　begged　her　to　hear　him
explain　himself；　as　the　greatest　favour　she　could　show　him。

'Miss　Amy；　I　know　very　well　that　your　family　is　far　above　mine。　It　were
vain　to　conceal　it。　There　never　was　a　Chivery　a　gentleman　that　ever
I　heard　of；　and　I　will　not　mit　the　meanness　of　making　a　false
representation　on　a　subject　so　momentous。　Miss　Amy；　I　know　very　well
that　your　high…souled　brother；　and　likewise　your　spirited　sister；　spurn
me　from　a　height。　What　I　have　to　do　is　to　respect　them；　to　wish　to　be
admitted　to　their　friendship；　to　look　up　at　the　eminence　on　which　they
are　placed　from　my　lowlier　station……for；　whether　viewed　as　tobacco　or
viewed　as　the　lock；　I　well　know　it　is　lowly……and　ever　wish　them　well　and
happy。'

There　really　was　a　genuineness　in　the　poor　fellow；　and　a　contrast
between　the　hardness　of　his　hat　and　the　softness　of　his　heart　（albeit；
perhaps；　of　his　head；　too）；　that　was　moving。　Little　Dorrit　entreated　him
to　disparage　neither　himself　nor　his　station；　and；　above　all　things；　to
divest　himself　of　any　idea　that　she　supposed　hers　to　be　superior。　This
gave　him　a　little　fort。

'Miss　Amy；'　he　then　stammered；　'I　have　had　for　a　long　time……ages　they
seem　to　me……Revolving　ages……a　heart…cherished　wish　to　say　something　to
you。　May　I　say　it？'

Little　Dorrit　involuntarily　started　from　his　side　again；　with　the
faintest　shadow　of　her　former　look；　conquering　that；　she　went　on　at
great　speed　half　across　the　Bridge　without　replying！

'May　I……Miss　Amy；　I　but　ask　the　question　humbly……may　I　say　it？　I　have
been　so　unlucky　already　in　giving　you　pain　without　having　any　such
intentions；　before　the　holy　Heavens！　that　there　is　no　fear　of　my　saying
it　unless　I　have　your　leave。　I　can　be　miserable　alone；　I　can　be　cut　up
by　myself；　why　should　I　also　make　miserable　and　cut　up　one　that　I　would
fling　myself　off　that　parapet　to　give　half　a　moment's　joy　to！　Not　that
that's　much　to　do；　for　I'd　do　it　for　twopence。'

The　mournfulness　of　his　spirits；　and　the　gorgeousness　of　his　appearance；
might　have　made　him　ridiculous；　but　that　his　delicacy　made　him
respectable。　Little　Dorrit　learnt　from　it　what　to　do。

'If　you　please；　John　Chivery；'　she　returned；　trembling；　but　in　a　quiet
way；　'since　you　are　so　considerate　as　to　ask　me　whether　you　shall　say
any　more……if　you　please；　no。'

'Never；　Miss　Amy？'

'No；　if　you　please。　Never。'

'O　Lord！'　gasped　Young　John。

'But　perhaps　you　will　let　me；　instead；　say　something　to　you。　I　want
to　say　it　earnestly；　and　with　as　plain　a　meaning　as　it　is　possible　to
express。　When　you　think　of　us；　John……I　mean　my　brother；　and　sister；
and　me……don't　think　of　us　as　being　any　different　from　the　rest；　for；
whatever　we　once　were　（which　I　hardly　know）　we　ceased　to　be　long　ago；
and　never　can　be　any　more。　It　will　be　much　better　for　you；　and　much
better　for　others；　if　you　will　do　that　instead　of　what　you　are　doing
now。'

Young　John　dolefully　protested　that　he　would　try　to　bear　it　in　mind；　and
would　be　heartily　glad　to　do　anything　she　wished。

'As　to　me；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'think　as　little　of　me　as　you　can；　the
less；　the　better。　When　you　think　of　me　at　all；　John；　let　it　only　be　as
the　child　you　have　seen　grow　up　in　the　prison　with　one　set　of　duties
always　occupying　her；　as　a　weak；　retired；　contented；　unprotected　girl。　I
particularly　want　you　to　remember；　that　when　I　e　outside　the　gate；　I
am　unprotected　and　solitary。'

He　would　try　to　do　anything　she　wished。　But　why　did　Miss　Amy　so　much
want　him　to　remember　that？

'Because；'　returned　Little　Dorrit；　'I　know　I　can　then　quite　trust　you
not　to　forget　to…day；　and　not　to　say　any　more　to　me。　You　are　so　generous
that　I　know　I　can　trust　to　you　for　that；　and　I　do　and　I　always　will。　I
am　going　to　show　you；　at　once；　that　I　fully　trust　you。　I　like　this　place
where　we　are　speaking　better　than　any　place　I　know；'　her　slight　colour
had　faded；　but　her　lover　thought　he　saw　it　ing　back　just　then；　'and　I
may　be　often　here。　I　know　it　is　only　necessary　for　me　to　tell　you　so；　to
be　quite　sure　that　you　will　never　e　here　again　in　search　of　me。　And　I
am……quite　sure！'

She　might　rely　upon　it；　said　Young　John。　He　was　a　miserable　wretch；　but
her　word　was　more　than　a　law　for　him。

'And　good…bye；　John；'　said　Little　Dorrit。　'And　I　hope　you　will　have　a
good　wife　one　day；　and　be　a　happy　man。　I　am　sure　you　will　deserve　to　be
happy；　and　you　will　be；　John。'

As　she　held　out　her　hand　to　him　with　these　words；　the　heart　that　was
under　the　waistcoat　of　sprigs……mere　slop…work；　if　the　truth　must　be
known……swelled　to　the　size　of　the　heart　of　a　gentleman；　and　the　poor
mon　little　fellow；　having　no　room　to　hold　it；　burst　into　tears。

'Oh；　don't　cry；'　said　Little　Dorrit　piteously。　'Don't；　don't！　Good…bye；
John。　God　bless　you！'

'Good…bye；　Miss　Amy。　Good…bye！'

And　so　he　left　her：　first　observing　that　she　sat　down　on　the　corner　of　a
seat；　and　not　only　rested　her　little　hand　upon　the　rough　wall；　but　laid
her　face　against　it　too；　as　if　her　head　were　heavy；　and　her　mind　were
sad。　It　was　an　affecting　illustration　of　the　fallacy　of　human　projects；
to　behold　her　lover；　with　the　great　hat　pulled　over　his　eyes；　the　velvet
collar　turned　up　as　if　it　rained；　the　plum…coloured　coat　buttoned
to　conceal　the　silken　waistcoat　of　golden　sprigs；　and　the　little
direction…post　pointing　inexorably　home；　creeping　along　by　the　worst
back…streets；　and　posing；　as　he　went；　the　following　new　inscription
for　a　tombstone　in　St　George's　Churchyard：

'Here　lie　the　mortal　remains　Of　JOHN　CHIVERY；　Never　anything　worth
mentioning；　Who　died　about　the　end　of　the　year　one　thousand　eight
hundred　and　twenty…six；　Of　a　broken　heart；　Requesting　with　his　last
breath　that　the　word　AMY　might　be　inscribed　over　his　ashes；　which　was
accordingly　directed　to　be　done；　By　his　afflicted　Parents。'




CHAPTER　19。　The　Father　of　the　Marshalsea　in　two　or　three　Relations


The　brothers　William　and　Frederick　Dorrit；　walking　up　and　down　the
College…yard……of　course　on　the　aristocratic　or　Pump　side；　for　the　Father
made　it　a　point　of　his　state　to　be　chary　of　going　among　his　children
on　the　Poor　side；　except　on　Sunday　mornings；　Christmas　Days；　and　other
occasions　of　ceremony；　in　the　observance　whereof　he　was　very　punctual；
and　at　which　times　he　laid　his　hand　upon　the　heads　of　their　infants；
and　blessed　those　young　insolvents　with　a　benignity　that　was　highly
edifying……the　brothers；　walking　up　and　down　the　College…yard　together；
were　a　memorable　sight。　Frederick　the　free；　was　so　humbled；　bowed；
withered；　and　faded；　William　the　bond；　was　so　courtly；　condescending；
and　benevolently　conscious　of　a　position；　that　in　this　regard　only；　if
in　no　other；　the　brothers　were　a　spectacle　to　wonder　at。

They　walked　up　and　down　the　yard　on　the　evening　of　Little　Dorrit's
Sunday　interview　with　her　lover　on　the　Iron　Bridge。　The　cares　of　state
were　over　for　that　day；　the　Drawing　Room　had　been　well　attended；　several
new　presentations　had　taken　place；　the　three…and…sixpence　accidentally
left　on　the　table　had　accidentally　increased　to　twelve　shillings；　and
the　Father　of　the　Marshalsea　refreshed　himself　with　a　whiff　of　cigar。　As
he　walked　up　and　down；　affably　acmodating　his　step　to　the　shuffle　of
his　brother；　not　proud　in　his　superiority；　but　considerate　of　that　poor
creature；　bearing　with　him；　and　breathing　toleration　of　his　infirmities
in　every　little　puff　of　smoke　that　issued　from　his　lips　and　aspired　to
get　over　the　spiked　wall；　he　was　a　sight　to　wonder　at。

His　brother　Frederick　of　the　dim　eye；　palsied　hand；　bent　form；　and
groping　mind；　submissively　shuffled　at　his　side；　accepting　his　patronage
as　he　accepted　every　incident　of　the　labyrinthian　world　in　which　he　had
got　lost。　He　held　the　usual　screwed　bit　of　whitey…brown　paper　in　his
hand；　from　which　he　ever　and　again　unscrewed　a　spare　pinch　of　snuff。
That　falteringly　taken；　he　would　glance　at　his　brother　not　unadmiringly；
put　his　hands　behind　him；　and　shuffle　on　so　at　his　side　until　he　took
another　pinch；　or　stood　still　to　look　about　him……perchance　suddenly
missing　his　clario。　The　College　visito