the notebook-恋恋笔记本(英文版)-第14部分
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ngful ever came into her head。 She usually just kissed him。
A little before noon； Noah and Allie went in to prepare lunch。 Using what he had on hand； they tried some chicken and baked another batch of bread rolls； and the two of them ate on the porch； serenaded by a mockingbird。
While they were inside doing the dishes* they heard a knock at the door； Noah left Allie in the kitchen。
Knock； knock。 Louder。
Noah approached the door。
Knock； knock。
〃I'm ing；〃 he said as he opened the door。 〃Oh； my God。〃
He stared for a moment at a beautiful woman in her early fifties； a woman he would have recognized anywhere。
〃Hello； Noah；〃 she said。
Noah said nothing。
“May I e in？〃 she asked； her voice steady； revealing nothing。
He stammered out a reply as she walked past him； stopping just before the stairs。
〃Who is it？〃 Allie shouted from the kitchen； and the woman turned at the sound of her voice。
〃It's your mother。” Noah finally answered； and immediately after he said it he heard the sound of breaking glass。
〃I knew you would be here；〃 Anne Nelson said to her daughter as the three of them sat around the Coffee table in the living room。
〃How could you be so sure？〃
〃You're my daughter。 One day when you have kids of your own； you'll know the answer。〃 She smiled； but her manner was stiff； and Noah imagined how difficult this must be for her。 〃I saw the article； too； and I saw your reaction。 I also saw how tense you've been during the last couple of weeks； and when you said you were going shopping near the coast； I knew exactly what you meant。〃
〃What about daddy？〃
Anne Nelson shook her head； 〃No； I didn't tell your father or anyone else about it。 Nor did I tell anyone where I was going today。〃
〃Why did you e？〃 Allie asked。
〃I came because I had to；〃 her mother said； 〃which I'm sure is the same reason you came。 Am I right？〃
Allie nodded。
Anne turned to Noah。 〃I know you don't think so； but I always liked you。 I just didn't think you were right for my daughter。 Can you understand that？〃
He shook his head as he answered。 〃No； not really。 It wasn’t fair to me； and it wasn't fair to Allie。 Otherwise she wouldn't be here。〃
She watched him as he answered； but she said nothing。 Allie； sensing an argument； cut in。 〃What do you mean when you say you had to e？ Don't you trust me？〃
Anne turned back to her daughter。 〃This has nothing to do with trust。 This has to do with Lon。 He called the house last night to talk to me about Noah； and he's on his way here right now。 He seemed very upset。 I thought you'd want to know。〃
Allie inhaled sharply。 〃He's on his way？〃
〃As we speak。 He arranged to have the trial postponed until next week。 If he's not in New Bern yet； he's close。〃
〃What did you say to him？〃
〃Not much。 But he knew。 He had it all figured out。 He remembered my telling him about Noah a long time ago。”
Allie swallowed hard； 〃Did you tell him I was here？〃
〃No。 And I won't。 That's between you and him。 But knowing him； I'm sure he'll find you。 All it takes is a couple of phone calls to the right people。 After all； I was able to find you；〃
Allie； though obviously wearied； smiled at her mother。 〃Thank you；〃 she said； and her mother readied for her hand。
〃I know we've had our differences； Allie； and that we haven't seen eye to eye on everything。 But I'm…your mother and that means I’ll always love you。〃
Allie was silent for a moment； then： 〃What should I do？〃
〃I don’t know； Allie； That's up to you。 But I would think about it。 Think about what you really want。”
Allie turned away； her eyes reddening。 A moment later a tear drifted down her cheek。 〃I don't know 。 。 。 〃 She trailed off； and her mother squeezed her hand。
Anne looked at Noah； who had been sitting with his head down； listening carefully。 As if on cue； he returned her gaze； nodded and left the room。
When he was gone； Anne whispered； 〃Do you love him？〃
〃Yes； I do；〃 Allie answered softly； 〃very much。〃
〃Do you love Lon？〃
〃Yes； I do。 I love him； too。 Dearly； but in a different way。 He doesn't make me feel the way Noah does。〃
〃No one will ever do that；〃 her mother said； and she released Allie's hand。 〃I can't make this decision for you； Allie； this one's all yours。 I want you to know； though； that I love you。 And I always will。 I know that doesn't help； but it's all I can do。〃
She reached in her handbag and removed a bundle of letters held together with string； the envelopes old and slightly yellowed。
〃These are the letters that Noah wrote to you。 I never threw them away； and they haven't been opened。 I know I shouldn't have kept them from you； and I'm sorry for that。 But I was just trying to protect you。 I didn't realize。。。”
Allie took them and ran her hand over them； shocked。
〃I should go； Allie。 You've got some decisions to make； and you don't have much time。 Do you want me to stay in town？”
Allie shook her head； 〃No； this is up to me。〃
Anne nodded and watched her daughter for a moment； wondering。 Finally she stood； went around the table； leaned over and kissed Allie on the cheek。 She could see the confusion in her daughter's eyes as Allie embraced her。
They stood together for another minute； just holding each other。
〃Thanks for ing； Allie said； “I love you。〃
〃I love you too。〃
As her mother made her way out of the living room； Allie thought that she heard her whisper； 〃Follow your heart；” but she couldn’t be sure；
NOAH OPENED the door for Anne Nelson as she went out。
“Goodbye Noah；〃 she said quietly。 He nodded without speaking。 There wasn't anything else to say； they both knew that。 She turned from him and left； closing the door behind her。 Noah watched her dim away without looking back。 She was a strong woman； he thought to himself； and he knew then where Allie got it
Noah peeped into the living room； saw Allie sitting with her head down； then went to the back porch； knowing that she needed to be alone。 He sat quietly in his rocker and watched the water
After what seemed like an eternity he heard the back door open。 He didn’t turn to look at her—for some reason he couldn’t…and he listened as she sat in the chair beside him。
“I’m sorry；〃 Allie said。 〃I bad no idea this would happen。〃
Noah shook his head。 〃Don't be sorry。 We both knew it was ing to some form or another。〃
〃It’s still hard。”
〃I know。〃 He finally turned to her； reaching for her hand。 〃Is here anything I can do to make it easier？〃
She shook her head。 〃No。 Not really。 I have to do this alone。 Besides； I'm not sure what I'm going to say to him yet。〃 She looked down and her voice became softer。 〃I guess it depends on him and low much he knows。 If my mother was right； he may have suspicions； but he doesn't know anything for sure。〃
Noah felt tightness in his stomach。 When he finally spoke his voice was steady； but she could hear the pain in it。 〃You're not going to tell him about us； are you？〃
〃I don't know。 I really don't。 While I was in the living room； I kept asking myself what I really wanted in my life。〃 She squeezed his hand。 〃And do you know what the answer was？ The answer was that I want you。 I want us。 I love you and I always have。〃 She took a deep breath before going on。 〃But I also want a happy ending without hurting anyone。 And I know that if I stayed； people would be hurt。 Especially Lon。 I wasn't lying when I told you that I love him。 He doesn't make me feel the same way you do； but I care for him； and this wouldn't be fair to him。 But staying here would also hurt my family and friends。 I would be betraying everyone I know 。。。 I don't know if I can do that。〃
〃You can't live your life for other people。 You've got to do what's right for you； even if it hurts some people you love。〃
〃I know；〃 she said； 〃but no matter what I choose I have to live with it。 For ever。 I have to be able to go forward and not look back any more。 Can you understand that？〃
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady。 〃Not really。 Not if it means losing you。 I can't do that again。〃
She didn't say anything but lowered her head。 Noah went on： 〃Could you really leave me without looking back？〃
She bit her lip as she answered。 Her voice was beginning to crack。 〃I don't know。 Probably not。〃
〃Would that be fair to Lon？〃
She didn't answer。 Instead she stood up； wiped her face and walked to the edge of the porch where she leaned against the post and watched the water before answering quietly： 〃No。〃
〃It doesn't have to be like this； Allie；〃 he said。 〃We're adults now； we have the choice we didn't have before。 We're meant to be together。 We always have been。〃 He walked to her side and put his hand on her shoulder。 〃I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what might have been。 Stay with me； Allie。〃
Tears filled her eyes。 〃I don't know if I can；〃 she whispered。
〃You can。 Allie 。。。 I can't live my life happily knowing you're with someone else。 That would kill a part of me。 What we have is rare。 It's too beautiful to just throw it away。〃
After a moment he gently turned her towards him； took her hands and stared at her； willing her to look at him。 Allie finally faced him with moist eyes。 After a long silence； Noah brushed the tears from her cheeks with his fingers。 His voice caught as he saw what her eyes were telling him。 〃You're not going to stay； are you？〃 He smiled weakly。 〃You want to； but you can't。〃
〃Oh； Noah；〃 she said as the tears began again； 〃try to understand—〃
He shook his head to stop her。 〃I know what you're trying to say—I can see it in your eyes。 But I don't want to understand it； Allie。 I don't want it to end this way。 I don't want it to end at all。 But if you leave； we both know we'll never see each other again。〃
She leaned into him and began to cry harder as Noah fought back his own tears。 He wrapped his arms around her。
〃Allie； I can't force you to stay with me。 But no matter what happens in my life； I'll never forget these last couple of days with you。 I've been dreaming about this for years。〃
He kissed her gently； and they embraced as they had when she first got out of her car two days ago。 Finally Allie let him go and wiped her tears。 〃I have to get my things； Noah。〃
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