the hunger games-饥饿游戏(英文版)-第42部分

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t　me　an　then　。　。　。〃　My　voice　trails　off。
¨I　know　Cloveˇs　dead。　I　saw　it　in　the　sky　last　night；〃　he　says。　¨Did　you　kill　her？〃
¨No。　Thresh　broke　her　skull　with　a　rock；〃　I　say。
¨Lucky　he　didnˇt　catch　you；　too；〃　says　Peeta。
The　memory　of　the　feast　returns　full…force　and　I　feel　sick。　¨He　did。　But　he　let　me　go。〃　Then；　of　course；　I　have　to　tell　him。　About　things　Iˇve　kept　to　myself　because　he　was　too　sick　to　ask　and　I　wasnˇt　ready　to　relive　anyway。　Like　the　explosion　and　my　ear　and　Rueˇs　dying　and　the　boy　from　District　1　and　the　bread。　All　of　which　leads　to　what　happened　with　Thresh　and　how　he　was　paying　off　a　debt　of　sorts。
¨He　let　you　go　because　he　didnˇt　want　to　owe　you　anything？〃　asks　Peeta　in　disbelief。
¨Yes。　I　donˇt　expect　you　to　understand　it。　Youˇve　always　had　enough。　But　if　youˇd　lived　in　the　Seam；　I　wouldnˇt　have　to　explain；〃　I　say。
¨And　donˇt　try。　Obviously　Iˇm　too　dim　to　get　it。〃
¨Itˇs　like　the　bread。　How　I　never　seem　to　get　over　owing　you　for　that；〃　I　say。
¨The　bread？　What？　From　when　we　were　kids？〃　he　says。　¨I　think　we　can　let　that　go。　I　mean；　you　just　brought　me　back　from　the　dead。〃
¨But　you　didnˇt　know　me。　We　had　never　even　spoken。　Besides；　itˇs　the　first　gift　thatˇs　always　the　hardest　to　pay　back。　I　wouldnˇt　even　have　been　here　to　do　it　if　you　hadnˇt　helped　me　then；〃　I　say。　¨Why　did　you；　anyway？〃
¨Why？　You　know　why；〃　Peeta　says。　I　give　my　head　a　slight；　painful　shake。　¨Haymitch　said　you　would　take　a　lot　of　convincing。〃
¨Haymitch？〃　I　ask。　¨Whatˇs　he　got　to　do　with　it？〃
¨Nothing；〃　Peeta　says。　¨So；　Cato　and　Thresh；　huh？　I　guess　itˇs　too　much　to　hope　that　theyˇll　simultaneously　destroy　each　other？〃
But　the　thought　only　upsets　me。　¨I　think　we　would　like　Thresh。　I　think　heˇd　be　our　friend　back　in　District　Twelve；〃　I　say。
¨Then　letˇs　hope　Cato　kills　him；　so　we　donˇt　have　to；〃　says　Peeta　grimly。
I　donˇt　want　Cato　to　kill　Thresh　at　all。　I　donˇt　want　anyone　else　to　die。　But　this　is　absolutely　not　the　kind　of　thing　that　victors　go　around　saying　in　the　arena。　Despite　my　best　efforts；　I　can　feel　tears　starting　to　pool　in　my　eyes。
Peeta　looks　at　me　in　concern。　¨What　is　it？　Are　you　in　a　lot　of　pain？〃
I　give　him　another　answer；　because　it　is　equally　true　but　can　be　taken　as　a　brief　moment　of　weakness　instead　of　a　terminal　one。　¨I　want　to　go　home；　Peeta；〃　I　say　plaintively；　like　a　small　child。
¨You　will。　I　promise；〃　he　says；　and　bends　over　to　give　me　a　kiss。
¨I　want　to　go　home　now；〃　I　say。
¨Tell　you　what。　You　go　back　to　sleep　and　dream　of　home。　And　youˇll　be　there　for　real　before　you　know　it；〃　lie　says。　¨Okay？〃
¨Okay；〃　I　whisper。　¨Wake　me　if　you　need　me　to　keep　watch。〃
¨Iˇm　good　and　rested；　thanks　to　you　and　Haymitch。　Besides；　who　knows　how　long　this　will　last？〃　he　says。
What　does　he　mean？　The　storm？　The　brief　respite　ii　brings　us？　The　Games　themselves？　I　donˇt　know；　but　Iˇm　ion　sad　and　tired　to　ask。
Itˇs　evening　when　Peeta　wakes　me　again。　The　rain　has　turned　to　a　downpour；　sending　streams　of　water　through　our　ceiling　where　earlier　there　had　been　only　drips。　Peeta　has　placed　the　broth　pot　under　the　worst　one　and　repositioned　the　plastic　to　deflect　most　of　it　from　me。　I　feel　a　bit　better；　able　to　sit　up　without　getting　too　dizzy；　and　Iˇm　absolutely　famished。　So　is　Peeta。　Itˇs　clear　heˇs　been　waiting　for　me　to　wake　up　to　eat　and　is　eager　to　get　started。
Thereˇs　not　much　left。　Two　pieces　of　groosling；　a　small　mishmash　of　roots；　and　a　handful　of　dried　fruit。
¨Should　we　try　and　ration　it？〃　Peeta　asks。
¨No；　letˇs　just　finish　it。　The　grooslingˇs　getting　old　anyway；　and　the　last　thing　we　need　is　to　get　sick　off　spoilt　food；〃　I　say；　dividing　the　food　into　two　equal　piles。　We　try　and　eat　slowly；　but　weˇre　both　so　hungry　were　done　in　a　couple　of　minutes。　My　stomach　is　in　no　way　satisfied。　¨Tomorrowˇs　a　hunting　day；〃　I　say。
¨I　wonˇt　be　much　help　with　that；〃　Peeta　says。　¨Iˇve　never　hunted　before。〃
¨Iˇll　kill　and　you　cook；〃　I　say。　¨And　you　can　always　gather。〃
¨I　wish　there　was　some　sort　of　bread　bush　out　there；〃　says　Peeta。
¨The　bread　they　sent　me　from　District　Eleven　was　still　warm；〃　I　say　with　a　sigh。　¨Here；　chew　these。〃　I　hand　him　a　couple　of　mint　leaves　and　pop　a　few　in　my　own　mouth。
Itˇs　hard　to　even　see　the　projection　in　the　sky；　but　itˇs　clear　enough　to　know　there　were　no　more　deaths　today。　So　Cato　and　Thresh　havenˇt　had　it　out　yet。
¨Where　did　Thresh　go？　I　mean；　whatˇs　on　the　far　side　of　the　circle？〃　I　ask　Peeta。
¨A　field。　As　far　as　you　can　see　itˇs　full　of　grasses　as　high　as　my　shoulders。　I　donˇt　know；　maybe　some　of　them　are　grain。　There　are　patches　of　different　colors。　But　there　are　no　paths；〃　says　Peeta。
¨I　bet　some　of　them　are　grain。　I　bet　Thresh　knows　which　ones；　too；〃　I　say。　¨Did　you　go　in　there？〃
¨No。　Nobody　really　wanted　to　track　Thresh　down　in　that　grass。　It　has　a　sinister　feeling　to　it。　Every　time　I　look　at　that　field；　all　I　can　think　of　are　hidden　things。　Snakes；　and　rabid　animals；　and　quicksand；〃　Peeta　says。　¨There　could　be　anything　in　there。〃
I　donˇt　say　so　but　Peetaˇs　words　remind　me　of　the　warnings　they　give　us　about　not　going　beyond　the　fence　in　District　12。　I　canˇt　help；　for　a　moment；　paring　him　with　Gale；　who　would　see　that　field　as　a　potential　source　of　food　as　well　as　a　threat。　Thresh　certainly　did。　Itˇs　not　that　Peetaˇs　soft　exactly；　and　heˇs　proved　heˇs　not　a　coward。　But　there　are　things　you　donˇt　question　too　much；　I　guess；　when　your　home　always　smells　like　baking　bread；　whereas　Gale　questions　everything。　What　would　Peeta　think　of　the　irreverent　banter　that　passes　between　us　as　we　break　the　law　each　day？　Would　it　shock　him？　The　things　we　say　about　Panem？　Galeˇs　tirades　against　the　Capitol？
¨Maybe　there　is　a　bread　bush　in　that　field；〃　I　say。　¨Maybe　thatˇs　why　Thresh　looks　better　fed　now　than　when　we　started　the　Games。〃
¨Either　that　or　heˇs　got　very　generous　sponsors；〃　says　Peeta。　¨I　wonder　what　weˇd　have　to　do　to　get　Haymitch　to　send　us　some　bread。〃
I　raise　my　eyebrows　before　I　remember　he　doesnˇt　know　about　the　message　Haymitch　sent　us　a　couple　of　nights　ago。　One　kiss　equals　one　pot　of　broth。　Itˇs　not　the　sort　of　thing　I　can　blurt　out；　either。　To　say　my　thoughts　aloud　would　be　tipping　off　the　audience　that　the　romance　has　been　fabricated　to　play　on　their　sympathies　and　that　would　result　in　no　food　at　all。　Somehow；　believably；　Iˇve　got　to　get　things　back　on　track。　Something　simple　to　start　with。　I　reach　out　and　take　his　hand。
¨Well；　he　probably　used　up　a　lot　of　resources　helping　me　knock　you　out；〃　I　say　mischievously。
¨Yeah；　about　that；〃　says　Peeta；　entwining　his　fingers　in　mine。　¨Donˇt　try　something　like　that　again。〃
¨Or　what？〃　I　ask。
¨Or　。　。　。　or　。　。　。〃　He　canˇt　think　of　anything　good。　¨Just　give　me　a　minute。〃
¨Whatˇs　the　problem？〃　I　say　with　a　grin。
¨The　problem　is　weˇre　both　still　alive。　Which　only　reinforces　the　idea　in　your　mind　that　you　did　the　right　thing；〃　says　Peeta。
¨I　did　do　the　right　thing；〃　I　say。
¨No！　Just　donˇt；　Katniss！〃　His　grip　tightens；　hurting　my　hand；　and　thereˇs　real　anger　in　his　voice。　¨Donˇt　die　for　me。　You　wonˇt　be　doing　me　any　favors。　All　right？〃
Iˇm　startled　by　his　intensity　but　recognize　an　excellent　opportunity　for　getting　food；　so　I　try　to　keep　up。　¨Maybe　I　did　it　for　myself；　Peeta；　did　you　ever　think　of　that？　Maybe　you　arenˇt　the　only　one　who　。　。　。　who　worries　about　。　。　。　what　it　would　be　like　if。　。　。〃
I　fumble。　Iˇm　not　as　smooth　with　words　as　Peeta。　And　while　I　was　talking；　the　idea　of　actually　losing　Peeta　hit　me　again　and　I　realized　how　much　I　donˇt　want　him　to　die。　And　itˇs　not　about　the　sponsors。　And　itˇs　not　about　what　will　happen　back　home。　And　itˇs　not　just　that　I　donˇt　want　to　be　alone。　Itˇs　him。　I　do　not　want　to　lose　the　boy　with　the　bread。
¨If　what；　Katniss？〃　he　says　softly。
I　wish　I　could　pull　the　shutters　closed；　blocking　out　this　moment　from　the　prying　eyes　of　Panem。　Even　if　it　means　losing　food。　Whatever　Iˇm　feeling；　itˇs　no　oneˇs　business　but　mine。
¨Thatˇs　exactly　the　kind　of　topic　Haymitch　told　me　to　steer　clear　of；〃　I　say　evasively；　although　Haymitch　never　said　anything　of　the　kind。　In　fact；　heˇs　probably　cursing　me　out　right　now　for　dropping　the　ball　during　such　an　emotionally　charged　moment。　But　Peeta　somehow　catches　it。
¨Then　Iˇll　just　have　to　fill　in　the　blanks　myself；〃　he　says；　and　moves　in　to　me。
This　is　the　first　kiss　that　weˇre　both　fully　aware　of。　Neither　of　us　hobbled　by　sickness　or　pain　or　simply　unconscious。　Our　lips　neither　burning　with　fever　or　icy　cold。　This　is　the　first　kiss　where　I　actually　feel　stirring　inside　my　chest。　Warm　and　curious。　This　is　the　first　kiss　that　makes　me　want　another。
But　I　donˇt　get　it。　Well；　I　do　get　a　second　kiss；　but　itˇs　just　a　light　one　on　the　tip　of　my　nose　because　Peetaˇs　been　distracted。　¨I　think　your　wound　is　bleeding　again。　e　on；　lie　down；　itˇs　bedtime　anyway；〃　he　says。
My　socks　are　dry　enough　to　wear　now。　I　make　Peeta　put　his　jacket　back　on。　The　damp　cold　seems　to　cut　right　down　to　my　bones；　so　he　must　be　half　frozen。　I　insist　on　taking　the　first　watch；　too；　although　neither　of　us　think　itˇs　likely　anyone　will　e　in　this　weather。　But　he　wonˇt　agree　unless　Iˇm　in　the　bag；　too；　and　Iˇm　shivering　so　hard　that　itˇs　pointless　to　object。　In　stark　contrast　to　two　nights　ago；　when　I　felt　Peeta　was　a　million　miles　away；　Iˇm　struck　by　his　immediacy　now。　As　we　settle　in；　he　pulls　my　head　down　to　use　his　arm　as　a　pillow；　the　other　rests　protectively　over　me　even　when　he　goes　to　sleep。　No　one　has　held　me　like　this　in　such　a　long　time。　Since　my　father　died　and　I　stopped　trusting　my　mother；　no　one　elseˇs　arms　have　made　me　feel　this　safe。　
With　the　aid　of　the　glasses；　I　lie　watching　the　drips　of　water　splatter　on　the　cave　floor。　Rhythmic　and　lulling。　Several　times；　I　drift　off　briefly　and　then　snap　awake；　guilty　and　angry　with　myself。　After　three　or　four　hours；　I　canˇt　help　it；　I　have　to　rouse　Peeta　because　I　canˇt　keep　my　eyes　open。　He　doesnˇt　seem　to　mind。
¨Tomorrow；　when　itˇs　dry；　Iˇll　find　us　a　place　so　high　in　the　trees　we　can　both　sleep　in　peace；〃　I　promise　as　I　drift　off。
But　tomorrow　is　no　better　in　terms　of　weather。　The　deluge　continues　as　if　the　Gamem