the red badge of courage(红色英勇勋章)-第2部分
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diffidently。 There was a short silence。 〃The Lord's will be done；
Henry；〃 she had finally replied； and had then continued to milk the brindle
cow。
When he had stood in the doorway with his soldier's clothes on his
back； and with the light of excitement and expectancy in his eyes almost
defeating the glow of regret for the home bonds； he had seen two tears
leaving their trails on his mother's scarred cheeks。
Still； she had disappointed him by saying nothing whatever about
returning with his shield or on it。 He had privately primed himself for a
beautiful scene。 He had prepared certain sen… tences which he thought
could be used with touching effect。 But her words destroyed his plans。
She had doggedly peeled potatoes and addressed him as follows： 〃You
watch out； Henry； an' take good care of yerself in this here fighting
businessyou watch out； an' take good care of yerself。 Don't go a…
thinkin' you can lick the hull rebel army at the start； because yeh can't。
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Yer jest one little feller amongst a hull lot of others； and yeh've got to keep
quiet an' do what they tell yeh。 I know how you are； Henry。
〃I've knet yeh eight pair of socks； Henry； and I've put in all yer best
shirts； because I want my boy to be jest as warm and comf'able as anybody
in the army。 Whenever they get holes in 'em； I want yeh to send 'em
right…away back to me； so's I kin dern 'em。
〃An' allus be careful an' choose yer comp'ny。 There's lots of bad men
in the army； Henry。 The army makes 'em wild； and they like nothing better
than the job of leading off a young feller like you； as ain't never been away
from home much and has allus had a mother； an' a…learning 'em to drink
and swear。 Keep clear of them folks； Henry。 I don't want yeh to ever do
any… thing； Henry； that yeh would be 'shamed to let me know about。 Jest
think as if I was a…watchin' yeh。 If yeh keep that in yer mind allus； I
guess yeh'll come out about right。
〃Yeh must allus remember yer father； too； child； an' remember he
never drunk a drop of licker in his life； and seldom swore a cross oath。
〃I don't know what else to tell yeh； Henry； excepting that yeh must
never do no shirking； child； on my account。 If so be a time comes when
yeh have to be kilt or do a mean thing； why； Henry； don't think of anything
'cept what's right； because there's many a woman has to bear up 'ginst sech
things these times； and the Lord 'll take keer of us all。
〃Don't forgit about the socks and the shirts； child； and I've put a cup of
blackberry jam with yer bundle； because I know yeh like it above all
things。 Good…by； Henry。 Watch out； and be a good boy。〃
He had； of course； been impatient under the ordeal of this speech。 It
had not been quite what he expected； and he had borne it with an air of
irritation。 He departed feeling vague relief。
Still； when he had looked back from the gate； he had seen his mother
kneeling among the po… tato parings。 Her brown face； upraised； was
stained with tears； and her spare form was quiver… ing。
10 RED BADGE OF COURAGE。
He bowed his head and went on； feeling suddenly ashamed of his
purposes。
From his home he had gone to the seminary to bid adieu to many
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schoolmates。 They had thronged about him with wonder and admiration。
He had felt the gulf now between them and had swelled with calm pride。
He and some of his fellows who had donned blue were quite over…
whelmed with privileges for all of one afternoon； and it had been a very
delicious thing。 They had strutted。
A certain light…haired girl had made vivacious fun at his martial spirit；
but there was another and darker girl whom he had gazed at steadfastly；
and he thought she grew demure and sad at sight of his blue and brass。
As he had walked down the path between the rows of oaks； he had turned
his head and detected her at a window watching his departure。 As he
perceived her； she had im… mediately begun to stare up through the high
tree branches at the sky。 He had seen a good deal of flurry and haste in
her movement as she changed her attitude。 He often thought of it。
On the way to Washington his spirit had soared。 The regiment was
fed and caressed at station after station until the youth had believed that he
must be a hero。 There was a lavish ex… penditure of bread and cold meats；
coffee； and pickles and cheese。 As he basked in the smiles of the girls
and was patted and complimented by the old men； he had felt growing
within him the strength to do mighty deeds of arms。
After complicated journeyings with many pauses； there had come
months of monotonous life in a camp。 He had had the belief that real war
was a series of death struggles with small time in between for sleep and
meals； but since his regiment had come to the field the army had done
little but sit still and try to keep warm。
He was brought then gradually back to his old ideas。 Greeklike
struggles would be no more。 Men were better； or more timid。 Secular
and religious education had effaced the throat…grap… pling instinct； or else
firm finance held in check the passions。
He had grown to regard himself merely as a part of a vast blue
demonstration。 His province was to look out； as far as he could； for his
per… sonal comfort。 For recreation he could twiddle his thumbs and
speculate on the thoughts which must agitate the minds of the generals。
Also； he was drilled and drilled and reviewed； and drilled and drilled and
reviewed。
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The only foes he had seen were some pickets along the river bank。
They were a sun…tanned； philosophical lot； who sometimes shot
reflectively at the blue pickets。 When reproached for this afterward； they
usually expressed sorrow； and swore by their gods that the guns had
exploded without their permission。 The youth； on guard duty one night；
conversed across the stream with one of them。 He was a slightly ragged
man； who spat skillfully between his shoes and possessed a great fund of
bland and infantile assurance。 The youth liked him personally。
〃Yank；〃 the other had informed him； 〃yer a right dum good feller。〃
This sentiment； floating to him upon the still air； had made him tempo…
rarily regret war。
Various veterans had told him tales。 Some talked of gray；
bewhiskered hordes who were advancing with relentless curses and
chewing tobacco with unspeakable valor； tremendous bodies of fierce
soldiery who were sweeping along like the Huns。 Others spoke of
tattered and eternally hungry men who fired despondent powders。
〃They'll charge through hell's fire an' brimstone t' git a holt on a haversack；
an' sech stomachs ain't a…lastin' long；〃 he was told。 From the stories； the
youth imagined the red； live bones sticking out through slits in the faded
uniforms。
Still； he could not put a whole faith in veter… ans' tales； for recruits
were their prey。 They talked much of smoke； fire； and blood； but he
could not tell how much might be lies。 They persistently yelled 〃Fresh
fish！〃 at him； and were in no wise to be trusted。
However； he perceived now that it did not greatly matter what kind of
soldiers he was going to fight； so long as they fought； which fact no one
disputed。 There was a more serious problem。 He lay in his bunk
pondering upon it。 He tried to mathematically prove to himself that he
would not run from a battle。
Previously he had never felt obliged to wrestle too seriously with this
question。 In his life he had taken certain things for granted； never
challeng… ing his belief in ultimate success； and bothering little about
means and roads。 But here he was confronted with a thing of moment。
It had sud… denly appeared to him that perhaps in a battle he might run。
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He was forced to admit that as far as war was concerned he knew nothing
of himself。
A sufficient time before he would have allowed the problem to kick its
heels at the outer portals of his mind； but now he felt compelled to give
serious attent
