the red badge of courage(红色英勇勋章)-第3部分
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heels at the outer portals of his mind； but now he felt compelled to give
serious attention to it。
A little panic…fear grew in his mind。 As his imagination went forward
to a fight； he saw hide… ous possibilities。 He contemplated the lurking
menaces of the future； and failed in an effort to see himself standing
stoutly in the midst of them。 He recalled his visions of broken…bladed
glory； but in the shadow of the impending tumult he suspected them to be
impossible pictures。
He sprang from the bunk and began to pace nervously to and fro。
〃Good Lord； what's th' matter with me？〃 he said aloud。
He felt that in this crisis his laws of life were useless。 Whatever he
had learned of himself was here of no avail。 He was an unknown
quantity。 He saw that he would again be obliged to experi… ment as he had
in early youth。 He must accumu… late information of himself； and
meanwhile he re… solved to remain close upon his guard lest those qualities
of which he knew nothing should ever… lastingly disgrace him。 〃Good
Lord！〃 he re… peated in dismay。
After a time the tall soldier slid dexterously through the hole。 The
loud private followed。 They were wrangling。
〃That's all right；〃 said the tall soldier as he entered。 He waved his
hand expressively。 〃You can believe me or not； jest as you like。 All you
got to do is to sit down and wait as quiet as you can。 Then pretty soon
you'll find out I was right。〃
His comrade grunted stubbornly。 For a mo… ment he seemed to be
searching for a formidable reply。 Finally he said： 〃Well； you don't know
everything in the world； do you？〃
〃Didn't say I knew everything in the world；〃 retorted the other sharply。
He began to stow various articles snugly into his knapsack。
The youth； pausing in his nervous walk； looked down at the busy
figure。 〃Going to be a battle； sure； is there； Jim？〃 he asked。
〃Of course there is；〃 replied the tall soldier。 〃Of course there is。 You
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jest wait 'til to…morrow； and you'll see one of the biggest battles ever was。
You jest wait。〃
〃Thunder！der！〃 said the youth。
〃Oh； you'll see fighting this time； my boy； what'll be regular out…and…
out fighting；〃 added the tall soldier； with the air of a man who is about to
exhibit a battle for the benefit of his friends。
〃Huh！〃 said the loud one from a corner。
〃Well；〃 remarked the youth； 〃like as not this story'll turn out jest like
them others did。〃
〃Not much it won't；〃 replied the tall soldier； exasperated。 〃Not much
it won't。 Didn't the cavalry all start this morning？〃 He glared about him。
No one denied his statement。 〃The cav… alry started this morning；〃 he
continued。 〃They say there ain't hardly any cavalry left in camp。 They're
going to Richmond； or some place； while we fight all the Johnnies。 It's
some dodge like that。 The regiment's got orders； too。 A feller what seen
'em go to headquarters told me a little while ago。 And they're raising
blazes all over campanybody can see that。〃
〃Shucks！〃 said the loud one。
The youth remained silent for a time。 At last he spoke to the tall
soldier。 〃Jim！〃
〃What？〃
〃How do you think the reg'ment 'll do？〃
〃Oh； they'll fight all right； I guess； after they once get into it；〃 said the
other with cold judg… ment。 He made a fine use of the third person。
〃There's been heaps of fun poked at 'em because they're new； of course；
and all that； but they'll fight all right； I guess。〃
〃Think any of the boys 'll run？〃 persisted the youth。
〃Oh； there may be a few of 'em run； but there's them kind in every
regiment； 'specially when they first goes under fire；〃 said the other in a
tolerant way。 〃Of course it might happen that the hull kit…and…boodle
might start and run； if some big fighting came first…off； and then again
they might stay and fight like fun。 But you can't bet on nothing。 Of
course they ain't never been under fire yet； and it ain't likely they'll lick the
hull rebel army all…to…oncet the first time； but I think they'll fight better
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than some； if worse than others。 That's the way I figger。 They call the
reg'ment 'Fresh fish' and everything； but the boys come of good stock； and
most of 'em 'll fight like sin after they oncet git shootin'；〃 he added； with a
mighty emphasis on the last four words。
〃Oh； you think you know〃 began the loud soldier with scorn。
The other turned savagely upon him。 They had a rapid altercation； in
which they fastened upon each other various strange epithets。
The youth at last interrupted them。 〃Did you ever think you might
run yourself； Jim？〃 he asked。 On concluding the sentence he laughed as
if he had meant to aim a joke。 The loud sol… dier also giggled。
The tall private waved his hand。 〃Well；〃 said he profoundly； 〃I've
thought it might get too hot for Jim Conklin in some of them scrimmages；
and if a whole lot of boys started and run； why； I s'pose I'd start and run。
And if I once started to run； I'd run like the devil； and no mistake。 But if
everybody was a…standing and a…fighting； why； I'd stand and fight。 Be
jiminey； I would。 I'll bet on it。〃
〃Huh！〃 said the loud one。
The youth of this tale felt gratitude for these words of his comrade。
He had feared that all of the untried men possessed a great and correct
confidence。 He now was in a measure reassured。
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CHAPTER II。
THE next morning the youth discovered that his tall comrade had
been the fast…flying messen… ger of a mistake。 There was much scoffing
at the latter by those who had yesterday been firm adherents of his views；
and there was even a lit… tle sneering by men who had never believed the
rumor。 The tall one fought with a man from Chatfield Corners and beat
him severely。
The youth felt； however； that his problem was in no wise lifted from
him。 There was； on the contrary； an irritating prolongation。 The tale
had created in him a great concern for himself。 Now； with the newborn
question in his mind； he was compelled to sink back into his old place as
part of a blue demonstration。
For days he made ceaseless calculations； but they were all wondrously
unsatisfactory。 He found that he could establish nothing。 He final… ly
concluded that the only way to prove himself was to go into the blaze； and
then figuratively to
18 watch his legs to discover their merits and faults。 He reluctantly
admitted that he could not sit still and with a mental slate and pencil derive
an answer。 To gain it； he must have blaze； blood； and danger； even as a
chemist requires this； that； and the other。 So he fretted for an
opportunity。
Meanwhile he continually tried to measure himself by his comrades。
The tall soldier； for one； gave him some assurance。 This man's se… rene
unconcern dealt him a measure of con… fidence； for he had known him
since childhood； and from his intimate knowledge he did not see how he
could be capable of anything that was beyond him； the youth。 Still； he
thought that his comrade might be mistaken about himself。 Or； on the
other hand； he might be a man here… tofore doomed to peace and obscurity；
but； in reality； made to shine in war。
The youth would have liked to have discov… ered another who
suspected himself。 A sympa… thetic comparison of mental notes would
have been a joy to him。
He occasionally tried to fathom a comrade with seductive sentences。
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He looked about to find men in the proper mood。 All attempts failed to
bring forth any statement which looked in any way like a confession to
those doubts which he privately acknowledged in himself。 He was afraid
to make an open declaration of his concern； because he dreaded to place
some unscrupulous confidant upon the high plane of the unconfessed from
which elevation he could be derided。
In regard to his companions his mind wa… vered between two opinions；
according to his mood。 Sometimes he inclined to believing them all
heroes。 In fact； he usually admitted in secret the superior development of
