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laugh。  'Alas; poor Zero!  This will break his heart!'



THE SUPERFLUOUS MANSION (CONCLUDED)



SOMERSET ran straight upstairs; the door of the drawing…room; 
contrary to all custom; was unlocked; and bursting in; the 
young man found Zero seated on a sofa in an attitude of 
singular dejection。  Close beside him stood an untasted grog; 
the mark of strong preoccupation。  The room besides was in 
confusion:  boxes had been tumbled to and fro; the floor was 
strewn with keys and other implements; and in the midst of 
this disorder lay a lady's glove。

'I have come;' cried Somerset; 'to make an end of this。  
Either you will instantly abandon all your schemes; or (cost 
what it may) I will denounce you to the police。'

'Ah!' replied Zero; slowly shaking his head。  'You are too 
late; dear fellow!  I am already at the end of all my hopes; 
and fallen to be a laughing…stock and mockery。  My reading;' 
he added; with a gentle despondency of manner; 'has not been 
much among romances; yet I recall from one a phrase that 
depicts my present state with critical exactitude; and you 
behold me sitting here 〃like a burst drum。〃'

'What has befallen you?' cried Somerset。

'My last batch;' returned the plotter wearily; 'like all the 
others; is a hollow mockery and a fraud。  In vain do I 
combine the elements; in vain adjust the springs; and I have 
now arrived at such a pitch of disconsideration that (except 
yourself; dear fellow) I do not know a soul that I can face。  
My subordinates themselves have turned upon me。  What 
language have I heard to…day; what illiberality of sentiment; 
what pungency of expression!  She came once; I could have 
pardoned that; for she was moved; but she returned; returned 
to announce to me this crushing blow; and; Somerset; she was 
very inhumane。  Yes; dear fellow; I have drunk a bitter cup; 
the speech of females is remarkable for 。 。 。 well; well!  
Denounce me; if you will; you but denounce the dead。  I am 
extinct。  It is strange how; at this supreme crisis of my 
life; I should be haunted by quotations from works of an 
inexact and even fanciful description; but here;' he added; 
'is another:  〃Othello's occupation's gone。〃  Yes; dear 
Somerset; it is gone; I am no more a dynamiter; and how; I 
ask you; after having tasted of these joys; am I to 
condescend to a less glorious life?'

'I cannot describe how you relieve me;' returned Somerset; 
sitting down on one of several boxes that had been drawn out 
into the middle of the floor。  'I had conceived a sort of 
maudlin toleration for your character; I have a great 
distaste; besides; for anything in the nature of a duty; and 
upon both grounds; your news delights me。  But I seem to 
perceive;' he added; 'a certain sound of ticking in this 
box。'

'Yes;' replied Zero; with the same slow weariness of manner; 
'I have set several of them going。'

'My God!' cried Somerset; bounding to his feet。

'Machines?'

'Machines!' returned the plotter bitterly。  'Machines indeed!  
I blush to be their author。  Alas!' he said; burying his face 
in his hands; 'that I should live to say it!'

'Madman!' cried Somerset; shaking him by the arm。  'What am I 
to understand?  Have you; indeed; set these diabolical 
contrivances in motion? and do we stay here to be blown up?'

'〃Hoist with his own petard?〃' returned the plotter musingly。  
'One more quotation:  strange!  But indeed my brain is struck 
with numbness。  Yes; dear boy; I have; as you say; put my 
contrivance in motion。  The one on which you are sitting; I 
have timed for half an hour。  Yon other … '

'Half an hour! … ' echoed Somerset; dancing with trepidation。  
'Merciful Heavens; in half an hour?'

'Dear fellow; why so much excitement?' inquired Zero。  'My 
dynamite is not more dangerous than toffy; had I an only 
child; I would give it him to play with。  You see this 
brick?' he continued; lifting a cake of the infernal compound 
from the laboratory…table。  'At a touch it should explode; 
and that with such unconquerable energy as should bestrew the 
square with ruins。  Well now; behold!  I dash it on the 
floor。'

Somerset sprang forward; and with the strength of the very 
ecstasy of terror; wrested the brick from his possession。  
'Heavens!' he cried; wiping his brow; and then with more care 
than ever mother handled her first…born withal; gingerly 
transported the explosive to the far end of the apartment:  
the plotter; his arms once more fallen to his side; 
dispiritedly watching him。

'It was entirely harmless;' he sighed。  'They describe it as 
burning like tobacco。'

'In the name of fortune;' cried Somerset; 'what have I done 
to you; or what have you done to yourself; that you should 
persist in this insane behaviour?  If not for your own sake; 
then for mine; let us depart from this doomed house; where I 
profess I have not the heart to leave you; and then; if you 
will take my advice; and if your determination be sincere; 
you will instantly quit this city; where no further 
occupation can detain you。'

'Such; dear fellow; was my own design;' replied the plotter。  
'I have; as you observe; no further business here; and once I 
have packed a little bag; I shall ask you to share a frugal 
meal; to go with me as far as to the station; and see the 
last of a broken…hearted man。  And yet;' he added; looking on 
the boxes with a lingering regret; 'I should have liked to 
make quite certain。  I cannot but suspect my underlings of 
some mismanagement; it may be fond; but yet I cherish that 
idea:  it may be the weakness of a man of science; but yet;' 
he cried; rising into some energy; 'I will never; I cannot if 
I try; believe that my poor dynamite has had fair usage!'

'Five minutes!' said Somerset; glancing with horror at the 
timepiece。  'If you do not instantly buckle to your bag; I 
leave you。'

'A few necessaries;' returned Zero; 'only a few necessaries; 
dear Somerset; and you behold me ready。'

He passed into the bedroom; and after an interval which 
seemed to draw out into eternity for his unfortunate 
companion; he returned; bearing in his hand an open Gladstone 
bag。  His movements were still horribly deliberate; and his 
eyes lingered gloatingly on his dear boxes; as he moved to 
and fro about the drawing…room; gathering a few small 
trifles。  Last of all; he lifted one of the squares of 
dynamite。

'Put that down!' cried Somerset。  'If what you say be true; 
you have no call to load yourself with that ungodly 
contraband。'

'Merely a curiosity; dear boy;' he said persuasively; and 
slipped the brick into his bag; 'merely a memento of the past 
… ah; happy past; bright past!  You will not take a touch of 
spirits? no?  I find you very abstemious。  Well;' he added; 
'if you have really no curiosity to await the event … '

'I!' cried Somerset。  'My blood boils to get away。'

'Well; then;' said Zero; 'I am ready; I would I could say; 
willing; but thus to leave the scene of my sublime endeavours 
… '

Without further parley; Somerset seized him by the arm; and 
dragged him downstairs; the hall…door shut with a clang on 
the deserted mansion; and still towing his laggardly 
companion; the young man sped across the square in the Oxford 
Street direction。  They had not yet passed the corner of the 
garden; when they were arrested by a dull thud of an 
extraordinary amplitude of sound; accompanied and followed by 
a shattering FRACAS。  Somerset turned in time to see the 
mansion rend in twain; vomit forth flames and smoke; and 
instantly collapse into its cellars。  At the same moment; he 
was thrown violently to the ground。  His first glance was 
towards Zero。  The plotter had but reeled against the garden 
rail; he stood there; the Gladstone bag clasped tight upon 
his heart; his whole face radiant with relief and gratitude; 
and the young man heard him murmur to himself:  'NUNC 
DIMITTIS; NUNC DIMITTIS!'

The consternation of the populace was indescribable; the 
whole of Golden Square was alive with men; women; and 
children; running wildly to and fro; and like rabbits in a 
warren; dashing in and out of the house doors。  And under 
favour of this confusion; Somerset dragged away the lingering 
plotter。

'It was grand;' he continued to murmur:  'it was 
indescribably grand。  Ah; green Erin; green Erin; what a day 
of glory! and oh; my calumniated dynamite; how triumphantly 
hast thou prevailed!'

Suddenly a shade crossed his face; and pausing in the middle 
of the footway; he consulted the dial of his watch。

'Good God!' he cried; 'how mortifying! seven minutes too 
early!  The dynamite surpassed my hopes; but the clockwork; 
fickle clockwork; has once more betrayed me。  Alas; can there 
be no success unmixed with failure? and must even this red…
letter day be chequered by a shadow?'

'Incomparable ass!' said Somerset; 'what have you done?  
Blown up the house of an unoffending old lady; and the whole 
earthly property of the only person who is fool enough to 
befriend you!'

'You do not understand these matters;' replied Zero; with an 
air of great dignity。  'This will shake England to the heart。  
Gladstone; the truculent old man; will quail before the 
pointing finger of revenge。  And now that my dynamite is 
proved effective … '

'Heavens; you remind me!' ejaculated Somerset。  'That brick 
in your bag must be instantly disposed of。  But how?  If we 
could throw it in the river … '

'A torpedo;' cried Zero; brightening; 'a torpedo in the 
Thames!  Superb; dear fellow!  I recognise in you the marks 
of an accomplished anarch。'

'True!' returned Somerset。  'It cannot so be done; and there 
is no help but you must carry it away with you。  Come on; 
then; and let me at once consign you to a train。'

'Nay; nay; dear boy;' protested Zero。  'There is now no call 
for me to leave。  My character is now reinstated; my fame 
brightens; this is the best thing I have done yet; and I see 
from here the ovations that await the author of the Golden 
Square Atrocity。'

'My young friend;' returned the other; 'I give you your 
choice。  I will either see you safe on board a train or safe 
in gaol。'

'Some

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