the country doctor-第44部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　public　evils；　and　she　whom　I　hoped　to　win　had　never　cast　her　eyes　over　their　sheets。　How　strange　it　was；　at　first；　to　listen　to　these　orthodox　people！　But　in　a　little　while；　the　pure　atmosphere　left　the　same　impression　upon　the　soul　that　subdued　colors　give　to　the　eyes；　a　sense　of　serene　repose　and　of　tranquil　peace。

〃To　a　superficial　observer；　their　life　would　have　seemed　terribly　monotonous。　There　was　something　chilling　about　the　appearance　of　the　interior　of　the　house。　Day　after　day　I　used　to　see　everything；　even　the　furniture　in　constant　use；　always　standing　in　the　same　place；　and　this　uniform　tidiness　pervaded　the　smallest　details。　Yet　there　was　something　very　attractive　about　their　household　ways。　I　had　been　used　to　the　pleasures　of　variety；　to　the　luxury　and　stir　of　life　in　Paris；　it　was　only　when　I　had　overcome　my　first　repugnance　that　I　saw　the　advantages　of　this　existence；　how　it　lent　itself　to　continuity　of　thought　and　to　involuntary　meditation；　how　a　life　in　which　the　heart　has　undisturbed　sway　seems　to　widen　and　grow　vast　as　the　sea。　It　is　like　the　life　of　the　cloister；　where　the　outward　surroundings　never　vary；　and　thought　is　thus　compelled　to　detach　itself　from　outward　things　and　to　turn　to　the　infinite　that　lies　within　the　soul！

〃For　a　man　as　sincerely　in　love　as　I　was；　the　silence　and　simplicity　of　the　life；　the　almost　conventual　regularity　with　which　the　same　things　are　done　daily　at　the　same　hours；　only　deepened　and　strengthened　love。　In　that　profound　calm　the　interest　attaching　to　the　least　action；　word；　or　gesture　became　immense。　I　learned　to　know　that；　in　the　interchange　of　glances　and　in　answering　smiles；　there　lies　an　eloquence　and　a　variety　of　language　far　beyond　the　possibilities　of　the　most　magnificent　of　spoken　phrases；　that　when　the　expression　of　the　feelings　is　spontaneous　and　unforced；　there　is　no　idea；　no　joy　nor　sorrow　that　cannot　thus　be　communicated　by　hearts　that　understand　each　other。　How　many　times　I　have　tried　to　set　forth　my　soul　in　my　eyes　or　on　my　lips；　compelled　at　once　to　speak　and　to　be　silent　concerning　my　passion；　for　the　young　girl　who；　in　my　presence；　was　always　serene　and　unconscious　had　not　been　informed　of　the　reason　of　my　constant　visits；　her　parents　were　determined　that　the　most　important　decision　of　her　life　should　rest　entirely　with　her。　But　does　not　the　presence　of　our　beloved　satisfy　the　utmost　desire　of　passionate　love？　In　that　presence　do　we　not　know　the　happiness　of　the　Christian　who　stands　before　God？　If　for　me　more　than　for　any　other　it　was　torture　to　have　no　right　to　give　expression　to　the　impulses　of　my　heart；　to　force　back　into　its　depths　the　burning　words　that　treacherously　wrong　the　yet　more　ardent　emotions　which　strive　to　find　an　utterance　in　speech；　I　found；　nevertheless；　in　the　merest　trifles　a　channel　through　which　my　passionate　love　poured　itself　forth　but　the　more　vehemently　for　this　constraint；　till　every　least　occurrence　came　to　have　an　excessive　importance。

〃I　beheld　her；　not　for　brief　moments；　but　for　whole　hours。　There　were　pauses　between　my　question　and　her　answer；　and　long　musings；　when；　with　the　tones　of　her　voice　lingering　in　my　ears；　I　sought　to　divine　from　them　the　secret　of　her　inmost　thoughts；　perhaps　her　fingers　would　tremble　as　I　gave　her　some　object　of　which　she　had　been　in　search；　or　I　would　devise　pretexts　to　lightly　touch　her　dress　or　her　hair；　to　take　her　hand　in　mine；　to　compel　her　to　speak　more　than　she　wished；　all　these　nothings　were　great　events　for　me。　Eyes　and　voice　and　gestures　were　freighted　with　mysterious　messages　of　love　in　hours　of　ecstasy　like　these；　and　this　was　the　only　language　permitted　me　by　the　quiet　maidenly　reserve　of　the　young　girl　before　me。　Her　manner　towards　me　underwent　no　change；　with　me　she　was　always　as　a　sister　with　a　brother；　yet；　as　my　passion　grew；　and　the　contrast　between　her　glances　and　mine；　her　words　and　my　utterance；　became　more　striking；　I　felt　at　last　that　this　timid　silence　was　the　only　means　by　which　she　could　express　her　feelings。　Was　she　not　always　in　the　salon　whenever　I　came？　Did　she　not　stay　there　until　my　visit；　expected　and　perhaps　foreseen；　was　over？　Did　not　this　mute　tryst　betray　the　secret　of　her　innocent　soul？　Nay；　whilst　I　spoke；　did　she　not　listen　with　a　pleasure　which　she　could　not　hide？

〃At　last；　no　doubt；　her　parents　grew　impatient　with　this　artless　behavior　and　sober　love…making。　I　was　almost　as　timid　as　their　daughter；　and　perhaps　on　this　account　found　favor　in　their　eyes。　They　regarded　me　as　a　man　worthy　of　their　esteem。　My　old　friend　was　taken　into　their　confidence；　both　father　and　mother　spoke　of　me　in　the　most　flattering　terms；　I　had　become　their　adopted　son；　and　more　especially　they　singled　out　my　moral　principles　for　praise。　In　truth；　I　had　found　my　youth　again；　among　these　pure　and　religious　surroundings　early　beliefs　and　early　faith　came　back　to　the　man　of　thirty…two。

〃The　summer　was　drawing　to　a　close。　Affairs　of　some　importance　had　detained　the　family　in　Paris　longer　than　their　wont；　but　when　September　came；　and　they　were　able　to　leave　town　at　last　for　an　estate　in　Auvergne；　her　father　entreated　me　to　spend　a　couple　of　months　with　them　in　an　old　chateau　hidden　away　among　the　mountains　of　Cantal。　I　paused　before　accepting　this　friendly　invitation。　My　hesitation　brought　me　the　sweetest　and　most　delightful　unconscious　confession；　a　revelation　of　the　mysteries　of　a　girlish　heart。　Evelina　。　。　。　DIEU！〃　exclaimed　Benassis；　and　he　said　no　more　for　a　time；　wrapped　in　his　own　thoughts。

〃Pardon　me；　Captain　Bluteau；〃　he　resumed；　after　a　long　pause。　〃For　twelve　years　I　have　not　uttered　the　name　that　is　always　hovering　in　my　thoughts；　that　a　voice　calls　in　my　hearing　even　when　I　sleep。　Evelina　（since　I　have　named　her）　raised　her　head　with　a　strange　quickness　and　abruptness；　for　about　all　her　movements　there　was　an　instinctive　grace　and　gentleness；　and　looked　at　me。　There　was　no　pride　in　her　face；　but　rather　a　wistful　anxiety。　Then　her　color　rose；　and　her　eyelids　fell；　it　gave　me　an　indescribable　pleasure　never　felt　before　that　they　should　fall　so　slowly；　I　could　only　stammer　out　my　reply　in　a　faltering　voice。　The　emotion　of　my　own　heart　made　swift　answer　to　hers。　She　thanked　me　by　a　happy　look；　and　I　almost　thought　that　there　were　tears　in　her　eyes。　In　that　moment　we　had　told　each　other　everything。　So　I　went　into　the　country　with　her　family。　Since　the　day　when　our　hearts　had　understood　each　other；　nothing　seemed　to　be　as　it　had　been　before；　everything　about　us　had　acquired　a　fresh　significance。

〃Love；　indeed；　is　always　the　same；　though　our　imagination　determines　the　shape　that　love　must　assume；　like　and　unlike；　therefore；　is　love　in　every　soul　in　which　he　dwells；　and　passion　becomes　a　unique　work　in　which　the　soul　expresses　its　sympathies。　In　the　old　trite　saying　that　love　is　a　projection　of　selfan　egoisme　a　deuxlies　a　profound　meaning　known　only　to　philosopher　and　poet；　for　it　is　ourself　in　truth　that　we　love　in　that　other。　Yet；　though　love　manifests　itself　in　such　different　ways　that　no　pair　of　lovers　since　the　world　began　is　like　any　other　pair　before　or　since；　they　all　express　themselves　after　the　same　fashion；　and　the　same　words　are　on　the　lips　of　every　girl；　even　of　the　most　innocent；　convent…bred　maidenthe　only　difference　lies　in　the　degree　of　imaginative　charm　in　their　ideas。　But　between　Evelina　and　other　girls　there　was　this　difference；　that　where　another　would　have　poured　out　her　feelings　quite　naturally；　Evelina　regarded　these　innocent　confidences　as　a　concession　made　to　the　stormy　emotions　which　had　invaded　the　quiet　sanctuary　of　her　girlish　soul。　The　constant　struggle　between　her　heart　and　her　principles　gave　to　the　least　event　of　her　life；　so　peaceful　in　appearance；　in　reality　so　profoundly　agitated；　a　character　of　force　very　superior　to　the　exaggerations　of　young　girls　whose　manners　are　early　rendered　false　by　the　world　about　them。　All　through　the　journey　Evelina　discovered　beauty　in　the　scenery　through　which　we　passed；　and　spoke　of　it　with　admiration。　When　we　think　that　we　may　not　give　expression　to　the　happiness　which　is　given　to　us　by　the　presence　of　one　we　love；　we　pour　out　the　secret　gladness　that　overflows　our　hearts　upon　inanimate　things；　investing　them　with　beauty　in　our　happiness。　The　charm　of　the　scenery　which　passed　before　our　eyes　became　in　this　way　an　interpreter　between　us；　for　in　our　praises　of　the　landscape　we　revealed　to　each　other　the　secrets　of　our　love。　Evelina's　mother　sometimes　took　a　mischievous　pleasure　in　disconcerting　her　daughter。

〃　'My　dear　child；　you　have　been　through　this　valley　a　score　of　times　without　seeming　to　admire　it！'　she　remarked　after　a　somewhat　too　enthusiastic　phrase　from　Evelina。

〃　'No　doubt　it　was　because　I　was　not　old　enough　to　understand　beauty　of　this　kind；　mother。'

〃Forgive　me　for　dwelling　on　this　trifle；　which　can　have　no　charm　for　you；　captain；　but　the　simple　words　brought　me　an　indescribable　joy；　which　had　its　source　in　the　glance　directed　towards　me　as　she　spoke。　So　some　village　lighted　by　sunrise；　some　ivy…covered　ruin　which　we　had　seen　together；　memories　of　outward　and　visible　things；　served　to　deepen　and　strengthen　the　impressions　of　our　happiness；　they　seemed　to　be　landmarks　on　the　way　through　which　we　were　passing　towards　a　bright　future　that　lay　before　us。

〃We　reached　the　chateau　belonging　to　her　family；　where　I　spent　about　six　weeks；　the　only　time　in　my　life　during　which　Heaven　has　vouchsafed　complete　happiness　to　me。　I　enjoyed　pleasures　unknown　to　town…dwellers　all　the　happiness　which　two　lovers　find　in　living　beneath　the　same　roof；　an　anticipation　of　the　life　they　will　spend　together。　To　stroll　through　the　fields；　to　be　alone　together　at　times　if　we　wished　it；　to　look　over　an　old　water…mill；　to　sit　beneath　a　tree　in　some　lovely　glen　among　the　hills；　the　lovers'　talks；　the　sweet　confidences　drawn　forth　by　which　each　made　some　progress　day　by　day　in　the　other's　heart。　Ah！　sir；　the　out…of…door　life；　the　beauty　of　earth　and　heaven；　is　a　perfect　accompaniment　to　the　perfect　happiness　of　the　soul！　To　mingle　our　careless　talk　with　the　song　of　the　birds　among　the　dewy　leaves；　to　smile　at　each　other　as　we　gazed　on　the　sky；　to　turn　our　steps　slowly　homewards　at　the　sound　of　the　bell　that　always　ri