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                The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces 



  The Battle of the Books 

and Other Short Pieces 



                           Jonathan Swift 



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                       The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces 



                 THE PREFACE OF THE 

                               AUTHOR。 



     SATIRE   is   a   sort   of   glass   wherein   beholders   do   generally   discover 

everybody's face but their own�察�which is the chief reason for that                 kind 

reception it meets with in the world�察�and that so very few are               offended 

with it。   But�察�if it should happen otherwise�察�the danger            is not great�察�and 

I have learned from long experience never to              apprehend mischief from 

those understandings I have been able to            provoke�此    �for anger and fury�察�

though they add strength to the        sinews of the body�察�yet are found to relax 

those of the mind�察�and       to render all its efforts feeble and impotent。 

     There   is   a   brain   that   will   endure   but   one   scumming�察  �let   the   owner 

gather it with discretion�察�and manage his little stock with           husbandry�察�but�察�

of all things�察�let him beware of bringing it under           the lash of his betters�察�

because   that   will   make   it   all   bubble   up into   impertinence�察  �and   he   will 

find   no   new   supply。   Wit   without     knowledge   being   a   sort   of   cream�察�

which gathers in a night to the         top�察�and by a skilful hand may be soon 

whipped into   froth�察�but   once      scummed   away�察  �what   appears   underneath 

will be fit for nothing but      to be thrown to the hogs。 



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                        The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces 



                                 CHAPTER I 



       A FULL AND TRUE ACCOUNT OF THE BATTLE FOUGHT 

     LAST        FRIDAY        BETWEEN            THE      ANCIENT           AND      THE 

MODERN BOOKS IN SAINT JAMES'S LIBRARY。 



     WHOEVER           examines�察    �with    due   circumspection�察     �into   the   annual 

records     of time�察�will find it remarked that War is the child of Pride�察�and 

Pride   the   daughter   of   Riches�此�   the   former   of   which   assertions   may    be 

soon granted�察�but one cannot so easily subscribe to the latter�察              �for Pride is 

nearly   related   to   Beggary   and   Want�察  �either   by   father     or   mother�察  �and 

sometimes   by   both�此     �and�察  �to   speak   naturally�察  �it   very  seldom   happens 

among      men     to  fall  out   when     all  have    enough�察     �invasions     usually 

travelling   from   north   to   south�察  �that   is   to   say�察�from   poverty   to   plenty。 

The   most   ancient and   natural   grounds   of      quarrels   are lust   and   avarice�察�

which�察  �though   we   may   allow   to   be    brethren�察  �or   collateral   branches   of 

pride�察  �are   certainly  the   issues  of   want。    For�察  �to   speak   in   the   phrase   of 

writers upon politics�察�we         may observe in the republic of dogs�察�which in 

its original seems to       be an institution of the many�察�that the whole state is 

ever in the     profoundest peace after a full meal�察�and that civil broils arise 

among them when it happens for one great bone to be seized on by                      some 

leading dog�察�who either divides it among the few�察�and then it                  falls to an 

oligarchy�察�or keeps it to himself�察�and then it runs up              to a tyranny。      The 

same   reasoning   also   holds   place   among   them   in      those   dissensions   we 

behold   upon   a   turgescency   in   any   of   their   females。     For   the   right   of 

possession lying in common ��it being              impossible to establish a property 

in so delicate   a case���察     �jealousies and suspicions do so   abound�察�that   the 

whole commonwealth            of that street is reduced to a manifest state of war�察�

of   every    citizen   against   every   citizen�察  �till   some   one   of   more   courage�察�

conduct�察  �or   fortune   than    the   rest   seizes  and   enjoys   the  prize�此    �upon 

which   naturally   arises   plenty   of   heart´burning�察  �and   envy�察  �and     snarling 

against the happy dog。          Again�察�if we look upon any of            these republics 

engaged in a foreign war�察�either of invasion or             defence�察�we shall find the 

same reasoning will serve as to the            grounds and occasions of each�察�and 



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                         The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces 



that poverty or want�察�in some            degree or other ��whether real or in opinion�察�

which makes no          alteration in the case���察�has a great share�察�as well as pride�察�

on    the part of the aggressor。 

     Now   whoever   will   please   to   take   this   scheme�察  �and   either   reduce   or 

adapt it to an intellectual state or commonwealth of learning�察�will                       soon 

discover the first ground of disagreement between the two                       great parties 

at this time in arms�察�and may form just conclusions                    upon the merits of 

either   cause。     But   the   issue   or   events   of   this  war   are   not   so   easy   to 

conjecture at�察�for the present quarrel is so            inflamed by the warm heads of 

either faction�察�and the pretensions            somewhere or other so exorbitant�察�as 

not   to   admit   the least    overtures   of   accommodation。          This   quarrel   first 

began�察     �as   I  have      heard      it  affirmed     by    an   old    dweller     in   the 

neighbourhood�察�about a            small spot of ground�察�lying and being upon one 

of   the  two   tops   of   the   hill   Parnassus�察  �the   highest   and   largest   of   which 

had�察  �it  seems�察    �been   time     out   of  mind   in   quiet   possession      of  certain 

tenants�察    �called   the   Ancients�察  �and   the   other   was   held   by   the   Moderns。 

But     these    disliking    their  present    station�察  �sent   certain   ambassadors       to 

the Ancients�察  �complaining   of   a   great   nuisance�察  �how   the   height   of         that 

part of Parnassus quite spoiled the prospect of theirs�察                �especially towards 

the east�察�and therefore�察�to avoid   a   war�察�offered             them  the choice   of this 

alternative�察�either that the Ancients would               please to remove themselves 

and their effects down to the lower               summit�察�which the Moderns would 

graciously  surrender   to   them�察  �and        advance   into   their   place�察  �or   else   the 

said Ancients will give leave            to the Moderns to come with shovels and 

mattocks�察�and level the          said hill as low as they shall think it convenient。 

To   which   the     Ancients   made   answer�察  �how   little   they   expected   such   a 

message as       this from a colony whom they had admitted�察�out of their own 

free     grace�察  �to   so   near   a   neighbourhood。       That�察  �as   to   their   own   seat�察�

they were aborigines of it�察�and therefore to talk with them of a                     removal 

or surrender was a language they did not understand。                   That     if the height 

of the hill on their side shortened the prospect of                the Moderns�察�it was a 

disadvantage they could not help�察�but desired                 them to consider whether 

that injury ��if it be any�� were not           largely recompensed by the shade and 

shelter it afforded them。          That as to the levelling or digging down�察�it was 



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                        The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces 



either folly or      ignorance to propose it if they did or did not know how 

that side     of the hill was an entire rock�察�which would break their tools and 

hearts�察�without any damage to itself。            That they would therefore           advise 

the   Moderns   rather   to   raise   their   own   side   of   the   hill   than dream   of 

pulling down that of the Ancients�察�to the former of which                 they would not 

only give licence�察�but also largely contribute。              All    this was rejected by 

the Moderns with much indignation�察�who still                  insisted upon one of the 

two     expedients�察    �and   so   this  difference     broke     out   into   a  long   and 

obstinate   war�察    �maintained     on   the  one   part   by   resolution�察   �and   by   the 

courage of certain leaders and allies�察           �but�察�on the other�察�by the greatness 

of   their   number�察  �upon   all   defeats   affording   continual   recruits。      In   this 

quarrel whole        rivulets of ink have been exhausted�察�and the virulence of 

both     parties enormously augmented。             Now�察�it must be here understood�察�

that ink is the great missive weapon in all battles of the learned�察                 �which�察�

conveyed   through   a   sort   of   engine   called   a   quill�察  �infinite  numbers   of 

these are darted at the enemy by the valiant on each               side�察�with equal skill 

and     violence�察   �as   if  it  were   an   engagement       of    porcupines。       This 

malignant liquor was compounded�察�by the engineer                    who invented it�察�of 

two    ingredients�察    �which    are�察 �gall  and   copperas�察     �by   its  bitterness   and 

venom to suit�察 �in some degree�察 �as well   as to            foment�察�the genius of the 

combatants。       And     as   the  Grecians�察   �after   an    engagement�察     �when     they 

could not agree about the victory�察�were              wont to set up trophies on both 

sides�察�the beaten party being          co

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