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going on MARRIAGE business�察�and he'll leave you without a farthing�察�to 

starve or to rot�察�for him。 It's all arranged�察�I tell you�此�in a month�察�you are to 

be   starved   into   becoming   Tom   Trippet's   mistress�察  �and   his   honour   is   to 

marry   rich   Miss   Dripping�察  �the   twenty´thousand´pounder   from   London�察�

and to purchase a regiment��and to get old Brock drummed out of Cutts's 

too�察─�said the Corporal�察�under his breath。 But he might have spoken out�察�if 

he   chose�察  �for   the   poor   young   woman   had   sunk   on   the   ground   in   a   real 

honest fit。 

     ;I thought I should give it her�察─�said Mr。 Brock as he procured a glass 

of water�察�and�察�lifting her on to a sofa�察�sprinkled the same over her。 ;Hang 

it� �how pretty she is。; 

       * * * 

     When Mrs。 Catherine came to herself again�察�Brock's tone with her was 



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kind�察�and almost feeling。 Nor did the poor wench herself indulge in any 

subsequent shiverings and hysterics�察�such   as usually  follow the  fainting´ 

fits of persons of higher degree。 She pressed him for further explanations�察�

which he gave�察�and to which she listened with a great deal of calmness�察�

nor did many tears�察�sobs�察�sighs�察�or exclamations of sorrow or anger escape 

from  her�此  �only   when   the   Corporal   was   taking   his   leave�察  �and   said   to   her 

point´blank�察─�Well�察�Mrs。 Catherine�察�and what do you intend to do�拭─�she 

did not reply a word�察�but gave a look which made him exclaim�察�on leaving 

the room�察�

     ;By     heavens�     �the   woman       means     murder�     �I   would     not   be   the 

Holofernes to lie by the side of such a Judith as thatnot I� ─�And he went 

his way�察�immersed in deep thought。 When the Captain returned at night�察�

she did not speak to him�察�and when he swore at her for being sulky�察�she 

only said she had a headache�察�and was dreadfully ill�察�with which excuse 

Gustavus Adolphus seemed satisfied�察�and left her to herself。 

     He saw her the next morning for a moment�此�he was going a´shooting。 

     Catherine   had   no   friend�察  �as   is   usual   in   tragedies   and   romances��no 

mysterious   sorceress   of   her   acquaintance   to   whom   she   could   apply   for 

poison��so   she   went   simply   to   the   apothecaries�察  �pretending   at   each   that 

she had a dreadful toothache�察�and procuring from them as much laudanum 

as she thought would suit her purpose。 

     When      she   went    home     again    she   seemed     almost    gay。   Mr。   Brock 

complimented   her   upon   the   alteration   in   her   appearance�察  �and   she   was 

enabled     to   receive   the   Captain    at  his  return   from   shooting     in  such   a 

manner   as   made   him   remark   that   she   had   got   rid   of   her   sulks   of   the 

morning�察�and might sup with them�察�if she chose to keep her good´ humour。 

The supper was got ready�察�and   the gentlemen had the punch´bowl   when 

the cloth was cleared��Mrs。 Catherine�察�with her delicate hands�察�preparing 

the liquor。 

     It is useless to describe the conversation that took place�察�or to reckon 

the number of bowls that were emptied�察�or to tell how Mr。 Trippet�察�who 

was   one   of   the   guests�察  �and   declined   to   play   at   cards   when   some   of   the 

others began�察�chose to remain by Mrs。 Catherine's side�察�and make violent 

love   to   her。   All   this   might   be   told�察  �and   the   account�察  �however   faithful�察�



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would not be very pleasing。 No�察�indeed� �And here�察�though we are only in 

the third chapter of this history�察�we feel almost sick of the characters that 

appear in it�察�and the adventures which they are called upon to go through。 

But   how   can   we   help   ourselves�拭  �The   public   will   hear   of   nothing   but 

rogues�察�and the only way in which poor authors�察�who must live�察�can act 

honestly by the public and themselves�察�is to paint such thieves as they are�此�

not�察  �dandy�察  �poetical�察  �rose´water   thieves�察  �but   real   downright   scoundrels�察�

leading      scoundrelly      lives�察   �drunken�察    �profligate�察    �dissolute�察    �low�察   �as 

scoundrels will be。 They don't quote Plato�察�like Eugene Aram�察�or live like 

gentlemen�察 �and sing the   pleasantest   ballads   in   the   world�察 �like   jolly  Dick 

Turpin�察  �or   prate   eternally   about   ;to   kalon�察�*   like   that   precious   canting 

Maltravers�察     �whom      we   all  of   us  have    read   about    and   pitied�察  �or   die 

whitewashed saints�察�like poor ;Biss Dadsy; in ;Oliver Twist。; No�察�my dear 

madam�察�you and your daughters have no right to admire and sympathise 

with any such persons�察�fictitious or real�此�you ought to be made cordially to 

detest�察�scorn�察�loathe�察�abhor�察�and abominate all people of this kidney。 Men 

of   genius   like   those   whose   works   we   have   above   alluded   to�察  �have   no 

business to make these characters interesting or agreeable�察�to be feeding 

your   morbid   fancies�察  �or   indulging   their own�察  �with   such   monstrous   food。 

For our parts�察�young ladies�察�we beg you to bottle up your tears�察�and not 

waste a single drop of them on any one of the heroes or heroines in this 

history�此  �they   are   all   rascals�察  �every   soul   of   them�察  �and   behave   ;as   sich。; 

Keep your sympathy for those who deserve it�此�don't carry it�察�for preference�察�

to the Old Bailey�察�and grow maudlin over the company assembled there。 

     * Anglicised version of the author's original Greek text。 

     Just�察�then�察�have the kindness to fancy that the conversation which took 

place over the bowls of punch which Mrs。 Catherine prepared�察�was such as 

might be expected to take place where the host was a dissolute�察�dare´devil�察�

libertine captain of dragoons�察�the guests for the most part of the same class�察�

and the hostess a young woman originally from a country alehouse�察�and 

for the present mistress to the entertainer of the society。 They talked�察�and 

they   drank�察  �and   they   grew   tipsy�察  �and   very   little   worth   hearing   occurred 

during the course of the whole evening。 Mr。 Brock officiated�察�half as the 

servant�察�half as the companion of the society。 Mr。 Thomas Trippet made 



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violent love to Mrs。 Catherine�察�while her lord and master was playing at 

dice    with    the  other   gentlemen�此     �and    on   this  night�察  �strange    to  say�察  �the 

Captain's   fortune   seemed   to   desert   him。   The  Warwickshire   Squire�察  �from 

whom   he   had       won   so   much�察  �had     an   amazing     run   of   good    luck。   The 

Captain   called   perpetually   for   more   drink�察  �and   higher   stakes�察  �and   lost 

almost   every   throw。   Three   hundred�察  �four   hundred�察  �six   hundredall   his 

winnings of the previous months were swallowed up in the course of a few 

hours。 The Corporal looked on�察�and�察�to do him justice�察�seemed very grave 

as�察�sum by sum�察�the Squire scored down the Count's losses on the paper 

before him。 

     Most   of   the   company   had   taken   their   hats   and   staggered   off。   The 

Squire   and   Mr。   Trippet   were   the   only   two   that   remained�察  �the   latter   still 

lingering by Mrs。 Catherine's sofa and table�察�and as she�察�as we have stated�察�

had been employed all the evening in mixing the liquor for the gamesters�察�

he was at the headquarters of love and drink�察�and had swallowed so much 

of each as hardly to be able to speak。 

     The   dice   went   rattling   on�察  �the   candles   were   burning   dim�察  �with   great 

long wicks。 Mr。 Trippet could hardly see the Captain�察�and thought�察�as far 

as his muzzy reason would let him�察�that the Captain could not see him�此�so 

he    rose   from    his  chair    as  well   as   he   could�察  �and    fell  down     on   Mrs。 

Catherine's   sofa。   His   eyes   were   fixed�察  �his   face   was   pale�察  �his   jaw   hung 

down�察�and he flung out his arms and said�察�in a maudlin voice�察 �Oh�察�you 

byoo´oo´oo´tifile Cathrine�察�I must have a kick´kick´iss。; 

     ;Beast� ─  �said     Mrs。   Catherine�察     �and   pushed     him   away。     The   drunken 

wretch   fell   off   the   sofa�察  �and   on   to   the   floor�察 �where he stayed�察  �and�察  �after 

snorting out some unintelligible sounds�察�went to sleep。 

     The   dice   went   rattling   on�察  �the   candles   were   burning   dim�察  �with   great 

long wicks。 

     ;Seven's the main�察─  �cried the   Count。 ;Four。 Three to   two against the 

caster。; 

     ;Ponies�察─�said the Warwickshire Squire。 

     Rattle�察    �rattle�察 �rattle�察 �rattle�察  �clatter�察  �NINE。     Clap�察   �clap�察  �clap�察   �clap�察�

ELEVEN。          Clutter�察   �clutter�察  �clutter�察   �clutter�此   �Seven      it  is�察─  �says    the 

Warwickshire Squire。 ;That makes eight hundred�察�Count。; 



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     ;One throw for two hundred�察─�said the Count。 ;But stop� �Cat�察�give us 

some more punch。; 

     Mrs。 Cat came forward�察�she looked a little pale�察�and her hand trembled 

somewhat。 ;Here is the punch�察�Max�察─�said she。 It was steaming hot�察�in a 

large glass。 ;Don't drink it all�察─�said she�察 �leave me some。; 

     ;How dark it is� ─�said the Count�察�eyeing it。 

     ;It's the brandy�察─�said Cat。 

     ;Well�察�here goes� �Squire�察�curse you� �here's your health�察�and bad luck to 

you� ─   �and   he   gulped   off  more    than   half  the  liquor   at  a  draught。   But 

presently he put down the glass and cried�察 �What infernal poison is this�察�

Cat�拭─�

     ;Poison� ─    �said   she。  ;It's  no  po

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