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to   tea´gardens   in   search   of   vile   Popish   noblemen�察  �to   which   Mrs。   Hayes 

replied�察  �that   Mr。   Hayes   was   a   pitiful�察  �lying�察  �sneaking   cur�察  �and   that   she 

would   go   where   she   pleased。   Mr。   Hayes   rejoined   that   if   she   said   much 

more he would take a stick to her。 Mr。 Wood whispered�察 �And serve her 

right。;   Mrs。   Hayes   thereupon   swore   she   had   stood   his   cowardly   blows 

once or twice before�察�but that if ever he did so again�察�as sure as she was 

born�察�she would stab him。 Mr。 Wood said�察 �Curse me�察�but I like her spirit。; 

     Mr。 Hayes took another line of argument�察 �and said�察 �The   neighbours 

would talk�察�madam。; 

     ;Ay�察�that they will�察�no doubt�察─�said Mr。 Wood。 

     ;Then      let  them�察─   �said   Catherine。     ;What     do   we    care   about    the 

neighbours�拭�Didn't the neighbours talk when you sent Widow Wilkins to 

gaol�拭�Didn't the neighbours talk when you levied on poor old Thomson�拭�

You didn't mind THEN�察�Mr�察�Hayes。; 

     ;Business�察�ma'am�察�is business�察�and if I did distrain on Thomson�察�and 

lock up Wilkins�察�I think you knew about it as much as I。; 

     ;I'faith�察�I believe you're a pair�察─�said Mr。 Wood。 

     ;Pray�察   �sir�察 �keep   your   tongue    to  yourself。    Your   opinion    isn't  asked 

anyhowno�察  �nor   your   company   wanted   neither�察─  �cried   Mrs。   Catherine�察�

with proper spirit。 

     At which remark Mr。 Wood only whistled。 

     ;I have asked this here gentleman to pass this evening along with me。 

We've been drinking together�察�ma'am。; 

     ;That   we   have;�察  �said   Mr。   Wood�察  �looking   at   Mrs。   Cat   with   the   most 

perfect good´humour。 

     ;I   say�察  �ma'am�察  �that   we've   been   a´drinking   together�察  �and   when   we've 

been a´drinking together�察�I say that a man is my friend。 Doctor Wood is 

my friend�察�madamthe Reverend Doctor Wood。 We've passed the evening 



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in company�察�talking about politics�察�madampolitics and riddle´iddle´igion。 

We've not been flaunting in tea´gardens�察�and ogling the men。; 

     ;It's a lie� ─�shrieked Mrs。 Hayes。 ;I went with Tomyou know I did�此�

the boy wouldn't let me rest till I promised to go。; 

     ;Hang him�察�I hate him�察─�said Mr。 Hayes�此 �he's always in my way。; 

     ;He's the only friend I have in the world�察�and the only being I care a 

pin for�察─�said Catherine。 

     ;He's an impudent idle good´for´nothing scoundrel�察�and I hope to see 

him hanged� ─�shouted Mr。 Hayes。 ;And pray�察�madam�察�whose carriage was 

that as you came home in�拭�I warrant you paid something for the rideha�察�

ha� ─�

     ;Another lie� ─�screamed Cat�察�and clutched hold of a supper´knife。 ;Say 

it again�察�John Hayes�察�and�察�by  I'll do for you。; 

     ;Do     for  me�拭   �Hang    me�察─   �said  Mr。   Hayes�察    �flourishing    a  stick�察 �and 

perfectly pot´valiant�察 �do you think I care for a bastard and a�拭─�

     He did not finish the sentence�察�for the woman ran at him like a savage�察�

knife in hand。 He bounded back�察�flinging his arms about wildly�察�and struck 

her   with   his   staff   sharply   across   the   forehead。   The   woman   went   down 

instantly。 A lucky blow was it for Hayes and her�此�it saved him from death�察�

perhaps�察�and her from murder。 

     All   this   scenea  very  important   one  of   our   dramamight   have   been 

described   at   much   greater   length�察  �but�察  �in   truth�察  �the   author   has   a   natural 

horror of dwelling too long upon such hideous spectacles�此�nor would the 

reader   be   much   edified   by   a   full   and   accurate   knowledge   of   what   took 

place。 The quarrel�察�however�察�though not more violent than many that had 

previously  taken   place   between   Hayes   and   his   wife�察  �was   about   to   cause 

vast changes in the condition of this unhappy pair。 

     Hayes was at the first moment of his victory very much alarmed�察�he 

feared that he had killed the woman�察�and Wood started up rather anxiously 

too�察  �with    the   same   fancy。   But   she   soon   began   to   recover。   Water     was 

brought�察  �her   head   was   raised   and   bound   up�察  �and   in   a   short   time   Mrs。 

Catherine gave vent to a copious fit of tears�察�which relieved her somewhat。 

These did not affect Hayes muchthey rather pleased him�察�for he saw he 

had   got   the   better�察  �and   although   Cat   fiercely   turned   upon   him   when   he 



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made some small attempt towards reconciliation�察�he did not heed her anger�察�

but smiled and winked in a self´satisfied way at Wood。 The coward was 

quite proud of his victory�察�and finding Catherine asleep�察�or apparently so�察�

when he followed her to bed�察�speedily gave himself up to slumber too�察�and 

had some pleasant dreams to his portion。 

     Mr。 Wood also went sniggering and happy upstairs to his chamber。 The 

quarrel had been a real treat to him�察�it excited the old man´ ´tickled him 

into good´humour�察�and he promised himself a rare continuation of the fun 

when     Tom   should      be  made    acquainted     with    the  circumstances      of   the 

dispute。     As   for  his  Excellency      the  Count�察    �the  ride   from   Marylebone 

Gardens�察�and a tender squeeze of the hand�察�which Catherine permitted to 

him on parting�察�had so inflamed the passions of the nobleman�察�that�察�after 

sleeping for nine hours�察�and taking his chocolate as usual the next morning�察�

he   actually   delayed   to   read   the   newspaper�察  �and   kept   waiting   a   toy´shop 

lady from Cornhill ��with the sweetest bargain of Mechlin lace���察�in order to 

discourse to his chaplain on the charms of Mrs。 Hayes。 

     She�察  �poor   thing�察  �never   closed   her   lids�察  �except   when   she   would   have 

had Mr。 Hayes imagine that she slumbered�察�but lay beside him�察�tossing and 

tumbling�察  �with   hot   eyes   wide   open   and   heart   thumping�察  �and   pulse   of   a 

hundred   and   ten�察  �and   heard   the   heavy   hours   tolling�察  �and   at   last   the   day 

came peering�察�haggard�察�through the window´curtains�察�and found her still 

wakeful and wretched。 

     Mrs。 Hayes had never been�察�as   we have seen�察�especially fond of   her 

lord�察  �but   now�察  �as   the   day   made   visible   to   her   the   sleeping   figure   and 

countenance   of   that   gentleman�察  �she   looked   at   him   with   a   contempt   and 

loathing such as she had never felt even in all the years of her wedded life。 

Mr。 Hayes was snoring profoundly�此�by his bedside�察�on his ledger�察�stood a 

large greasy tin candlestick�察�containing a lank tallow´candle�察�turned down 

in the shaft�察�and in the lower part�察�his keys�察�purse�察�and tobacco´pipe�察�his 

feet were huddled up in his greasy threadbare clothes�察�his head and half 

his   sallow   face   muffled   up   in   a   red   woollen   nightcap�察  �his   beard   was   of 

several     days'  growth�察    �his  mouth    was    wide    open�察  �and   he   was   snoring 

profoundly�此�on a more despicable little creature the sun never shone。 And 

to this sordid wretch was Catherine united for ever。 What a pretty rascal 



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history   might   be   read   in   yonder   greasy   day´book�察  �which   never   left   the 

miser��he never read in any other。 Of what a treasure were yonder keys 

and purse the keepers� �not a shilling they guarded but was picked from the 

pocket     of   necessity�察   �plundered      from    needy     wantonness�察     �or   pitilessly 

squeezed   from   starvation。   ;A   fool�察  �a   miser�察  �and   a   coward�   �Why   was   I 

bound   to   this   wretch�拭─  �thought   Catherine�此   �I�察  �who   am   high´spirited   and 

beautiful   ��did   not   HE   tell   me   so�殖��察  �I   who�察  �born   a   beggar�察  �have   raised 

myself to competence�察�and might have mountedwho knows whither��if 

cursed Fortune had not baulked me� ─�

     As Mrs。 Cat did not utter these sentiments�察�but only thought them�察�we 

have a right to clothe her thoughts in the genteelest possible language�察�and�察�

to   the   best   of   our   power�察  �have   done   so。   If   the   reader   examines   Mrs。 

Hayes's train of reasoning�察�he will not�察�we should think�察�fail to   perceive 

how ingeniously she managed to fix all the wrong upon her husband�察�and 

yet   to   twist   out   some   consolatory   arguments   for   her   own   vanity。   This 

perverse argumentation we have all of us�察�no doubt�察�employed in our time。 

How   often   have   we��we   poets�察  �politicians�察  �philosophers�察  �family´men�察�

found      charming      excuses     for   our    own    rascalities    in   the   monstrous 

wickedness of the world about us�察�how loudly have we abused the times 

and     our   neighbours�      �All   this  devil's   logic   did   Mrs。    Catherine�察    �lying 

wakeful in her bed on the night of the Marylebone fete�察�exert in gloomy 

triumph。 

     It must�察�however�察�be confessed�察�that nothing could be more just than 

Mrs。 Hayes's sense of her husband's scoundrelism and meanness�察�for if we 

have not proved these in the course of this history�察�we have proved nothing。 

Mrs。   Cat   had   a   shrewd   observing   mind�察  �and   if   she   wanted   for   proofs 

against Hayes�察�she had but to look before and about her to find them。 This 

amiable pair   were lying   in   a large   walnut´bed�察 �with faded   silk   furniture�察�

which   had been   taken   from  under   a   respectable old   invalid   widow�察  �who 

had become security for a prodigal son�察�the room was hung round with an 

antique   tapestry   ��representing   Rebecca   at   the   Well�察  �Bathsheba   Bathing�察�

Judith   and   Holofernes�察  �and   other   subjects   fr

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