roads of destiny-第49部分

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〃'I'm　it；'　says　he；　'whatever　it　is。　But　I　never　halberdiered　in　a　restaurant。　Put　me　on。　Is　it　a　masquerade？'

〃'I　hear　talk　in　the　kitchen　of　a　fishball；'　says　I。

〃'Bully　for　you；　Eighteen；'　says　he。　'You　and　I'll　get　on。　Show　me　the　boss's　desk。'

〃Well；　the　boss　tries　the　Harveyized　pajamas　on　him；　and　they　fitted　him　like　the　scales　on　a　baked　redsnapper；　and　he　gets　the　job。　You've　seen　what　it　ishe　stood　straight　up　in　the　corner　of　the　first　landing　with　his　halberd　to　his　shoulder；　looking　right　ahead　and　guarding　the　Portugals　of　the　castle。　The　boss　is　nutty　about　having　the　true　Old…World　flavour　to　his　joint。　'Halberdiers　goes　with　Rindsloshes；'　says　he；　'just　as　rats　goes　with　rathskellers　and　white　cotton　stockings　with　Tyrolean　villages。'　The　boss　is　a　kind　of　a　antiologist；　and　is　all　posted　up　on　data　and　such　information。

〃From　8　P。M。　to　two　in　the　morning　was　the　halberdier's　hours。　He　got　two　meals　with　us　help　and　a　dollar　an　night。　I　eat　with　him　at　the　table。　He　liked　me。　He　never　told　his　name。　He　was　travelling　impromptu；　like　kings；　I　guess。　The　first　time　at　supper　I　says　to　him：　'Have　some　more　of　the　spuds；　Mr。　Frelinghuysen。'　'Oh；　don't　be　so　formal　and　offish；　Eighteen；'　says　he。　'Call　me　Halthat's　short　for　halberdier。'　'Oh；　don't　think　I　wanted　to　pry　for　names；'　says　I。　'I　know　all　about　the　dizzy　fall　from　wealth　and　greatness。　We've　got　a　count　washing　dishes　in　the　kitchen；　and　the　third　bartender　used　to　be　a　Pullman　conductor。　And　they　/work/；　Sir　Percival；'　says　I；　sarcastic。

〃'Eighteen；'　says　he；　'as　a　friendly　devil　in　a　cabbage…scented　hell；　would　you　mind　cutting　up　this　piece　of　steak　for　me？　I　don't　say　that　it's　got　more　muscle　than　I　have；　but'　And　then　he　shows　me　the　insides　of　his　hands。　They　was　blistered　and　cut　and　corned　and　swelled　up　till　they　looked　like　a　couple　of　flank　steaks　criss…　crossed　with　a　knifethe　kind　the　butchers　hide　and　take　home；　knowing　what　is　the　best。

〃'Shoveling　coal；'　says　he；　'and　piling　bricks　and　loading　drays。　But　they　gave　out；　and　I　had　to　resign。　I　was　born　for　a　halberdier；　and　I've　been　educated　for　twenty…four　years　to　fill　the　position。　Now；　quit　knocking　my　profession；　and　pass　along　a　lot　more　of　that　ham。　I'm　holding　the　closing　exercises；'　says　he；　'of　a　forty…eight…hour　fast。'

〃The　second　night　he　was　on　the　job　he　walks　down　from　his　corner　to　the　cigar…case　and　calls　for　cigarettes。　The　customers　at　the　tables　all　snicker　out　loud　to　show　their　acquaintance　with　history。　The　boss　is　on。

〃'An'let's　seeoh；　yes'An　anachronism；'　says　the　boss。　'Cigarettes　was　not　made　at　the　time　when　halberdiers　was　invented。'

〃'The　ones　you　sell　was；'　says　Sir　Percival。　'Caporal　wins　from　chronology　by　the　length　of　a　cork　tip。'　So　he　gets　'em　and　lights　one；　and　puts　the　box　in　his　brass　helmet；　and　goes　back　to　patroling　the　Rindslosh。

〃He　made　a　big　hit；　'specially　with　the　ladies。　Some　of　'em　would　poke　him　with　their　fingers　to　see　if　he　was　real　or　only　a　kind　of　a　stuffed　figure　like　they　burn　in　elegy。　And　when　he'd　move　they'd　squeak；　and　make　eyes　at　him　as　they　went　up　to　the　slosh。　He　looked　fine　in　his　halberdashery。　He　slept　at　2　a　week　in　a　hall…room　on　Third　Avenue。　He　invited　me　up　there　one　night。　He　had　a　little　book　on　the　washstand　that　he　read　instead　of　shopping　in　the　saloons　after　hours。　'I'm　on　to　that；'　says　I；　'from　reading　about　it　in　novels。　All　the　heroes　on　the　bum　carry　the　little　book。　It's　either　Tantalus　or　Liver　or　Horace；　and　its　printed　in　Latin；　and　you're　a　college　man。　And　I　wouldn't　be　surprised；'　says　I；　'if　you　wasn't　educated；　too。'　But　it　was　only　the　batting　averages　of　the　League　for　the　last　ten　years。

〃One　night；　about　half　past　eleven；　there　comes　in　a　party　of　these　high…rollers　that　are　always　hunting　up　new　places　to　eat　in　and　poke　fun　at。　There　was　a　swell　girl　in　a　40　H。…P。　auto　tan　coat　and　veil；　and　a　fat　old　man　with　white　side…whiskers；　and　a　young　chap　that　couldn't　keep　his　feet　off　the　tail　of　the　girl's　coat；　and　an　oldish　lady　that　looked　upon　life　as　immoral　and　unnecessary。　'How　perfectly　delightful；'　they　says；　'to　sup　in　a　slosh。'　Up　the　stairs　they　go；　and　in　half　a　minute　back　down　comes　the　girl；　her　skirts　swishing　like　the　waves　on　the　beach。　She　stops　on　the　landing　and　looks　our　halberdier　in　the　eye。

〃'You！'　she　says；　with　a　smile　that　reminded　me　of　lemon　sherbet。　I　was　waiting　up…stairs　in　the　slosh；　then；　and　I　was　right　down　here　by　the　door；　putting　some　vinegar　and　cayenne　into　an　empty　bottle　of　tabasco；　and　I　heard　all　they　said。

〃'It；'　says　Sir　Percival；　without　moving。　'I'm　only　local　colour。　Are　my　hauberk；　helmet；　and　halberd　on　straight？'

〃'Is　there　an　explanation　to　this？'　says　she。　'Is　it　a　practical　joke　such　as　men　play　in　those　Griddle…cake　and　Lamb　Clubs？　I'm　afraid　I　don't　see　the　point。　I　heard；　vaguely；　that　you　were　away。　For　three　months　Iwe　have　not　seen　you　or　heard　from　you。'

〃'I'm　halberdiering　for　my　living；'　says　the　stature。　'I'm　working；'　says　he。　'I　don't　suppose　you　know　what　work　means。'

〃'Have　youhave　you　lost　your　money？'　she　asks。

〃Sir　Percival　studies　a　minute。

〃'I　am　poorer；'　says　he；　'than　the　poorest　sandwich　man　on　the　streets　if　I　don't　earn　my　living。'

〃'You　call　this　work？'　says　she。　'I　thought　a　man　worked　with　his　hands　or　his　head　instead　of　becoming　a　mountebank。'

〃'The　calling　of　a　halberdier；'　says　he；　'is　an　ancient　and　honourable　one。　Sometimes；'　says　he；　'the　man…at…arms　at　the　door　has　saved　the　castle　while　the　plumed　knights　were　cake…walking　in　the　banquet…halls　above。'

〃'I　see　you're　not　ashamed；'　says　she；　'of　your　peculiar　tastes。　I　wonder；　though；　that　the　manhood　I　used　to　think　I　saw　in　you　didn't　prompt　you　to　draw　water　or　hew　wood　instead　of　publicly　flaunting　your　ignominy　in　this　disgraceful　masquerade。'

〃Sir　Percival　kind　of　rattles　his　armour　and　says：　'Helen；　will　you　suspend　sentence　in　this　matter　for　just　a　little　while？　You　don't　understand；'　says　he。　'I've　got　to　hold　this　job　down　a　little　longer。'

〃'You　like　being　a　harlequinor　halberdier；　as　you　call　it？'　says　she。

〃'I　wouldn't　get　thrown　of　the　job　just　now；'　says　he；　with　a　grin；　'to　be　appointed　Minister　to　the　Court　of　St。　James's。'

〃And　then　the　40…H。P。　girl's　eyes　sparked　as　hard　as　diamonds。

〃'Very　well；'　says　she。　'You　shall　have　full　run　of　your　serving…man's　tastes　this　night。'　And　she　swims　over　to　the　boss's　desk　and　gives　him　a　smile　that　knocks　the　specks　off　his　nose。

〃'I　think　your　Rindslosh；'　says　she；　'is　as　beautiful　as　a　dream。　It　is　a　little　slice　of　the　Old　World　set　down　in　New　York。　We　shall　have　a　nice　supper　up　there；　but　if　you　will　grant　us　one　favour　the　illusion　will　be　perfectgive　us　your　halberdier　to　wait　on　our　table。'

〃That　hits　the　boss's　antiology　hobby　just　right。　'Sure；'　says　he；　'dot　vill　be　fine。　Und　der　orchestra　shall　blay　〃Die　Wacht　am　Rhein〃　all　der　time。'　And　he　goes　over　and　tells　the　halberdier　to　go　upstairs　and　hustle　the　grub　at　the　swells'　table。

〃'I'm　on　the　job；'　says　Sir　Percival；　taking　off　his　helmet　and　hanging　it　on　his　halberd　and　leaning　'em　in　the　corner。　The　girl　goes　up　and　takes　her　seat　and　I　see　her　jaw　squared　tight　under　her　smile。　'We're　going　to　be　waited　on　by　a　real　halberdier；'　says　she；　'one　who　is　proud　of　his　profession。　Isn't　it　sweet？'

〃'Ripping；'　says　the　swell　young　man。　'Much　prefer　a　waiter；'　says　the　fat　old　gent。　'I　hope　he　doesn't　come　from　a　cheap　museum；'　says　the　old　lady；　'he　might　have　microbes　in　his　costume。'

〃Before　he　goes　to　the　table；　Sir　Percival　takes　me　by　the　arm。　'Eighteen；'　he　says；　'I've　got　to　pull　off　this　job　without　a　blunder。　You　coach　me　straight　or　I'll　take　that　halberd　and　make　hash　out　of　you。'　And　then　he　goes　up　to　the　table　with　his　coat　of　mail　on　and　a　napkin　over　his　arm　and　waits　for　the　order。

〃'Why；　it's　Deering！'　says　the　young　swell。　'Hello；　old　man。　What　the'

〃'Beg　pardon；　sir；'　interrupts　the　halberdier；　'I'm　waiting　on　the　table。'

〃The　old　man　looks　at　him　grim；　like　a　Boston　bull。　'So；　Deering；'　he　says；　'you're　at　work　yet。'

〃'Yes；　sir；'　says　Sir　Percival；　quiet　and　gentlemanly　as　I　could　have　been　myself；　'for　almost　three　months；　now。'　'You　haven't　been　discharged　during　the　time？'　asks　the　old　man。　'Not　once；　sir；'　says　he；　'though　I've　had　to　change　my　work　several　times。'

〃'Waiter；'　orders　the　girl；　short　and　sharp；　'another　napkin。'　He　brings　her　one；　respectful。

〃I　never　saw　more　devil；　if　I　may　say　it；　stirred　up　in　a　lady。　There　was　two　bright　red　spots　on　her　cheeks；　and　her　eyes　looked　exactly　like　a　wildcat's　I'd　seen　in　the　zoo。　Her　foot　kept　slapping　the　floor　all　the　time。

〃'Waiter；'　she　orders；　'bring　me　filtered　water　without　ice。　Bring　me　a　footstool。　Take　away　this　empty　salt…cellar。'　She　kept　him　on　the　jump。　She　was　sure　giving　the　halberdier　his。

〃There　wasn't　but　a　few　customers　up　in　the　slosh　at　that　time；　so　I　hung　out　near　the　door　so　I　could　help　Sir　Percival　serve。

〃He　got　along　fine　with　the　olives　and　celery　and　the　bluepoints。　They　was　easy。　And　then　the　consomme　came　up　the　dumb…waiter　all　in　one　big　silver　tureen。　Instead　of　serving　it　from　the　side…table　he　picks　it　up　between　his　hands　and　starts　to　the　dining…table　with　it。　When　nearly　there　he　drops　the　tureen　smash　on　the　floor；　and　the　soup　soaks　all　the　lower　part　of　that　girl's　swell　silk　dress。

〃'Stupidincompetent；'　says　she；　giving　him　a　look。　'Standing　in　a　corner　with　a　halberd　seems　to　be　your　mission　in　life。'

〃'Pardon　me；　lady；'　says　he。　'It　was　just　a　little　bit　hotter　than　blazes。　I　couldn't　help　it。'

〃The　old　man　pulls　out　a　memorandum　book　and　hunts　in　it。　'The　25th　of　April；　Deering；'　says　he。　'I　know　it；'　says　Sir　Percival。　'And　ten　minutes　to　twelve　o'clock；'　says　the　old　man。　'By　Jupiter！　you　haven't　won　yet。'　And　he　pounds　the　table　with　his　fist　and　yells　to　me：　'Waiter；　call　the　manager　at　oncetell　him　to　hurry　here　as　fast　as　he　can。'　I　go　after　the　boss；　and　old　Brockmann　hikes　up　to　the　slosh　on　the　jump。

〃'I　want　this　man　discharged　at　once；'　roads　the　old　guy。　'Look　what　he's　done。　Ruined　my　daughter's　dress。　It　cost　at　least　600。　Discharge　this　awkward　lout　at　once　or　I'll　sue　you　f