the blue flower-第22部分

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could　only　forget　them　all；　then　I　could　live　my　life　as　I
pleased；　and　be　happy。〃

〃Why　not？〃　said　a　quiet　voice　at　his　back。

He　turned；　and　saw　an　old　man　with　a　long　beard　and　a
threadbare　cloak　（the　garb　affected　by　the　pagan　philosophers）
standing　behind　him　and　smiling　curiously。

〃How　is　it　that　you　answer　that　which　has　not　been
spoken？〃　said　Hermas；　〃and　who　are　you　that　honour　me　with
your　company？〃

〃Forgive　the　intrusion；〃　answered　the　stranger；　〃it　is　not
ill　meant。　　A　friendly　interest　is　as　good　as　an　introduction。〃

〃But　to　what　singular　circumstance　do　I　owe　this　interest？〃

〃To　your　face；〃　said　the　old　man；　with　a　courteous
inclination。　　〃Perhaps　also　a　little　to　the　fact　that　I　am　the
oldest　inhabitant　here；　and　feel　as　if　all　visitors　were　my
guests；　in　a　way。〃

〃Are　you；　then；　one　of　the　keepers　of　the　grove？　　And　have
you　given　up　your　work　with　the　trees　to　take　a　holiday　as　a
philosopher？

〃Not　at　all。　　The　robe　of　philosophy　is　a　mere
affectation；　I　must　confess。　　I　think　little　of　it。　　My
profession　is　the　care　of　altars。　　In　fact；　I　am　the　solitary
priest　of　Apollo　whom　the　Emperor　Julian　found　here　when　he
came　to　revive　the　worship　of　the　grove；　some　twenty　years
ago。　　You　have　heard　of　the　incident？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Hermas；　beginning　to　be　interested；　〃the　whole
city　must　have　heard　of　it；　for　it　is　still　talked　of。　　But
surely　it　was　a　strange　sacrifice　that　you　brought　to
celebrate　the　restoration　of　Apollo's　temple？〃

〃You　mean　the　ancient　goose？〃　said　the　old　man　laughing。
〃Well；　perhaps　it　was　not　precisely　what　the　emperor　expected。
But　it　was　all　that　I　had；　and　it　seemed　to　me　not
inappropriate。　　You　will　agree　to　that　if　you　are　a　Christian；
as　I　guess　from　your　dress。〃

〃You　speak　lightly　for　a　priest　of　Apollo。〃

〃Oh；　as　for　that；　I　am　no　bigot。　　The　priesthood　is　a
professional　matter；　and　the　name　of　Apollo　is　as　good　as　any
other。　　How　many　altars　do　you　think　there　have　been　in　this
grove？〃

〃I　do　not　know。〃

〃Just　four…and…twenty；　including　that　of　the　martyr
Babylas；　whose　ruined　chapel　you　see　just　beyond　us。　　I　have
had　something　to　do　with　most　of　them　in　my　time。　　They　are
transitory。　　They　give　employment　to　care…takers　for　a　while。
But　the　thing　that　lasts；　and　the　thing　that　interests　me；　is
the　human　life　that　plays　around　them。　　The　game　has　been
going　on　for　centuries。　　It　still　disports　itself　very
pleasantly　on　summer　evenings　through　these　shady　walks。
Believe　me；　for　I　know。　　Daphne　and　Apollo　are　shadows。　　But
the　flying　maidens　and　the　pursuing　lovers；　the　music　and　the
dances；　these　are　realities。　　Life　is　a　game；　and　the　world
keeps　it　up　merrily。　　But　you？　　You　are　of　a　sad　countenance
for　one　so　young　and　so　fair。　　Are　you　a　loser　in　the　game？〃
　　The　words　and　tone　of　the　speaker　fitted　Hermas'　mood　as
a　key　fits　the　lock。　　He　opened　his　heart　to　the　old　man；　and
told　him　the　story　of　his　life：　his　luxurious　boyhood　in　his
father's　house；　the　irresistible　spell　which　compelled　him　to
forsake　it　when　he　heard　John's　preaching　of　the　new　religion；
his　lonely　year　with　the　anchorites　among　the　mountains；　the
strict　discipline　in　his　teacher's　house　at　Antioch；　his
weariness　of　duty；　his　distaste　for　poverty；　his　discontent　with
worship。

〃And　to…day；〃　said　he；　〃I　have　been　thinking　that　I　am　a
fool。　　My　life　is　swept　as　bare　as　a　hermit's　cell。　　There　is
nothing　in　it　but　a　dream；　a　thought　of　God；　which　does　not
satisfy　me。〃

The　singular　smile　deepened　on　his　companion's　face。　　〃You
are　ready；　then；〃　he　suggested；　〃to　renounce　your　new　religion
and　go　back　to　that　of　your　father？〃

〃No；　I　renounce　nothing；　I　accept　nothing。　　I　do　not　wish
to　think　about　it。　　I　only　wish　to　live。〃

〃A　very　reasonable　wish；　and　I　think　you　are　about　to　see
its　accomplishment。　　Indeed；　I　may　even　say　that　I　can　put　you
in　the　way　of　securing　it。　　Do　you　believe　in　magic？〃

〃I　do　not　know　whether　I　believe　in　anything。　　This　is　not
a　day　on　which　I　care　to　make　professions　of　faith。　　I　believe
in　what　I　see。　　I　want　what　will　give　me　pleasure。〃

〃Well；〃　said　the　old　man；　soothingly；　as　he　plucked　a　leaf
from　the　laurel…tree　above　them　and　dipped　it　in　the　spring；　〃let
us　dismiss　the　riddles　of　belief。　　I　like　them　as　little　as　you
do。　　You　know　this　is　a　Castalian　fountain。　　The　Emperor　Hadrian
once　read　his　fortune　here　from　a　leaf　dipped　in　the　water。　　Let
us　see　what　this　leaf　tells　us。　　It　is　already　turning　yellow。
How　do　you　read　that？〃

〃Wealth；〃　said　Hermas；　laughing；　as　he　looked　at　his　mean
garments。

〃And　here　is　a　bud　on　the　stem　that　seems　to　be　swelling。
What　is　that？〃

〃Pleasure；〃　answered　Hermas；　bitterly。

〃And　here　is　a　tracing　of　wreaths　upon　the　surface。　　What
do　you　make　of　that？〃

〃What　you　will；〃　said　Hermas；　not　even　taking　the　trouble
to　look。　　〃Suppose　we　say　success　and　fame？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　the　stranger；　〃it　is　all　written　here。　　I
promise　that　you　shall　enjoy　it　all。　　But　you　do　not　need　to
believe　in　my　promise。　　I　am　not　in　the　habit　of　requiring
faith　of　those　whom　I　would　serve。　　No　such　hard　conditions
for　me！　　There　is　only　one　thing　that　I　ask。　　This　is　the　season
that　you　Christians　call　the　Christmas；　and　you　have　taken　up　the
pagan　custom　of　exchanging　gifts。　　Well；　if　I　give　to　you；　you
must　give　to　me。　　It　is　a　small　thing；　and　really　the　thing　you
can　best　afford　to　part　with：　a　single　wordthe　name　of　Him　you
profess　to　worship。　　Let　me　take　that　word　and　all　that
belongs　to　it　entirely　out　of　your　life；　so　that　you　shall
never　hear　it　or　speak　it　again。　　You　will　be　richer　without
it。　　I　promise　you　everything；　and　this　is　all　I　ask　in
return。　　Do　you　consent？〃

〃Yes。　　I　consent；〃　said　Hermas；　mocking。　　〃If　you　can　take
your　price；　a　word；　you　can　keep　your　promise；　a　dream。〃

The　stranger　laid　the　long；　cool；　wet　leaf　softly　across
the　young　man's　eyes。　　An　icicle　of　pain　darted　through　them；
every　nerve　in　his　body　was　drawn　together　there　in　a　knot　of
agony。

Then　all　the　tangle　of　pain　seemed　to　be　lifted　out　of
him。　　A　cool　languor　of　delight　flowed　back　through　every
vein；　and　he　sank　into　a　profound　sleep。


III

There　is　a　slumber　so　deep　that　it　annihilates　time。　　It　is
like　a　fragment　of　eternity。　　Beneath　its　enchantment　of
vacancy；　a　day　seems　like　a　thousand　years；　and　a　thousand
years　might　well　pass　as　one　day。

It　was　such　a　sleep　that　fell　upon　Hermas　in　the　Grove　of
Daphne。　　An　immeasurable　period；　an　interval　of　life　so　blank
and　empty　that　he　could　not　tell　whether　it　was　long　or　short；
had　passed　over　him　when　his　senses　began　to　stir　again。　　The
setting　sun　was　shooting　arrows　of　gold　under　the　glossy
laurel…leaves。　　He　rose　and　stretched　his　arms；　grasping　a
smooth　branch　above　him　and　shaking　it；　to　make　sure　that　he
was　alive。　　Then　he　hurried　back　toward　Antioch；　treading
lightly　as　if　on　air。

The　ground　seemed　to　spring　beneath　his　feet。　　Already　his
life　had　changed；　he　knew　not　how。　　Something　that　did　not
belong　to　him　had　dropped　away；　he　had　returned　to　a　former
state　of　being。　He　felt　as　if　anything　might　happen　to　him；　and
he　was　ready　for　anything。　　He　was　a　new　man；　yet　curiously
familiar　to　himselfas　if　he　had　done　with　playing　a　tiresome
part　and　returned　to　his　natural　state。　　He　was　buoyant　and　free；
without　a　care；　a　doubt；　a　fear。

As　he　drew　near　to　his　father's　house　he　saw　a　confusion
of　servants　in　the　porch；　and　the　old　steward　ran　down　to　meet
him　at　the　gate。

〃Lord；　we　have　been　seeking　you　everywhere。　　The　master　is
at　the　point　of　death；　and　has　sent　for　you。　　Since　the　sixth
hour　he　calls　your　name　continually。　　Come　to　him　quickly；
lord；　for　I　fear　the　time　is　short。〃

Hermas　entered　the　house　at　once；　nothing　could　amaze　him
to…day。　　His　father　lay　on　an　ivory　couch　in　the　inmost
chamber；　with　shrunken　face　and　restless　eyes；　his　lean
fingers　picking　incessantly　at　the　silken　coverlet。

〃My　son！〃　he　murmured；　〃Hermas；　my　son！　　It　is　good　that
you　have　come　back　to　me。　　I　have　missed　you。　　I　was　wrong　to
send　you　away。　　You　shall　never　leave　me　again。　　You　are　my
son；　my　heir。　　I　have　changed　everything。　　Hermas；　my　son；　come
nearerclose　beside　me。　　Take　my　hand；　my　son！〃

The　young　man　obeyed；　and；　kneeling　by　the　couch；　gathered
his　father's　cold；　twitching　fingers　in　his　firm；　warm　grasp。

〃Hermas；　life　is　passinglong；　rich；　prosperous；　the　last
sands；　I　cannot　stay　them。　　My　religion；　a　good　policyJulian
was　my　friend。　　But　now　he　is　gonewhere？　　My　soul　is
emptynothing　beyondvery　darkI　am　afraid。　　But　you　know
something　better。　　You　found　something　that　made　you　willing
to　give　up　your　life　for　itit；　must　have　been　almost　like
dyingyet　you　were　happy。　　What　was　it　you　found？　　See；　I　am
giving　you　everything。　　I　have　forgiven　you。　　Now　forgive　me。
Tell　me；　what　is　it？　　Your　secret；　your　faithgive　it　to　me
before　I　go。〃

At　the　sound　of　this　broken　pleading　a　strange　passion　of
pity　and　love　took　the　young　man　by　the　throat。　　His　voice
shook　a　little　as　he　answered　eagerly：

〃Father；　there　is　nothing　to　forgive。　　I　am　your　son；　I　will
gladly　tell　you　all　that　I　know。　　I　will　give　you　the　secret。
Father；　you　must　believe　with　all　your　heart；　and　soul；　and
strength　in〃

Where　was　the　wordthe　word　that　he　had　been　used　to
utter　night　and　morning；　the　word　that　had　meant　to　him　more
than　he　had　ever　known？　　What　had　become　of　it？

He　groped　for　it　in　the　dark　room　of　his　mind。　　He　had
thought　he　could　lay　his　hand　upon　it　in　a　moment；　but　it　was
gone。　　Some　one　had　taken　it　away。　　Everything　else　was　most
clear　to　him：　the　terror　of　death；　the　lonely　soul　appealing
from　his　father's　eyes；　the　instant　need　of　comfort　and　help。
But　at　the　one　point　where　he　looked　for　help　he　could　find
nothing；　only　an　empty　space。　　The　word　of　hope　had　vanished。
He　felt　for　it　blindly　and　in　desperate　haste。

〃Father；　wait！　　I　have　forgotten　somethingit　has　slipped
away　from　me。　　I　shall　find　it　in　a　moment。　　There　is　hopeI
will　tell　you　presentlyoh；　wait！〃

The　bony　hand　gripped　his　like　a　vice；　the　glazed　eyes　opened
wider。　　〃Tell　me；〃　whispered　the　old　man；　〃tell　me　quickly；　for　I
must　go。〃