the complete works of artemus ward, part 1-第33部分

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slave　that　he　is　free。

The　play　will　not　be　repeated　this　evening；　as　was　announced。　　The
notice　will　be　given　of　its　next　performance。　　It　is　the　greatest
effort　of　the　kind　that　we　ever　witnessed。


1。62。　　A　MAYORALTY　ELECTION。

Messrs。　Senter　and　Coffinberry；　two　esteemed　citizens；　are　the
candidates。　　Here's　a　faint　attempt　at　a　specimen　scene。　　An
innocent　German　is　discovered　about　half　a　mile　from　the　polls　of
this　or　that　ward。　　A　dozen　ticket…peddlers　scent　him　（〃even　as　the
war…horse　snuffs　the　battle；〃　etc。）；　see　him；　and　make　a　grand　rush
for　him。　　They　surround　him；　each　shoves　a　bunch　of　tickets　under
his　nose；　and　all　commence　bellowing　in　his　ears。　　Here's　the　ticket
yer　wantCoffinberry。　　Here's　Senterberry　and　Coffinter。　　What　the
hl　yer　tryin'　to　fool　the　man　for？　　Don't　yer　spose　he　knows　who
he　wants　ter　vote　for；　say！　　'Ere's　the　ticketSenCoffdon't
crowdget　off　my　toes；　you　dd　fool！　　Workin'　men's　tickets　is　the
ticket　you　want！　　To　hl　wid　yez　workin'　men's　ticket；　'ere's　the
ticket　yez　want！　　No；　by　Cot；　vote　for　Shorge　B。　Senterhe　says
he'll　py　all　the　peer　for　dems　as　votes　for　him　as　much　more　dan　dey
can　trinks；　by　tam！　　Senter　be　dd！　　Go　for　Coffinberry！
Coffinberry　was　killed　eight　times　in　the　Mexican　war；　and　is　in
favor　of　justice　and　Pop'lar　Sovrinty！　　Oh　gos！　Senter　was　at　the
battle　of　Tippe…ca…noo；　scalped　twelve　Injuns　and　wrote　a　treatise
in　Horse…shoeing！　　Don't　go　for　Coffinberry。　　He's　down　on　all　the
Dutch；　and　swears　he'll　have　all　their　heads　chopped　off　and　run
into　sausages　if　he's　lected。　　Do　you　know　what　George　B。　Senter
says　about　the　Germans？　　He　says　by　　they're　in　the　habit　of
stealing　LIVE　American　infants　and　hashing　'em　up　into　head　cheese。
By　！　　That's　a　lie！　　T'aintI　heard　that　say　so　with　my　own
mouth。　　Let　the　man　alonestop　yer　pullinI'll　bust　yer　ear　for
yer　yet。　　My　Cot；　my　Cot；　what　tam　dimes　dese　'lections　is。　　Well
yez　crowd　a　poor　Jarman　till　death；　yer　dd　spalpanes；　yez？　　Sen
CoffSenterberry　and　CoffinterWorking　Men'sRepubDem…whoop…h…
l…whooray…bully…y…e…o…u…c…h！！

The　strongest　side　got　the　unfortunate　German's　vote　and　he　went
sore　and　bleeding　home　and　satisfied；　no　doubt；　that　this　is　a　great
country；　and　that　the　American　Eagle　will　continue　to　be　a　deeply
interesting　bird　while　his　wings　are　in　the　hands　of　patriots　like
the　above。　　Scenes　like　the　above　（only　our　description　is　very
imperfect）　were　played　over　and　over　again；　at　every　ward　in　the
city；　yesterday。　　Let　us　be　thankful　that　the　country　is　safebut
we　should　like　to　see　some　of　the　ward　politicians　gauged　to…day；
for　we　are　confident　the　operation　would　exhibit　an　astonishing
depth　of　whiskey。

Hurrah　for　the　BarStangled　Spanner！


1。63。　　FISHING　EXCURSION。

The　Leviathan；　Capt。　Wm。　Sholl；　left　the　foot　of　Superior　Street　at
6　o'clock　yesterday　morning　for　a　fishing　excursion　down　the　lake。
There　were　about　twenty　persons　in　the　party；　and　we　think　we　never
saw　a　more　lovely　lot　of　men。　　The　noble　craft　swept　majestically
out　of　the　Cuyahoga　into　the　lake；　and　as　she　sped　past　a　retired
coal…dealer's　office　the　Usher　borrowed　our　pocket…handkerchief
（which　in　the　excess　of　his　emotion　he　forgot　to　return　to　us）　to
wipe　away　four　large　tears　which　trickled　from　his　light　bay　eyes。
On　dashed　the　Leviathan　at　the　rate　of　about　forty…five　knots　an
hour。　　The　fishing…ground　reached；　the　clarion　voice　of　Sholl　was
heard　to　ejaculate；　〃Reef　home　the　jib…boom；　shorten　the　main…brace；
splice　the　forecastle；　and　throw　the　hurricane…deck　overboard！
Lively；　my　lads！〃　　〃Aye；　aye；　Sir！〃　said　Marsh　the　chaplain　of　the
expedition；　in　tones　of　thunder；　and　the　gallant　party　sprang　to
execute　the　Captain's　orders；　the　agile　form　of　first…officer
Hilliard　being　especially　conspicuous　in　reefing　the　jib…boom。
Lines　were　cast　and　the　sport　commenced。　　It　seemed　as　if　all　the
fish　in　the　lake　knew　of　our　coming；　and　had　collected　in　that
particular　spot　for　the　express　purpose　of　being　caught！　　What　teeth
they　hadsufficiently　good；　certainly；　to　bite　a　cartridge　or
anything　else。　　The　Usher　caught　the　first　fisha　small　but
beautiful　bass；　whose　weight　was　about　three　inches　and　a　half。　　The
Usher　was　elated　at　this　streak　of　luck；　but　his　hand　did　not
tremble　and　he　continued　to　hand　in　fish　until　at　noon　he　had　caught
thirteen　firkins　full　and　he　announced　that　he　should　fish　no　more。
Cruelty　was　no　part　of　his　nature　and　he　did　not　think　it　right　to
slaughter　fish　in　this　way。　　Cross；　Barney；　and　the　rest；　were
immensely　successful；　and　hauled　in　tremendous　quantities　of　bass；
perch；　Mackinaw　trout；　and　Connecticut　shad。　　Bone　didn't　catch　a
fish；　and　we　shall　never　forget　the　sorrowful　manner　in　which　the
poor　fellow　gazed　upon　our　huge　pile　of　beautiful　bass　which
occupied　all　of　the　quarter　deck　and　a　large　portion　of　the
forcastle。　　Having　fished　enough　the　party　went　ashore；　where　they
found　Ab。　McIlrath　（who　was　fanning　himself　with　a　barn　door）；　the
grand　Commandant　（who　in　a　sonorous　voice　requested　the　parties；　as
they　alighted　from　the　small　boats；　to　〃Keep　their　heads　out　of
water〃）；　the　General　（who　was　discussing　with　the　Doctor　the
propriety　of　annexing　East　Cleveland　to　the　United　States）；　and
several　distinguished　gentlemen　from　town；　who　had　come　down　with
life…preservers　and　ginger　pop。　　After　disposing　of　a　sumptuous
lunch；　the　party　amused　and　instructed　each　other　by　conversation；
and　about　3　o'clock　the　shrill　whistle　of　the　Leviathan　was　sounded
by　Mike　the　urbane　and　accomplished　engineer；　and　the　party　were
soon　homeward　bound。　　It　was　a　good　time。







End