classic mystery and detective stories-第58部分

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disguising　his　appearance。　　This；　on　the　most　favorable

interpretation；　branded　him　with　suspicion。　　This　excluded　him　from

the　circle　of　honest　men。



But　did　it　connect　him　with　the　murder　of　Lieschen　Lehfeldt？　　In　my

thought　it　did　so　indubitably；　but　I　was　aware　of　the　difficulty　of

making　this　clear　to　anyone　else。





VI



FIRST　LOVE





If　the　reader　feels　that　my　suspicions　were　not　wholly　unwarranted；

were　indeed　inevitable；　he　will　not　laugh　at　me　on　learning　that

once　more　these　suspicions　were　set　aside；　and　the　factthe

damnatory　fact；　as　I　regarded　itdiscovered　by　me　so　accidentally；

and；　I　thought；　providentially；　was　robbed　of　all　its　significance

by　Bourgonef　himself　casually　and　carelessly　avowing　it　in

conversation；　just　as　one　may　avow　a　secret　infirmity；　with　some

bitterness；　but　without　any　implication　of　deceit　in　its

concealment。



I　was　the　more　prepared　for　this　revulsion　of　feeling；　by　the

difficulty　I　felt　in　maintaining　my　suspicions　in　the　presence　of

one　so　gentle　and　so　refined。　　He　had　come　into　my　room　that

evening　to　tell　me　of　his　visit　to　Schwanthaler；　and　of　the

sculptor's　flattering　desire　to　make　my　personal　acquaintance。　　He

spoke　of　Schwanthaler；　and　his　earnest　efforts　in　art；　with　so　much

enthusiasm；　and　was　altogether　so　charming；　that　I　felt　abashed

before　him；　incapable　of　ridding　myself　of　the　dreadful　suspicions；

yet　incapable　of　firmly　believing　him　to　be　what　I　thought。　　But

more　than　this；　there　came　the　new　interest　awakened　in　me　by　his

story；　and　when；　in　the　course　of　his　story；　he　accidentally

disclosed　the　fact　that　he　had　not　lost　his　arm；　all　my　suspicions

vanished　at　once。



We　had　got；　as　usual；　upon　politics；　and　were　differing　more　than

usual；　because　he　gave　greater　prominence　to　his　sympathy　with　the

Red　Republicans。　　He　accused　me　of　not　being　〃thorough…going；〃

which　I　admitted。　　This　he　attributed　to　the　fact　of　my　giving　a

divided　heart　to　politicsa　condition　natural　enough　at　my　age；

and　with　my　hopes。　　〃Well；〃　said　I；　laughing；　〃you　don't　mean　to

take　a　lofty　stand　upon　your　few　years'　seniority。　　If　my　age

renders　it　natural；　does　yours　profoundly　alter　such　a　conviction？〃



〃My　age；　no。　　But　you　have　the　hopes　of　youth。　　I　have　none。　　I　am

banished　for　ever　from　the　joys　and　sorrows　of　domestic　life；　and

therefore；　to　live　at　all；　must　consecrate　my　soul　to　great

abstractions　and　public　affairs。〃



〃But　why　banished；　unless　self…banished？〃



〃Woman's　love　is　impossible。　　You　look　incredulous。　　I　do　not

allude　to　this；〃　he　said；　taking　up　the　empty　sleeve；　and　by　so

doing　sending　a　shiver　through　me。



〃The　loss　of　your　arm；〃　I　saidand　my　voice　trembled　slightly；　for

I　felt　that　a　crisis　was　at　hand〃although　a　misfortune　to　you；

would　really　be　an　advantage　in　gaining　a　woman's　affections。

Women　are　so　romantic；　and　their　imaginations　are　so　easily

touched！〃



〃Yes；〃　he　replied　bitterly；　〃but　the　trouble　is　that　I　have　not

lost　my　arm。〃



I　started。　　He　spoke　bitterly；　yet　calmly。　　I　awaited　his

explanation　in　great　suspense。



〃To　have　lost　my　arm　in　battle；　or　even　by　an　accident；　would

perhaps　have　lent　me　a　charm　in　woman's　eyes。　　But；　as　I　said；　my

arm　hangs　by　my　sidewithered；　unpresentable。〃



I　breathed　again。　　He　continued　in　the　same　tone；　and　without

noticing　my　looks。



〃But　it　is　not　this　which　banishes　me。　　Woman's　love　might　be　hoped

for；　had　I　far　worse　infirmities。　　The　cause　lies　deeper。　　It　lies

in　my　history。　　A　wall　of　granite　has　grown　up　between　me　and　the

sex。〃



〃But；　my　dear　fellow；　do　youwounded；　as　I　presume　to　guess；　by

some　unworthy　womanextend　the　fault　of　one　to　the　whole　sex？　　Do

you　despair　of　finding　another　true；　because　a　first　was　false？〃



〃They　are　all　false；〃　he　exclaimed　with　energy。　　〃Not；　perhaps；　all

false　from　inherent　viciousness；　though　many　are　that；　but　false

because　their　inherent　weakness　renders　them　incapable　of　truth。

Oh！　I　know　the　catalogue　of　their　good　qualities。　　They　are　often


pitiful；　self…devoting；　generous；　but　they　are　so　by　fits　and

starts；　just　as　they　are　cruel；　remorseless；　exacting；　by　fits　and

starts。　　They　have　no　constancythey　are　too　weak　to　be　constant

even　in　evil；　their　minds　are　all　impressions；　their　actions　are

all　the　issue　of　immediate　promptings。　　Swayed　by　the　fleeting

impulses　of　the　hour；　they　have　only　one　persistent；　calculable

motive　on　which　reliance　can　always　be　placedthat　motive　is

vanity；　you　are　always　sure　of　them　there。　　It　is　from　vanity　they

are　goodfrom　vanity　they　are　evil；　their　devotion　and　their

desertion　equally　vanity。　　I　know　them。　　To　me　they　have　disclosed

the　shallows　of　their　natures。　　God！　how　I　have　suffered　from

them！〃



A　deep；　low　exclamation；　half　sob；　half　curse；　closed　his　tirade。

He　remained　silent　for　a　few　minutes；　looking　on　the　floor；　then；

suddenly　turning　his　eyes　upon　me；　said：



〃Were　you　ever　in　Heidelberg？〃



〃Never。〃



〃I　thought　all　your　countrymen　went　there？　　Then　you　will　never

have　heard　anything　of　my　story。　　Shall　I　tell　you　how　my　youth　was

blighted？　　Will　you　care　to　listen？〃



〃It　would　interest　me　much。〃



〃I　had　reached　the　age　of　seven…and…twenty；〃　he　began；　〃without

having　once　known　even　the　vague　stirrings　of　the　passion　of　love。

I　admired　many　women；　and　courted　the　admiration　of　them　all；　but　I

was　as　yet　not　only　heart…whole；　but；　to　use　your　Shakespeare's

phrase；　Cupid　had　not　tapped　me　on　the　shoulder。



〃This　detail　is　not　unimportant　in　my　story。　　You　may　possibly　have

observed　that　in　those　passionate　natures　which　reserve　their

force；　and　do　not　fritter　away　their　feelings　in　scattered

flirtations　or　trivial　love…affairs；　there　is　a　velocity　and

momentum；　when　the　movement　of　passion　is　once　excited；　greatly

transcending　all　that　is　ever　felt　by　expansive　and　expressive

natures。　　Slow　to　be　moved；　when　they　do　move　it　is　with　the　whole

mass　of　the　heart。　　So　it　was　with　me。　　I　purchased　my　immunity

from　earlier　entanglements　by　the　price　of　my　whole　life。　　I　am　not

what　I　was。　　Between　my　past　and　present　self　there　is　a　gulf；　that

gulf　is　dark；　stormy；　and　profound。　　On　the　far　side　stands　a　youth

of　hope；　energy；　ambition；　and　unclouded　happiness；　with　great

capacities　for　loving；　on　this　side　a　blighted　manhood；　with　no

prospects　but　suffering　and　storm。〃



He　paused。　　With　an　effort　he　seemed　to　master　the　suggestions

which　crowded　upon　his　memory；　and　continued　his　narrative　in　an

equable　tone。



〃I　had　been　for　several　weeks　at　Heidelberg。　　One　of　my　intimate

companions　was　Kestner；　the　architect；　and　he　one　day　proposed　to

introduce　me　to　his　sister…in…law；　Ottilie；　of　whom　he　had

repeatedly　spoken　to　me　in　terms　of　great　affection　and　esteem。



〃We　went；　and　we　were　most　cordially　received。　　Ottilie　justified

Kestner's　praises。　　Pretty；　but　not　strikingly　soclever；　but　not

obtrusively　so；　her　soft　dark　eyes　were　frank　and　winning；　her

manner　was　gentle　and　retiring；　with　that　dash　of　sentimentalism

which　seems　native　to　all　German　girls；　but　without　any　of　the

ridiculous　extravagance　too　often　seen　in　them。　　I　liked　her　all

the　more　because　I　was　perfectly　at　my　ease　with　her；　and　this　was

rarely　the　case　in　my　relations　to　young　women。　　I　don't　enjoy

their　society。



〃You　leap　at　once　to　the　conclusion　that　we　fell　in　love。　　Your

conclusion　is　precipitate。　　Seeing　her　continually；　I　grew　to

admire　and　respect　her；　but　the　significant　smiles；　winks；　and

hints　of　friends；　pointing　unmistakably　at　a　supposed　understanding

existing　between　us；　only　made　me　more　seriously　examine　the　state

of　my　feelings；　and　assured　me　that　I　was　not　in　love。　　It　is　true

that　I　felt　a　serene　pleasure　in　her　society；　and　that　when　away

from　her　she　occupied　much　of　my　thoughts。　　It　is　true　that　I　often

thought　of　her　as　a　wife；　and　in　these　meditations　she　appeared　as

one　eminently　calculated　to　make　a　happy　home。　　But　it　is　no　less

true　that　during　a　temporary　absence　of　hers　of　a　few　weeks　I　felt

no　sort　of　uneasiness；　no　yearning　for　her　presence；　no　vacancy　in

my　life。　　I　knew；　therefore；　that　it　was　not　love　which　I　felt。



〃So　much　for　my　feelings。　　What　of　hers？　　They　seemed　very　like　my

own。　　That　she　admired　me；　and　was　pleased　to　be　with　me；　was

certain。　　That　she　had　a　particle　of　fiery　love　for　me　I　did　not；

could　not　believe。　　And　it　was　probably　this　very　sense　of　her

calmness　which　kept　my　feelings　quiet。　　For　love　is　a　flame　which

often　can　be　kindled　only　by　contact　with　flame。　　Certainly　this　is

so　in　proud；　reserved　natures；　which　are　chilled　by　any　contact

with　temperature　not　higher　than　their　own。



〃On　her　return；　however；　from　that　absence　I　have　mentioned；　I　was

not　a　little　fluttered　by　an　obvious　change　in　her　manner；　an

impression　which　subsequent　meetings　only　served　to　confirm。

Although　still　very　quiet；　her　manner　had　become　more　tender；　and

it　had　that　delicious　shyness　which　is　the　most　exquisite　of

flatteries；　as　it　is　one　of　the　most　enchanting　of　graces。　　I　saw

her　tremble　slightly　beneath　my　voice；　and　blush　beneath　my　gaze。



〃There　was　no　mistaking　these　signs。　　It　was　clear　that　she　loved

me；　and　it　was　no　less　clear　that　I；　taking　fire　at　this　discovery；

was　myself　rapidly　falling　in　love。　　I　will　not　keep　you　from　my

story　by　idle　reflections。　　Take　another　cigar。〃　　He　rose　and　paced

up　and　down　the　room　in　silence。





VII



AGALMA





〃At　this　juncture　there　arrived　from　Paris　the　woman　to　whom　the

great　sorrow　of　my　life　is　due。　　A　fatalist　might　read　in　her

appearance　at　this　particular　moment　the　signs　of　a　prearranged

doom。　　A　few　weeks　later；　and　her　arrival　would　have　been　harmless；

I　should　have　been　shielded　from　all　external　influence　by　the

absorbing　force　of　love。　　But；　alas！　this　was　not　to　be。　　My　fate

h