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〃Come on;〃 said the little girl; reappearing suddenly; 〃e'll see you。〃



Mr。 Lavender entered a room which had a considerable resemblance to the

office of a lawyer save for the absence of tomes。  It seemed furnished

almost exclusively by the Minister; who sat with knees crossed; in a pair

of large round tortoiseshell spectacles; which did not; however; veil the

keenness of his eyes。  He was a man with close

cropped grey hair; a broad; yellow; clean…shaven face; and thrusting grey

eyes。



〃Mr。 Lavender;〃 he said; in a raw; forcible voice; 〃sit down; will you?〃



〃I wrote to you;〃 began our hero; 〃expressing the wish to offer myself as

a speaker。〃



〃Ah!〃 said the Minister。  〃Let's seeLavender; Lavender。  Here's your

letter。〃  And extracting a letter from a file he read it; avoiding with

difficulty his tortoiseshell spectacles。  〃You want to stump the country?

M。A。; Barrister; and Fellow of the Zoological。  Are you a good speaker?〃



〃If zeal… 〃 began Mr。 Lavender。



〃That's it; spark!  We're out to win this war; sir。〃



〃Quite so;〃 began Mr。 Lavender。  〃If devotion〃



〃You'll have to use gas;〃 said the Minister; and we don't pay。〃



〃Pay!〃 cried Mr。 Lavender with horror; 〃no; indeed!〃



The Minister bent on him a shrewd glance。



〃What's your line?  Anything particular; or just general patriotism?

I recommend that; but you'll have to put some punch into it; you

know。〃



〃I have studied all the great orators of the war; sir;〃 said Mr。

Lavender; 〃and am familiar with all the great writers on; it。  I should

form myself on them; and if enthusiasm〃



〃Quite!〃 said the Minister。  〃If you want any atrocities we can give you

them。  No facts and no figures; just general pat。〃



〃I shall endeavour〃 began Mr。 Lavender。



〃Well; good…bye;〃 said the Minister; rising。  〃When do you start?〃



Mr。 Lavender rose too。  〃To…morrow;〃 he said; 〃if I can get inflated。〃



The Minister rang a bell。



〃You're on your own; mind;〃 he said。  〃No facts; what they want is

ginger。  Yes; Mr。 Japes? 〃



And seeing that the Minister was looking over his tortoiseshell。

spectacles at somebody behind him; Mr。 Lavender turned and went out。  In

the corridor he thought; 〃What terseness!  How different from the days

when Dickens wrote his 'Circumlocution Office'!  Punch!〃  And opening the

wrong door; he found himself in the presence of six little girls in brown

frocks; sitting against the walls with their thumbs in their mouths。



〃Oh!〃 he said; 〃I'm afraid I've lost my way。〃



The eldest of the little girls withdrew a thumb。



〃What d'yer want?〃



〃The door;〃 said Mr。 Lavender。



〃Second on the right。〃



〃Goodbye;〃 said Mr。 Lavender。



The little girls did not answer。  And he went out thinking; 〃These

children are really wonderful!  What devotion one sees!  And yet the

country is not yet fully roused!〃









II



THE VALET



Joe Petty stood contemplating the car which; purchased some fifteen years

before had not been used since the war began。  Birds had nested in its

hair。  It smelled of mould inside; it creaked from rust。  〃The Guv'nor

must be cracked;〃 he thought; 〃to think we can get anywhere in this old

geyser。  Well; well; it's summer; if we break down it won't break my

'eart。  Government jobbetter than diggin' or drillin'。  Good old Guv。!〃

So musing; he lit his pipe and examined the recesses beneath the driver's

seat。  〃A bottle or three;〃 he thought; 〃in case our patriotism should

get us stuck a bit off the beaten; a loaf or two; some 'oney in a pot;

and a good old 'am。



A life on the rollin' road'  'Ow they can give 'im the job I can't

think!〃  His soliloquy was here interrupted by the approach of his wife;

bearing a valise。



〃Don't you wish you was comin'; old girl?〃 he remarked to her lightly。



〃I do not; I'm glad to be shut of you。  Keep his feet dry。  What have you

got under there?〃



Joe Petty winked。



〃What a lumbering great thing it looks!〃 said Mrs。 Petty; gazing upwards。



〃Ah!〃 returned her husband thoughtfully; we'll 'ave the population round

us without advertisement。  And taking the heads of two small boys who had

come up; he knocked them together in an absent…minded fashion。



〃Well;〃 said Mrs。 Petty; 〃I can't waste time。  Here's his extra set of

teeth。  Don't lose them。  Have you got your own toothbrush?  Use it; and

behave yourself。  Let me have a line。  And don't let him get excited。〃

She tapped her forehead。



〃Go away; you boys; shoo!〃



The boys; now six in number; raised a slight cheer ; for at that moment

Mr。 Lavender; in a broad…brimmed grey felt hat and a holland dust…coat;

came out through his garden…gate carrying a pile of newspapers and

pamphlets so large that his feet; legs; and hat alone were visible。



〃Open the door; Joe!〃 he said; and stumbled into the body of the vehicle。

A shrill cheer rose from the eight boys; who could see him through the

further window。  Taking this for an augury Of success; Mr。 Lavender

removed his hat; and putting his head through the window; thus addressed

the ten boys:



I thank you。  The occasion is one which I shall ever remember。  The

Government has charged me with the great task of rousing our country in

days which demand of each of us the utmost exertions。  I am proud to feel

that I have here; on the very threshold of my task; an audience of bright

young spirits; each one of whom in this democratic country has in him

perhaps the makings of a General or even of a Prime Minister。  Let it be

your earnest endeavour; boys〃



At this moment a piece of indiarubber rebounded from Mr。 Lavender's

forehead; and he recoiled into the body of the car。



〃Are you right; sir?〃 said Joe; looking in; and without waiting for reply

he started the engine。  The car moved out amid a volley of stones; balls;

cheers; and other missiles from the fifteen boys who pursued it with

frenzy。  Swaying slightly from side to side; with billowing bag; it

gathered speed; and; turning a corner; took road for the country。  Mr。

Lavender; somewhat dazed; for the indiarubber had been hard; sat gazing

through the little back window at the great city he was leaving。  His

lips moved; expressing unconsciously the sentiments of innumerable Lord

Mayors: 〃Greatest City in the world; Queen of Commerce; whose full heart

I can still hear beating behind me; in mingled pride and regret I leave

you。  With the most sacred gratitude I lay down my office。  I go to other

work; whose Joe!〃



〃Sir?〃



〃Do you see that?〃



〃I see your 'ead; that's all; sir。〃



〃We seem to be followed by a little column of dust; which keeps ever at

the same distance in the middle of the road。  Do you think it can be an

augury。〃



〃No; I should think it's a dog。〃



〃In that case; hold hard!〃 said Mr。 Lavender; who had a weakness for

dog's。  Joe slackened the car's pace; and leaned his head round the

comer。  The column of dust approached rapidly。



〃It is a dog;〃 said Mr。 Lavender it's Blink。〃



The female sheep…dog; almost flat with the ground from speed; emerged

from the dust; wild with hair and anxiety; white on the cheeks and

chest and top of the head; and grey in the body and the very little tail;

and passed them like a streak of lightning。



〃Get on!〃  cried Mr。 Lavender; excited; 〃follow her she's trying to catch

us up!〃



Joe urged on the car; which responded gallantly; swaying from side to

side; while the gas…bag bellied and shook; but the faster it went the

faster the sheep…dog flew in front of it。



〃This is dreadful!〃 said Mr。 Lavender in anguish; leaning far out。

〃Blink!  Blink!



His cries were drowned in the roar of the car。



〃Damn the brute!〃 muttered Joe at this rate she'll be over the edge in

'alf a mo'。  Wherever does she think we are?〃



〃Blink!  Blink!〃 wailed Mr。 Lavender。  〃Get on; Joe; get on!  She's

gaining on us!〃



〃Well I never see anything like this;〃 said Joe; 〃chasin' wot's chasing

you!  Hi!  Hi!〃



Urged on by their shouts and the noise of the pursuing car; the poor dog

redoubled her efforts to rejoin her master; and Mr。 Lavender; Joe; and

the car; which had begun to emit the most lamentable creaks and odours;

redoubled theirs。



〃I shall bust her up;〃 said Joe。



〃I care not!〃 cried Mr。 Lavender。  〃I must recover the dog。〃



They flashed through the outskirts of the Garden City。  〃Stop her; stop

her!〃 called Mr。 Lavender to such of the astonished inhabitants as they

had already left behind。  〃This is a nightmare; Joe!〃



〃'It's a blinkin' day…dream;〃 returned Joe; forcing the car to an

expiring spurt。



〃If she gets to that 'ill before we ketch 'er; we're done; the old geyser

can't 'alf crawl up 'ills。〃



〃We're gaining;〃 shrieked Mr。 Lavender; 〃I can see her tongue。〃



As though it heard his voice; the car leaped forward and stopped with a

sudden and most formidable jerk; the door burst open; and Mr。 Lavender

fell out upon his sheep…dog。



Fortunately they were in the only bed of nettles in that part of the

world; and its softness and that of Blink assuaged the severity of his

fall; yet it was some minutes before he regained the full measure of his

faculties。  He came to himself sitting on a milestone; with his dog on

her hind legs between his knees; licking his face clean; and panting down

his throat。



〃Joe;〃 he said; 〃where are you〃?



The voice of Joe replied from underneath the car: 〃Here sir。  She's

popped。〃



〃Do you mean that our journey is arrested?〃



〃Ah!  We're in irons。  You may as well walk 'ome; sir。  It ain't two

miles。



〃No! no!〃 said Mr。 Lavender。  〃We passed the Garden City a little way

back ; I could go and hold a meeting。  How long will you be?〃



〃A day or two;〃 said Joe。



Mr。 Lavender sighed; and at this manifestation of his grief his sheep…dog

redoubled her efforts to comfo

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